Current Events > I'm am adoptee, AMA

(+) Yeah! (+)

Adoptee? As in you were adopted?

Do you have any hot female siblings or relatives?

I'm a straight woman with no siblings or relatives close to my age.

I'll give any insight to adoptee culture you may be curious about.

Did you find out early that you were adopted? If not when were you told?

What is your relationship like with your adoptive parents? Do you remember the transition from where you were, to your new home?

Were you adopted as a baby or older?

I have a younger sister who got adopted when she was 8. She unfortunately has no idea who her birth parents are though.
She's from China, you see. And it's all but impossible to uncover that mystery. She was abandoned by her birth mother at a very young age and lived in an orphanage from like age 2 to 8

have you ever checked to see if you have any biological siblings/half-siblings?

Did you grow up around the same area that you were born in?

Alright. Let's start with "what is adoptee culture?" >_>

do you feel any desire to adopt in the future?

so am I. The only biological relative I've had contact with is a cousin (his biological father is my biological uncle and he never met him and was raised by his mother). We found each other on a DNA site.

Basically family to most of us is a unique perspective. Society for the most part treats it as a strange concept which baffles me since it's been around since humanity started really.

Also medical issues. If it was a closed adoption or there is no contact with the biological family, then we have no medical history to go off of. Makes doctor visits difficult when they ask a bunch of questions and you constantly have to explain you don't know.

Also certain terms you flat out don't use to adoptees. One person asked about my parents but said adoptive parents. That's not that big of a deal, especially because that user had no malice behind it.

But under no circumstances use the term "real parents" to an adoptee because most of them would just refer to their parents that raised them. For the most part because there are adoptees with terrible relationships with their families. But generally the term of "real families" and such is a no-no because it implies our families are less than or worse, we are.

There are other things especially like trans racial adoptees feeling the need to connect with their heritage it not. And reconciling that with their most likely white family. But that's a personal choice for each individual and it's up to the family to support that without question.

There's other stuff that me and my friends that are adopted have joked about before that only we know. And stuff that us none white adoptees who were adopted by our white families go through. Kind of like inside jokes/stories that some/most biological families wouldn't go through necessarily.

I don't even know who you are.

Basically family to most of us is a unique perspective. Society for the most part treats it as a strange concept which baffles me since it's been around since humanity started really.

Also medical issues. If it was a closed adoption or there is no contact with the biological family, then we have no medical history to go off of. Makes doctor visits difficult when they ask a bunch of questions and you constantly have to explain you don't know.

Also certain terms you flat out don't use to adoptees. One person asked about my parents but said adoptive parents. That's not that big of a deal, especially because that user had no malice behind it.

But under no circumstances use the term "real parents" to an adoptee because most of them would just refer to their parents that raised them. For the most part because there are adoptees with terrible relationships with their families. But generally the term of "real families" and such is a no-no because it implies our families are less than or worse, we are.

There are other things especially like trans racial adoptees feeling the need to connect with their heritage it not. And reconciling that with their most likely white family. But that's a personal choice for each individual and it's up to the family to support that without question.

There's other stuff that me and my friends that are adopted have joked about before that only we know. And stuff that us none white adoptees who were adopted by our white families go through. Kind of like inside jokes/stories that some/most biological families wouldn't go through necessarily.

That's very interesting! I had an ex who was adopted but I never asked these questions of her because I didn't know if adoption would be a sore subject (it didn't help that she didn't have the best relationship with her mother) so I didn't pry. I never considered adoptees had a community even tho it seems obvious now since seeking people like yourself is a natural human desire.

That's so interesting. Have you two talked/established a relationship?

My mother is always trying to get me to do one of those things but just not my thing.

We had a fairly long phone conversation and explained our respective situations, compared what we knew and how closely we were related to others who we both share DNA with on the site. The numbers made a lot of sense. Eventually, I'd like to meet in person and hopefully find other people as well. I'm just not in a great headspace right now.

Seems like I have even less information to go on than you do lol. Mine was very closed. I don't even have names of biological parents, just very basic background information. Cousin doesn't have a name either. His mother never actually knew who the father was and she was already deceased before he took the DNA taste, so the DNA site is pretty much all either of us has to go on.

My brother is adopted too (different biological family). He has a bit more information, first names at least, and our parents met his biological parents before the adoption. He has taken the DNA test too but I don't think he has reached out to any connections or had anyone reach out to him.

I know there are some groups that do, or used to do, adoptee/bio family reunions. They do like extensive research into trying to connect people.

But they also seem kind of anti-adoption as a concept so....