Current Events > No second date

(+) Yeah! (+)

Nerevar791 posted...

Post 96

Oooooh. That didn't even occur to me. Should have, but I am not sensitive about it so I don't even pay attention.

Nerevar791 posted...

Post 96

Assburger? My bad. I didn't even think about that. Just using some variety vs my usual asshat

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This. While I still think his goal is fine, he must love himself first.

Also, Heartomaton, do you see how people are on eggshells? This is what I mean about quick to anger. This isn't just today, as i have seen it multiple times. Please assume most of us want the best for you. Some here with flippant remarks might not, but people taking time to give advice do care. If you disagree, that is fine, calmly explain why as they might not have context. If you always lash out, people will stop being there, and my guess is that this spills over to the real world too.

I have always said I am blunt but I care, so here is me being blunt.

"Uh..can u put a dime on this?"

The Avalanches - Because Im Me (I just wanna know, whats wrong with me. If she don't love me. What can I do. Just put on my best... pair of shoes)

"...reaally?" https://youtube.com/watch?v=eu0KsZ_MVBc

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover (so long my luckless romance. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life. Shoulda known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do) https://youtube.com/watch?v=I_S_TbD1XFM

You be sad, and go on.

Trust me, it gets better as you date more. You will even deal with being the dumper at times, which honestly can be even worse. You have plenty of time.

_____Cait posted...

You be sad, and go on.

Trust me, it gets better as you date more. You will even deal with being the dumper at times, which honestly can be even worse. You have plenty of time.

Yeah, I much prefer being dumped myself. I have hated the times I had to dump someone else so much more. Regardless of who initiated it, I still feel sad for what might have been, and now I have the guilt on top of it.

https://youtu.be/3hx_lcdrhhA

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


bsp77 posted...

This. While I still think his goal is fine, he must love himself first.

I can't. I had one job. Just one simple goal to reach, and I couldn't get it done in 20+ years of trying. Even taking away the younger years where finding someone isn't expected or even really a thing, that's still 15 years of nothing but failure.

Every ounce of optimism and self-esteem I might have had in the beginning has been systematically stripped out of me by both the constant, unmitigated failure, as well as the various effects my agoraphobia has had on my psyche.

I genuinely do not see a single feasible way to get those things back that doesn't involve succeeding at the one thing I want to do. It's success or bust.

Also, Heartomaton, do you see how people are on eggshells? This is what I mean about quick to anger. This isn't just today, as i have seen it multiple times.

This, I don't believe. Times like these, for me, don't happen often.

Yes, right now I'm about as safe to approach as a wounded animal, but this isn't the norm.

If people are walking on eggshells around me all the time, then they've got a wildly incorrect assessment of my general personality and behavior in their heads.

Current extenuating circumstances aside, obviously.

If you always lash out, people will stop being there, and my guess is that this spills over to the real world too.

This, though, assumes that I interact with people I know and am familiar with in the same way that I interact with people I'm only tenuously acquainted with on a game website message board, which isn't the case. I use the disconnect that comes from online interactions with random people the same way most of the other people here do, which allows for marked differences between who I am here and who I am in-person.

So what now, TC?

So, Heartomaton, I'm curious. Would moving to a bigger city be realistically possible for you? I admittedly don't know a whole lot about your life. But it seems like one of your hurdles is a limited dating pool. And you'd have so many more options in a large city.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

So what now, TC?

I'm personally hoping broken-heart syndrome takes care of things. Preferably soon.

NoxObscuras posted...

So, Heartomaton, I'm curious. Would moving to a bigger city be realistically possible for you? I admittedly don't know a whole lot about your life. But it seems like one of your hurdles is a limited dating pool. And you'd have so many more options in a large city.

Not in the slightest.

Living in the city would kick my agoraphobic anxiety into overdrive and have me on edge constantly. It's not without precedent either, because that's exactly what happens any time I've ever visited Dallas, Fort Worth or Austin for any significant amount of time. On my own, I'd be overwhelmed pretty much immediately if I tried living in a place like those. All the people and noise and activity would crush me.

I'm just assuming on this one, but I'd think living in the city would also be much harder to do on fixed income than living out where I am is.

Doesn't work out for me either, shit sucks

Heartomaton posted...

I'm personally hoping broken-heart syndrome takes care of things. Preferably soon.

Not in the slightest.

Living in the city would kick my agoraphobic anxiety into overdrive and have me on edge constantly. It's not without precedent either, because that's exactly what happens any time I've ever visited Dallas, Fort Worth or Austin for any significant amount of time. On my own, I'd be overwhelmed pretty much immediately if I tried living in a place like those. All the people and noise and activity would crush me.

I'm just assuming on this one, but I'd think living in the city would also be much harder to do on fixed income than living out where I am is.

Ah, okay. Yeah, Agoraphobia would be tough in a big city. And you'd have to find someone that's willing to make plans around that. I can see why dating has been tough for you.

Wish I had some kind of advice to help with Agoraphobia.

Ngl the meltys in this topic kinda make me feel like she dodged a bullet. You seemed like a ticking time bomb. It doesn't have to be something you did, you can't control how other people feel, only yourself.

Heartomaton posted...

https://youtu.be/3hx_lcdrhhA

I can't. I had one job. Just one simple goal to reach, and I couldn't get it done in 20+ years of trying. Even taking away the younger years where finding someone isn't expected or even really a thing, that's still 15 years of nothing but failure.

Every ounce of optimism and self-esteem I might have had in the beginning has been systematically stripped out of me by both the constant, unmitigated failure, as well as the various effects my agoraphobia has had on my psyche.

I genuinely do not see a single feasible way to get those things back that doesn't involve succeeding at the one thing I want to do. It's success or bust.

This, I don't believe. Times like these, for me, don't happen often.

Yes, right now I'm about as safe to approach as a wounded animal, but this isn't the norm.

If people are walking on eggshells around me all the time, then they've got a wildly incorrect assessment of my general personality and behavior in their heads.

Current extenuating circumstances aside, obviously.

This, though, assumes that I interact with people I know and am familiar with in the same way that I interact with people I'm only tenuously acquainted with on a game website message board, which isn't the case. I use the disconnect that comes from online interactions with random people the same way most of the other people here do, which allows for marked differences between who I am here and who I am in-person.

If I misjudged your tendency to snap, then I do apologize. I will admit that when I have seen it in the past, it has mostly involved Sterolizer, who is a massive dick at times.

Is there a way to mitigate the agoraphobia? That sounds like a very limiting situation.

Akagami_Shanks posted...

Ngl the meltys in this topic kinda make me feel like she dodged a bullet. You seemed like a ticking time bomb. It doesn't have to be something you did, you can't control how other people feel, only yourself.

Oh yes, the classic "if you're this upset that she essentially led you on, got your hopes higher than they've ever been, and then abruptly cut off all communication without the courtesy of telling you why despite establishing early on that it's something she'd hate to have happen to her, then she's lucky to have gotten away from you because you would have probably gotten just as upset if she stayed even though the specific things that set you off wouldn't have even happened in that case and plus you're being really mean to people online."

That is the definition of asinine. Shut. The fuck. Up.

bsp77 posted...

If I misjudged your tendency to snap, then I do apologize. I will admit that when I have seen it in the past, it has mostly involved Sterolizer, who is a massive dick at times.

He's massive dick at all times, but any snappings at him were decided on in that specific moment out of a desire to entertain myself by shitting on an arrogant, delusional crypto-bro with no self-awareness to speak of, not out of any actual anger on my part. That's far from how I'd ever even consider treating the people I actually care about under any circumstances, including the current ones, Shanks.

Is there a way to mitigate the agoraphobia? That sounds like a very limiting situation.

I've been looking for a solution to that for a very long time, and I firmly believe that success in my endeavors to find someone is the only thing that will help. Obviously not instantly, because walls built up over a lifetime don't get torn down overnight unless this is Berlin 1989, and it ain't. But I've already tried everything recommended to me by various counselors, psychiatrists, and case workers to try and help it, and nothing else works. Exposure therapy just made me terrified, listing things I have to offer as a person just mad me sadder, etc.

Heartomaton posted...

I've been looking for a solution to that for a very long time, and I firmly believe that success in my endeavors to find someone is the only thing that will help. Obviously not instantly, because walls built up over a lifetime don't get torn down overnight unless this is Berlin 1989, and it ain't. But I've already tried everything recommended to me by various counselors, psychiatrists, and case workers to try and help it, and nothing else works. Exposure therapy just made me terrified, listing things I have to offer as a person just mad me sadder, etc.

How would finding someone help? Not saying it wouldn't, just looking for the thought process. Because if it would help, could it possibly also help to find platonic friends to be close to? In my experience, when people have anxiety and social issues, it can be mitigated through slow indoctrination into social situations with people who they trust. I will admit this agoraphobia might be beyond what I am talking about, but I have certaimly helped a few guys overcome social anxiety and generalized anxiety.

I worry that finding someone in your current state will be very tough. In all bluntness, it will be hard to find a woman willing to put in that much work when there are guys who don't require that work. This is why people state things like you have to work on yourself before finding someone. I know that cases do exist of finding someone and that helps them better themselves, but that is certainly more rare. Or oftentimes it ends up being a circular situation where improving oneself slightly leads to some social/dating success, which leads to more bettering, which leads to more success, etc. But in these instances, you have to expect the first few dating situations to lead to failure. Which is okay.

Maybe I am babbling now. Does any of that make sense?

bsp77 posted...

How would finding someone help? Not saying it wouldn't, just looking for the thought process. Because if it would help, could it possibly also help to find platonic friends to be close to? In my experience, when people have anxiety and social issues, it can be mitigated through slow indoctrination into social situations with people who they trust. I will admit this agoraphobia might be beyond what I am talking about, but I have certaimly helped a few guys overcome social anxiety and generalized anxiety.

I really dont know how to properly explain it in concrete terms, but I've seen brief flashes of what effects spending time with a woman I care deeply about has on me. My stress, anxiety and depression go way down to much lower levels, confidence increases drastically, my thoughts aren't constantly racing anymore, and I'm entirely calm. In the weeks before she decided to hit me with extremely hypocritical cruelty, I didn't even have to be near her to have those effects, because just the idea that she was part of my life and that I would be seeing her again was enough.

I'm admittedly assuming about some things, but with those effects in mind, logically it would stand to reason that an established relationship would only have even more positive changes come with it.

So far, it only works that way with women I'm actively interested in trying to form a relationship with, too. As strange as it sounds, being around platonic friends provides none of those benefits. Definitely doesn't work with guy friends, because even back when I actually had some of those, they tried the exact things you're suggesting. Whether they had the same thought process behind the idea that you have, I can't say. All I know is that it made me feel a whole lot worse.

I worry that finding someone in your current state will be very tough. In all bluntness, it will be hard to find a woman willing to put in that much work when there are guys who don't require that work. This is why people state things like you have to work on yourself before finding someone. I know that cases do exist of finding someone and that helps them better themselves, but that is certainly more rare. Or oftentimes it ends up being a circular situation where improving oneself slightly leads to some social/dating success, which leads to more bettering, which leads to more success, etc. But in these instances, you have to expect the first few dating situations to lead to failure. Which is okay.

Maybe I am babbling now. Does any of that make sense?

I don't need them to put in work, per se. I need them to have patience with me, because as long as they're around and part of my life, I'll be able to work down these issues using the confidence and mental strength they provide just by being there.

I'm well aware that finding someone willing to be patient like that is a long-shot, but it's also the only light I can see at the end of this particular tunnel.

Mm, someone might have said this already and I missed it, but if there is a problem at all, it might be that you come on way too strong and clingy. I don't know much about dating given my circumstances, but you seem incredibly upset over not getting a second date...to the point that you might have been creeping her out.

I've tried getting to know some people before who were desperate for a friend, and said desperation and need for us to be best friends so they could have a best friend was creepy enough that I had to smile and then ghost them in order to feel safe. And I'm a man.

Not saying for sure that's what happened, but that's the energy I'm getting from your posts. Nobody likes rejection, but please don't try and pin your hopes, dreams, and self-worth on a relationship with a person you've dated only once. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and to be an attractive, stable partner, you kind of need to be happy and stable by yourself.

Heartomaton posted...

Oh yes, the classic "if you're this upset that she essentially led you on, got your hopes higher than they've ever been, and then abruptly cut off all communication without the courtesy of telling you why despite establishing early on that it's something she'd hate to have happen to her, then she's lucky to have gotten away from you because you would have probably gotten just as upset if she stayed even though the specific things that set you off wouldn't have even happened in that case and plus you're being really mean to people online."

That is the definition of asinine. Shut. The fuck. Up.

jfc
shut up

darkmaian23 posted...

Mm, someone might have said this already and I missed it, but if there is a problem at all, it might be that you come on way too strong and clingy. I don't know much about dating given my circumstances, but you seem incredibly upset over not getting a second date...to the point that you might have been creeping her out.

I've tried getting to know some people before who were desperate for a friend, and said desperation and need for us to be best friends so they could have a best friend was creepy enough that I had to smile and then ghost them in order to feel safe. And I'm a man.

Not saying for sure that's what happened, but that's the energy I'm getting from your posts. Nobody likes rejection, but please don't try and pin your hopes, dreams, and self-worth on a relationship with a person you've dated only once. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and to be an attractive, stable partner, you kind of need to be happy and stable by yourself.

I did my absolute best to reign in my excitement and keep it proportionate to the hers, and until she decided to hurt me, I like to think I wad doing a good job of it. Obviously without her input I wouldn't really know, but I don't think I was behaving in a creepy way, though I'm sure most people who do act that way don't think they are.

I've been in the situation of having a first date but not a second with women before, for varying reasons, but this was the one and only time I was explicitly told there would be one. That being the case, my sadness that it isn't going to happen is a lot more intense than it was in those other examples, to the point even I didn't know it would be this bad.

aurlen posted...

jfc
shut up

You still here? Must not have much else better to do.

Welcome to the club.

TC, can you share what the last few things you said to her over text was, and how long ago it was? Just wondering for context what the last lines of communication were.

Sorry to hear you're going through this, as I'm sure it's tough. I don't and won't really have much to say that others haven't already said. Try to keep your head up, hopefully a lot of the anger will pass soon and you'll be able to move on and heal from this.

It sure as shit ain't like it used to be

Well I guess it still is for me

But I always end it anyway

AlCalavicci posted...

TC, can you share what the last few things you said to her over text was, and how long ago it was? Just wondering for context what the last lines of communication were.

Through FB messenger, she sent me a comedy video about a guy playing with fireworks inside his house, and another showing me the loft area she built in her Animal Crossing camp, and I sent her a few Harry Potter-themed digital paintings I used that DALL-E thing to make, because she loves that series, and we talked a little about those things.

In regular text messages, she had been telling me about how she received a 1-month suspension from WoW for paying some people to run her Hunter through some Mythic dungeons for loot. She appealed it and lost, so she decided to just stop playing altogether.

She also told me that she was having a very bad day. Now early on, she told me directly that whenever she's in a mood that negative, that she prefers to be left alone. I did try to suggest talking about things back then if she thought it might help, but I agreed to leave her be during times like those so she could heal in peace, though I did say that I would still check-in once in a while and see if she was still feeling down but otherwise okay. She said that was perfectly fine, so during the few non-consecutive days she was experiencing that kind of mood during the time I knew her, I gave her her space as was requested of me. On normal days, we talked as normal.

So, fast forward a bit, and the last things we said to each other were about her feeling bad that day and quitting WoW after getting suspended, as well as the media files we shared with each other on Messenger.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always the best at picking up on subtle clues, especially in text, but I really dont think there even were any to find in our final interactions. So, that she wasn't playing WoW anymore was the last non-pleasantry thing she said. I told her it sucked that she got suspended and that I wouldn't get to play that with her anymore, but I still supported her decision to quit playing if it was what she wanted. It was late at that point, and she had work the next morning, so we said our good nights.

The next morning, I sent her a good morning just like I had on every normal day beforehand, but... nothing. I figured she must have still been feeling bad, so I didn't think much of it at the time beyond hoping she was doing okay and would recover quickly. But then the next day was the same. And the next. Since there hadn't been a period of time up until then when her "leave me alone" moods lastest more than a day, I started to get worried, so I tried to call her. Instant voicemail. Text message, no response. Messenger, blocked.

Now here's the thing: During one of our many phone conversations in the period of time we were in contact, she made it a point to ask me to let her know if I ever started feeling neglected. I assured her that I understood that she was a busy woman, and that I was happy to be patient for her and perfectly fine with waiting if I needed to before she could get back to me, but that I would be sure to speak up if I did actually start to feel neglected.

I honestly didn't think I ever would feel neglected, but after communication stopped, I started to worry. Then when I found out she was screening calls, ignoring messages, and had blocked me on Messenger, I felt much worse than neglected. I felt betrayed.

Sounds like she has her own issues

Heartomaton posted...

Messenger, blocked.

Does this mean the message didn't go through or it told you she blocked your messages or something? Pretty fucked up if so. How long ago was the last time she sent you a "nice message"? Meaning the day before she stopped responding, how long ago was that?

Heartomaton posted...

Living in the city would kick my agoraphobic anxiety into overdrive and have me on edge constantly. It's not without precedent either, because that's exactly what happens any time I've ever visited Dallas, Fort Worth or Austin for any significant amount of time. On my own, I'd be overwhelmed pretty much immediately if I tried living in a place like those. All the people and noise and activity would crush me.

Is it living or visiting that is a problem?

Because if it's a matter of "I can spend the day but not DAYS," what about suburbs?

I don't actually know any offhand, but smaller town on the outskirts so you can go to the city but retreat to relative quiet when needed.

Just casually watching you out more and more of your personality

Heartomaton posted...

I did my absolute best to reign in my excitement and keep it proportionate to the hers, and until she decided to hurt me, I like to think I wad doing a good job of it.

I'm not sure how serious other posters are being here, but I'm going to 100% honest: this is creepy and no good at all. Let me break it down for you:

"I did my absolute best to reign in my excitement and keep it proportionate to hers" implies that you not only place an eerie amount of importance on a first date, but that you have trouble regulating your emotions to a socially acceptable level.

"and until she decided to hurt me" suggests that you think you were owed something by this woman that you weren't, and that she really did a number on you. Neither of these things are objectively true. Telling you there will be a second date is right up there with "I was just about to call you" or "we should catch up soon". It's just something polite you say to move things along. It might have even been true, but then she changed her mind. Dating someone once is huge to you because you are fixated on having a relationship, but it isn't really a big thing. She wasn't your fiancee or the mother of your child or your wife. You just saw her for a date and she wasn't feeling it so there won't be another.

"I like to think I was doing a good job of it" is essentially you admitting you know you weren't doing a good job of it, but you want to believe otherwise and want it to be her fault and not yours. But let's assume you actually did a good job of not being creepy. Suppose you went on many more dates with this women and became partners. Just how long can you regulate (or pretend to regulate) your emotions? What would happen when conflict arose, when she "hurt" you again? Would you stop functioning? Would you become emotionally or physically abusive? Ask yourself just what would happen, and if that would really be sustainable for you or for another person.

I think you should stop dating for now and seek out a male therapist to find out what exactly your issues are and work on them seriously. What you've got going on here isn't normal at all, and I'd go so far as to say it's a little scary. If your goal is to attain a serious relationship, you should turn that energy toward getting to a better place mentally and emotionally so you can be prepared to date someone seriously. Otherwise, you'll just keep suffering and for no real purpose.

AlCalavicci posted...

Does this mean the message didn't go through or it told you she blocked your messages or something? Pretty fucked up if so. How long ago was the last time she sent you a "nice message"? Meaning the day before she stopped responding, how long ago was that?

On Messenger, an empty little circle next to your message means is has not been sent yet, a circle with a checkmark with all the negative space filled in means it was sent and delivered, and a circle with a checkmark that isn't filled in means it was sent but did not arrive due to either an error or because you've been blocked. If it's an error, then re-sending the message usually fixes it, but if if doesn't, then you have been blocked.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yeah yeah, first, already went over why that's an incredibly stupid stance with the first fool to think that.

Second, worked for over a decade before I had to stop due to disability, so I hope you like the taste of your own foot.

Who would have thought that someone who clearly didn't actually pay attention to what they were reading would make such a dumb post?

DrizztLink posted...

Is it living or visiting that is a problem?

Because if it's a matter of "I can spend the day but not DAYS," what about suburbs?

I don't actually know any offhand, but smaller town on the outskirts so you can go to the city but retreat to relative quiet when needed.

I've considered that before, definitely, but I don't think I can afford to do that on my own. Not only do I not have the money I'd need to move to one, but the average cost of living for most suburban areas is a little over $1,200 a month, which is more than I get per month from SSI. I haven't looked into specific suburban areas in my specific state though, so the ones here might be cheaper than the national average.

aurlen posted...

Just casually watching you out more and more of your personality

"Out". As if I've ever hidden it here. It's not "outing" if you just weren't aware of it, it's just called "learning" then.

For someone who claims to only be here to spectate, you're not really any good at it, y'know?

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/9/4/AAfTb_AADdra.jpg

darkmaian23 posted...

I'm not sure how serious other posters are being here, but I'm going to 100% honest: this is creepy and no good at all. Let me break it down for you:

"I did my absolute best to reign in my excitement and keep it proportionate to hers" implies that you not only place an eerie amount of importance on a first date, but that you have trouble regulating your emotions to a socially acceptable level.

No, it implies that I didn't want to put her off by seeming way more excited than she was. Simple as that. There was no more thought put into it. And it's not like she wasn't excited, she literally told me that she felt like she had known me forever and missed me even though she hadn't ever even met me before, and she was even the one to suggest meeting in the first place. After telling me a few days beforehand that she takes a while to warm up to people.

Also, trouble regulating my emotions to socially acceptable levels? How do you figure? I don't emote. Outside of negative times like these and positive times like time spent with loved ones, I'm pretty much a damn statue.

"and until she decided to hurt me" suggests that you think you were owed something by this woman that you weren't, and that she really did a number on you. Neither of these things are objectively true.

You're right about the first thing not being true, because the very idea of me thinking she owed me anything at any point is absurd. I know I have little experience in the actual dating world, but I know better than that. Only thing I feel I'm owed now is an explanation for the blatant hypocrisy.

But she did do a number on me. That is true, whether you think it's possible or not.

Telling you there will be a second date is right up there with "I was just about to call you" or "we should catch up soon". It's just something polite you say to move things along.

This sounds like bullshit, honestly.

It might have even been true, but then she changed her mind.

If this is the case, though, an explanation was warranted, especially considering that she asked me to give her one if I was the one who wasn't feeling it.

Dating someone once is huge to you because you are fixated on having a relationship, but it isn't really a big thing. She wasn't your fiancee or the mother of your child or your wife. You just saw her for a date and she wasn't feeling it so there won't be another.

It is impossible for it not to be huge for me. It's so rare for me to actually get one that it can't be.

"I like to think I was doing a good job of it" is essentially you admitting you know you weren't doing a good job of it, but you want to believe otherwise and want it to be her fault and not yours.

The fuck? No to the first thing and hell no to the second. I fully believe that it has to have been something I did wrong and was my fault, but I want to know what exactly it was.

But let's assume you actually did a good job of not being creepy. Suppose you went on many more dates with this women and became partners. Just how long can you regulate (or pretend to regulate) your emotions? What would happen when conflict arose, when she "hurt" you again? Would you stop functioning? Would you become emotionally or physically abusive? Ask yourself just what would happen, and if that would really be sustainable for you or for another person.

Do you think me so oblivious that I haven't considered what happens then? Not in the years I've been at this?

Of course I've thought about what happens in those possibilities, and the answer is that I would assess the situation and what's going on, then decide what to do from there based on the specific issue at hand like a rational human being. Also, the very idea of being physically abusive, after growing up having to watch that happen, is disgusting.

I think you should stop dating for now and seek out a male therapist to find out what exactly your issues are and work on them seriously. What you've got going on here isn't normal at all, and I'd go so far as to say it's a little scary. If your goal is to attain a serious relationship, you should turn that energy toward getting to a better place mentally and emotionally so you can be prepared to date someone seriously. Otherwise, you'll just keep suffering and for no real purpose.

Male therapist? I refuse. That's not going to happen.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


The reference to takotsubo cardiomyopathy was about the years I've been doing this and the effects its had on me, not this specific incident.

And the stabbed bit is because that exactly what it felt like. You think I'm not going to be dramatic right now?

Imagine if she was reading this topic right now. What do you think she would say? You come off as extremely clingy and like you would not be able to handle a breakup. Nobody wants to deal with that

She's not, it doesn't matter at this point, I'm self-aware enough to maintain my independence and fall hard for someone, a legitimate break-up with an actual stated reason would be handled differently, and she obviously doesn't have to.

Heartomaton posted...

I've considered that before, definitely, but I don't think I can afford to do that on my own. Not only do I not have the money I'd need to move to one, but the average cost of living for most suburban areas is a little over $1,200 a month, which is more than I get per month from SSI. I haven't looked into specific suburban areas in my specific state though, so the ones here might be cheaper than the national average.

How big is too big?

Like, Albuquerque is ~1 million and has a relatively diffuse population density, would that work?

Note: I am not suggesting Albuquerque. Don't go to Albuquerque.

Tc you have self admittedly said you have relatively little experience when it comes to dating. There are posters in here who have more dating experience than you and they are telling you things like this are normal and it happens to everyone. You don't seem to want to accept this. You have this idealistic view of dating and anything that does not conform to what you think about dating you view as hypocritical, b#lls&it or an attack against you.

You only see yourself as a failure and that is not good. Have a goal of being in a happy relationship is one thing. Making that the one and only goal you want to aspire to and tying your happiness to achieving that goal is what is unhealthy. I also want to find a woman and start a family. I want a family more than anything. However until I find that woman I focus on myself and work on improving aspects of my life that allow me to be happy and will help me in pursuit of the goal of finding someone to be in a relationship with.

I understand that you suffered an incident that does not allow you to work and are on disability. However that does not mean that you cannot work at all. You can find jobs that allow you to work from your computer at home and help you grow your income. That can help you move forward with finding someone. Have you considered looking for other forms of employment?

Your biggest problem and obstacle is that you have tied your life happiness to this goal of being in a relationship. That is the single most unhealthy thing you are doing. You have posters in here who are trying to impress this upon you and you brush them aside and continue to say you are just a failure and are garbage. Until you change this aspect of your life you will repeatedly find yourself in this same problem. The choice is yours.

You can lead a horse to water. You cannot make the horse drink the water. In this analogy. You are the horse.

Think I officially ran out of steam as far as being outwardly angry or sad. I'm just gonna go back to dragging myself through the motions like I was before and keep the rest of this shit to myself. Just add this particularly crushing entry to the long history of me sucking in general and keep going until I'm either confined to a padded room or just gone in general somehow.

Also exhausted and going to bed. Might address some of the posts more recent than my last one and this one in the morning with a marginally clearer head, might just lock this. You guys say whatever you want until then, and we'll see how this pathetic spectacle plays out tomorrow.

Awwwuh