Current Events > Anyone grow up rich or upper middle class well-off? How did you not get spoiled?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I want my kids to have nice things...and I'm of the mentality that I would pay extra for quality and I end up going overboard with that. But I don't want them to be spoiled.

How do you go about that fine line?

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In many cases, the "quality" you're paying extra for is simply a logo

Start buying them normal shit and if they complain about it take it away until they learn to appreciate things regardless of cost.

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littlebro07 posted...

In many cases, the "quality" you're paying extra for is simply a logo

Start buying them normal shit and if they complain about it take it away until they learn to appreciate things regardless of cost.

Who said quality meant name brands?

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I didn't grow up rich per se but I had a pretty incredible multi-country upbringing due to diplomat parents.

I suppose I was spoiled, but I was also exposed to a lot of very truly hard up people and different cultures so that was a bit grounding. I guess my parents never made me feel like I was better than these people, only that I was luckier.

I knew a lot of rich kids growing up. I suppose the difference between the ones who grew up well vs the ones who didn't was parents who gave them obvious work/reward discipline.

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yes, such was life growing up the Prince of Lithuania

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MaddenDude-- posted...

Who said quality meant name brands?

I said in many cases, not all the time.

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My dad was really well paid for a good chunk of my childhood, we lived in a million dollar home on the waterfront throughout high school.

I actually was somewhat spoiled growing up, but that tempered off as I grew up because I don't really care about stuff, and I'm not making a ton of money now.

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MaddenDude-- posted...

How do you go about that fine line?

Well...I eventually developed a drug problem and that was more-or-less what taught me humility and moderation. Ended up homeless, then spent 10-15 years clawing my way back to normalcy and repairing my relationship with my parents.

You can't teach someone to be appreciative of what they have until they have earned it themselves.

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pinky0926 posted...

I didn't grow up rich per se but I had a pretty incredible multi-country upbringing due to diplomat parents.

I suppose I was spoiled, but I was also exposed to a lot of very truly hard up people and different cultures so that was a bit grounding. I guess my parents never made me feel like I was better than these people, only that I was luckier.

I knew a lot of rich kids growing up. I suppose the difference between the ones who grew up well vs the ones who didn't was parents who gave them obvious work/reward discipline.

Interesting.

May its not the actual objects you buy the kids but more about how you raise them...like how you give into their demands, show them the value of hard work, and treating everyone equally..etc.

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I grew-up in a very affluent area and I feel that my parent's forcing me to work and buy a lot of my own things really helped me from being spoiled.

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DocDelicious posted...

Well...I eventually developed a drug problem and that was more-or-less what taught me humility and moderation. Ended up homeless, then spent 10-15 years clawing my way back to normalcy and repairing my relationship with my parents.

You can't teach someone to be appreciative of what they have until they have earned it themselves.

This is pretty much what I don't want for my kids. Sucks you had to go through all that.

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Shouldn't you be asking rich parents for this advice

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Make sure they know they will eventually have to work and earn enough money to maintain their lifestyle, so they better get good grades and not act spoiled from now

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There are some very interesting posts in this topic. As someone who grew up in poverty and now earns enough to be comfortably middle class, I also wonder this about my own kids. I'm one to appreciate every single paycheck and every delight like going to a sit-down restaurant or paying someone to mow my grass because these are luxuries I couldn't even fathom growing up. I've had multiple conversations with my wife that I don't want to deprive our kids of these nice things just because we didn't have them, but I also don't want them taking them for granted.

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All the well to do kids I went to school with didn't get shit just for the hell of it.

They had to make good grades and do well to get what they got.

All my scrub ass was told that making good grades will keep me from remaining a scrub of society.

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My parents were mostly just super frugal. We never went on elaborate vacations. They rarely bought name brand stuff. We had to pay for or otherwise earn a lot of the things we wanted. It was expected that we would have jobs in high school.

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PrettyBoyFloyd posted...

They had to make good grades and do well to get what they got.

This strategy works on paper but it sorta programs them to work hard only when they see the reward infront of them and it could easily lead to them being lazy. I've actually seed this myself where I saw alot of kids do really well in highschool and completely lose motivation in college when they moved out of their parents house and had to be self motivated.

Zanzenburger posted...

There are some very interesting posts in this topic. As someone who grew up in poverty and now earns enough to be comfortably middle class, I also wonder this about my own kids. I'm one to appreciate every single paycheck and every delight like going to a sit-down restaurant or paying someone to mow my grass because these are luxuries I couldn't even fathom growing up. I've had multiple conversations with my wife that I don't want to deprive our kids of these nice things just because we didn't have them, but I also don't want them taking them for granted.

I didn't grow up in poverty, I grew up in a rich area, but we were the small old house in the older cheaper parts of the neighborhood. We lived in a cramped 3 bedroom house, never went on vacations, never bought expensive things, rarely ate out, and were frugal about everything. We got clothes from sears, jc penny, etc. Its pretty stark contrast with my wife who lived in a large house and got everything she wanted at any time and wore brand name clothes her whole life. I will have significantly more money than my parents did growing up, so I have no idea how to approach parenting.

I think the main thing is instilling good values in them. Put emphasis on values and not objects. I think thats the right idea, I just don't know how to go about doing it.

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I didn't know my dad 2as rich until he died. We got a check in the mail for like 2 million bucks after he passed

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I didnt grow up rich, but am currently in the upper middle class. My kids do not realize how well off we are. We live below our means by a lot. We live in a neighborhood that is middle class (we could afford a house that costs twice as much). I dont buy them name brand clothes, mostly Target, they are kids they will stain & ruin them. Heck, many kids have phones already, but we flat out told them we arent getting them because we dont want them on social media. We also rarely go out to eat, but thats mostly because the kids have weird allergies and restaurants really cant manage them.

Our only splurges are trips because I view experiences as more important than physical things.
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I thought my family was poor as a kid because everyone in my class got more presents for Christmas and birthdays. But my parents were able to comfortably retire by 60 so obviously they're not poor. We didn't get much weekly allowance, and what we got we had to do chores for. I had to save up my money to buy video games, and I think that helped me a lot.

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Idk what the cutoff is for middle-class, but my dad was pretty well off.

Although, growing up, we lived in a house fairly similar to everyone else in our neighborhood. Never lived extravagantly. It wasn't until I was an older teen that I found out how much my dad made, and was kind of shocked.

He grew up without much, and thus was used to living without a lot. So, I think he just kept doing his thing and never felt the need to live extravagantly. Now he is collecting a pension and started a new position and basically doubled his salary, I've seen him splurging more in the last few years, but imo he earned it and deserves to treat himself after almost 40 years of hard work.\

I appreciate his outlook on money, whether it was intentional or not, I hope to emulate it in my own life.

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I know ppl have mentioned doing this here but I also don't want to incentivize chores or schoolwork. Those are things they should be doing and working hard in regardless.

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Both my parents grew up on farms in North Dakota, they eventually moved to Minneapolis and did pretty well for themselves. What I would consider upper middle class, my mother was an accountant with KPMG and my father a mechanical engineer that eventually moved into management.

They werent big on spoiling their kid, I wasnt allowed a video game system until they got divorced, then my mom got me an n64. Besides that I would get one $100ish present for my birthday or Christmas and maybe an action figure in my stocking.

So I would get a nice present (this was the 90s), but just one twice a year. When I was old enough to get an allowance I would get 5 dollars a week, and was told if I wanted toys I should save that up and in a month I could afford something decent.

Which was what I did, I never bought candy or soda and it was pretty damn rare it was bought for me. I would say it was because of how they grew up, they were also a bit older parents, Im 35 and theyre now in their 60s for my mom and 70s for my dad. So both those things had something to do with it.

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My family was definitely middle class living in affluent parts of metro Atlanta while I was growing up but a few rough patches and fallout with poorer family members kept spoiled egos in check. One of the rough patches I remember vividly was when I was in middle school and we had to eat ramen, rice, and eggs for a couple months and feed our dog bread and random shit. The fanciest meal we had during that time was taco salad and my mom has never made that meal for us again since we got out of that hole.

I don't take money for granted now, but my sister didn't get the memo because she was probably too young to remember. My parents still call me a cheapass with money, and the amount of money I blow through on random bullshit (electronics/books) every 6 or so months my sister does it in like 1 or 2. I didn't get an allowance and getting good grades and cleaning up the house were just expected, so if I have kids I'll probably do the same to them.

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I, personally, wouldn't trust someone to explain to me how they manage not to be spoiled. People who are spoiled don't generally feel like the are, that's the point

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MaddenDude-- posted...

I know ppl have mentioned doing this here but I also don't want to incentivize chores or schoolwork. Those are things they should be doing and working hard in regardless.

I generally agree with this but I do think it is important to have some method for kids to earn "luxuries" that they might want, at least until they are old enough to work. Unless your plan is to just buy them things when asked. Sometimes having bonus chores works, things they can work on beyond their normal chores. Give them some amount of money for them. This starts getting them in the practice of money management and saving early, which is a good mindset to develop.

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I may be the odd one here, but I dont feel a parent must necessarily make their teen kid get a summer job.

how is flipping burgers at McDonalds or shuffling sweaters at Structure or whatever going to make them more successful?

Id emphasize that they need to get really good grades during their school year. Bad grades = no toys. Bad grades = extra study.

summer would be like a time for them to relax and recharge because theyre expected to study real hard once school starts again, and when appropriate, engaging in the sort of extra curriculars and prep courses that will get them into college.

this continues in college, until its time for them to take on internships or research assistant or whatever in order to put themselves in a good position to get a job.

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IDK if it was upper or lower, but I definitely grew up middle class. Three story house on a farm, hot tub, computers, and a couple pinball machines(because my dad was a massive nerd). Good parenting is what it was. I got an allowance but I was taught to save for what I wanted, and my closest friends were much less well off so they probably rubbed off a good deal. But I attribute most of what I am to my parents being awesome and raising me to empathize.

I didnt grow up in the upper middle class or even middle class lol

poor me ( T_T)

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Balrog0 posted...

I, personally, wouldn't trust someone to explain to me how they manage not to be spoiled. People who are spoiled don't generally feel like the are, that's the point

I thought this too until I realized TC just wants a topic on the subject

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SPE posted...

I may be the odd one here, but I dont feel a parent must necessarily make their teen kid get a summer job.

how is flipping burgers at McDonalds or shuffling sweaters at Structure or whatever going to make them more successful?

Id emphasize that they need to get really good grades during their school year. Bad grades = no toys. Bad grades = extra study.

summer would be like a time for them to relax and recharge because theyre expected to study real hard once school starts again, and when appropriate, engaging in the sort of extra curriculars and prep courses that will get them into college.

this continues in college, until its time for them to take on internships or research assistant or whatever in order to put themselves in a good position to get a job.

I understand what you are saying, the very fact that your kids can afford to have a summer off to recharge speaks to a level of financial privilege that many families can't afford.

I could have had a summer off to recharge after turning 16, my family could afford it, but I also wanted to things and my parents weren't just going to buy them for me. Having a job gave me a level of financial independence that I otherwise wouldn't have. It also helps develop money management skills and as someone who interviews and hires interns gives past job experience that does help on the resume.

In fact I'm not sure I have ever hired an intern that had no prior work experience. The company I worked for was not going to teach these kids the basics of having a job for $25 an hour.

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SPE posted...

I may be the odd one here, but I dont feel a parent must necessarily make their teen kid get a summer job.

how is flipping burgers at McDonalds or shuffling sweaters at Structure or whatever going to make them more successful?

Id emphasize that they need to get really good grades during their school year. Bad grades = no toys. Bad grades = extra study.

summer would be like a time for them to relax and recharge because theyre expected to study real hard once school starts again, and when appropriate, engaging in the sort of extra curriculars and prep courses that will get them into college.

this continues in college, until its time for them to take on internships or research assistant or whatever in order to put themselves in a good position to get a job.

I 100% agree with this. This was my dads approach as well. I had this conversation with him in highschool when I wanted to work at target to make extra money. he asked me what I'm gonna do with the money. I said buy stuff like computer parts and video games. He said, how bout I give you that money to buy that stuff, but you use that same time to study and do better in school. This was later in HS when he had some extra money. He always discouraged me from doing these minimum wage jobs and put all the emphasis on school. I still developed a great work ethic and appreciation for money. And infact it taught me the importance of efficiency and looking at time as an investment.

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Well i was woke from an early age.

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But it seems like consensus here is to make kids work for money/toys. Whether it be chores, small jobs, school work, etc.

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MaddenDude-- posted...

But it seems like consensus here is to make kids work for money/toys. Whether it be chores, small jobs, school work, etc.

https://youtu.be/AnMG1XQQEhw

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MaddenDude-- posted...

But it seems like consensus here is to make kids work for money/toys. Whether it be chores, small jobs, school work, etc.

Thats what i did, though my family wasnt really rich or anything

For my kids, since id say my wife and i are comfortably in "upper middle class", my plan is to invest heavily in things that will help them (e.g. fancy pre school, books, college etc) and make'm work for anything fun
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