Current Events > Possibly losing my cat soon, and i feel like a failure

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So around Friday, 13-year-old Mr. Kitty didn't eat his breakfast or dinner, thought it was weird, but maybe he just wasn't hungry.

He didn't eat Saturday either, except for a couple of pieces of deli ham I gave him and some treats, which he promptly chucked up.

Sunday I noticed he was going pale, the pale turned to yellow over the day, he was also doing nothing but sitting in bed and sitting by the water bowl.

Today we got an appointment at the vet, took him in thinking his tooth was bad and that's why he wouldn't eat, vet looked at him for 10 seconds and said it's jaundice, and he likely has major liver issues, they gave him a shot of fluids and nausea medications while we wait for the blood panels to come back, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything.

Though we're still waiting on the blood work to come back, everything I've read as far as treatment is horrifying, weeks in the emergency hospital, needing to be fed through a tube for 2-3 months, and of course, the chance that none of it works anyway, and he dies after suffering in a strange room with strange people.

It's not that I don't have the money for the treatment, or don't want him to get better, I just don't think I can in good conscience put him through that much pain and suffering.

But since I have the money, I feel terrible that I'm barely even considering the extreme interventions, like I'm somehow letting him die because it's cheaper.

But would I be doing what's best for him by putting him through hell, or would I be doing it to avoid putting myself through hell having to put him down.
I failed.

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That's a good life for a cat, and at his age, it would be perfectly reasonable and understandable to put him down. You made a valid enough point in your paragraph about the feeding tube and whatnot. Your cat wouldn't know or understand what was going on and would be terrified and miserable, which in itself is a terrible experience.

I lost a cat to cancer, he was closer to 11, and we made the decision to put him down. It was one of the hardest things i've had to do as a pet owner, but looking back, i'm glad he went peacefully and I was able to be with him when it happened.

I hope this helps, i've been a cat owner my entire life, and I understand and feel for your position. I'm around if you want to talk or grieve, depending on how you move ahead here. I'm sorry you and your cat have to go through this.

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Impermanence is this existence. Cannot be escaped.

But I feel for your situation.

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Love them while you still can

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i understand it's a hard choice, but cats don't typically live a lot longer than 13 years as it is. you're not a failure if you gave him a good home for his whole life, and there's nothing to feel guilty about if you choose to let him go gracefully without lots of invasive surgery that would be hard on him. it's always sad when it's time, but pets aren't meant to last forever, all you can do is treat them kindly, and i personally think it's a fair and kind choice if you don't want to press on his lifespan, so to speak

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You've hit the nail on the head with regards to months of surgery, feeding through a tube, being surrounded by strange people in a strange place. I couldn't imagine what you're going through, but I wouldn't want that on my cat.

Best to give him a few final days/weeks of comfort, snuggles and all his favourite foods, and let him go peacefully with you holding him.

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you may be overestimating the severity of the treatment process

feeding tubes are not the only option--many animals can tolerate feeding via syringe, which is much less invasive and not painful.

it is of course possible that the underlying cause is related to something that isn't possible to cure, but the usual message is that if they make it through the emergency care, they'll recover from the initial liver failure

as far as the decision space, remember that the veterinarians are trained in pain management, and will have your pet on medicines that maximize their comfort

i've had one of my dogs go through a hemilaminectomy (spinal surgery to remove extruded disc) and the other a forelimb amputation at the shoulder for bone cancer. both were exceptionally well cared for and their pain kept to a minimum; both are very happy and symptom free now and i know i made the right choice.

your vet will guide you through this and help you make the right decision.

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MabusIncarnate posted...

That's a good life for a cat, and at his age, it would be perfectly reasonable and understandable to put him down. You made a valid enough point in your paragraph about the feeding tube and whatnot. Your cat wouldn't know or understand what was going on and would be terrified and miserable, which in itself is a terrible experience.

I lost a cat to cancer, he was closer to 11, and we made the decision to put him down. It was one of the hardest things i've had to do as a pet owner, but looking back, i'm glad he went peacefully and I was able to be with him when it happened.

I hope this helps, i've been a cat owner my entire life, and I understand and feel for your position. I'm around if you want to talk or grieve, depending on how you move ahead here. I'm sorry you and your cat have to go through this.

The main issue that i'm having is that this is the first time i've ever actually had the money to do the expensive, invasive option before putting a pet down.

Just 2 years ago i lost my dog because she had a lump in her stomach, it was essentially "I'm 70% sure it's cancer, and it would be another $700 in tests to find out for sure", so we made the decision to put her down.

Before that our other dog had a freak injury and slipped multiple discs, making him unable to use his back legs, the ER vet said "It'll be a $3000 surgery and months of rehab, or we can just put him down", so we put him down.

But now instead of the monetary question, i'm stuck with the ethical one.

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viewmaster_pi posted...

i understand it's a hard choice, but cats don't typically live a lot longer than 13 years as it is

This is the first cat I've had that's had any sort of major medical issue before 20.

Maybe I'm just spoiled, but I still feel like he's too young for this.

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Update: Vet called, said that the blood work definitely indicates some sort of liver issue, but they can't say exactly what the issue is without an ultrasound, and that the result would be the same either way, a week in the hospital and getting sent home with a tube, with no guarantees that it would even solve the problem.

Going to try and schedule an in home appointment to have him put down, i failed him.

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PepsiWithCoke posted...

Going to try and schedule an in home appointment to have him put down, i failed him.

No, you loved Mr. Kitty and did your best for him. Nothing else to do.

I'm terrified of something happening to my dog. He's only 5 but we can't afford treatment beyond about $500 and it would devastate my wife if something happened to him.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I hope you make the best choice for him.

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Honestly, this ends up being the hardest choice any one who loves their pets will have to make. I've asked myself plenty of times before "am I doing this because I think it's best for them, or because I'm afraid to let go?"

Your choice is entirely justified, TC. Our last cat died in a strange room with strange people without us and I still think about it from time to time

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Sucks man. I've not been in this position before but it's only a matter of time. I know you don't want to hear it now but there are a lot of cats out there looking for a good home so if you do decide to put your cat down then you can make some good out of this whole fucked up situation by homing another that needs it.

PepsiWithCoke posted...

But would I be doing what's best for him by putting him through hell, or would I be doing it to avoid putting myself through hell having to put him down.

Pretty much everyone in your position does the latter

You can't blame this on yourself. Sometimes shit happens that's out of your control
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Very sorry. Stay strong.

My dog of 11 years left us in February this year. He had kidney problems that came on suddenly. We made the choice to give him an amazing final day, with the whole family spending the entire 24 hours with him. We fed him lots of treats, we cradled him, cuddled him, slept with him under a shared blanket. We loved him as strongly as we could before taking him to the vet the next morning.

When he passed, we were all with him. We all had our hands on him. We each told him we loved him, and said our goodbyes.

It was an extremely hard choice. We could have had more days with him, maybe weeks, but he had a seizure the day before we decided, and he looked so scared of what was happening to him. We didn't want him to ever feel scared like that again, and there was nothing to really fix his problem, so... we let him go in peace.

It was the best decision we could have made. It was total, complete closure. We knew we loved him; we knew he loved us. I'm at peace, knowing he wasn't suffering, or lonely, or scared when he left.

I miss him, but my final memories are of loving him and making him comfortable. Not pain, not worry, not fear. It was oddly comforting to know what was coming, and that it was on our terms.

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darkmaian23 posted...

No, you loved Mr. Kitty and did your best for him. Nothing else to do.

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13 years is a very old age for a cat. You did great, no need to blame yourself.

whatever you end deciding, spend every single of his moments with you, that way you will have no regrets. Your kitty loves you and he will meet you at the rainbow bridge someday

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if you do out it to sleep make sure to stay with then until they are gone. dont leave them with the vet to do their thing.

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The way I'd see it is, combined with the low chance of it working out, how long would he have left if it does work out? And it doesn't sound like that remaining time will be overly great, either.

It absolutely sucks ass losing a pet, but honestly, if I were in your position I'd be thinking that it's nicest for him to let him go now, peacefully, rather than putting him through all that for little gain. I'd do the same if one of my birds was in a similar situation.

Also,

ModLogic posted...

if you do out it to sleep make sure to stay with then until they are gone. dont leave them with the vet to do their thing.

^ This.

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I'm sorry to hear. My cat is currently not using the litterbox either. We have a vet appointment on Friday.

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Another update: Vet is coming Saturday afternoon, I've spent the last 2 days going through every single thing I could have done differently and making myself miserable.

I feel like i'm giving up on him.

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And here's a picture from last Christmas, the first one since my dad passed last April, I spent the entire night doing a photoshoot with Kitty.




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I think putting him down is the right thing to do so he doesn't suffer any longer. He might come back as a human in the next life I'm not sure if that's an upgrade or not.

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tc, you didnt fail him. hes suffering, and youre choosing to end that. prolonging his pain through treatment
my little girl midnight was having complications from kidney failure at 14-15 years, and when my father called me he was in tears, telling me she was in pain. even though i wanted to get dressed and go down to the vet to see her one last time, i told him to go ahead and have her put to sleep because i didnt want her to suffer even a second longer than she had to

do not consider this a failure, you loved him and youre making the right choice to guarantee that he wont be in pain anymore

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You're not a failure. You're a good person who feels a lot of compassion towards their pet.

PepsiWithCoke posted...

Another update: Vet is coming Saturday afternoon, I've spent the last 2 days going through every single thing I could have done differently and making myself miserable.

I feel like i'm giving up on him.

Later today we'll see.

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