Current Events > Any alcoholics or recovering alcoholics out there?

(+) Yeah! (+)

When did you realize you were an alcoholic?

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I basically always knew, I just had to nosedive my life a few times before I wanted to do something about it.

I'll hit two years next month.

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Let me tell you a story.

Its about how I met your mother.

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Alteres posted...

Let me tell you a story.

Its about how I met your mother.

Rekt

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*raises hand*

been dry for just over 11 years now.

i probably "knew" long before i admitted it to myself. by the time i was honest with myself i had been getting drunk every day for months on end. then it took another ~2.5 years before i finally did something about it.

i'm happy to talk about this as much as you want, or to answer any questions you may have.

DrizztLink posted...

I'll hit two years next month.

FUCK YEAH DRIZZT! nice job and keep that shit up.

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Giant_Aspirin posted...

*raises hand*

been dry for just over 11 years now.

i probably "knew" long before i admitted it to myself. by the time i was honest with myself i had been getting drunk every day for months on end. then it took another ~2.5 years before i finally did something about it.

i'm happy to talk about this as much as you want, or to answer any questions you may have.

FUCK YEAH DRIZZT! nice job and keep that shit up.

how did the need to drink feel?

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I'm more of a drunkard.

Alcoholics need to drink.

Drunkards like to drink.


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Former. Only really realised it in hindsight, at the time I just "liked to drink a lot". I eventually switched to a certain other substance, and was much better off mentally for it.

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1NfamousACE_2 posted...

how did the need to drink feel?

i was very much physically addicted to alcohol and i was experiencing withdrawal every day i actually went into work. my anxiety was through the fucking roof all day long, like even teeny tiny little 'surprise' sounds made me jump. i had cold sweats and mild shakes (DTs). i literally threw up every morning, then i'd drink water to hydrate and i'd throw that up in about 2 minutes. that cycle repeated every morning for about 30 minutes while i contemplated whether i was going to go to work that day or not. the thought of having a drink was in the back of my mind non-stop all day. then, after work, i'd drive to the grocery store across the street, buy my long island iced tea and pour some into my coffee mug to alleviate the shakes as i drove home. then i'd spend all evening drinking. rinse, repeat, every day for like 2.5 years.

it was an absolutely miserable existence. and it was very strange relationship i had with alcohol because the only thing that could make me feel better was the same thing responsible for my misery.

i can't really tell you what caused me to stop. one day i just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and resolved to stop. i went to the ER the next morning to detox and haven't had a drink since. my journey to sobriety had a LOT of failures along the way, that was not my first attempt.

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I've been an alcoholic for about 16 years now.

I've always known it and never tried to hide it but I try to pretend like it's not a big deal because I can still hold down a job and support myself.

I'm probably gonna die in my 40s though.
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1NfamousACE_2 posted...

how did the need to drink feel?

I have never felt something stronger.

At my worst I could feel it in my goddamn eyes.

It's a ridiculous statement yet I'm sure Aspirin knows exactly what I mean.

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a-c-a-b posted...

I try to pretend like it's not a big deal because I can still hold down a job and support myself.

it seems like you know this isn't true. hope you come around one day because life can be so much better.

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Yeah. I probably should quit doing it soon. From June 8 - August 8th of this year I only drank for 2 days during that span (on the day I got engaged to celebrate, and my fiancee's birthday).

I picked the habit back up in August. Didn't help that the Hurricane Ida knocked our power out for a week and there wasn't anything else to really do, then my birthday was in September. I've been going pretty hard for a couple months now.

I kinda have self-esteem issues about it and kind of ashamed but I haven't had the motivation to do anything about it. I still have a loving relationship with my fiancee (who only drinks occasionally) and my family, I still get up and go to my job on time and am productive, I still get my bills paid and chores around the house done and take care of my pets and I'm far from a violent drunk, I'm more of the chatty giggly kind of drunk. So my coping mechanism is that I haven't screwed my life over and I can afford it financially and I still stay on top of my responsibilities.

But I still feel like shit a lot of times in the morning, it can't be healthy to drink a 12 pack of 6% beer everynight and then a pot of coffee per day starting in the morning. I think my problem is I get bored because my fiancee is often working nights so when I get home I mostly just browse online or play games and idk it's funner with a drink in my hand, or it just doesn't feel right without it. Plus I'm naturally very introverted and alcohol helps me open up to be more social and ease the anxiety, I think that's the biggest thing.

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WaterLink posted...

Plus I'm naturally very introverted and alcohol helps me open up to be more social and ease the anxiety, I think that's the biggest thing.

using alcohol to allow myself to "open up socially" was one of the big appeals to me. like you, i am pretty introverted and have some mild anxiety (or at least, i used to). i find that caffeine can be a good substitute for booze WRT making me more social. if i have a good coffee buzz going on, i really like to talk and i'm far less shy. i'll brew myself a nice cup before heading out to a social function, or i'll order caffeine in some form when i get there and sip on that instead of a drink.

i do a few other things to help mitigate the anxiety, which has basically subsided and i don't notice it anymore.

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Thank you guys for your insight on this issue

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wickerman posted...

I have no idea, tbqh, but, what people say is that it's hard to people to realize it, because they tend to think they can stop whenever they want to.

Do you drink in weekdays? Alone? How much?

i drink whenever, and sometimes alone.

And when I drink at home, about a pint.

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Im a relative of a recovering alcoholic

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When I showed up to court for jury duty still drunk from the night before. And then those assholes actually picked me to be in a jury

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I keep telling myself I'll hit that bottom and quit eventually, but that's been something I've been lying to myself for over 15 years. 10 years ago I had a (benign) brain tumor, and as a result, I have to take seizure medicine. Alcohol fucks with it. My most recent escapade was going with my boss when he was in trial and seizing out right there in front of the jury. That was about a month ago.

I've been getting the seizures more frequently since my drinking has amped up again but I guess I just don't care enough. Maybe someday.
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Giant_Aspirin posted...

i was very much physically addicted to alcohol and i was experiencing withdrawal every day i actually went into work. my anxiety was through the fucking roof all day long, like even teeny tiny little 'surprise' sounds made me jump. i had cold sweats and mild shakes (DTs). i literally threw up every morning, then i'd drink water to hydrate and i'd throw that up in about 2 minutes. that cycle repeated every morning for about 30 minutes while i contemplated whether i was going to go to work that day or not. the thought of having a drink was in the back of my mind non-stop all day. then, after work, i'd drive to the grocery store across the street, buy my long island iced tea and pour some into my coffee mug to alleviate the shakes as i drove home. then i'd spend all evening drinking. rinse, repeat, every day for like 2.5 years.

it was an absolutely miserable existence. and it was very strange relationship i had with alcohol because the only thing that could make me feel better was the same thing responsible for my misery.

i can't really tell you what caused me to stop. one day i just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and resolved to stop. i went to the ER the next morning to detox and haven't had a drink since. my journey to sobriety had a LOT of failures along the way, that was not my first attempt.

I get that way at times. I can't describe how rough it is, but I can't describe how easily it all goes away when it does. When I'm sick, I have to talk myself into just being able to survive it. A few days later, it's like it never happened. Neither of those feelings are real. That's the strange part. Mortality only matters when I'm in a vulnerable state it seems.

I could not do the whole AA thing though even if I was committed to stopping permanently. The clash of ideologies is just irreconcilable. There are other programs though which are more catered to my type of mind, so I am confident that if I committed to quitting, I would be able to find something that works for me, without having to sacrifice my identity in the process.

Such thoughts are often present but to varying degrees in the sense of mental forefront vs. back of the mind. I suppose time makes them more real and relevant.

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**NO OFFENSE TO AA MEMBERS**

Definitely not for me either. Everyone seems to one-up each other and talk about religion at the end. There are some clinical paths you can take which, from what I've heard, are solid
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yes

had an issue the last 4 years, bingeing as a (poor) coping strat due to chronic illness; escalated very badly when my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer in early 2021; decided i didn't want to be a drunk anymore, and i needed to face what was coming sober, or as close as i could get.

started doing AA via Zoom in May; i have lapsed 4 times, but not catastrophically, so i can't claim to have months or years sober.

but one day at a time eh?

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I hit two years sober back in June. I'd gone through various levels of drinking, from super heavy binge drinking as often as I could in my late teens to"casual" daily drinking in my early 20s before settling into weekend binge drinking in my mid 20s. I wasn't a daily drinker by the time I quit, so I legitimately did not see that I had a problem. I would even go through the list of characteristics of alcoholism on all kinds of health organization websites and see ten red flags but because I wasn't a daily drinker, I declared myself not to have a problem.

In reality, I was always craving a drink and miserable without, depressed and anxious until I got one. Then I couldn't stop myself with any level of certainty. The few times I successfully moderated made me more comfortable that I could control my drinking which led to me getting more out of control than ever. As I got older, hangovers and the depressive effects of alcohol got worse and taking a few "break months" to not only "cleanse" but to prove to myself I could go without just made it worse because every time I started to get a little clarity and objectivity on the matter, I threw myself back into a drink and reset the whole process.

I white-knuckled for a few months at the end of 2018 and picked up again after that; the last six months I drank were pure fucking hell. I've been through an awful lot in life and managed to get through it but that was the first time I ever felt like I was done. I knew if I kept drinking I wasn't going to last, the emotional chaos drinking caused was that awful. Even one drink would send me into the lowest depths I ever experienced, now starkly contrasted with the fact that I had made a lot of effort to overcome lifelong depression that kept me down. I started drinking to self medicate for everything I've been through but after I worked through all that and felt better, I still had the compulsion to drink and now it was drinking that was causing a vast majority of my suffering. I'd quit for a few weeks then something would come up, a birthday party or a big sports event, any excuse to get drunk and I'd get deeper into the drink than ever, which is really saying something.

The last night I drank, I blew hundreds of dollars I did not have to spend on anything, let alone alcohol and was extremely upset and disappointed with myself. Now, the money was a factor in that but it was a small part of it. I'd done that same thing countless times over the years and never gave a fuck. The difference is that for once, I truly did not want to do that. I was only supposed to go out for my friend's birthday and have a drink or two. However, after that first drink was gone, I knew there was no fucking way I was stopping at two and I started having this whirlwind of emotions. I was disappointed in myself because I knew where it was going and I shouldn't have even tried to have the one. Then I was hyped up because I figured, fuck it, if one drink made me feel bad, might as well go all out. If I'm gonna feel bad anyway, I'll make it worth it. As fun a night as it was, and it was, according to everyone else involved and not just my alcohol soaked brain, it was not worth the fallout.

I woke up the next morning still fairly drunk and gathered the pieces of the night before and once I realized what all had happened, I almost tried to kill myself. I blacked out right before going for it and honestly do not know how I managed to refrain because I'd never been so sure that death was what I wanted and I had everything ready to go. I woke up late in the day and wasn't even sure if that had happened but there was plenty of evidence. I went back to sleep and woke up the next day, trying to figure out what the fuck I was gonna do because I knew in a few days I was going to drink again and the same thing would happen, only I wouldn't survive that one.

Even after all that, I didn't think I was an alcoholic... because I wasn't a daily drinker. I hit up a friend who was in AA and told him I'd like to go to a meeting but immediately started having doubts. I played in my mind that it was just bad luck, just financial problems, just stress, all these things other than the insanely powerful and addictive poison I spent almost 15 years years conditioning myself to need. It wasn't until I got outside help that it really dawned on me that I have a problem, based solely on the fact that I wanted to control my drinking and simply could not even if my life depended on it.

Even now, I occasionally have to type it out like this to remind myself that I do have a problem because my brain still wants to come up with lies and fantasies about it not being that bad, even though it really was.


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recovering 3 months clean

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i p much knew in high school

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metallica846 posted...

Started drinking at 17, stayed VERY steady with it for 15 years. The last 3-4 years were an absolute nightmare on my mental and physical health ending in multiple hospitalizations and eventually 45 days of inpatient.

Two and a half years sober end of December. Feel much better now.

damn, why did you go to the hospital @metallica846 ? Lucky you had insurance.

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metallica846 posted...

My liver started failing. I was pretty much only consuming liquor for my caloric intake and I guess that starts to catch up with you after awhile. Who would have thought! I was having dizzy and fainting spells and severely dehydrated. Basically starving myself without realizing it.

I was using the hospital stays as a way to reset for 4-5 days and then start drinking when I got home. Rinse repeat, add in a seizure and eventually I had a come to Jesus moment on the last stay.

Nothing says "I like to party" like Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome.

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It's late-stage brain failure (essentially) brought on by a deficiency in a specific B vitamin (Thiamine, I think).

You basically only see it in life-ling eating disorders and alcoholics.

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wickerman posted...

wow. does that cause any long term effects?

the body has an amazing way of repairing itself, I guess, but eventually there's a limit :/

You basically stop having a memory.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I'm in remarkable shape considering how much I drank.

Liver, kidneys, blood pressure, it's all great.

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https://drunkard.com/05-03-are-you-an-alky/

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PrettyBoyFloyd posted...

https://drunkard.com/05-03-are-you-an-alky/

3.) Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?

To keep me from getting drunk? Who the hell drinks in hopes of not getting drunk? These guys got it all backwards. At about midnight I switch from beer to whiskey to get me drunker. Sheesh! And they claim to be alcoholics. Lightweights Anonymous is more like it.

I laughed probably more than I should have at this one

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