Current Events > No second date

(+) Yeah! (+)

Thats the update.

Don't even know what I did wrong.

I don't know what I do now

Dating is tough man

Usually not a manner of doing anything wrong man. Sometimes people just don't click or one side doesn't feel the click. Just can't place too many hopes and aspirations on first dates. Let them be what they are and go with the flow. On to the next.

You a minute date

Heartomaton: OOOOHhhhh SNAP Duncanwii just got banned!!

Date:....

Heartomaton:SMH casul

tamagucci posted...

Heartomaton: OOOOHhhhh SNAP Duncanwii just got banned!!

Date:....

Heartomaton:SMH casul

Duncan dont

Nerevar791 posted...

Usually not a manner of doing anything wrong man. Sometimes people just don't click or one side doesn't feel the click. Just can't place too many hopes and aspirations on first dates. Let them be what they are and go with the flow. On to the next.

But she specifically told me that she wanted to see me again

I don't understand. We both promised to not ghost each other

And there was no communication that anything was wrong

I was so close this time

tamagucci posted...

Heartomaton: OOOOHhhhh SNAP Duncanwii just got banned!!

Date:....

Heartomaton:SMH casul

Not sure even you know what you're on about

Heartomaton posted...

But she specifically told me that she wanted to see me again

I don't understand. We both promised to not ghost each other

And there was no communication that anything was wrong

I was so close this time

I've had someone delete the dating app we met on with me, ask to be exclusive and still essentially ghost me after a holiday (got a very rushed and lazy text saying she wasn't ready for a relationship which gave me no chance to discuss anything)

Just gotta keep on trucking my man. And for the love of god don't get too invested before you even meet. A first date should never have stakes that high for your mental health

Yeah sometimes people genuinely mean they want to see you again at the time and change their mind later after reflection, sometimes they just (and I'm not saying it's right) want to be polite (or safe) and not say no.

And yeah, sometimes they genuinely mean it but end up deciding to move forward with someone else. I'm not saying it doesn't suck, but all you can do is keep tryin.

I must have done something wrong to deserve this cruelty

I don't want to start over again it hurts more every time

Can't think straight

Calm down tc
It'll be ok

Heartomaton posted...

I must have done something wrong to deserve this cruelty

I don't want to start over again it hurts more every time

You can't get this attached before a first date. Most people will tell you that you can't even get this attached before having sex with a person.

I don't believe that myself, but a first date... Had you even heard her voice yet? It's just like, it's too soon man to be this hurt.

Wish there was some way to avoid liars and/or inconsistent messes who say one thing then do another.

Such a worthless stain

Give yourself a simple lifegoal and do nothing but fail

Fucking waste life

Hoodroar posted...

Wish there was some way to avoid liars and/or inconsistent messes who say one thing then do another.

Experience i guess. Recognising toxic behaviour after having seen it. Im sure after the first time you were badly burnt your guard was up more

Heartomaton posted...

Thats the update.

Don't even know what I did wrong.

I don't know what I do now

You can reflect on what you could have done wrong (or said) and learn from it. Sometimes you might have done okay, but they didn't think you were a good fit for them. I dunno. I wouldn't over analyze it and beat yourself up about it. I'd move on to the next.

I had a date last Saturday actually (she was going to be 30 minutes late, because she stayed extra at the gym lol). I think i went okay at best, but I didn't follow up. I think I picked up some cues where I think she wanted to end it by bringing up that she had an apointment (we talked for 1.5 hours, so it's not that bad) and the luke warm goodbye with a hug... Anyway, it's been a while since I went out where it went past the first. My last two dates before that with two different people, I tried to send up a follow up text after they weren't interested, and felt really dumb after. So i tell myself, If they really wanted to pursue, they'd reach out to me anyway and not wait for me to make the first move (obviously its a 2 person thing).. It's not like I'm being a dick and ghosting either. Since neither one makes a move after.

Not saying you should have that mindset of not reaching out btw. Pick up on body language and adjust as necessary. This can also vary on how much you like them, but I try not to get attached by the first date..

Arcanine2009 posted...

You can reflect on what you could have done wrong (or said) and learn from it. Sometimes you might have done okay, but they didn't think you were a good fit for them. I dunno. I wouldn't over analyze it and beat yourself up about it. I'd move on to the next.

I had a date last Saturday actually (she was going to be 30 minutes late, because she stayed extra at the gym lol). I think i went okay at best, but I didn't follow up. I think I picked up some cues where I think she wanted to end it by bringing up that she had an apointment (we talked for 1.5 hours, so it's not that bad) and the luke warm goodbye with a hug... Anyway, it's been a while since I went out where it went past the first. My last two dates before that with two different people, I tried to send up a follow up text after they weren't interested, and felt really dumb after. So i tell myself, If they really wanted to pursue, they'd reach out to me anyway and not wait for me to make the first move (obviously its a 2 person thing).. It's not like I'm being a dick and ghosting either. Since neither one makes a move after.

Not saying you should have that mindset of not reaching out btw. Pick up on body language and adjust as necessary. This can also vary on how much you like them, but I try not to get attached by the first date..

You shouldn't feel dumb about that at all. If both people operate on that "if they're interested in me they'll reach out" mindset nothing will happen. Unless you were like, talking about wanting a second date during the first date or otherwise making it super clear you liked them

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Experience i guess. Recognising toxic behaviour after having seen it. Im sure after the first time you were badly burnt your guard was up more

This so much. I had a bit of a red flag from my date last saturday who asked if I can push to meet up 30 minutes after the time we agreed on. I didn't have a problem with that, except for the reason why--which is staying later at the gym then she anticpated.. Which just didn't feel respectful of my time at all. I gave it a shot though (already drove to the area) and it went okay. But I didn't follow up after the date (been +5 days now).

Heartomaton posted...

I must have done something wrong to deserve this cruelty

I don't want to start over again it hurts more every time

As someone else said, don't put too much emotional investment on someone, especially before you guys become established, let alone meeting for a first date.

Set your expectations low, but do your best and be respectful. If you do look deep in yourself, you can likely spot out what you could have done better or not to do also. But don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from your mistakes and move on and talk to other women. Don't get hung up on one person and have oneitis.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

You shouldn't feel dumb about that at all. If both people operate on that "if they're interested in me they'll reach out" mindset nothing will happen. Unless you were like, talking about wanting a second date during the first date or otherwise making it super clear you liked them

No I mean I felt dumb from past experiences on reaching out after the first date and then trying to keep the conversation going, after they rejected me. That's what I felt really dumb doing. It was a waste of time and emotional investment for me.

I don't really feel dumb about not reaching out to the girl I had a first date last aturday in this case. I'm not super interested in her and based on my experiences with past dates and thinking about her body language (and stupid things I might have said), I've sort of made the decision of not reaching out to follow up with the person I had a date on last saturday. I did feel bad about it up until now, but then realized I wasn't ghosting her/leaving her in the dark, when she isn't doing the same either.

Well, sleep cleared my thoughts, at least. Now I'm sad and furious.

I honestly can't imagine what could have happened. The order of events makes no sense from my perspective. Everything seemed to still be going well.

Only thing I do know right now is that I'm in the exact opposite mood I'd need to be in to take advice from a Sterolizer sycophant who's only operating on minimal information and personal anecdotes.

Its hardly ever anything you do wrong. Typically its a matter of if the other person felt their was chemistry. Sometimes it can be something as silly as they were having a bad day and there was nothing you could have done to change that even if you were a match.

Fuck fuck fuck. So sorry, as I was really hoping for the best.

Did you state what she said/texted to you for you to know there was no second date? Lots of posts by the time I read so I may have missed in my skimming.

I wouldn't asuume you did anything "wrong" or beat yourself up. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that the distance was a contributing factor. I am guessing she was honest about liking you and having a great first date. But you also need some momentum and going several weeks between dates due to the distance and scheduling issues will cause that interest to wane by one or both parties. I wouldn't give up. You can find someone again, but hopefully someone closer.

bsp77 posted...

Fuck fuck fuck. So sorry, as I was really hoping for the best.

You and me both.

Did you state what she said/texted to you for you to know there was no second date? Lots of posts by the time I read so I may have missed in my skimming.

No. Because there wasn't one. She ghosted me. Hypocritically too, because one of the first requests she ever made of me is that I wouldn't ghost her. I assured her that I think people who ghost are literal scum and would never do that myself. Now here we are.

I wouldn't asuume you did anything "wrong" or beat yourself up.

I'm going to. Worse than I ever have before. I am also going to be lashing out at random people.

If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that the distance was a contributing factor. I am guessing she was honest about liking you and having a great first date. But you also need some momentum and going several weeks between dates due to the distance and scheduling issues will cause that interest to wane by one or both parties.

This is a problem that I have literally 0 options available to even attempt fixing.

I wouldn't give up. You can find someone again, but hopefully someone closer.

Yeah it only took 24 years to find someone I'm truly compatible with the first time. What's another couple of decades, right? I'm sure dating in your 50's and 60's is much easier.

I mean, provided someone lives that long.

Heartomaton posted...

No. Because there wasn't one. She ghosted me. Hypocritically too, because one of the first requests she ever made of me is that I wouldn't ghost her. I assured her that I think people who ghost are literal scum and would never do that myself. Now here we are.

Are you positive? How long between messages? Couldn't something just be going on? I don't assume you are wrong at all; just looking for info.

I'm going to. Worse than I ever have before. I am also going to be lashing out at random people.

Be good to yourself, you deserve it. And reach out anytime.

This is a problem that I have literally 0 options available to even attempt fixing.

Yeah, I know you are more rural which limits options, but it doesn't negate options. I wish it was possible for you to move, at least to the outskirts of a big metro.

Yeah it only took 24 years to find someone I'm truly compatible with the first time. What's another couple of decades, right? I'm sure dating in your 50's and 60's is much easier.

Meh. It doesn't work that way. Things don't space out evenly. Never have for me. You know I couldn't get shit as a teen (until essentially setup with my ex wife at 19), but then had a spurt at 40 and 41. Based on past evidence, I never would have expected that. I know our situations are different, but I am saying that past trends don't predict future ones when it comes to stuff like this.

I know this may be hard at the moment, but stay positive, my friend.

The current state of dating sucks. Everything is done online now

LordYeezus posted...

The current state of dating sucks. Everything is done online now

Having a social circle helps tons. My current gf was a friend of mine for 3 years first because of overlapping friends groups and Meetup events.

Did you tell her that you prefer dubs over subs? That may have set her off.

So glad I got married before app-based dating was a thing

Heartomaton posted...

Well, sleep cleared my thoughts, at least. Now I'm sad and furious.

I honestly can't imagine what could have happened. The order of events makes no sense from my perspective. Everything seemed to still be going well.

Only thing I do know right now is that I'm in the exact opposite mood I'd need to be in to take advice from a Sterolizer sycophant who's only operating on minimal information and personal anecdotes.

Dating is brutal man. I went on two dates with a nice lady; we got dinner and walked around downtown the first night, then did a happy hour a few days/week later. Both times everything seemed great. But as we were leaving the happy hour, it looked like she was damn near trying to run away from me for god knows why. I was walking her to her car, and as we get to the parking lot, she goes, "well bye!" before we can even get to a next steps conversation.

Shit's wild. People are strange. I did text her asking if I fucked up the vibe or said something creepy. Never got a specific answer, she just kinda said it was a personality clash for her ????????????

You'll eventually get one man. I'm at three and a half years with a chick I met online. We're moving in together soon. The payoff is worth it.

TaylorHeinicke posted...

Dating is brutal man. I went on two dates with a nice lady; we got dinner and walked around downtown the first night, then did a happy hour a few days/week later. Both times everything seemed great. But as we were leaving the happy hour, it looked like she was damn near trying to run away from me for god knows why. I was walking her to her car, and as we get to the parking lot, she goes, "well bye!" before we can even get to a next steps conversation.

Shit's wild. People are strange. I did text her asking if I fucked up the vibe or said something creepy. Never got a specific answer, she just kinda said it was a personality clash for her ????????????

Something you said likely triggered her, but there is a good chance that it was 100% her issue and reminded her of something in her past. I have had that happen where things I said reminded them of issues with exes even though I was the polar opposite of the exes. They simply took things the wrong way.

You'll eventually get one man. I'm at three and a half years with a chick I met online. We're moving in together soon. The payoff is worth it.

Congrats!

I'm sorry TC. I once went on a date with a girl and then she moved away like a week later. It sucks, but don't stop dating because while you're doing good in the game all your replies and etc are way better in general.

In my brief experience with this stuff, I've only had a couple encounters where I was caught blindsided like this, where the previous date went really well (from my perspective) and they sent a message back saying they weren't feeling the chemistry. It sucks. But even when I've felt really upset about a particular woman, I've found that there are other ones out there.

bsp77 posted...

Are you positive? How long between messages? Couldn't something just be going on? I don't assume you are wrong at all; just looking for info.

100%.

The one and only thing she said that indicated that there was going to be any reduction in communication was that she was going to be busy studying for a promotion test at work and would need time for that. Those days passed, and she passed her test, but communication did not pick back up after. She just started leaving me on read and ignoring me out of nowhere.

Thing is, a few weeks ago, she made it a specific point to request that if I ever started feeling neglected by her, to say something about it. I assured her that I'd be patient and understanding of the demands her job would be placing on her, but that I would let her know if I ever started feeling that way.

Just, by the time I actually did feel that way, communication had already stopped. I don't understand the logic behind this series of events and it's making me angrier.

Be good to yourself, you deserve it. And reach out anytime.

Won't. Don't. Probably won't.

Yeah, I know you are more rural which limits options, but it doesn't negate options. I wish it was possible for you to move, at least to the outskirts of a big metro.

Rural, agoraphobic and poor. Options don't exist.

Meh. It doesn't work that way. Things don't space out evenly. Never have for me. You know I couldn't get shit as a teen (until essentially setup with my ex wife at 19), but then had a spurt at 40 and 41. Based on past evidence, I never would have expected that. I know our situations are different, but I am saying that past trends don't predict future ones when it comes to stuff like this.

Randomness is not much better.

I know this may be hard at the moment, but stay positive, my friend.

I woke up angry, because I woke up. Honestly would have preferred to not have done that. Not fucking worth it.

I will reiterate that I am here if you ever want to reach out

how do you think the actual date went? Summarize it and say what you think you could have done or said wrong.

Even if you didn't, sometimes personalities/ lifestyles don't match. It's fairly common for people to ghost (more so before a date). They could have another option.

Arcanine2009 posted...

how do you think the actual date went? Summarize it and say what you think you could have done or said wrong.

Even if you didn't, sometimes personalities/ lifestyles don't match. It's fairly common for people to ghost (more so before a date). They could have another option.

I shouldn't answer but I may be more objective right now. I know the first date went great. I remember all the details and he definitely did nothing "wrong". But they live hours apart and it had been weeks since that first date.

You barely know this person TC

in the future they wont even be a footnote in your history

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that man. I know your dating pool is limited where you are, but keep trying. There's definitely someone better for you out there. But if you stop looking, you won't find her.

I was so happy and excited for the first second date of my life. I believed that my lifelong nightmare was coming to and end.

I really should have known better.

Heart doesn't get to be happy, Heart just gets to be broken.

I'm disregarding you people saying I barely knew her, by the way. Because that's literal nonsense. I'm not going to act like I knew everything about her, because I obviously don't, but trying to convince me that I "barely know" someone that I spent a fair amount of every day for the better part of two months conversing and sharing with is fucking rude. And also wrong.

Heartomaton posted...

Only thing I do know right now is that I'm in the exact opposite mood I'd need to be in to take advice from a Sterolizer sycophant who's only operating on minimal information and personal anecdotes.

Then close this topic. Wtf.

Heartomaton posted...

I'm disregarding you people saying I barely knew her, by the way. Because that's literal nonsense. I'm not going to act like I knew everything about her, because I obviously don't, but trying to convince me that I "barely know" someone that I spent a fair amount of every day for the better part of two months conversing and sharing with is fucking rude. And also wrong.

You may disregard this, but they were trying to be helpful. In the vast majority of cases, if people only had one date then they typically barely knew each other. I would usually also think the same. Now, I have followed along this journey and knew that wasn't the case and therefore did not make a comment like that. However, I wouldn't call them "fucking rude" for giving a perspective that is usually correct. They were wrong in this instance, but not rude.

You tend to be very quick to anger, and based on what you have been through, I understand why. But it is something worth monitoring and working on. I hope you don't just get mad at me now, as you should know by now that I have your best interests at heart; I only want you to think about it. Maybe today is not the best day for that though. :)

aurlen posted...

Then close this topic. Wtf.

Guessing you don't know who Sterolizer is and the history btwn the two of them. I understood what was meant.