Current Events > Damn, my bro's wife cheated and it cost him his career.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Hes a youth pastor and his wife cheated on him with some counseling guy at the church they both worked at. They let them all go but no other church will hire him now as they deem it detrimental to the position, violates their contract regarding morals, and obviously just dont want any impact socially from it...which they have a lot of kids involved with the church too.

He hasnt talked much to our family about the whole situation but I guess hes not looking to divorce for the kids.

Im trying to hold my tongue but IMO this is his free pass to start over in life. New career, could find a new relationship, make decent money vs shit for following his passion, and nobody would even judge him for splitting up his kids, moving, etc.

I get why but still cant believe his wife cheated and he got fired for it. Part of me is demented and immediately thought of an old pwned meme.


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https://youtu.be/JXRN_LkCa_o

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He would need more than decent money since if he gets divorced she would get half of it.

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RedWhiteBlue posted...

So the church is punishing him for something his wife did.... what the fuck?

Indirectly, yes. Since theyre married, they considered it a violation of their contract which due to religious ideals included family morals and relations. Basically, they view a family as a whole to the church, similar to how Priests cant get married for social reasons and all that. They allow marriage within this denomination but consider the whole familys actions and behavior.

Monolith1676 posted...

He would need more than decent money since if he gets divorced she would get half of it.

Thats uhh...not how that
works.

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https://youtu.be/P8KBj8HpOYY

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But yet the church has no problem simply moving around actual scummy pastors who touch kids. That's sad they wanna do that to him.

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Conker posted...

Indirectly, yes. Since theyre married, they considered it a violation of their contract which due to religious ideals included family morals and relations. Basically, they view a family as a whole to the church, similar to how Priests cant get married for social reasons and all that. They allow marriage within this denomination but consider the whole familys actions and behavior.

Thats uhh...not how that
works.

Yup it is. She can file for alimony.

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Damn, she fucked everything up.

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Monolith1676 posted...

Yup it is. She can file for alimony.

Depends on the state. If she cheated it might affect that.

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Monolith1676 posted...

Yup it is. She can file for alimony.

Tried to keep it simple, seems you just dont know much about how things work.

I know what alimony is, and it is awarded based on various factors. She technically was making more than him except she was only working part-time. If they both worked full-time, hed probably be able to receive alimony from her depending on their decisions regarding a divorce settlement.

Its also not just half, and its not forever.

You also have to consider, if he was making scraps at this job but kept it for social reasons, most of his pay now covered shit...so yeah, if he made even decent money and even half of it went to alimony, he could still net more than that job. Like, if his job didnt have perks for his family unrelated to money, he made under the poverty line.

So:

If you make $30k at your current job that you keep because you love what you do and help support a family with 5 kids, plus perks of working at a church helped them.

OR you go find a job that makes $50k+ simply to be a money making job but have to pay half of it to alimony. Hmm, yeah still dont see how it works out worse for him making decent money if he can now live solely himself off that half wage, rather than all $30k being used towards the family.

If his wife then worked a full-time job and they paid for childcare (or got help from grandparents rather than the church as they use to), theyd net more money with both of them working decent jobs.

She never worked full-time before because she liked that life around the church and socializing.

Not to mention there are varying degrees to how settlements work, including the reasons behind the divorce. So again, not how that works, its not just a flat half of his money will go to her. Also have to factor time of marriage, local laws, and stuff like that.

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smoke_break posted...

Damn, she fucked everything up.

Yeah, especially since she lived a pretty cooshy lifestyle socializing around the church and thats all gone.

Shes always been a stay-at-home mom (nothing wrong with that in itself) but working part-time a couple days a week doing events and such for the church.

Now shes lost her social support group and the handouts they often got from churchgoers...which based on my limited perspective was substantial. I mean, I paid $2000 to move the last time I paid a moving company just to haul my boxes in a truck, and I drove half our stuff. The church moved their familys entire house to a new house for them. Then some members donated an outdoor playset that would likely have cost a couple thousand dollars. They had basically free babysitting from volunteers when available. For years they had no rent and got to live in a house provided by the church, no utilities, etc. They did buy a home later, but all the other perks are gone.

Like, damn...what a shitty situation that will just overall end up being a resentful fuckup and hurt the kids.

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Conker posted...

He hasnt talked much to our family about the whole situation but I guess hes not looking to divorce for the kids.

Im trying to hold my tongue but IMO this is his free pass to start over in life. New career, could find a new relationship, make decent money vs shit for following his passion, and nobody would even judge him for splitting up his kids, moving, etc.

if your bro don't bail, then SUPER SMH

"yeah i'm gonna stay with the woman who cheated on me and things will be toxic AF between us which will 100% bleed into the kids' lives in God knows how many ways yada yada yada"

doesn't sound good for anyone tbh


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Religion is the main thing holding back progress in our society.

Infidelity is a legit reason for divorce

He should bail

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EmilyWillis posted...

if your bro don't bail, then SUPER SMH

"yeah i'm gonna stay with the woman who cheated on me and things will be toxic AF between us which will 100% bleed into the kids' lives in God knows how many ways yada yada yada"

doesn't sound good for anyone tbh

Exactly how I feel, but when Im vocal about stuff and they (family) think I give a damn they argue with me most of the time. So if I say anything hell probably be more likely to think its better to stay...just how its always been unfortunately with me.

(typing that out sounds like Im describing the way people respond to me on here lmao)

I know if I go in on him hes done with my opinion, so Im actually keeping my mouth shut about the whole thing unless he asks, at which point Im gonna say like two sentences to the point. Nothing will change my mind that he should divorce, even if the church he lost his job did have a package for him that included paid marriage counseling.

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If he's so against your opinion just use reverse psychology on him.

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Well, that's awful. I wonder if it's too far gone for them to mend things? It doesn't have to be the end of their marriage, but I don't know these people so eh.

Doesn't surprise me CE is a bunch of selfish bigots as usual.

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Fuck organized religion

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Jesus loves you!

In that shirt.

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Try to talk him out of staying with that nonsense. Just fucking, have him think about it. He lost his job because he was cheated on. Any system that runs on rules like that is just inherently stupid, and almost certainly covering up some kind of shady shit.

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IfGodCouldDie posted...

If he's so against your opinion just use reverse psychology on him.

That only works if you expect a person to not just be looking for validation of their own views and decisions though.

If someone has a set view and you try to use reverse psychology, theyll just use your opinion to validate theirs. Usually if I agree with my bro hell be like, Nice to not see you argue for once. If I actually disagree and support my view, he defaults to, you just have to argue about everything.

Theres no winning in the sense that I usually never argue about anything and just state my thoughts on something without any real conviction but people tend to see that as you telling them what to do or judging.

I honestly dont really care what he does in the sense that I dont see his family that much and whatever he chooses wont really impact myself or my family. It moreso just sucks to think hell be stuck in that situation, but its not like he doesnt have a choice and is willing to attempt to save the relationship. To me personally, thats a bitch move, but I can see both sides. To others it might be better off for numerous reasons in relation to not being selfish or sacrificing for family (kids dont need to know and if you get counseling to forgive and not resent, maybe someone can let it go). I can see both sides yet people always think youre just arguing for presenting multiple views. And if I just say this time the opposite of what I feel, I know hell just use it as support to be what I would see as a total bitch move.

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Convince him to join Satan's army.

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SuperShake666 posted...

Convince him to join Satan's army.

It's pretty good, hey. It's the oral sex that sells me on the role.

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Ilishe posted...

Well, that's awful. I wonder if it's too far gone for them to mend things? It doesn't have to be the end of their marriage, but I don't know these people so eh.

Doesn't surprise me CE is a bunch of selfish bigots as usual.

Not too far gone when you have 5 kids between 2 and 12, plus I know my brother will view it as a, she made a mistake type of thing. Its just how he is and always has been and people take advantage of that. Makes me sad because they are a good family as far as general support and caring for each other and their kids. Its just shitty that he even has to deal with it, and not in the sense of being cheated on, but rather having to be stuck in regards to work, kids, and what to do with himself thanks to a dumb system in place.

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Conker posted...

That only works if you expect a person to not just be looking for validation of their own views and decisions though.

If someone has a set view and you try to use reverse psychology, theyll just use your opinion to validate theirs. Usually if I agree with my bro hell be like, Nice to not see you argue for once. If I actually disagree and support my view, he defaults to, you just have to argue about everything.

Theres no winning in the sense that I usually never argue about anything and just state my thoughts on something without any real conviction but people tend to see that as you telling them what to do or judging.

I honestly dont really care what he does in the sense that I dont see his family that much and whatever he chooses wont really impact myself or my family. It moreso just sucks to think hell be stuck in that situation, but its not like he doesnt have a choice and is willing to attempt to save the relationship. To me personally, thats a bitch move, but I can see both sides. To others it might be better off for numerous reasons in relation to not being selfish or sacrificing for family (kids dont need to know and if you get counseling to forgive and not resent, maybe someone can let it go). I can see both sides yet people always think youre just arguing for presenting multiple views. And if I just say this time the opposite of what I feel, I know hell just use it as support to be what I would see as a total bitch move.

You have to know how to manipulate people. Like you need to fake sincerity. Like "I absolutely believe that the toxicity that will eventually seep into the relationships with your children is nothing compared to them growing up in a nuclear family. Them growing up with both parents is way more important than them seeing their father stand up for himself. You'll set a better example letting your wife show them that relationships don't need to be respected, as long as they know that the person being mistreated just accepts it." Shit like that.

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IfGodCouldDie posted...

You have to know how to manipulate people. Like you need to fake sincerity. Like "I absolutely believe that the toxicity that will eventually seep into the relationships with your children is nothing compared to them growing up in a nuclear family. Them growing up with both parents is way more important than them seeing their father stand up for himself. You'll set a better example letting your wife show them that relationships don't need to be respected, as long as they know that the person being mistreated just accepts it." Shit like that.

I understand. Its my own lack of conviction in that regard, stems from my own problems in life.

Ive been dealing with mental health issues for years (bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and adhd, along with over-corrective orthodontic work that has caused obstructive sleep apnea, among other health issues) and it generally keeps me from being motivated to care about manipulating people in that regard. Its hard for me to not be sincere anyways, Im generally just a very honest person that tells it like it is. People either see that as a great thing or hate it (unfortunately my bro chose to hate it). Over years I have learned to come across as sincere when Im just trying to get by without voicing my true feelings, it just tends to be difficult since Im torn in those situations and anxiety often gets the best of me.

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Conker posted...

I understand. Its my own lack of conviction in that regard, stems from my own problems in life.

Ive been dealing with mental health issues for years (bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and adhd, along with over-corrective orthodontic work that has caused obstructive sleep apnea, among other health issues) and it generally keeps me from being motivated to care about manipulating people in that regard. Its hard for me to not be sincere anyways, Im generally just a very honest person that tells it like it is. People either see that as a great thing or hate it (unfortunately my bro chose to hate it). Over years I have learned to come across as sincere when Im just trying to get by without voicing my true feelings, it just tends to be difficult since Im torn in those situations and anxiety often gets the best of me.

That's fair. My wife suffers from pretty significant anxiety and it usually means I have to deal with a lot of things that I consider very simple because the thought of it cripples her. I on the other hand deal with some pretty sever depression which makes it hard to care about things that I normally care very much about.

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Wow TC I'm really sorry. Did the wife seem excessively flirty?

Im not trying to say that TC is lying but I always find these types of topics and situations hard to believe. Like who can be that much of a cuck to just tolerate being cheated on and then run over in their career

Ruvan22 posted...

Wow TC I'm really sorry. Did the wife seem excessively flirty?

Not at all. She was bubbly in public but only social events she was comfortable in but she generally was introverted as far as hobbies and family...she has some anxiety issues where shed have panic attacks around large groups of unknown people.

What_ posted...

Im not trying to say that TC is lying but I always find these types of topics and situations hard to believe. Like who can be that much of a cuck to just tolerate being cheated on and then run over in their career

I mean, it just happened a few weeks (and firings less than 2) ago and no long-term decisions have been made. Right now it seems theyre just getting by trying to figure things out as they did get 3mos severance pay.

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Conker posted...

Priests cant get married for social reasons and all that

Just to be clear, catholic priests can't get married because the catholic church doesn't want them to have any kids so when they die the church inherits their property.

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Tyranthraxus posted...

Just to be clear, catholic priests can't get married because the catholic church doesn't want them to have any kids so when they die the church inherits their property.

Which are social reasons and such. Im pretty sure there are additional reasons for that, but Im not Catholic so I dont attempt to dig too deep in the whys there.

My wife is Catholic and I just take info here and there from her on it but we arent religious people. Both of our familys were growing up but weve decided not to be involved in organized religion. Although it seems our daycares always end up being church affiliated so our kids get that influence and forced involvement but we did move to a place now with one damn center-based daycare in the area.

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RedWhiteBlue posted...

So the church is punishing him for something his wife did.... what the fuck?

welcome to the church. where logic doesn't matter.

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Plot twist: wife cheated with TC

Serious question: Can he not sue for wrongful dismissal? I mean, I know you said a morality clause but surely that can't legally cover something he has no control over.

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What_ posted...

Im not trying to say that TC is lying but I always find these types of topics and situations hard to believe. Like who can be that much of a cuck to just tolerate being cheated on and then run over in their career

i'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details, but there's someone within my own family who gets cheated on all the time and it happens to this day and he flat out KNOWS all about it and he still sticks with his crazy emotionally/physically abusive wife. the two have kids together so that might be one "justification" why he doesn't bail

shit like this happens, crazy and dumb as it is


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These hoes ain't loyal

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This may be the best possible reason ever to become an atheist

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ArchNemo posted...

Plot twist: wife cheated with TC

Serious question: Can he not sue for wrongful dismissal? I mean, I know you said a morality clause but surely that can't legally cover something he has no control over.

Haha, when we were younger I thought she was cute but after 5 kids...I mean, she aint a bad looking mom but I aint a homewrecker.

I would press him about it normally but the couple times I called he just sent me to voicemail and texts he isnt currently open to talking or is busy. Im pretty sure hes just reflecting right now and yesterday was his bday (yup, Easter Sunday was his mfing bday).

Im sure Ill find out more later but Im guessing due to the position there isnt any legal action possible due to the way Church separates from normal laws and has those contracts in place for social impact. Plus, I believe, its one of those detrimental to the position type of things where like say any immediate family member does something within the community and it reflects on ability to perform duties in a leadership position.

Ngl, I actually can understand...its shitty but who wants a youth pastor that is going through marriage problems due to infidelity where his family was involved with the church and everything is destroyed. You cant expect it to not influence their ability to perform the role and theyd prefer to cut ties. Its bs there isnt something in place for this type of situation but Id be interested in how you could work that job after the community is aware. I know my brother wouldnt let it influence the youth and events there but his actual focus and motivation to do his job may be impacted, but thats any job. So yeah, Id just ban her ass from the church.

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