Current Events > Should a trans person be upfront about being trans before sleeping with someone?

(+) Yeah! (+)

EffectAndCause posted...

But its NOT though. If I could flip a switch in my DNA and decide to be attracted to everyone and effectively double my dating pool I would, but it doesnt work like that.

This, exactly. It's not as easy as 'deciding' to be attracted to somebody if you just...aren't.

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Gobstoppers12 posted...

I hear plenty of people talking about this. And probably not saying what you would expect them to say.

Different circles, indeed.

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CyricZ posted...

Different circles, indeed.

People are different from one another. Who knew?

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AuroraUnit836 posted...

Why are there so many topics about trans people

To break up the conservative/Dave Chappelle/pitbull topics

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EffectAndCause posted...

But its NOT though. If I could flip a switch in my DNA and decide to be attracted to everyone and effectively double my dating pool I would, but it doesnt work like that.

There are conventionally attractive, intelligent, charming transgender people who can have children out there who are physically indistinguishable from their cisgender counterparts. Blanket refusals to even entertain the possibility of dating someone who is transgender is borne out of transphobia, just as No Asians on peoples dating app profiles is an expression of racism.

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CyricZ posted...

Different circles, indeed.

see, posts like this obviously implies youre saying something more about Gobs character without actually saying it. There is absolutely no reason to insinuate someone is vile just because he has a different experience of the type of conversations he had with people, you would be sitting here all day if thats enough for you
consider a person might have heinous tendencies. Just completely unnecessary to insinuate stuff like about someone, but it happens routinely on CE by the same handful of posters over and over.

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David1988 posted...

see, posts like this obviously implies youre saying something more about Gobs character without actually saying it. There is absolutely no reason to insinuate someone is vile just because he has a different experience of the type of conversations he had with people, you would be sitting here all day if thats enough for you
consider a person might have heinous tendencies. Just completely unnecessary to insinuate stuff like about someone, but it happens routinely on CE by the same handful of posters over and over.

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

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Shablagoo posted...

There are conventionally attractive, intelligent, charming transgender people who can have children out there who are physically indistinguishable from their cisgender counterparts.

?

Has there been a major development that I'm not aware of?

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CyricZ posted...

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

He's right, you do it all the time. Backhanded comments, sly insinuations, loaded questions...It's a really unsavory habit you have, especially when you're trying to argue with somebody.

Just say what you mean, and say it directly.

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David1988 posted...

see, posts like this obviously implies youre saying something more about Gobs character without actually saying it. There is absolutely no reason to insinuate someone is vile just because he has a different experience of the type of conversations he had with people, you would be sitting here all day if thats enough for you
consider a person might have heinous tendencies. Just completely unnecessary to insinuate stuff like about someone, but it happens routinely on CE by the same handful of posters over and over.

I mean, hes spent this whole topic repeating how his views on transgender people have been deemed too hateful to escape moderation on this board.

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Its not a decision or whether or not youd date them. You seem to think that were attracted to transgenders and were simply choosing not to date them because were afraid well get made fun of or something. Like im literally physically not sexually attracted to them, I cannot decide that.

And as far as conventional attractiveness goes, my niece is a beautiful girl but I have no sexual attraction towards her.

And like I said before, if you suddenly found out a really hot girl was your sister, your attraction feelings would change immediately.

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Shablagoo posted...

Nope, like I said at the top of the post I dont think thats transphobic because youre applying it universally and not just to trans people.

When was the last time someone started a date with a demand that the other person provide a sperm count lab result? Or made them fill out a questionnaire about the regularity of their menses?

Because when you're dating the opposite sex it's assumed that you'll be able to procreate since it's rare that you're unable to. Pretending otherwise doesn't help any point you're trying to make

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CyricZ posted...

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

My apologies I just read your back and forth again, obviously by making such a comment you werent insinuating Gob runs with a circle of people that engages inappropriate or racist/transphobic conversation and that he himself has those proclivities. My sincere mistake, carry on

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Gobstoppers12 posted...

Just say what you mean, and say it directly.

Actually I already did, but I'll say it again.

People who feel they need to share that they're not attracted to trans people specifically are insecure and low-key transphobic at best. Bigoted at worst.

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EffectAndCause posted...

Its not a decision or whether or not youd date them. You seem to think that were attracted to transgenders and were simply choosing not to date them because were afraid well get made fun of or something. Like im literally physically not sexually attracted to them, I cannot decide that.

And as far as conventional attractiveness goes, my niece is a beautiful girl but I have no sexual attraction towards her.

And like I said before, if you suddenly found out a really hot girl was your sister, your attraction feelings would change immediately.

Not according to porn

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Shablagoo posted...

There are conventionally attractive, intelligent, charming transgender people who can have children out there who are physically indistinguishable from their cisgender counterparts. Blanket refusals to even entertain the possibility of dating someone who is transgender is borne out of transphobia, just as No Asians on peoples dating app profiles is an expression of racism.

There are male born ppl that can give birth.
The internet lied to you

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CyricZ posted...

Actually I already did, but I'll say it again.

People who feel they need to share that they're not attracted to trans people specifically are insecure and low-key transphobic at best. Bigoted at worst.

That's dumb

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depends on the people in question. Personally, I don't care. If I'm attracted to someone, I'm attracted to them.

When it comes to other shit like "bUt wHaT aBoUt BiOLoGiCaL oFfSpRiNg?!" I don't care about that because I don't want kids \_()_/

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Gobstoppers12 posted...

?

Has there been a major development that I'm not aware of?

A lot of trans men have given birth. As for trans women, I think uterus transplants are on the horizon. A cis woman had the first one ~5 years ago. For a trans woman, the surgery will be more complex and invasive but I think well see it become commonplace within our lifetimes.

Regardless though, dating is about initial attraction. Like I said before, whens the last time someone asked for a doctors report on a womans menses schedule on the first date, or a mans sperm count lab results?

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ekie posted...

Because when you're dating the opposite sex it's assumed that you'll be able to procreate since it's rare that you're unable to. Pretending otherwise doesn't help any point you're trying to make

Most people don't date with any intention of reproducing in mind until much later into things. You're not even being dishonest, you're outright bullshitting about what everyone wants in a relationship.

EffectAndCause posted...

Its not a decision or whether or not youd date them. You seem to think that were attracted to transgenders and were simply choosing not to date them because were afraid well get made fun of or something. Like im literally physically not sexually attracted to them, I cannot decide that.

And as far as conventional attractiveness goes, my niece is a beautiful girl but I have no sexual attraction towards her.

And like I said before, if you suddenly found out a really hot girl was your sister, your attraction feelings would change immediately.

I'm sure it's not a choice when a racist guy finds out a girl is 1/8th black and suddenly is turned off. Because, you know. He's been conditioned to do so and it's hateful regardless of any intent or lack thereof.

Also, today I learned that trans women are the exact same thing as your sister. But wait, then how come the south disapproves of trans women? *Sweet Home Alabama intensifies*

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CyricZ posted...

Actually I already did, but I'll say it again.

People who feel they need to share that they're not attracted to trans people specifically are insecure and low-key transphobic at best. Bigoted at worst.

if they go out of their way to do so then yea I would agree, but its not like conversations dont spontaneously happen where these things are talked about, youre acting like even just mentioning that in conversation is somehow bigoted, which is absolutely fucking absurd

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NecroFoul99 posted...

Same as it ever was.

EffectAndCause posted...

I dont understand these results, there seem to be a lot more than 9 far left progressives on CE.

Is it because the poll is anonymous?

That's because you aren't allowed to post anything in a thread about trans people that disagrees in any way shape or form, even a simple "I disagree" or you get modded.

That's why those topics are 90% in agreement, but then whenever there is some type of poll the results are always the opposite.

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David1988 posted...

youre acting like even just mentioning that in conversation is somehow bigoted

Did I say that? I said "bigoted at worst".

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I feel like most people would have better reactions if it was said up front rather than found out after anything romantic/sexual happened.

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Gamerguymass posted...

That's because you aren't allowed to post anything in a thread about trans people that disagrees in any way shape or form, even a simple "I disagree" or you get modded.

That's why those topics are 90% in agreement, but then whenever there is some type of poll the results are always the opposite.

You mean the polls that never lock it to one vote per IP, registered accounts only?

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gunplagirl posted...

Most people don't date with any intention of reproducing in mind until much later into things. You're not even being dishonest, you're outright bullshitting about what everyone wants in a relationship

Whether later or initially it doesnt matter. Yeah not everyone wants kids the basic genetics suggests that attraction in most instances outside of homosexuality are driven by the need to procreate and continue the species. Just because there are exceptions doesn't mean there's no rule. So if you're dating someone and they never told you that they were trans until ten years later when you're married and might want a child, breaking the news that you used to be a man probably isn't gonna go well.

Which is why you should be upfront and truthful asap


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CyricZ posted...

Did I say that? I said "bigoted at worst".

but definitely transphobic right?

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ekie posted...

Which is why you should be upfront and truthful asap

Exactly. You should tell any prospective partner "I won't date trans people."

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David1988 posted...

but definitely transphobic right?

That's what I said. Problem?

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CyricZ posted...

That's what I said. Problem?

where the distinction between being transphobic and being a bigot in your mind? I thought the two were synonymous.

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ekie posted...

Whether later or initially it doesnt matter. Yeah not everyone wants kids the basic genetics suggests that attraction in most instances outside of homosexuality are driven by the need to procreate and continue the species. Just because there are exceptions doesn't mean there's no rule. So if you're dating someone and they never told you that they were trans until ten years later when you're married and might want a child, breaking the news that you used to be a man probably isn't gonna go well.

Which is why you should be upfront and truthful asap

If that's an absolute requirement of yours the onus falls upon you. Jfc it's not that hard, learn to communicate like a functional human being.

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Oh its this topic again.

CE should just make a general for baiting trans people.

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gunplagirl posted...

Because, you know. He's been conditioned to do so and it's hateful regardless of any intent or lack thereof.

But I havent been conditioned to hate transgender people at all. Im simply not physically attracted to them because thats how I was born.

gunplagirl posted...

Also, today I learned that trans women are the exact same thing as your sister.

Im saying the logic of BUT THEYRE CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE doesnt always matter, as evidenced by a hot sister.

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David1988 posted...

where the distinction between being transphobic and being a bigot in your mind? I thought the two were synonymous.

Intent, typically. You can totally be transphobic (or homophobic or racist) without malice or forethought.

This brings me back to my earlier post where people take severe objection to being called transphobic, like they were called "literally Hitler" or something. There are degrees to these kinds of things, and honestly, the less deep you're in, the easier it is to recognize your circumstances and course correct.

But it often requires someone to point it out, and it definitely requires self-reflection and recognition.

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gunplagirl posted...

If that's an absolute requirement of yours the onus falls upon you. Jfc it's not that hard, learn to communicate like a functional human being.

Telling people to learn to communicate while trying to defend hiding your trans status from a potential partner.....mmmhm

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gunplagirl posted...

You mean the polls that never lock it to one vote per IP, registered accounts only?

You say that like the general population doesn't overwhelmingly decline when polled on whether or not they'd date a trans person.

Getting a sub-10% "yes" tally here seems about what one should expect.

ekie posted...

"Im sorry I gave you covid but you never proclaimed you wouldnt date someone with it though!"

Hey we're pretending being trans is a disease again, just like that poster said before (I can't find the post).

ekie posted...

Telling people to learn to communicate while trying to defend hiding your trans status from a potential partner.....mmmhm

Why do you feel it's not the responsibility of the person who doesn't want to date trans people to make that clear?

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Gamerguymass posted...

That's because you aren't allowed to post anything in a thread about trans people that disagrees in any way shape or form, even a simple "I disagree" or you get modded.

That's why those topics are 90% in agreement, but then whenever there is some type of poll the results are always the opposite.

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'Scuse me while I pour one out for my brothers finding it harder and harder to be openly transphobic these days.

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CyricZ posted...

Hey we're pretending being trans is a disease again, just like that poster said before (I can't find the post).

Why do you feel it's not the responsibility of the person who doesn't want to date trans people to make that clear?

Because based on the percentages it should be assumed that they are not. I know you live on the internet and think that trans people make up 50% of the population but in reality that's not the case.

Proclaiming that you don't date trans people or you don't date furries or you don't date whatever other subcategory there is that doesn't even make up 10% of the population on every date that you go out on would actually be psychotic and obsessive and weird.

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EffectAndCause posted...

Im saying the logic of BUT THEYRE CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE doesnt always matter, as evidenced by a hot sister.

I feel like tagging this person would make sense

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EffectAndCause posted...

But I havent been conditioned to hate transgender people at all. Im simply not physically attracted to them because thats how I was born.

Im saying the logic of BUT THEYRE CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE doesnt always matter, as evidenced by a hot sister.

Nobody is born attracted or not attracted to anyone because a newborn lacks the facilities to process any sort of attraction whatsoever.

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ekie posted...

Because based on the percentages it should be assumed that they are not. I know you live on the internet and think that trans people make up 50% of the population but in reality that's not the case.

It might be more accurate to suggest he lives, specifically, on Gamefaqs.com.

ekie posted...

Because based on the percentages it should be assumed that they are not.

So because the majority wants it, that makes it right?

I seem to recall some times historically where that wasn't the case.

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CyricZ posted...

Intent, typically. You can totally be transphobic (or homophobic or racist) without malice or forethought.

This brings me back to my earlier post where people take severe objection to being called transphobic, like they were called "literally Hitler" or something. There are degrees to these kinds of things, and honestly, the less deep you're in, the easier it is to recognize your circumstances and course correct.

thats reasonable, but at the same time I think you have to realize the connotations of being called transphobic, the way the word is normally used as a way to insinuate theres something vile about a persons character, not just that they have certain discriminatory proclivity without malice or hatred. I get saying someone is transphobic doesnt literally mean that, but thats how its generally used. Some people, especially online, just enjoy to insinuate other people are being vile by using words like that, Im not sure if you do that as well, but imo its important to carefully use strong words like transphobic given it can be interpreted as saying more than its actually saying.

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ekie posted...

Telling people to learn to communicate while trying to defend hiding your trans status from a potential partner.....mmmhm

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This

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fr_e_shavoca_do posted...

their "status" of being a woman?

Sure buddy
fr_e_shavoca_do posted...

their "status" of being a woman?

Bait is bait

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