Poll of the Day > welcome to the library of chelsea's intrusive thoughts

(+) Yeah! (+)

I hate it when fast food employees call me boss.

You know I'm not the boss

---

This is just for me:

I like the idea of having a buck circuit that uses a relay instead of a mosfet. It just clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick pretty quietly, incredibly fast, and just constant once it's done, the relay is just a opened up to be nothing but powdered copper inside.

how can you put that straw up your nose, when you know how coke is manufactured

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

how can you put that straw up your nose, when you know how coke is manufactured

Facts

---

what do you do for intrusive thought inspiration? going out in public usually works well but i'd rather not do that

---

tfw the brow ridge is pronounced

UltraIchi posted...

what do you do for intrusive thought inspiration? going out in public usually works well but i'd rather not do that

i dont seek these out lol

---

ive thought about the line 'fairy lives don't matter today' from the movie bright once a week or so for the past 4 years. yikes

---

If I was abducted by an alien to be treated like a pet, and I could only eat kibbler-sized food out of a bowl, I would probably eat curry. Lots of variation, it's good, but it would be human wet food.
Some other good options are popcorn chicken, sushi, dumplings, ravioli, tiny finger sandwiches, or any other fingerfood.

chelsea_wtf posted...

ive thought about the line 'fairy lives don't matter today' from the movie bright once a week or so for the past 4 years. yikes

Ain't that a bar

---

shadowsword87 posted...

If I was abducted by an alien to be treated like a pet, and I could only eat kibbler-sized food out of a bowl, I would probably eat curry. Lots of variation, it's good, but it would be human wet food.
Some other good options are popcorn chicken, sushi, dumplings, ravioli, tiny finger sandwiches, or any other fingerfood.

Humanity will benefit greatly from your insight

---

having one of those jesus christ please cut me down type days

---

Something I honestly really like about the MtG community is if you're playing a game, and you're not sure about a rules interaction, you can raise your hand and ask for a judge. If there are enough nerds around, someone will come over and help out and be an unbiased 3rd party. They don't need to be a judge, any sort of official person, or anything else, they just know the game pretty well and want to help out and make sure things are handled correctly.
I honestly can't think of another game that has this sort weird sub-community in it, and it's pretty cool.

shadowsword87 posted...

Something I honestly really like about the MtG community is if you're playing a game, and you're not sure about a rules interaction, you can raise your hand and ask for a judge. If there are enough nerds around, someone will come over and help out and be an unbiased 3rd party. They don't need to be a judge, any sort of official person, or anything else, they just know the game pretty well and want to help out and make sure things are handled correctly.
I honestly can't think of another game that has this sort weird sub-community in it, and it's pretty cool.

shadowsword87 posted...

Something I honestly really like about the MtG community is if you're playing a game, and you're not sure about a rules interaction, you can raise your hand and ask for a judge. If there are enough nerds around, someone will come over and help out and be an unbiased 3rd party. They don't need to be a judge, any sort of official person, or anything else, they just know the game pretty well and want to help out and make sure things are handled correctly.
I honestly can't think of another game that has this sort weird sub-community in it, and it's pretty cool.

imo this is because explaining the rules of magic is much more fun than actually playing it

it is nice though!

---

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before somewhere on this board but it's been on my mind again so I'm gonna dump this here.

I've been kinda questioning my sexuality, I've identified as Bi since I was a teen(now 24) but I have no experience with my same sex so I've always been really heistant to actually call myself bi, and it makes me feel... I don't know, wrong in a way? Like I shouldn't call myself that because I've never been entirely sure and don't have experience, this might be TMI but I have a harder time finding other guys attractive and getting off to them, and most of the ones I do find attractive are feminine 90% of the time. Weirdly I like gay furry bara art though.

I feel uncomfortable interacting with other gay people because I'm terrified that I'll like, be outed as a fake or if I ever do get into a sexual/romantic situiation with another guy I'll find that I don't like guys or something weird.

I've talked to another person regarding this and they feel the same way but they also admitting to having more experience than I have so I recognize this is probably normal but again I felt the need to dump my thoughts somewhere.

Cruddy_horse posted...

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before somewhere on this board but it's been on my mind again so I'm gonna dump this here.

I've been kinda questioning my sexuality, I've identified as Bi since I was a teen(now 24) but I have no experience with my same sex so I've always been really heistant to actually call myself bi, and it makes me feel... I don't know, wrong in a way? Like I shouldn't call myself that because I've never been entirely sure and don't have experience, this might be TMI but I have a harder time finding other guys attractive and getting off to them, and most of the ones I do find attractive are feminine 90% of the time. Weirdly I like gay furry bara art though.

I feel uncomfortable interacting with other gay people because I'm terrified that I'll like, be outed as a fake or if I ever do get into a sexual/romantic situiation with another guy I'll find that I don't like guys or something weird.

I've talked to another person regarding this and they feel the same way but they also admitting to having more experience than I have so I recognize this is probably normal but again I felt the need to dump my thoughts somewhere.

I've had similar thoughts, and honestly, I don't really care. I don't define myself by my sexuality, I have an SO who I love dearly, and what I jerk off to doesn't matter. I'm not looking to date anyone, it's as useful of a defining feature of who I am as the car I drive.

Cruddy_horse posted...

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before somewhere on this board but it's been on my mind again so I'm gonna dump this here.

I've been kinda questioning my sexuality, I've identified as Bi since I was a teen(now 24) but I have no experience with my same sex so I've always been really heistant to actually call myself bi, and it makes me feel... I don't know, wrong in a way? Like I shouldn't call myself that because I've never been entirely sure and don't have experience, this might be TMI but I have a harder time finding other guys attractive and getting off to them, and most of the ones I do find attractive are feminine 90% of the time. Weirdly I like gay furry bara art though.

I feel uncomfortable interacting with other gay people because I'm terrified that I'll like, be outed as a fake or if I ever do get into a sexual/romantic situiation with another guy I'll find that I don't like guys or something weird.

I've talked to another person regarding this and they feel the same way but they also admitting to having more experience than I have so I recognize this is probably normal but again I felt the need to dump my thoughts somewhere.

its much easier to be attracted to men when theyre fictional or totally unattainable (like celebrities). lotta lesbian fujoshi out there for example. sexual attraction is a spectrum anyway and it doesnt have to fit anyone elses labels. e.g. i simply identify as a 'female f-slur' and refuse to elaborate further when ppl ask me questions

---

shadowsword87 posted...

I've had similar thoughts, and honestly, I don't really care. I don't define myself by my sexuality, I have an SO who I love dearly, and what I jerk off to doesn't matter. I'm not looking to date anyone, it's as useful of a defining feature of who I am as the car I drive.

I agree, but it still bothers me to an extent.

chelsea_wtf posted...

its much easier to be attracted to men when theyre fictional or totally unattainable (like celebrities). lotta lesbian fujoshi out there for example. sexual attraction is a spectrum anyway and it doesnt have to fit anyone elses labels. e.g. i simply identify as a 'female f-slur' and refuse to elaborate further when ppl ask me questions

yeah I hate saying I'm Bi anyway for other reasons, I wish being gay was more normal already to the point where I can imply I like guys without someone raising an eyebrow.

also the 'worrying about not being gay/bi/trans enough' thing is super common btw. it's (usually) pretty irrational in the context of those kinds of social interactions, because most lgbt spaces are really against gatekeeping people's identities like that. idk what kind of area you live in though

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

also the 'worrying about not being gay/bi/trans enough' thing is super common btw. it's (usually) pretty irrational in the context of those kinds of social interactions, because most lgbt spaces are really against gatekeeping people's identities like that. idk what kind of area you live in though

Yeah as I alluded to I recognize that these are likely common thoughts to most and just my anxiety and insecurity acting up, I have a ton of issues regarding socializng with people. One instance though I did talk to another LGBT person though about this and they called me "weird" for not having any experince so that really stuck in my brain.

ahh, that sucks. there's nothing wrong with not having experience. shitty thing of them to say and im sorry you had to hear it
lots of people aren't sure exactly what they want until they get more experience with it, and it can be really daunting if you aren't sure so its kind of a double bind.

not exactly the same but i really struggled with trying to understand my transness before i was out to anybody because i was so anxious about coming out to anyone and then realizing it was a mistake. i had to really confront this idea i had that it would be a horrible embarassing thing if i thought i was trans but then realized i wasn't.

---

i am beaming my thoughts directly to you. yes, you reading this right now. please confirm receipt

---

Received

---

what do you think

---

I wouldn't worry about it

---

screenburned so bad i dreamt link wouldnt sell me his truck because im a f-slur. he texted me back an old pic of me and said 'if you wanna pick up a man i here there are lots of homosexuals at the bar'

---

im annoying

---

really wanted to stop swimming a lot the past couple weeks up until like 2-3 days ago. im better now but wow that was really bad for a bit. i was reading trans hate forums like 4-5 hours a day and feeling totally worthless and miserable. was way too low energy to do anything about it but the ideation was so strong. like definitely the worst its been since dec 2019 when i started accepting i was trans

---

im going to try touching grass tomorrow (its a hippa violation to ask me how long its been since the last time i went outside btw)

---

Isn't Chelsea the character which dies a horrible, HORRIBLE death in Agame ga kill?

---

idk i dont watch anim

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

screenburned so bad i dreamt link wouldnt sell me his truck because im a f-slur. he texted me back an old pic of me and said 'if you wanna pick up a man i here there are lots of homosexuals at the bar'

Geez

What do you get out of going on trans hate forums? I'm cis but I had to stop going on 4chan cause all the transphobia was too pathetic to tolerate

---

UltraIchi posted...

What do you get out of going on trans hate forums? I'm cis but I had to stop going on 4chan cause all the transphobia was too pathetic to tolerate

its like a form of self-harm i guess? it makes me feel bad and i sometimes feel compelled to feel bad about myself

---

I did find my mental health improved when I stopped checking that site. Despite me feeling compelled to "know my enemy" for safety reasons.

IronBornCorps posted...

I did find my mental health improved when I stopped checking that site. Despite me feeling compelled to "know my enemy" for safety reasons.

I used to use 8Chan before the shooting incident for its furry board, it wasn't terrible like /pol or anything and had decent people but after the site shut down I honestly started feeling better. Everyone I know that still uses 4chan is batshit insane and extremly negative or bigoted

its so annoying how left-handed people want special rights, like being allowed to use their left hand in sports. they have the same right to use their right hand as everyone else

---

chelsea write a poem without using the f-slur challenge

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

write a poem without using the f-slur

I do not understand how this would be difficult, in general.
---

EclairReturns posted...

I do not understand how this would be difficult, in general.

it just ends up in all my poems at some point

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

im annoying

just means you arent boring

---

And so yet another day of catastraphizeing amd blaming myself for past trauma has drawn to a close, and now I begin the nightly ritual of doing the same thing, but while I try to sleep.

i look pretty today

---

GTA: Terre Haute

---

im gonna call an ffs surgeon to schedule a consult tomorrow. really nervous idk why. spent a bunch of time comparing them in a huge spreadsheet and i think i know the one i wanna use. he's in SF so i'll have to fly out there but i have friends in the area at least

---

it would be cool if i could have sex without it feeling like installing linux on a desktop pc. or if i could at least get the sound working right

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

im gonna call an ffs surgeon to schedule a consult tomorrow. really nervous idk why. spent a bunch of time comparing them in a huge spreadsheet and i think i know the one i wanna use. he's in SF so i'll have to fly out there but i have friends in the area at least

Good luck, hope he doesn't disappoint

---

(fiction)

when i was 14 my mom got me a cat. my older brother killed it to drink its blood. when i started crying he called me a little bitch and told me to come drink some too. i couldn't do it in front of him, not after that, but the blood called me out too. that night i dug it out of the trash and desperately licked up the coagulated mess that was left. i felt it whispering in my ear -- that my destiny was to be powerful, to demolish the artifice of human life. i was driven by a force older than them. my birthright was to consume and control.

i don't want to be me anymore -- if it takes annihilation to drive this curse out of me then that's what it will take. Ive tried everything else. this silver crucifix around my neck gives me a rash. this garlic makes me throw up. the sun gives me hives. abstaining just makes the hunger louder. nothing makes it stop

i drank my own blood in the bathroom last night. Somehow it took me minutes to find the vein. with other animals the blood is always so obvious to me, I can't stop seeing it if i try. the blood was unfulfilling and unpleasant. like drinking my own waste. but the way it hurt me really helped

---

i write a ton of stuff but i never show it to anyone bc its all really god-awful. im trying to start showing it to people even though it sucks, bc its interesting hearing what people say about it

---

chelsea_wtf posted...

it would be cool if i could have sex

i know right

---

the cool thing about being sort of cute in a non-passing way, self-loathing, and moderately attracted to men is that i have easy access to very bad sex. i dont evne have to remove 'T4T only' from my grindr profile when im down that bad bc men just ignore it anyway lol

---

All sex is bad but maybe not very bad

---