Current Events > So my wife is in the hospital with liver failure but..

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tripleh213
06/25/21 1:28:51 AM
#1:


I was going to file for divorce next month with the way that the marriage was heading. Obviously I can't go through with it now but I don't want to take care of her for the rest of my life. We have up and downs but mostly downs so I'm kinda stuck in a jam. I don't want her to die but I don't want her here either.
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haloiscoolisbak
06/25/21 1:29:37 AM
#2:


Sounds like an episode of curb your enthusiasm

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tripleh213
06/25/21 1:30:03 AM
#3:


Sounds like I'm fucked
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haloiscoolisbak
06/25/21 1:31:25 AM
#4:


Through sickness and illness til death do you part

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g0ldie
06/25/21 1:32:46 AM
#5:


did you two talk about you filling for divorce beforehand?

anyway, sounds like you're in a tough spot, but hopefully your wife pulls through, and you're able to settle things in an amicable way (when you feel ready).

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Dark_SilverX
06/25/21 1:33:16 AM
#6:


https://youtu.be/-oiqiYdWXiM

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R1masher
06/25/21 1:33:51 AM
#7:


You dont want to take care of her for the rest of your life?


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Shablagoo
06/25/21 1:35:34 AM
#8:


Rise up to meet da challenge, I hated my dad but took care of him on his deathbed

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tripleh213
06/25/21 2:58:10 AM
#9:


R1masher posted...
You dont want to take care of her for the rest of your life?


I'm 32 years old and I want to live my life. Before she was sick she wouldn't clean,barely cook and the sex was sparse. It had been like this for 2 years.
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CommonStar
06/25/21 3:08:12 AM
#10:


Does she have a strong support system like family and friends? Did you two talk about where the relationship was heading before this?
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Sajo
06/25/21 3:09:31 AM
#11:


tripleh213 posted...
2 years.
liver failure

Hmmmm..... =P

IMO you weren't happy before, you won't be happier now. Do what's best for you.


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ColdRainAndSnow
06/25/21 3:13:07 AM
#12:


How come sex wasnt more often? Why did she agree to marry if she could not love you in return

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tripleh213
06/25/21 4:05:13 AM
#13:


I think she just wanted my money. She says she loves me but doesn't show it.
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gunplagirl
06/25/21 4:19:23 AM
#14:


https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/

Have you tried getting help from others?

tripleh213 posted...
I think she just wanted my money. She says she loves me but doesn't show it.
You said she's sick and has been for years. Sometime doing household stuff isn't the only way to show their love.

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ExtremeLuchador
06/25/21 4:20:09 AM
#15:


I know plenty of guys whose wives/girlfriends bailed when they were laid up or laid off.

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sLaCkEr408___RJ
06/25/21 4:21:25 AM
#16:


When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.
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Flauros
06/25/21 4:26:00 AM
#17:


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SuspectWords
06/25/21 4:31:35 AM
#18:


Do what makes you happy. If you leave her in the state she's in now, you'll get a lot of flack. That'd be something you'd have to live with. Ultimately, people don't care. They just like to bitch about other people's lives. But if they don't, the people who have some type of honor or morals will probably just not like that if you decide to leave her. So do what works for you.
Also.
What you decide to do is going to be a part of your life history. If you ever get a new partner, you'd have to decide if you are going to open up about what happened at that point of your life.

It's your call.

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tripleh213
06/25/21 4:56:35 AM
#19:


So I stay with her ruining my life until she dies. I know it sounds like I'm a dick but I'm not a caretaker. I have my own needs that are not getting met.
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UnfairRepresent
06/25/21 4:58:54 AM
#20:


This was the backstory of Frost in A Touch of Frost

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tripleh213
06/25/21 5:14:41 AM
#21:


gunplagirl posted...
https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/

Have you tried getting help from others?

tripleh213 posted...
I think she just wanted my money. She says she loves me but doesn't show it.
You said she's sick and has been for years. Sometime doing household stuff isn't the only way to show their love.

Yea well I'm doing all the house work and cooking with no sex sorry.
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xAzNPimP4LiFex
06/25/21 5:19:22 AM
#22:


So what exactly was the appeal of marrying her if you hate her this much?

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chrono625
06/25/21 5:26:39 AM
#23:


xAzNPimP4LiFex posted...
So what exactly was the appeal of marrying her if you hate her this much?

Im sure things werent always like this before they got married.

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#24
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skermac
06/25/21 5:28:52 AM
#25:


Maybe give the marriage a second chance?

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tripleh213
06/25/21 6:02:29 AM
#27:


The problem is now I have to pay for her bills while she continues to live racking up more and more medical bills.
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rexcrk
06/25/21 6:11:25 AM
#28:


haloiscoolisbak posted...
Sounds like an episode of curb your enthusiasm


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SuspectWords
06/25/21 6:13:47 AM
#29:


It's your call man. I was in the same situation as you. Except my wife died. Yeah it was terrible for awhile.
But I accepted the loss. You might miss your partner if she dies. I know I have my moments.

Like I was saying. Do what YOU have to do. It's YOUR life. Just remember there are lasting lessons or consequences for your decisions. So think about it.

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#30
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tripleh213
06/25/21 6:15:53 AM
#31:


Yea it's called just having it in the first place
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VayneSolo
06/25/21 6:16:11 AM
#32:


I hope you're just trolling, TC.
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tripleh213
06/25/21 6:16:46 AM
#33:


No I'm serious and I'm very conflicted on what to do
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tripleh213
06/25/21 6:17:16 AM
#34:


Like she is going to bankrupt me
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cjsdowg
06/25/21 6:18:11 AM
#35:


I will address this as if you are not trolling.

After she gets out of the hospital, wait awhile and then file. Because if this truly is happening , you will not be giving her the help and support that she needs .

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Slayer_22
06/25/21 6:19:53 AM
#36:


CommonStar posted...
Does she have a strong support system like family and friends? Did you two talk about where the relationship was heading before this?

This is a pretty important question, TC.

If she has others that are willing to help, this would be much easier.

I wouldn't want to be in your situation, TC. Not at all.
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VayneSolo
06/25/21 6:30:00 AM
#37:


tripleh213 posted...
No I'm serious and I'm very conflicted on what to do
Morally, you can't leave her without support. It would be inhumane. If morals are not important to you, and hedonism is your way in life, file for divorce. Of course, if she can get a good lawyer you might be screwed as well.
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#38
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aspeakinghole
06/25/21 7:20:42 AM
#39:


tripleh213 posted...
So I stay with her ruining my life until she dies. I know it sounds like I'm a dick but I'm not a caretaker. I have my own needs that are not getting met.

Wow. If you're like this because she got ill then you must have never loved her.
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ExtremeLuchador
06/25/21 7:21:43 AM
#40:


Most married couples are lucky to have sex once a month when you get past age 35. I'm late-30s and I've run into a ton of women my age or older who have a small or dead libido.

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Nukazie
06/25/21 7:24:03 AM
#41:


tripleh213 posted...
Like she is going to bankrupt me
get those mfkin papers

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tripleh213
06/25/21 7:24:46 AM
#42:


Slayer_22 posted...
CommonStar posted...
Does she have a strong support system like family and friends? Did you two talk about where the relationship was heading before this?

This is a pretty important question, TC.

If she has others that are willing to help, this would be much easier.

I wouldn't want to be in your situation, TC. Not at all.

Yea she has others who would take care of her
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VayneSolo
06/25/21 7:42:15 AM
#43:


ExtremeLuchador posted...
Most married couples are lucky to have sex once a month when you get past age 35.
I've to agree with that. Sometimes, my wife reminds me that we don't have sex since forever and I'm like... "Yeah, that's true. We have to make up for it.". And then we have sex, life gets in the middle and another month passes.
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gunplagirl
06/25/21 7:53:27 AM
#44:


tripleh213 posted...
Yea well I'm doing all the house work and cooking with no sex sorry.
Damn, that's what literally anyone who is by themselves is expected to do in the first place.

You get zero empathy from me for wanting to leave your wife while she's sick because you can't get your rocks off.

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tripleh213
06/25/21 7:53:34 AM
#45:


Idk it just sucks. I can't seem to get ahead in life.
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gunplagirl
06/25/21 7:58:00 AM
#46:


That's what happens to most people under capitalism. If you actually love her at least you'd be getting something out of it. Meanwhile I have disabled friends who can't even marry because they'd lose all their benefits or else have them severely cut.

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ExtremeLuchador
06/25/21 8:01:34 AM
#47:


gunplagirl posted...
That's what happens to most people under capitalism. If you actually love her at least you'd be getting something out of it. Meanwhile I have disabled friends who can't even marry because they'd lose all their benefits or else have them severely cut.

I know guys who don't even get a second date when they reveal their sole income is $900 per month from Gov't Disability. So they don't have to worry about being married.

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kelemvor
06/25/21 8:13:55 AM
#48:


No shit the sex is sparse with a women with liver failure...

My wife only puts out once every few months and she's totally healthy. After marriage (and especially kids) they just stop caring, I thought all husband's deal with that.
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pikachupwnage
06/25/21 8:18:06 AM
#49:


I was ready to come in like "Thats terrible I'm sorry to hear that"

But uh this took a different turn then expected. Guess it sorta still applies in a different way?

But yeah slow down your plans. Get something setup for her care that doesn't require you and then when things are stable start.


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pick4six
06/25/21 8:19:36 AM
#50:


"Love is not just a emotion, it is action" you give 100% but she gives 0%, no sex that's not good and it's not even hard to fulfill

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gunplagirl
06/25/21 8:25:03 AM
#51:


pick4six posted...
"Love is not just a emotion, it is action" you give 100% but she gives 0%, no sex that's not good and it's not even hard to fulfill
You do realize liver failure would make vaginal and anal extremely painful, if not outright impossible, correct? And for that matter, depending on how she is day to day she couldn't even do oral.

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