Current Events > The key to a good apology

(+) Yeah! (+)

YouTuber apologies are always so cringe because they're trying to put themselves ahead of the controversy and make themselves out as the victim to deflect from the backlash they're receiving. Shane Dawson is terrible for this, admitting at one point that he just apologizes for whatever issue comes up without really meaning it - he just sees the need to apologize and he puts on this overly dramatic display of sorrow and regret.

But there is a formula to a good apology, and there's effort on your part to live up to what you're saying. I was just thinking about this on the toilet and I wanted to make a topic about it.

First - address the issue.

Something happened that you were involved with. If you want to apologize, you have to understand what happened, why it was bad and what your role in it was - and you have to vocalise it.

The worst thing about a YouTuber apology is when they don't address the issue, or they downplay it, so they can put their own sadness front and centre. "I didn't know it was wrong" usually isn't an excuse. Making your apology about how much sorrow the backlash made you feel isn't an apology. Something happened. You did something. Address the wrongdoing to demonstrate that you understand what the issue is.

Next, explain yourself.

There's a thin line between explaining yourself and making excuses. There's a reason why something happened, and maybe it makes you look like a shitty person. You should explain how you got to that point, and you should keep it to the facts of the situation instead of trying to deflect with sorrowful platitudes or by trying to obfuscate the truth.

Then, take responsibility and apologize.

Maybe you had an argument with someone and said something shitty you didn't mean. Maybe they were shitty too. When I say "take responsibility", I don't mean "roll over and say it's all your fault". You've identified what you've done wrong, and you explained how you got to that point. Now you have to say "I understand what I did and how it was wrong, and I'm sorry for the way I behaved". In identifying where you've hurt someone else, you can hopefully start repairing the damage caused by whatever happened.

Maybe the other person doesn't accept your apology, whether they had a hand in whatever happened or not. It's not their obligation to forgive you. Similarly, if someone treats you shittily and you don't feel comfortable accepting their apology? It's not your obligation to forgive them. What matters is the process of making amends and working towards a productive end-point.

Finally, identify ways in which you can avoid the issue in the future.

You've demonstrated that you understand the crux of the issue. You've shown that you understand the consequences of your actions, and that you regret what you did and want to make amends. Now, you should demonstrate that you have the capacity to grow from this by addressing what needs to change.

A good apology isn't just covering for something shitty you did. It's patching that breach so it's less likely to spring a leak in the future. You drank too much - drink less, and consider your surroundings. You used something against your significant other that was really petty and cruel - consider how you'd feel if they did the same thing to you, and make an effort to consider their feelings the next time you lose your temper.

And don't say it just to get out of trouble. A good apology is a road map for you to follow going forward. You have to mean it.

So here's an example: I drank too much and puked everywhere. How do I apologize to the people affected by that?

"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for making a mess like this. I drank way too much and I was mixing drinks, and I guess I couldn't make it to a sink or garbage can in time. I was in a real state. I understand that this creates problems for you - I know you can't deal with vomit very well.

It never should have gotten to this point, and I'm sorry that it has. I've cleaned it up, and I'm going to go over it all again just to make sure I didn't miss anything.

Going forward, I'm going to try and stop drinking so much, and I'm going to be more mindful about my behavior and surroundings so I don't make this sort of mistake again. I don't want to put you through this again."

I drank too much and vomited everywhere: I've addressed the issue.

I was mixing drinks, and I was in such a stupor I couldn't vomit somewhere else: explaining what happened.

Understanding the other party's aversion to your behavior, cleaning up after yourself and admitting that you let them down: taking responsibility for what happened and apologizing.

Promising to cut down on drinking and being more considerate of the people and environment around you, which you didn't do when you vomited everywhere: identifying ways to prevent this from happening in the future. Committing to a positive change.

i didn't read any of that but i clicked this topic and here is my contribution to it

You felt the need to make this topic, and I regret that. This board, at one point, must have made you feel like it wanted to read what you had to say. That was wrong.

Myself and this board take full responsibility for making you feel like your opinion matters, and were sorry.

We hope to do better in the future.

Excellent post, as always.

I didn't read any of that but I smashed that like button for you.

Im sorry, but Im not reading that

I thought it was a good read.
I'll for sure be thinking about this whenever I have to give an apology.
I also really appreciate that you mentioned that "they may not forgive you, and that's ok"

Step one: do an over exaggerated sigh first thing into the video

OwlRammer posted...

Step one: do an over exaggerated sigh first thing into the video

Step two: say the word look or listen

The best apology is, "Fuck you, get over it."

(This post is facetious)

I genuinely feel like apologising is a skill that we as a society are losing

And yes, I include myself in that too

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/8/4/AAZ1uBAADTeI.jpg

Here's the key.

"I'm sorry"

Topiclist

IfGodCouldDie posted...

The best apology is, "Fuck you, get over it."

(This post is facetious)

Too bad certain posters actually act this way after they use this board as a void to scream into because they hate themselves.

You forgot the part where you do an interpretive dance