Current Events > Might break my sobriety tonight

(+) Yeah! (+)

I know I've made this topic before. ultimate reaver made a good point that this issue is bigger than CE and I need professional help. But it's 7.30pm on Good Friday. My psychiatrist isn't gonna get back to me if I spill my guts in an email, I would know since it's been a week since I emailed her about our next appointment and that wasn't even a public holiday.

I've tried to hold on for weeks, but I keep feeling worse and worse. My entire life has snowballed since mid-March, and I feel more alone today than I can remember in recent memory.

I'm trying to endure this, but I've already endured it for so long and I don't think I can hold on for much longer without breaking. I can lash out at people, but I don't want to lash out at anyone. So if I can't endure and if I can't lash out, resigning myself to intoxication is the next option.

There's only so long that I can try to distract myself, and even if I make it another week or two until I'm four months sober, I'm going to be just as alone and sad as I was now, if not moreso. My mental health is gonna keep spiralling and I don't know how I'm gonna make it stop.

I want to be strong enough to live a sober life, but I'm just not strong enough for that right now. I have a bottle of gin I got for Christmas, and if I make it through that, I'll think about what I'm going to do next.

I was thinking about planning a trip interstate and having a vacation, and I was gonna fuck a prostitute named Mango for the sake of a yarn - note to mods, prostitution is legal in Australia and it'd be through a legal establishment, so plz no mod. idk, how funny would it be to say you've fucked a prostitute named Mango?

I'd like to make that vacation happen, but I don't know if I can hold onto sobriety long enough to set it up. I'm an emotional trainwreck right now, and it's hard to live with myself at the moment. I just want to block it all out for a little while - which I know is unhealthy, but I've got nothing else to help me.

I'm making a lot of threads like this, I know - I'm having a hard time right now. I'm sorry.

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It's not worth it, dude. You'll get drunk for a couple hours and then you'll wake up tomorrow and be mad at yourself for giving up that control and that power.

It takes willpower to do what you do, so don't give up!

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Please hang in there, TC. I know words probably cant help much, but were rooting for you. If theres anything you need to vent about...or just want to talk about random bullshit to take your mind off things...

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Just don't turn it into a habit. I'm not saying you should do it, but don't feel bad if you do, you know?

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Dont do it son.

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I've been sober officially 2 months today, stick out with me, the support helps. I know you have been sober a lot longer, but I was really, really bad off, like can count on one hand how many sober days I had in the last few years. I know what going through quitting and the withdrawal is like and never again.

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It definitely isn't worth it, dude. Easier said than done, obviously.

Does your state have a health line you can call? Try that if you can.

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Sucks to hear, homie. Just know that if you slip, I won't think any less of you. We all got our struggles and I just wish you the best in getting through yours.

Also, Mango, eh? Sounds kinda kinky. They gonna make you put your dick under that weird blue light?

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