Current Events > Have you ever experienced a narcissist in your adult life?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have. Was friends with one and he got me very into drugs. I didn't trust him but after I'd get high on MDMA with him and things which I'd never done before I felt a strong connection. He'd lovebomb me and things and tell me all this sweet things. He'd make up these constant things that were very clearly fake. Like he started playing chess then hit out with like "Oh yeah I used to play chess professionally" and stuff like that... even though he was literally just average?

Anyway he'd come out with things like that that would just raise eyebrows but I didn't think anything too much of it. I felt kind of sorry for him, he would talk about his girlfriend in this really grand way and accuse her of doing rly bad stuff.

I trusted him a lot until one night when he was staying over with me and I woke up to him groping me and shit and dry humping my ass. I freaked out because I've been sexually assaulted in the past which I had confided him about before and I ended up sleeping with him as a way to try get control over the situation. As soon as he came he immediately went and put his clothes on like "Oh just so you know i dont want a relationship with you", ok then buddy

Anyway I did bring up what he did and he seemed like he wanted to be accountable at first and apologized, but then he just really started hurling abuse at me constantly and demeaning me in lots of ways and basically put no effort into the friendship after that and at one point even made jokes about me being raped in prison and things.

I eventually got the guts to stand up for myself and basically told him "Hey, it took a lot for me to forgive you for this and I feel like youre not putting in effort into the friendship and you're acting hurtfully" and then from there he basically went on a weird bizarre 4chan type tirade, saying a bunch of anti semetic stuff and how he's highly intelligent unlike me whos been brainwashed by "the jews" or whatever... like what?? And basically just ignored any of my valid points and laughed at me and stuff and then began denying what he did, in spite of the fact he admitted to it before.

Anyway I told him to go fuck himself and stuff and cut him out of my life.

A few months later his (then ex) girlfriend messages me and asks me about why I stopped being friends with him and I told her everything and she was horrified. She also told me a lot of the awful stuff he'd do in the relationship, like cheating, giving her chlamydia and not telling her coz she assumed they were monogamous (he lied to me and told me he was poly), told her he apparently murdered his granddad, had been accused of sexual assault in the past and the most horrific thing i heard is that he used to go on 4chan to look at gifs of people killing themselves and other horrible stuff. She'd beg him to stop looking at that stuff on the screen and he'd be laughing at it and saying "Why?"

It scares the shit out of me that someone like that exists, and that I was so close to him at one point and a part of me feels like I was groomed in a way, like he used drugs to break down my defenses or something. His ex feels the same way too.

I occasionally look up his username on reddit and he pretends to be this progressive male feminist as well

daddychomsky posted...

and I ended up sleeping with him as a way to try get control over the situation.

wat

My sister has narcissistic personality disorder

She is both fucking evil and very weird

Yeah, my ex.

I dont know if it was just narcissism, but...

Its been almost 8 years and I cant tell if I hate her or pity her more. I met her at the absolute worst time I could have possibly met someone like her.

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Chadwick69 posted...

wat

At the time I was really scared and he wouldn't stop so I just got him off as quickly as possible to get it over with. In a way as well there was a part of me that didn't want to see him as this creep and I tried to trick myself into thinking it was consensual but felt really violated afterwards

The_Creep_2020 posted...

Yeah, my ex.

I dont know if it was just narcissism, but...

Its been almost 8 years and I cant tell if I hate her or pity her more. I met her at the absolute worst time I could have possibly met someone like her.

often you meet those kinds of folk when youre at your most vulnreable

mattymad posted...

Bro, that ain't no narcissist, that's a psychopath.

^
that

but yeah, many.. most of the time they tell me how theyre not a narcissist lol

some of them are right on that line of like passable normal but its when you speak with them that you really tend to find out

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Plenty of them

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Had an intern who was.

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daddychomsky posted...

often you meet those kinds of folk when youre at your most vulnreable

I met her a bit before then. It was weird, we were probably dating for 5 months before shit went south. Until then, it was like something out of a rom-com. She was a bit jealous if I spent time with my friends, but that was it. Otherwise, it was amazing. We had extremely similar senses of humour and were very much in synch in terms of conversation. It was great.

Until my dad was diagnosed with cancer, then it all went to absolute shit. Stupidly, I messaged a different ex asking about survival rates with that kind of cancer, because one of her family members worked in oncology. She then tried to break up with me. She ended up agreeing to stay with me if I drew her a new picture and gave it to her every time we saw each other, to show that I was still committed to her, even though my dad was dying. God fucking knows why I was such a sucker.

Then generally shed alternate between trying to start fights or deciding Id done something awful and grade-A love bombing. It got to the point where if I spent any time with friends at all, it would be a week long thing that I would end up spending forever making it up to her.

If I cut our time on the weekend short to visit my dad in hospital, shed get shitty and Id have to make it up to her, somehow.

She broke up with me the night before my birthday, because I wouldnt stay the night and spend the day with her, rather than seeing my dad. Conveniently, she took me back the next morning.

She ended up convincing me to pay off about $1,000 of her credit card dept and lent her another $500 for various shit.

When my dad was in palliative care, all she could talk about was that one of her friends kept drug-dialling her and telling her how much they wanted to screw her. This was also the friend shed cheated on an ex of hers with.

I ended up very much prioritising keeping her happy over spending time with my dad, and easing his emotional transition out of this world. Or being their for my mum. I wont go into details, because Im absolutely fucking ashamed at how I compromised my core values. That is something that will haunt me to the day I die.

It got to the point where whenever she decided Id done something horrifically wrong, her two gotos were that shed threaten to dump me, or threaten to kill herself. Usually both at the same time.

As the relationship went on, particularly after my dad died I am really ashamed to admit I started using the same tactics, just to try to get some respite from the constant conflict. Looking back I am absolutely disgusted with the person I became. I lapsed back into self harm as a coping mechanism, and destroyed more than a few innocent inanimate objects.

I ended up breaking up with her a few months after my dad died, coincidentally after she had a movie night with aforementioned friend. Its stupid, but that was my yeah, she gives no fucks about you moment.

She managed to convince me to keep a FWB thing going for a few months, but when I tried to phase that out she pretended to be pregnant. Then, after a week or so of that she pretended to have a miscarriage.

Or, lied and said she had a miscarriage, rather. There wasnt some weird, involved routine involving ketchup packets or anything. I was still stupid enough to believe some of her bullshit at that point. Thankfully, I freaked out about it to a sane friend, who adroitly poked holes in her story, which I then asked about and she admitted the whole thing was a lie.

We exchanged shit wed left at each others houses a month or so later. I got back my copy of Hard Boiled Wonderland and the $500 I lent her. She kept my Invader Zim t-shirt and cut it to bits.

I later found out from a mutual that shed told absolutely everyone Id regularly hit her. Which is something I would never do. I ruined my relationship with my dad stopping that kind of shit, Id never do it myself.

Anyway, TL;DR I am a weak sack of shit, but sometimes I can grow a spine.


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Sorry, that was a completely uncalled-for wall of text.

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The_Creep_2020 posted...

Sorry, that was a completely uncalled-for wall of text.

dont apologise! This is meant to be a venting thread and totally called for

reading ur thing now

My mother in law, she tried to claim I raped her and she spread a lie that I molest my children. She is not allowed around me because I told my wife I will end up in jail if she ever comes near me again. She's constantly doing stuff like that to my father in law but he won't divorce her because he claims it will cost him too much so he basically just ignores her and my wife won't cut her out of her life because she basically has Stockholm Syndrome from the abuse she dealt with as a child.

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The_Creep_2020 posted...

Sorry, that was a completely uncalled-for wall of text.

The_Creep_2020 posted...

Anyway, TL;DR I am a weak sack of s***, but sometimes I can grow a spine.

Shit happens.. but that does seem like it was excessive at almost every single level >_>

I cant blame people for honestly being themselves.. but some people man really, at some level its like dude that really is a you thing

Youre good, sucks to waste time but at least youre out of it now

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The_Creep_2020 posted...

I met her a bit before then. It was weird, we were probably dating for 5 months before shit went south. Until then, it was like something out of a rom-com. She was a bit jealous if I spent time with my friends, but that was it. Otherwise, it was amazing. We had extremely similar senses of humour and were very much in synch in terms of conversation. It was great.

Until my dad was diagnosed with cancer, then it all went to absolute shit. Stupidly, I messaged a different ex asking about survival rates with that kind of cancer, because one of her family members worked in oncology. She then tried to break up with me. She ended up agreeing to stay with me if I drew her a new picture and gave it to her every time we saw each other, to show that I was still committed to her, even though my dad was dying. God fucking knows why I was such a sucker.

Then generally shed alternate between trying to start fights or deciding Id done something awful and grade-A love bombing. It got to the point where if I spent any time with friends at all, it would be a week long thing that I would end up spending forever making it up to her.

If I cut our time on the weekend short to visit my dad in hospital, shed get shitty and Id have to make it up to her, somehow.

She broke up with me the night before my birthday, because I wouldnt stay the night and spend the day with her, rather than seeing my dad. Conveniently, she took me back the next morning.

She ended up convincing me to pay off about $1,000 of her credit card dept and lent her another $500 for various shit.

When my dad was in palliative care, all she could talk about was that one of her friends kept drug-dialling her and telling her how much they wanted to screw her. This was also the friend shed cheated on an ex of hers with.

I ended up very much prioritising keeping her happy over spending time with my dad, and easing his emotional transition out of this world. Or being their for my mum. I wont go into details, because Im absolutely fucking ashamed at how I compromised my core values. That is something that will haunt me to the day I die.

It got to the point where whenever she decided Id done something horrifically wrong, her two gotos were that shed threaten to dump me, or threaten to kill herself. Usually both at the same time.

As the relationship went on, particularly after my dad died I am really ashamed to admit I started using the same tactics, just to try to get some respite from the constant conflict. Looking back I am absolutely disgusted with the person I became. I lapsed back into self harm as a coping mechanism, and destroyed more than a few innocent inanimate objects.

I ended up breaking up with her a few months after my dad died, coincidentally after she had a movie night with aforementioned friend. Its stupid, but that was my yeah, she gives no fucks about you moment.

She managed to convince me to keep a FWB thing going for a few months, but when I tried to phase that out she pretended to be pregnant. Then, after a week or so of that she pretended to have a miscarriage.

Or, lied and said she had a miscarriage, rather. There wasnt some weird, involved routine involving ketchup packets or anything. I was still stupid enough to believe some of her bullshit at that point. Thankfully, I freaked out about it to a sane friend, who adroitly poked holes in her story, which I then asked about and she admitted the whole thing was a lie.

We exchanged shit wed left at each others houses a month or so later. I got back my copy of Hard Boiled Wonderland and the $500 I lent her. She kept my Invader Zim t-shirt and cut it to bits.

I later found out from a mutual that shed told absolutely everyone Id regularly hit her. Which is something I would never do. I ruined my relationship with my dad stopping that kind of shit, Id never do it myself.

Anyway, TL;DR I am a weak sack of shit, but sometimes I can grow a spine.

Hey I just read this there, wanted to make sure I got all of it.

Fuck me, I'm so sorry you went through that. She showed a complete lack of empathy to your heartbreaking situation and completely manipulated you every step of the way and cut you off from your support network, and would punish you for when you did. That's legitimately evil, fuck.

Hey, don't beat yourself up for being problematic towards the end of the relationship and things. It was a toxic relationship and they can bring out the worst in you when that kind of communication becomes so normalised. You're definitely the victim here, and it really sucks that so many folk don't take abuse by women against men seriously enough in our society as well.

I hope you're doing better these days and can maybe get some therapy and stuff too. Sending lots of love <3

It all worked out in the end, though.

I ended up getting back with my first girlfriend and the love of my life. (theyre the same person).

I cant deny I still get needlessly anxious if I want to hang out with mates (which is kinda pathetic), but November will mark year 7 of our marriage and the number of halfway serious arguments weve had has been in the single digits. We also have two absolutely awesome kiddos.


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Yeah, just go on dates from a dating app and you will come across some fast

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The_Creep_2020 posted...

It all worked out in the end, though.

I ended up getting back with my first girlfriend and the love of my life. (theyre the same person).

I cant deny I still get needlessly anxious if I want to hang out with mates (which is kinda pathetic), but November will mark year 7 of our marriage and the number of halfway serious arguments weve had has been in the single digits. We also have two absolutely awesome kiddos.

Its not pathetic, you have complex trauma from that relationship and it is gonna make you feel on edge. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Im happy things have worked out for you though :)