Current Events > Wife feels she is entitled to half of my investment money, I don't..who's right?

(+) Yeah! (+)

So basically we have 1 joint account which we both put 50% of our paychecks into, and our own separate accounts for the other 50% which we can do whatever we want with. Now our agreement was always 50% of paychecks, we never said all income which I think is important.

Basically Ive been investing in crypto for the last 4-5 years with the goal of retiring early. We were together that entire time, but have only been married for the last 2 years now. So a huge portion of my investment came before we were married as well.

Shes seeing a bunch of people around us paying off their houses and buying cars from crypto investments and shes getting jealous. Wants me to pull out half of my investment and put it toward the house, I said no. Told her Im more than happy to share that money with her down the line, but Im not jeopardizing my retirement plans so we can pay off our house a little earlier.

Now in fairness I only make about 40k a year, she makes 100k and has paid an extra 2k a month on the house for these 2 years. Minus the last 3 months since we had a baby and she hasnt gotten maternity leave because she ****ed that up. So part of the issue is shes broke right now and staying home with the baby so shes going a bit crazy. I think it will be fine when she gets back to work.

In general she is also just terrible with money. She makes 100k a year and has 0 savings. She is now saying she is going to stop paying the extra 2k on the house and keep that money for herself, which Ive pointed out is not what we agreed to. I told her we can keep the extra 2k in the joint account and not put it toward the house, but 50% is supposed to go to that account.

Im not opposed to readjusting %s since she makes more than double what I make, but she only gets mad when I point out that even without investments I still manage to always have more money in my account then she does.

Im honestly at a loss as to how she spent 50k on her own this year anyway. She spent 10k on a car, and best I can tell 40k on random **** some how. She even spent more than that as she pulled out 401k money and spent it and now has to pay extra to put it back. Oh and also I didnt receive half of that 401k money, because I dont feel like its mine just like the investment money shouldnt be hers.

She has also had no income for the last 3 months, so Ive basically been paying everything which is more than the 50% I get, including like $400 a month into her 401k, but I havent complained about it 1 damn time.

Tell me Im not crazy CE, tell me my wife needs to chill the **** out.


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Does your wife have a secret gambling problem?

Her lack of being able to save is a huge red flag and what she's asking you to do is borderline financial abuse.

You're being reasonable in being open to renegotiating percentages going forward.
edit: you NEED to figure out what she's been spending all her money on.

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Draw a hard line and say no.

No shes never been to a casino. She lends her family money, constantly buys **** on Amazon on the daily. She paid off some credit cards and stuff as well, but thats just her spending money still so I dont know.

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If she's spending that much money and you don't know where it's going, then that's pretty suspect. My wife buys tons of shit, nowhere near $40k worth, and I definitely see the packages and the stuff and I know where that money is going

Forgive me if I sound harsh, but as her husband how the fuck do you not know where all her money is going to? I understand that's hers but at a certain point wouldnt you stop to think what kind of spending habits she has taken on?

If the shoe was on the other foot wouldnt she ask where all your money has gone? She seems to know all about your investments in crypto so why dont you know what shes spending all of her money on?

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sounds messy. id start consider adjusting the money arrangement and getting to the bottom of where all the money is going, regardless of who's. then talk about the future with one plan instead of being on separate plans right...


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First step I think would be to sit down with her and go over how she's been spending her money and figure out where it's going. Like why is she pulling money out of her 401k? Then start a budget plan.

I don't think you should be in the mindset of like following exactly what you agreed to like it's some sort of contract nor should there be specific roles for each partner in the relationship. You guys should be able to work together to see how you can cover each others short comings and try to solve your financial issues together.

Also is she not on unemployment?

DipDipDiver posted...

If she's spending that much money and you don't know where it's going, then that's pretty suspect. My wife buys tons of shit, nowhere near $40k worth, and I definitely see the packages and the stuff and I know where that money is going

She knows shes terrible with money and would be willing to go through all of it and see what it was spent on. I know for sure weve spent at least 10k off stuff from Amazon in the last 4-5 months. She bought furniture and baby stuff out the ass.

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Your wife is entitled to 50% of both of your assets combined.

This is why my main goal is to find someone who cares as little about money as I do. That shit sounds messy as fuck. I'd rather be a hippy.

My terrible advice that wouldn't work for anyone who isn't me is, Cash out and learn to live modestly and find out how to value things in life that aren't acquired with money.

I honestly would never be in your situation, so I have no idea. I find it upsetting when people count pockets and would of severed ties at earlier signs. But maybe the signs didn't pop up until later.

The confusing part to me is her holding you down, but also making no plan for the future. Like, how do you get to 100k salary while living that sloppy. You'd think she'd of built an exit strategy as someone business savy enough to get to 100k a year.

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CommonStar posted...

First step I think would be to sit down with her and go over how she's been spending her money and figure out where it's going. Like why is she pulling money out of her 401k? Then start a budget plan.

I don't think you should be in the mindset of like following exactly what you agreed to like it's some sort of contract nor should there be specific roles for each partner in the relationship. You guys should be able to work together to see how you can cover each others short comings and try to solve your financial issues together.

Also is she not on unemployment?

We will sit down and figure it out, just needed to vent a bit. Like I said I think she will be fine once she goes back to work and is making money again. She is still employed so cant get unemployment, she is a float nurse at 2 different hospitals and they dont get maternity leave.

She could have gotten short term disability but she messed it up by taking the 2nd hospital job. Went to full time in the 2nd job and part time on the first. 2nd job requires you to be there at least a year to get short term disability, but she was only there like 6-7 months prior to the baby coming.

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Also I worded it poorly in the op, this last year she made 100k because of 2 jobs. Prior to that she was making about 60k. And thats with her working a lot of overtime and extra pay with COVID stuff I think. Not sure if she will make 100k this year or not.

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If you're saving those investments for retirement then that's not really income you're able to spend (even if it's a simple matter to pull it out of the account vs. something like a 401k). It's almost like asking you to pull money out of a regular retirement account.

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metallica846 posted...

How much money would it be if you pulled 50% of your investments? Probably took a big hit this week too.

Right now around 40k, at the peak it would be probably 60k. Im planning holding for at least another 3 years though so Im not really concerned with where it is currently.

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I believe a court would take both of your worth together and split it down the middle.
So in a sense she is right except that her making double what you do means you would be the one to win support in a divorce.

Now, if the divorce word upsets you, you should be trying to please and negotiate with her. You are partners and share all you own. That is marriage.
That doesn't mean she is being reasonable. It means you gotta do extra work to explain to her why you are investing and how it will help you both.

Bro you're married so she can take 50% in a divorce. You better just keep her happy so she doesn't go searching for a lawyer.

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Question 1. Is she your wife?

Question 2. There is no question the answer is legally yes

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You should really make her be accountable for her spending though if she spent all her money she made the past year with a 100k salary assuming you buy food when you both go out and stuff.

Make a budget, stick to it.

I learned you both have to be all in or all out, and after marriage, it's just easier to budget all in

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Oh and try not to bring up who makes more than who or what not. People can take that the wrong way and only see it as their income being equated to their worth in the relationship and that can really hurt.

****

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Oh I know that, divorce isnt even in the discussion, its not nearly that bad at all. She is emotional in general and I think its just a combination of things. Shes broke and isnt making money, and seeing a lot of people she knows doing things with investments and its making her jealous.

She needed to be checked though, she basically was trying to throw her financial weight around by saying she contributes more then me so she should be entitled to my investments. She has calmed down now I think.

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Also, if you are investing wisely, the return on investment should outpace the interest on your house loan.

this isnt going to end well

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this is why me and my wife just pooled and shared our money from the beginning.

i mean if you wanna seperate your money thats fine, you do you, but me and my wife never argue about money.

well. spending money maybe, but certainly not who's it is.

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If she knows and admits to being bad with money then, I think you need to rather kindly point out to her that maybe she shouldn't be making money decisions for both of you.

In particular taking out of investment accounts to pay off a house while interest rates are as low as they are right now is very dumb. The best way to show her that is to compare the money you are making per dollar in your investment accounts compared to the the money you would be saving per dollar in interest payments. If you are decent at investing, and it sounds like you are, then your dollar will be going a lot farther in investments and she should be able to see that pretty easily.

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Youre definitely going to end up divorced
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Divorce your wife.

Cocytus posted...

Your wife is entitled to 50% of both of your assets combined.

This

that is how marriage works

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You better make sure you have all the receipts of what you invested before the marriage

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EnglishBullDoug posted...

Divorce your wife.

This is where I ended up but its too easy to just say shit things on CE.


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Shouldnt your retirement like include yer wife?

I wouldnt dump it into an asset that is owned by both of you if you arent planning like that

Maybe get a car under your name she can use too.. that or some kind of item thatll give you good returns like more property under your name that brings income for the both of you if possible >_>

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Also I actually just read your post and wtf as characterizing your wife as bad with money for having zero savings when she puts $2k extra PER MONTH towards your house

jesus fuck dude. How can you not see how that is very financially beneficial to you, while she is also probably doing that with the knowledge that you as a couple have your savings to fall back on if needed

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g980 posted...

Youre definitely going to end up divorced

Nah were good. She is a woman, so obviously shes prone to being emotional at times. Were happily married and just had a baby, this is the first time money has even come up in any kind of argument. She is bad with communicating when shes upset, once she calms down (which she has) shes just much easier to talk to.

She is fine now. Shes been dealing with a baby all week while Im at work, just needed to have a talk is all.

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TheGoldenEel posted...

Also I actually just read your post and wtf as characterizing your wife as bad with money for having zero savings when she puts $2k extra PER MONTH towards your house

jesus fuck dude. How can you not see how that is very financially beneficial to you, while she is also probably doing that with the knowledge that you as a couple have your savings to fall back on if needed

The extra 2k is from her putting in her 50% of her paychecks, not on top of her 50%.

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TheGoldenEel posted...

Also I actually just read your post and wtf as characterizing your wife as bad with money for having zero savings when she puts $2k extra PER MONTH towards your house

jesus fuck dude. How can you not see how that is very financially beneficial to you, while she is also probably doing that with the knowledge that you as a couple have your savings to fall back on if needed

Nah, hes right on this dude. Not having investments on a $100k sal is bad, but not having savings is just stupid.

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DeadlyNinjaBees posted...

Nah, hes right on this dude. Not having investments on a $100k sal is bad, but not having savings is just stupid.

She does has savings, because shes married to TC, who has savings


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What is sex like w/a woman like this? Is there any eye contact?

2021 and yall aint getting prenups?

Cmon dude. And no, I disagree. Shes not entitled to your money especially if she had proven she is bad with money.

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TheGoldenEel posted...

She does has savings, because shes married to TC, who has savings

Yeah,but she hasnt pulled her weight there. He did the heavy lifting on his pov wage.

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like, you agreed to put 50% of your salaries towards a joint account and since she makes well over twice as much as you shes contributing well over twice as much to your joint account, and somehow youre the one with the problem here?

wtf

to put numbers to this, TC, youre entitled to $30,000 more (pre-tax) money from her than youre contributing to the marriage, apparently, but shes not entitled to a slice of what is essentially your other income?

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TheGoldenEel posted...

like, you agreed to put 50% of your salaries towards a joint account and since she makes well over twice as much as you shes contributing well over twice as much to your joint account, and somehow youre the one with the problem here?

wtf

Bruh. Im a teacher and a coach and work 50+ hours a week. I make 40k a year, I put half in, invest, and still manage a little savings. Im pulling my weight. My investments are for retirement, not for making my wife happy we paid off our house early so I can keep working for 30 more years cause I lost my investments.

Retire in 4-5 years with house paid off, hell probably can buy a new house and pay it off too. Or pay off one now and work for another 30 years. Hard choice there.

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closetkpopfan posted...

Retire in 4-5 years with house paid off, hell probably can buy a new house and pay it off too. Or pay off one now and work for another 30 years. Hard choice there.

To be clear, this early retirement is going to be funded entirely by crypto? In 4-5 years from a $40k salary?

You both suck at money
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g980 posted...

To be clear, this early retirement is going to be funded entirely by crypto? In 4-5 years from a $40k salary?

You both suck at money

Been investing for 4-5 years now, got in pretty early so little amounts of money can be worth a lot. Do you not know how crazy the crypto market can be? You can turn 100 into 50k if you get lucky enough. Harder to do now obviously, but people have done similar or far better than that.

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Lol try not to dismiss her as being emotional. She might have some post-partum anxiety or depression going on.

Anyway glad youre working it out. We cant really tell you if shes entitled to it or not. Its a good idea to talk through this stuff pre-marriage, see where you both land on things like this. Thats why marriage counselling is always a good idea.

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MixedRaceBaby posted...

this is why me and my wife just pooled and shared our money from the beginning.

i mean if you wanna seperate your money thats fine, you do you, but me and my wife never argue about money.

well. spending money maybe, but certainly not who's it is.

I'm glad we did that too. Pooling and sharing everything has been very simple. It also helps that we both have the same views and philosophies around our finances.

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The framing of your financial arrangement just sounds kinda toxic to me, and it's worrying that I know more about my gfs finances than you seem to do about your wife's

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