Current Events > Is proposing in public manipulative behavior?

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Anything said, or done in "public" is manipulative, since you always have an audience.

Ive heard of people cancelling an engagement because they felt forced by a public proposal. Thats why you should actually talk about getting married before proposing.

Ever seen The Night Before?

It's a technically correct yes from me, dawg.

I mean.. I don't think always think the intent of the proposer is always to manipulate pressure them to marrying you in a public location, vs showing off and making it memorable.

Depends on if engagement was even discussed before. I would say its usually not manipulative but it can be in cases where the woman has no idea its coming and often theyre already having problems and its a bandaid.

Arcanine2009 posted...

I mean.. I don't think always think the intent of the proposer is always to manipulate pressure them to marrying you in a public location, vs showing off and making it memorable.

This, it seems traditional to do it in public/ with friends to make it memorable.

I think that there's a difference between being "in public" and engagements that are like on the jumbotron or in the middle of a performance or something. If you're just at a public park, maybe some people overhear you and gawk a little, but I think there's less of that public pressure to say "yes" in the moment.

AablMind posted...

Ive heard of people cancelling an engagement because they felt forced by a public proposal. Thats why you should actually talk about getting married before proposing.

This. At least make sure they would be okay with a public proposal first.

If you gonna say no you're gonna have to do it in front of all the hoes that love me

This reminds me, of when my wife proposed to me.

I consider myself quite manly, not the alpha-male crap, but quite comfortable in my masculinity.

Anyway, September-ish, there was that reality TV show crap on, and we'd tuned in, in-between watching stuff (hey, this was the 00's, Netflix was just a Mail Rental company), I'd like to add here we used to prank each other, quite a bit... we still do, but Adulting gets in the way these days... Anyway, there was a Public Proposal going on, and I turned to my girlfriend, Amy -- and asked her if she'd like someone to do that to her, to sound her out about the whole thing, and she said yes, and I remember jokingly saying "Yeah, I can see the appeal" I didn't want the whole night to become serious, and she asks "Really?", and I was like "Yeah..."

I'd like to insert here, that we used to prank each other, all the time... like weekly... It's how we fell in love with each other.
We still do prank each other, but adulting kinda got in the way as we got older (kids, especially), so it's not as common as it used to be....

Anyway, I had plans to propose, after Christmas in February time, Valentines and all that... Amy, clearly liked the thought of it, and I thought it'd be nice during a intimate meal....

Anyway, I was in bar with quite a few of my friends, we were drinking because it was near Christmas, and it was the last time I'd see them until we were all getting together for New Years. We kinda knew the owner, and all that...
My girlfriend at the time, comes in and I'm just about to say something, when the background music stops and she walks right in front of me, and gets down on one knee, and proposes... and I remember my voice went slightly an octave higher, and I say "yes"....

Anyway, from that time on, my so-called friends call me "Princess", even to this fucking day. She did the ultimate prank, I haven't been able to top it even to this day -- and believe me, I've tried.

Making a spectacle of your proposal is the fucking dumbest thing ever. It makes me think they're not confident they're gonna say yes unless there's eyes watching or something

I think some people might use it in a manipulative way, but I don't think public proposals are inherently manipulative.

The problem is that some guys are doing it without even broaching the subject with their girlfriend first. I get wanting the proposal to be a surprise, but you should already know that her answer is a yes, before you start making elaborate plans. Like you've both talked about wanting to get married in the future. Or she's hinted that she wants a ring or that she wants to have your last name. My ex practically beat me over the head with all of her hints.