Board 8 > Raetsel ranks 631 songs. [Rankings]

(+) Yeah! (+)

azuarc posted...

Could you include the (musical) source of these songs in the header moving forward? I would have assumed that half of these tracks were from a group called History Repeating Red/Blue if I didn't look closer, and the others I had no idea.

agree

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I cant think of a valid reason not to, so alright.



Either way that was a fun detour. All positive feelings, writeups of a decent size that mostly stayed on topic, a small enough list that I could organize it without issues (mostly)...

...were all going to miss that. So much negativity... so many low scoring songs... Im going to try to pick up the pace here and rush things a bit because I really dont want to drag out this section any longer than possible, but its still going to be a while because... ya know... so many songs.

Welp, no sense putting this off any longer.

ABSOLUTE ZERO TIER

I had a lot of points I could give out. 101 primary numbers, with a full 100 decimal point numbers between each primary number. There were literally thousands of points that songs could be awarded.

These still get nothing and enjoy an unprecidented three way tie for last place.

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599: DR.DOOOM - I RUN RAP:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiJWFDG7rx4

Nominator: LOLIAmAnAlt (15/15)

Initial Score: 0 [#583]
Revised Score: No. [#599]
Final Score: 0 [#599]

(First Thoughts: No.)

Ive got a very low tolerance for homophobia or transphobia, so... yeah. Screw this guy. Who gives a damn if other rappers want to shop at Victorias Secret? Mind your own business.

...You know what? Im dropping this to last place. It was in a three way tie for last, but this song has definitely moved into a class by itself. The other two are songs I completely hate, but this song actually makes me hate the person singing it as well.

.....well thats probably taking things too far, I dont actually know anything about him and hes playing a character, blah blah blah. This is also from...what 1999? Judging people for something they said over 20 years ago is pointless. Either way, this song is in absolute last place and I refuse to even entertain the idea of moving it back up at all. There was a time I tried to appreciate itOoh, we need to listen to more 90s rap, ooh we should try listening to something outside our comfort zone, blah blah blah, lets not be too harsh but no. Just no.

[Final Thoughts: ...I honestly cant tell if Id hate everything by him or not. Wikipedia describes his lyrics as abstract and surreal, which sounds promisingbut it also describes his style as overly sexual and pornocore which sounds like I would completely and utterly hate them.

...And then he comments on all of his different personalities and says he doesnt even feel human, which makes me want to like him again.

Back on topic: His performance of the song is fine, I dont have any complaints about his voice or the way he delivers the lines. Theres just absolutely nothing here for me; the lyrics cause me to hate the song quickly and there are no redeeming features. No lyrics that I like in spite of the rest of the song, no interesting samples or musical stylings that I find appealing.

And Ive decided to go back to the three way tie for last place. Technically these should be tied for 597th Place, but that doesnt properly convey things.]

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599 [TIE]: THE WEEKND - INITIATION:

https://open.spotify.com/track/3H37ijjdmKz0dQLgUGzpjx

Nominator: Player_0 (30/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#599]
Revised Score: 0 [#597]
Final Score: 0 [#599]

(First Thoughts: Congratulations on successfully finding the worst song in the entire history of the multiverse.

...well I guess Im not at the end of the album yet, so theres a chance that it may actually get worse. Though I question how he could possibly do that (the only thing I could imagine being worse than this song would be a Kidz Bop cover of one of his songs that spontaneously ends in suicide, followed by several straight minutes of praising Jesus. And even THAT might be preferable due to the pure insanity factor.))

I dont think there was ever any question that something from this album would get last place. Considering how often Ive trashed songs for being too sexually explicit and the rather...spotty record of songs featuring excessive drug use (its not a dealbreakerADHD should have come in third place last year and there are some other blatant drug songs that I thoroughly enjoy [I may or may not wind up talking about one of them to fill space later]), but its certainly never helpedyou can imagine my reaction to entire album of orgies where everyone is on way too many drugs to be able to consent to any of this.

The only relevant questions were

A: Which of the songs would actually get last place. (Initiation)

B: Are there any songs on the album that I actually like. (Yes)

So, starting with this song...

Way too explicit. Theres no way any song with these lyrics was getting anything other than last place, no matter who sang it.

His DEEP, DARK voice is incredibly annoying. Theres a decent chance this would have gotten last place even with decent lyrics.

And now lets just get some of the inevitable arguments out of the way:

But the music is objectively good!

I have never pretended to care, even the slightest bit, about objective quality in my personal topics. All that matters is my enjoyment and I very actively did not enjoy this.

Abels portraying a fictional version of himself

Ive never said anything about him personally. Im sure hes a great person in real life, but I dont have any interest in the story hes telling. (Though there are some good songs on the album, eventually)

Hes not portraying the life of constant drug orgies in a positive light!

Yeah, but you lost me at drug-filled sex orgy. I dont care if the end message is this drug filled sex orgy is AWESOME, YO! or this drug filled sex orgy is terrible and Im sad now, kupo ;.;, Im still not interested.

Youre too uptight!

Yes, I am.

I will say I support his right to do whatever he wants, I just dont want to hear about it.

...well that didnt come out right and i cant figure out how to fix it without an overly tedious explanation. I support ending the war on drugs and decriminalizing sex work and I am glad that songs like this can exist, but the lyrics are so antithetical to anything I personally want to hear about that I dont want to listen to this type of song for fun?

...Well that doesnt sound quite right either.

You should force yourself to listen to things you hate!

Yes, I should. And Ive toyed with giving extra points to songs I strongly hate because there is a lot of value in learning to tolerate such things... but I dont want to right now, not with this song anyway.

[Final Thoughts: Im well out of things to say about this joint last place song.]

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599 [TIE]: TOOL - HOOKER WITH A PENIS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzrRoDd9CxM&list=OLAK5uy_k_Z0-DYw0_cGPvZm6icNUGbefRT4wktdY&index=7

Nominator: Steiner (26/26)
Source: Aenima (15/15)

Initial Score: 1.00 [#576]
Revised Score: 0 [#597]
Final Score: 0 [#599]

(First Thoughts: No.)

Hate.

Hate

HATE

Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate this bands choice of metaphors since I began to rate these songs. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for Tool at this micro-instant. For Maynards choice in metaphors. Hate. Hate.



I hate hate hate hate hate hate... hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE THIS! Grrr...

*secretly hopes someone appreciates that she looked up a gif of Kefkas hate speech to get the right amount of hates and number of rs in Grrr.*

*is not-so-secretly paranoid that she made a blatant error when trying to copy the number of hates & rs and will never be able to live it down*

Also, SPOILERS: Track 1 is not getting a good score either. You probably figured this out, but Maynard makes a metaphor choice that makes me actively hate him is a recurring theme. If you take a shot every time I complain about Maynard or The Weeknd, you will probably die of alcohol poisoning.

[Youll probably also die if you take a shot whenever I say blah blah, but thats less relevant]

Though, like The Weeknd, there are some Tool songs that will get good scores. I loved the title track from Lateralus when NFUN nominated it two years ago, so it shouldnt be a surprise that I dont actively hate everything on the nominated albums.

...Though I do suspect that youd probably have been better off nominating Lateralus. Is anything else on that album as good as the title track? ...Well, not like it matters right now.

[Final Thoughts: There was a brief moment where I questioned if I could really put this song in last place based almost entirely on its title, but I stand by being able to put anything anywhere.

As I said with I Run Rap, I have a very low tolerance for transphobia, so...

I hate that he decided to name a song after some of the most marginalized groups of people (transwomen and sex workers) seemingly for the LOLs.

I hate that the song has nothing to do with said groups of people.

I hate that it encourages Tool fans to be shitbags that run around throwing slurs around.

I hate that the song feels completely out of place on the album.

I just...HATE.]

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You are now leaving ABSOLUTE ZERO.

Up next: songs worth at least a fraction of a point! Were moving up!
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uh, can't hookers be amab men

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NFUN posted...

uh, can't hookers be amab men

Yes, but somehow I highly doubt that's what he was going for.
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And now a blatant distraction, with what Im guessing was an attempt at last place. There were two songs I felt that way about, though its going to be a long time before we hit the other song because as everyone already should have known, my tastes are terrible and incompatible with existence.

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596: KIRYU COCO - KIRYU COCO ED:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jI3xJh6xipY

Nominator: handsomeboy2012 (13/15)

Initial Score: 0 [#588]
Revised Score: 0.02 [#596]
Final Score: 0.01 [#596]

(First Thoughts: ...Im going to hope you were aiming for last place this time, because its difficult to imagine anything scoring less than this.

*notices she has to go listen to the full version of Dancing Mad AGAIN in another topic tonight*

...Alright, Id rather listen to this again than the full version of Dancing Mad, but its close.)

Well, it turns out that it is possible to find songs worse than this one. Who knew? Ill even say that at this point, Id rather listen to the full Dancing Mad than these bottom four songs, and I do not say that lightly.

[LATER EDIT: ...Okay that was mean, nothing deserves to be compared to Dancing Mad.]

[STILL LATER: Alright, so the full Dancing Mad has some decent qualities, its just incredibly long and it felt like I was being forced to listen to it at every topic I visited on a constant basis. The first time, I can appreciate its quality even if its not something I care about; the second, it starts to feel tedious; the third, I curse the universe that conspires to keep me listening to this unending song forever in this purgatorial nightmare; by the fourth and fifth, its hard to think of anything Id be less interested in hearing.

...its been a few months now, so my hatred of that song has diminished again.]

*we now return you to our regularly scheduled program*

Id say this song proved that there were VTuber songs I disliked, but there were plenty of VTubers getting below average scores at the last music listening topic, so we already knew that. (Though for what its worth, I dont think UF8 ever posted anything this low; even the one Christian hymn thing that I said would be virtually guaranteed last place at any ranking topic probably wouldnt even hit the bottom 30 here.

...actually I almost want to give that song a second chance, but again, were getting far from the original topic)

Anyway... this barely counts as a song. Its just her being a foul-mouthed idiot for almost two minutes.

[Final Thoughts: I dont have anything else to add to this. Its a comedy song that I dont find amusing and theres not much lower than a joke that misses the mark.]

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This Dancing Mad hatred is uncalled for.
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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

Yes, but somehow I highly doubt that's what he was going for.

i dunno, the metaphor only makes sense if you don't look at it with a trans perspective

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i don't hate dancing mad but otherwise i pretty much agree with what raetsel was saying about it. not enough good music in it to make sitting through the entire thing worth it. one of the weaker "well known final fantasy songs" imo.

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I'm glad my songs escaped absolute zero.

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lol initiation is bad

Doesn't sound like the rest of the album will do very well though...

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Im enjoying the stream of consciousness style of write-ups so far. Very different from other ranking topics on the board, and its a refreshing change.

NFUN posted...

i dunno, the metaphor only makes sense if you don't look at it with a trans perspective

I mean, its possible, Im hardly going to claim to be particularly good at interpretations. Im also pretty easily triggered and it wouldnt be the first or last time I took offense at something in blatantly the wrong way. (Its not even going to be the last time this tier, but i get ahead of myself...)

The way I took it (and I swear I saw someone else with a similar thought, as I tried to do some research in hopes of finding a better explanation) is that its being presented as a surprise negative. You want a fan, but you dont want a douche fan like the one in the song; you want a hooker, but you dont want one like the title. If Maynard had a less garbage intention than Ill issue an apology.

[As for the actual song, since I apparently never said anything about it: I do find some humor in dedicating an entire song to attacking a fan and I get that the song going so hard is like a parody of itself, but its... not particularly funny or doing anything I care about? Even under the best possible interpretations of everything and removing the title entirely, itd probably be in the 30 point zone.]
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Sorry for the delay... I had quite a bit all typed up and prepared, but some songs are being moved up the list at the literal last minute and now all the numbers on everything are off.

Full disclosure of ranking procedures

First, I go from the bottom of the remaining list and start listening to things and assigning them a final score. Things might get moved up the list at this point, blah blah blah, things get shuffled around until I have a finished days worth of eliminations ready to post. I try to keep a bit ahead (so that if I need a day off for some reason, then I still have some final scores ready to be posted), but not too far.

Then when its time to actually post songs, I give them one final courtesy listenan absolute last chance to convince me not to eliminate them yet. As Ive said, the final score isnt final until its actually posted and can be edited at any point, up to and including the Preview Message Box. Normally, this doesnt change anythingtheyve got a final score, theyve got whatever passes for a writeup, its a done dealbut sometimes a song does convince me it needs a higher score than the provisionally final score, forcing some rearranging of the list. Often its just a slight tweak here or there (moving up one or two spots, tying with the song right above it), you know, something non-disruptive.

...well tonight there are a few songs that Ive decided that I dont hate, so theyre jumping up a few tiers, and now all the numbers and schedule are completely borked.



Up next: The Cluster, a bunch of The Weeknd songs that are all dropping simultaneously.

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595: THE WEEKND - WHAT YOU NEED:

https://open.spotify.com/track/7IpDQcksaT8SxS7vOX4SRm

Nominator: Player_0 (29/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#591]
Revised Score: 0.55 [#589]
Final Score: 0.02 [#595]

(First Thoughts: Ill fight through the pain and rip your throat out, that work for you?)

594: THE WEEKND - LIFE OF THE PARTY:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4yzaniwZb01bp0gT5BYwBv

Nominator: Player_0 (28/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#597]
Revised Score: 0.05 [#594]
Final Score: 0.30 [#594]

(First Thoughts: ...You know, after two songs in a row that I liked, I was starting to think I was being too hard on this album. How nice to be reminded of the depths of my hatred.)

593: THE WEEKND - HOUSE OF BALLOONS / GLASS TABLE GIRLS::

https://open.spotify.com/track/50iiDJGpAPdr2VTrz999XA

Nominator: Player_0 (27/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#598]
Revised Score: 0.03 [#595]
Final Score: 0.32 [#593]

(First Thoughts: I dont really care if its sarcastic, I dont want to deal with this song. At all. Im barely making it through one listen and... uggghhh, I completely hate everything about this track... )

592: THE WEEKND - SAME OLD SONG:

https://open.spotify.com/track/3Dt75NjLThmoBTp5wQC7g7

Nominator: Player_0 (26/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#596]
Revised Score: 0.11 [#593]
Final Score: 0.70 [#592]

(First Thoughts: I didnt mind this song until the outro. Its amazing how quickly this went from somewhere between 20 and 30 points to 0.)

591: THE WEEKND - XO / THE HOST:

https://open.spotify.com/track/0C5WrEPjUYPxVkKyth1Lbz

Nominator: Player_0 (25/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#593]
Revised Score: 0.33 [#591]
Final Score: 0.80 [#591]

(First Thoughts: And now were back to

[Editors Note: The first thoughts trail into nothingness there. Presumably I got distracted by something and forgot to come back to finish typing. That or I briefly fell into a rage induced coma. Either/Or.])

590: THE WEEKND - THE BIRDS PT. 1:

https://open.spotify.com/track/323ujVhfSg16TlRK0PB5JY

Nominator: Player_0 (24/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#590]
Revised Score: 0.66 [#588]
Final Score: 0.99 [#590]

(First Thoughts: If you were a bird, I probably wouldnt hate you half as much as I do.

...great, now Im picturing Big Bird at a strip club. I hope youre happy with yourself.)


Rapid fire because when youre dealing with a bunch of songs from the same album being cut for mostly the same reasons, its hard to find much to say about them individually.

WHAT YOU NEED: I actively wanted to smash his head through a window at fight through the pain.

LIFE OF THE PARTY: Relatively harmless song, but I still dont actually want to hear it.

HOUSE OF BALLOONS: Your mind wants to leave, but you cant go is too rape-y of a song lyric, though the song itself actually isnt that terrible? I just cant get past that and kinda want to drop it into last place on principle.

SAME OLD SONG: Remove that awful outro and this is just a slightly below average song. With it, I rather want to give it last place, but I guess having some tolerable parts is enough to move it out of dead last. Maybe.

XO / The Host: I dont really care if hes trying to force her to have sex with his entire gang or if its a metaphor for harder drugs, either way, you lost me. Actual song isnt bad, but like Ive said, I dont care about objective quality. Also, this song is linked to Initiation, which is basically the worst thing I can imagine.

[Later: Once again, if you remove the outro then wed probably have a decent song.]

THE BIRDS PT. 1: I assure you, there is absolutely no danger of me falling in love with you. Song also feels rather repetitive.



There will eventually be some songs from the album that I have positive things to say about. Someday.

[Final Thoughts: See, the dangers of going all in on one giant album is that you risk something like this happening. All of these songs just blur together into this large cluster. I almost had them all tied, but I think Ive managed to get them into a reasonable order?]

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And as we leave the cluster, we get to...songs that actually get whole points! And another Weeknd song.



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589: THE WEEKND - GONE:

https://open.spotify.com/track/3vFj4xuQTXHOuo6L0qGafv

Nominator: Player_0 (23/30)

Initial Score: 0 [#584]
Revised Score: 0.99 [#585]
Final Score: 3.00 [#589]

(First Thoughts: Not as bad as... a lot of other tracks on the album. I still hate it and find it to be 8 minutes of torture, but if you have to suffer through the album, this is one of the more tolerable songs from it.)

Oh, hey, The Weeknds singing about sex and drugs in a song that never ends, what a totally original experience.

...seriously there are eventually some songs on this that I like! Someday!

[Final Thoughts:

the lyrics are not that long...but Abel can make it 8 minutes long.

...Im going to say were completely incompatible if you say that like its a good thing, random internet commenter.

This song escapes the cluster of other songs from Trilogy because I kinda like the bridge? Its got a dreamy feel to it and... well its certainly not the dreamiest feeling of any song nominated (I doubt its even the dreamiest song on the album), having a part that I somewhat liked is enough to score a few points.]

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

The way I took it (and I swear I saw someone else with a similar thought, as I tried to do some research in hopes of finding a better explanation) is that its being presented as a surprise negative. You want a fan, but you dont want a douche fan like the one in the song; you want a hooker, but you dont want one like the title. If Maynard had a less garbage intention than Ill issue an apology.

Maynard sold out to the Man. He is a hooker

Maynard is the Man. He has a penis

of course, not all men have penises, but this is from 2001. "Male Prostitute" works as the song name for the sake of the metaphor but that's much less snappy a title

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House of Balloons and XO are good

Raetsel_Lapin posted...

...seriously there are eventually some songs on this that I like! Someday!

I will fight through the...you know

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House of Balloons is one of my favorite mixtape/EPs from an artist, rip

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And were... out of the hatred zone apparently!

...There were other songs set to be eliminated that tier, but theyre moving up too, so...

Now entering the Well, I dont hate it tier

In which you could just copy/paste that quoted line as the Final Thought for each song. Im not sure how often I actually say that, but Im sure Ill use that phrase far more often than I should.

EDIT: Accidentally left out that opening paragraph above when copying. Has been edited back in now.

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588: TOOL - STINKFIST:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zpvlMp04D0&list=OLAK5uy_k_Z0-DYw0_cGPvZm6icNUGbefRT4wktdY&index=1

Nominator: Steiner (25/26)
Source: Aenima (14/15)

Initial Score: 0.00 [#578]
Revised Score: 11.24 [#584]
Final Score: 10.42 [#588]

(First Thoughts: Well, someone really wants to compete for last place.

...honestly its not the worst song ever, but the choice of metaphor isnt doing it any favors and I hate the interlude so much. I actively dread listening to the rest of the album after hearing this.

Something has gone seriously wrong when this song not only isnt in last place, its probably not even in the bottom 12.)

PROTIP: If you cant say the name of a song on television because its too explicit, dont waste your time telling me to listen to it.

[Final Thoughts: Well, I dont hate it... other than that interlude part in the middle. And the title. And most of the lyrics. Still, its definitely a tier above quite a few other songs, in spite of everything.]

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587: PAUL DUKAS - THE SORCERERS APPRENTICE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4yH4B9deok

Nominator: @GavsEvans123 (13/15)

Initial Score: 22.77 [#553]
Revised Score: 14.99 [#581]
Final Score: 10.60 [#587]

(First Thoughts: Ah, very long orchestral music, my old nemesis. We meet again. I still dont like you.)

Ive never been a fan of Fantasia or even been capable of seeing the appeal. My opinion on classical music has mellowed a bit, but this kind of very traditional orchestra music is always a risky pick. Adding a cartoon mouse doesnt exactly change that youre still making me listen to music I dont want to be listening to.

(And this video doesnt even have Mickey Mouse which was really the only nice thing I could say about Fantasia)

I can at least say the orchestral version is a thousand times better than the miserable version from the Genesis Fantasia game. Just absolutely atrocious music in that game; terrible controls and gameplay too, just a bad game.

...at least Fantasia gave some decent inspiration to Kingdom Hearts? Though I think that may have been my least favorite stage in Birth by Sleep, so even thats debatable.

[Final Thoughts: Genesis Sorcerers Apprentice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd7GjUL_Gn8

IT BURNS.

Back to the actual song: Its just not my genre. There are always exceptions to such things, stuff I like even when its supposed to be something I wouldnt, but this isnt an exception. Ive toned down my rhetoric enough that I dont hate this song, but its not something Id ever choose to listen to.]

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...Hey, Stinkfist actually did just barely land in the bottom 12 after things got shuffled! Thats an interesting coincidence.

...well not that interesting, but I honestly didnt notice.
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586: AURALNAUTS - DANCE FIGHT 66:

https://youtu.be/6Sc4xdj4T1w

Nominator: Jesse_Custer (14/15)

Initial Score: 3.00 [#573]
Revised Score: 17.49 [#579]
Final Score: 13.00 [#586]

(First Thoughts: Pretty sure we found last place here. You get a few points for Star Wars references, but... no, just no.)

Remember back at the start of nominations, where I was only expecting somewhere between four to five hundred songs (and would have considered myself lucky to even get up to last years 300)? When a completely inoffensive dance song seemed like it was probably going to be the worst thing ever?

...well 2020 sucked all the way through so its not like those were good days, but they were certainly more innocent days.

Soo... I still have no idea what Star Wars Ep. 3: Revenge of Middle Management is. It might be funnier with context? Without context its just...generic dance song. And dance songs almost never do well with me; its inoffensive, but fails to leave any sort of lasting impression. Which is still better than a lot of other songs, but I struggle to care enough to give it even 20 points.

[Final Thoughts: I guess it gets some points for Vaders breathing and All Too Easy? Theyre some of the most basic Star Wars things to reference, but its still classic Star Wars and thats worth a little.

I shouldnt go this blatantly off-topic without a reason, but All Too Easy always reminds me of Star Wars Epic Duels. Absolutely fantastic board game that was created as a tie-in to Episode 2; you played as your choice of character from the Original Trilogy or first two prequelsVader, Emperor, Dooku, Jango, Boba, Maul, Young Obi-Wan, Anakin, Luke, Yoda, Han, Windu. Each character had their own personal deck of cards and you got to kill each other in this board & card game fusion. Best board game of all time, easily.

Not the most balanced though. They felt that gunners shouldnt really be able to beat force users, so all the gunner characters were bottom tier (Han >> Boba > Jango); Obi-Wan was positive busted and the strongest character in existence, followed by The Emperor as second best. Strangely Vader was really, really weaklike just barely above the Gunners weak.

His deck just didnt have any real theme to it. He has some cards to deal direct damage, but not enough to actually kill anyone important and no movement cards to make run away and throw things a valid strategy even if he did; hes got no means of defense as hes meant to be a pure attacker, but his damage output isnt high enough for trading blows to be a great solution. Hes got an attack that can drain HP from the opponent, but its so incredibly weak and easily blocked that it doesnt make up for his lack of defense. His trump card, in theory, is All Too Easyan attack that normally does 3 points of damage, but if the opponent doesnt defend against it at all then it spontaneously becomes instant death.

...Vader has absolutely no way of stopping the opponent from Defending. So theres basically no chance you can ever get the blasted thing to work. If your opponent knows the card exists, theyre obviously going to keep at least some defense cards. If they stop even a single point of the attack, then it loses its instant death properties. So... no one ever takes the hit.

The deck just makes no fundamental sense. Theres no themeits just this wild mishmash of cards that doesnt work and I think Vader was easily my least favorite deck to play. Not even from a tier standpointI love playing Jangos deck and hes objectively the worst. Vader just has literally nothing going for him.

...Without looking it up I think the tier list went:

Obi-Wan
Emperor

Maul
Yoda
Mace

Dooku
Anakin
Luke
Vader

Han
Boba
Jango

...Dooku might have been up on the same tier as Maul/Yoda/Mace? Its been a year or two since I last studied the list and a long, long time since I actually played the game. I know the top two and the bottom three; pretty confident in Vader & Luke as the weakest force users (Lukes deck is also a confusing mess that doesnt quite work), but the mid & upper-mid tier is harder to guess from memory.

Was never any good at the game, but I loved it anyway. Unfortunately, the games been out of print for so long that youll basically never find a copy... think theyre going for 80 to 100 dollars these days. I think there are mods for Tabletop Simulator, but I have no experience with that.]

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585: LENA RAINE - POSTCARD FROM CELESTE MOUNTAIN:

https://radicaldreamland.bandcamp.com/track/postcard-from-celeste-mountain

Nominator: MetalmindStats (24/28)
Source: Celeste Soundtrack (19/21)

Initial Score: 0.00 [#578]
Revised Score: 19.90 [#577]
Final Score: 17.00 [#585]

(First Thoughts: This track is so sparse that I truly hesitate to call it a song. Theres absolutely nothing here to discuss or critique.)

There are some ambient tracks that get insanely high scores, but they have to actually...set an ambiance? This is just a distant, faint piano. Its unobjectionable, but not especially memorable. Theres not enough here to even have a reaction to, it might as well be a minute and a half of silence.

And I know theres a solid argument to be made for silence being worth 50 points, but Im tired of trying to discuss the merits of Musical Silence as a genre and could easily throw it into last place because Im still not convinced that Id actively call it music.

[Final Thoughts: Quiet background music probably works better in context instead of trying to stand on its own.]

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584: TOOL - INTERMISSION:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkM5m2tqRBE&list=OLAK5uy_k_Z0-DYw0_cGPvZm6icNUGbefRT4wktdY&index=8

Nominator: Steiner (24/26)
Source: Aenima (13/15)

Initial Score: 2.30 [#575]
Revised Score: 16.24 [#580]
Final Score: 19.99 [#580]

(First Thoughts: Somehow managing to both be incredibly tedious and incredibly short, this song is rather the worst of all worlds.)

I dont know how they managed to combine elevator music & circus music into a song that lasts less than a minute yet feels like it lasts an eternity, but I hate that they did.

Im also baffled by this not being the worst song on the album. I feel with any normal band, something this...terrible, quite frankly, would easily be one of the worst songs they ever produced. But were not dealing with a normal band.

[Final Thoughts: The songs brevity is the only thing keeping it from falling any further down the list.]

[Final-er Thoughts: Well, its...unique enough that I almost want to move it up a tier? But not quite. I think this song marks the end of the 10 point tier. Sure. Well go with that.

Also insert typical I know this is more a song intro than its own song, but it has a track number so its being treated as a song speech here.]

===============

And thats enough for one day... with enough songs being moved up the list and shuffling things around, its going to take me the rest of the night trying to get something ready for tomorrow. On the plus side, were up to the 20 point tier! I guess! Whatever that means.
---

Meanwhile, my list is almost done and none of the songs nominated by PIayer_0 have even shown up yet >_>

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

mean, its possible, Im hardly going to claim to be particularly good at interpretations. Im also pretty easily triggered and it wouldnt be the first or last time I took offense at something in blatantly the wrong way. (Its not even going to be the last time this tier, but i get ahead of myself...)

The way I took it (and I swear I saw someone else with a similar thought, as I tried to do some research in hopes of finding a better explanation) is that its being presented as a surprise negative. You want a fan, but you dont want a douche fan like the one in the song; you want a hooker, but you dont want one like the title. If Maynard had a less garbage intention than Ill issue an apology.

huh? i'm confused at what you think the metaphor is. maynard is the hooker. he has a penis, unusually for a hooker, but he is a hooker nonetheless, being asked to perform all of this customer's weird fantasies for a price

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oh, stinkfist dropped too okay

Raetsel_Lapin posted...

PROTIP: If you cant say the name of a song on television because its too explicit, dont waste your time telling me to listen to it.

weirdo

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i love how all of these aenima tracks are dropping before die eier von satan drops >_>

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anyway i debated lateralus or aenima and decided aenima has better individual songs for a ranking like this - e.g. stinkfist which is one of the 20 or so greatest songs of all time but doesn't have a name suitable for babies, my bad

---

Thats a fair point that the Auralnauts Star Wars song probably works a lot better in the context of the video (one of a series of dubbed parodies, which are absolutely worth watching starting with Episode I if you have even the slightest appreciation of Star Wars).

Im actually not much of a fan of dance style music typically, but I think that particular song has some great production and musical elements that are beyond just Star Wars references. But yeah, Im sure context matters.

Jesse_Custer posted...

Thats a fair point that the Auralnauts Star Wars song probably works a lot better in the context of the video (one of a series of dubbed parodies, which are absolutely worth watching starting with Episode I if you have even the slightest appreciation of Star Wars).

Im actually not much of a fan of dance style music typically, but I think that particular song has some great production and musical elements that are beyond just Star Wars references. But yeah, Im sure context matters.

Sounds interesting. I'll try watching at least the first part after this topic.
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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

And now a blatant distraction, with what Im guessing was an attempt at last place.

Yeah Im going for last place. I have tried each year but never quite got it... maybe next time then. Or maybe not

---

When you're listening to Tool, just remember that they're not like other bands. Their music is incredibly artistic, almost to the point where you have to be paying complete attention to them to even remotely understand them. I remember listening to a song on Lateralus (though I can't remember what it was), where I thought a song was absolute bollocks during the listen. Then, I closed my eyes for a second, and all of a sudden the song had an entirely new meaning. It was insane the way Tool could just become something so different when you take a look into the music.

Another thing you should note about Tool is that it's easy to get a headache listening to them. Not because they're a bad band, but because of how many ideas their music is riddled with and how complex they are. Soon enough your head will fill to the brim and the rest will just sound like noise to you. Just turn it off and give it a listen the next day.

If you don't like the music, you'll definitely at least enjoy reading through the lyrics, and picking apart the song itself and all of the artistic values that go into making it the complexity that it is.

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

Oh hey, Maynards making an overly vulgar metaphor that makes me hate the song, what a completely original experience.

what's even vulgar about this

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So I run Rap. (I read the one line you wrote and thought I'd just comment about it. It's quoted below)

idk where to start but I guess I'll explain Kool Keith really quick.

He makes albums using his own made up characters and everything is kind of intertwined in a way. (Black Elvis, Space Taveler, Serial Killers, Doctors...etc) (Apparently the 'pornocore' album had a song that was in the movie Office Space, who knew! Oh and I only had learned of him because of a PS1 skating game that had a song of his on it)

All of the albums tell a story and all of his albums have an overarching story.

Dr Dooom is a character that is a serial killer in prison. The album is about how Dr Dooom killed another one of his characters (Dr. Octagon, from previous album of his).

I Run Rap is about prison life.
(Rap is prison and Rappers are the prisoners)

"Who gives a damn if other rappers want to shop at Victorias Secret? Mind your own business."
Nobody is shopping at Victoria's Secret.
It's about prisoners wearing panties, because prison life.

The song is all about a serial killers life in prison and how he runs the place.
And about all the nasty stuff that happens, because its prison.

And that's what it is about. Not the real world, not rappers. But prison.

Anyway,
I am proud of last place!
I seem to get last a lot on b8 song rankings lol.

Can't wait for the rest of this topic!!

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one weird thing i remember from raetsel's topic from two years ago was that she got triggered by kevin barnes' name and refused to talk about him or of montreal. i don't need to know the details but was he involved in some controversy that i totally missed?

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i was wondering when someone was going to post the tool copypasta

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ah, makes sense. i listened to that album a long time ago and didn't notice there being a gay slur in that song at the time... unsurprising, as i generally miss a lot of english language lyrics (probably because english isn't my first language) (hip hop being an exception, obviously).

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LOLIAmAnAlt posted...

Oh and I only had learned of him because of a PS1 skating game that had a song of his on it

Grind Session!

Apologies, but things seem to be back on track (for a moment at least), so lets see where all we get tonight.

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582: MASAFUMI TAKADA - TRIAL UNDERGROUND:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWr4bMRIpZk&list=PLLmUcHIAJVw_GCWsy10Bv4-rtr6XDQfSU&index=20

Nominator: DoctorJimmy133 (27/27)
Source: Crypt of the Necrodancer Danganronpa (20/20)

Initial Score: 30.03 [#536]
Revised Score: 22.49 [#572]
Final Score: 22.49 [#582]

(First Thoughts: This leaves no impression, at all.)

Well, Ive lowered my opinion from no impression to negative impression, though I doubt youd consider that an improvement. I cant really find anything good to say about it... its a long way from being the worst, but...eh?

I suppose its no worse than the original version? Taking a song I dont like and making it into a style I also dislike, results in...pretty much the same amount of dislike. Its no better or worse, which is kinda impressive in its own way?

[Final Thoughts: I was starting to feel very unsure about myself and the scoring. After ten songs had been moved up to higher tiers, things felt confusing... was there going to be anything left at this tier? Is something influencing me and causing me to suddenly inflate everyones scores at the last minute, even when my new system is created specifically to avoid that? Like what even are numbers, man?? Wait, are numbers? Is this a clue to the forgotten dream that created the R#s? What is time or reality?

And then this song comes along and I feel the exact same way about it as usual and all seems right with the world again.]

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581: MASAFUMI TAKADA - ITS A MONOKUMA WORLD (3-2 HOT)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2gnjNuRPg4&list=PLLmUcHIAJVw_GCWsy10Bv4-rtr6XDQfSU&index=11

Nominator: DoctorJimmy133 (26/27)
Source: Crypt of the Necrodancer Danganronpa OST (19/20)

Initial Score: 5.00 [#572]
Revised Score: 25.49 [#566]
Final Score: 23.00 [#581]

(First Thoughts: When I physically have to pause the song at the halfway point because I find that thumping so intolerable I cant stand the song for the entire 2:46 in one go, you know its going to get a really low score.

....though somehow not the lowest.)

Well, I found it easier to tolerate the song the second time around, but Im obviously still not a fan of it. This type of overly pronounced, pulsing beat probably works great in game where you have to time your presses to the beat, but I tend to hate songs with that type of beat... and this song has one of the loudest and most pronounced of all songs in this topic.

(Get used to that complaint about pulsing beats. Its going to come up A LOT this topic.)

...a hundred word mimimum really isnt happening this topic, is it?

[Final Thoughts: Predict how many songs are going to get the pulsing beat complaint before the end of the ranking. Closest without going over wins...well nothing, really.

Either way, pulsing beat is a bit of a misnomeras is the oft-repeated complaint about dance musicI just often dislike any song where something is monotonously playing the same note with the same timing in an infinite loop. It often becomes the only thing my mind can focus on and quickly becomes almost headache-inducing.

It tends to be most pronounced with techno rave headbanging club music, but it can show up in any song from any genre. Probably with any instrument. And there are quite explicitly songs that do this that I love anyway, but it tends to require the song giving me something I wanta specific feeling or emotion, or a story I become invested in, something to rather distract me from what that instrument is doing.

...on an unrelated note, this albums title is so long, I dont think I ever type it out the same way twice. It was a poor attempt at a running gag and has no impact on anything.]

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sergiocornaga posted...

Grind Session!

Huh, I apparently dont know that one. I was confusing it with Konamis PS2 skateboarding game, which is apparently called Evolution Skateboarding.

...is it any good?
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i'd say the grind session soundtrack is worth a listen, at least! has plenty of famous hip hop artists on it, with my favorite being jurassic 5 (their song jayou appears on the soundtrack).

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sergiocornaga posted...

Grind Session!

^5

Raetsel_Lapin posted...

Huh, I apparently dont know that one. I was confusing it with Konamis PS2 skateboarding game, which is apparently called Evolution Skateboarding.

...is it any good?

It's the best THPS clone on the PS1 IMO. For whatever that's worth. I liked it and I also enjoyed the soundtrack!

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Sounds interesting enough, I guess Ill add it somewhere to the list. Which I need to update because I missed a few Piano Opera Deluxe Edition songs

ZALIST (in no particular order)

Achtung Baby (Album)\
Grind Session (Game OST)
Steve Reich (Artist)
Live - Hold Me Up
Live - We Deal In Dreams
Piano Opera - Terras Theme (Arr. Bill Dobbins)
Piano Opera - The Serpent Trench (Arr. Bill Dobbins)
Piano Opera - Welcome to Our Town! Music Box
Piano Opera - Theme of Love Music Box
Piano Opera - Moogle Theme Music Box
Piano Opera - My Home, Sweet Home Music Box
Piano Opera - The Mystic Forest Music Box
Piano Opera - Terras Theme: Music Box
Shooter Jennings - The Low Road
CFO - Let Me Show You How
13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim - Now or Never

And some songs UF8 PMd a while ago

...Eesh, they added a lot of songs to the deluxe edition. Thats basically an extra discs worth of music.

===============

580: PSO2 - DEUS ESCA ~ YGGDRASIL SHINING ON THE EARTH:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xa-6SZGjtk&list=PLeKaE-gusMmaq2FecWApCcMOVGJblcdrD&index=33

Nominator: NFUN (37/37)

Initial Score: 20.20 [#557]
Revised Score: 22.99 [#571]
Final Score: 24.00 [#580]

(First Thoughts: The silence after the song is longer than the song itself. On a better track, that could be used to some effectyou know, illustrate the PoV character dying, or the world ending, or something. Here it just highlights how pointless the nine seconds of music was.)

I arguably should give more points to this on the grounds that ten seconds of silence is vastly preferable than some songs, but I just very actively do not want to take a song this short and notable only for having more silence than actual music above the 20 point tier.

It also indirectly reminds me of Anagram nominating Red Alert 3s soviet march which ended with a silence as long as the song itself was, but at least that had an entire song (with a bear in it!) before the video went to a silence that was as awkward as it was apparently unending.

[Final Thoughts: A lot like Steel Forged in Fate, only without the Mega Man bias to help its score. Its a brief musical cue divorced from its actual song and while its a perfectly fine musical cue, its not really much of a song.]

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579: MAZEDUDE - BONE WAGON, FOR BONES:

https://mazedude.bandcamp.com/track/bone-wagon-for-bones

Nominator: sergiocornaga (18/18)

Initial Score: 40.00 [#510]
Revised Score: 24.49 [#568]
Final Score: 24.49 [#579]

(First Thoughts: I should praise it for sounding different, but I dont really find it cute, funny, or even as unique as I probably should.)

Its probably just me, but this feels like a Crash Bandicoot type of song. Now, all I can picture is that idiot bouncing his way through a graveyard and Im irrationally angry about this.

Which raises some questions. Why do I hate Crash so much? There are plenty of mascot platformers that I didnt enjoy (like Croc! Looking at you, you worthless crocodile you), but I dont actively hate the characters involvedlike Ill make fun of Croc, but I wouldnt say I hate Croches a complete failure of a mascot from a failure of a game, but I dont hate him.

But Crash? I hate Crash. On an almost personal level. Like he actively did something to me and I will never forgive that stupid jerk.

...And I have no clue where this hatred is coming from? I dont like the game and I dont like the design of the character, but that doesnt explain why the hate is personal...

Its not tied to the commercials; some of those were funny.

Its not jealousy of that actor getting to harass and troll people in a fursuit; I find the idea of dressing up as Crash utterly repugnant. That would be a cursed monkey paw wish. Oh, heres a fursuit for you, the only requirement is you have to dress like Crash Bandicoot. Stupid cursed magic objects.

...What was I doing? Or right, right, Crash:

I dont have anything against the Playstation (best system of its generation, though Saturn has the most unique games that were never ported anywhere) and love lots of games from it. So, its not some weird CONSOLE WARS thing from the 90s relating to him kinda being Sonys mascot. (Also, how weird is it that the Playstations mascot wasnt a character actually owned by Sony?)

I dont care about system exclusives, so I dont mind that he appears on other systems these days.

1996 wasnt exactly a good year for me personally, but a lot of great games came out that year ; I still love NiGHTS, Guardian Heroes... wow that was a great year for games, wed be here all night if I were to list them all. So its not due to the year it came out.

...yeah, I got nothing. I have a deeply personal hatred for Crash Bandicoot that defies explanation or logic and this song reminds me of him, so it fails.

[One Day Later: I think Ive worked this out partiallyits not so much Crash Bandicoot himself, as much as I just find myself endlessly disappointed in media featuring animals native (or formerly native) to Australia.



I cant think of any Taz segments I actually liked from classic Looney Tunes (Ive just never been able to see the appeal).

Dizzy was probably the worst of the regularly appearing Tiny Toons (though Hampton never had any good episodes focusing on him, he was at least usually good at playing off of Plucky).

Never liked Knuckles in anything.

Didnt enjoy the Taz-Mania cartoon.

I was really hyped up by the way the Taz-Mania SNES game lookedI somehow became convinced that it was a on-foot racing game and that it would be awesome. It was neither of those things.

[Sonic R would later provide exactly what I was looking for. I never stopped to think about it, but its no wonder I loved that gameI was actively waiting years for something like it to be created.]

Taz had multiple terrible games on the Genesis and I have no idea why I kept playing them,

My hatred for Crash is now a matter of public record.

There is a lifetime of disappointmentfrom games, to cartoons, to comics (though Knuckles comics are at least the funny kind of terrible)that makes me associate all of them with misery.

....maybe? It at least seems to be a plausible explanation.]

[Final Thoughts: ...with that spin attack of his, Crash is just a third-rate Taz, isnt he? Perhaps I just hate Taz after a lifetime of disappoints and Crash is just getting caught up in that.

...Nope, not that, still hate Crash.

And yes, this song did actually get a lower score than actual Crash Bandicoot music, because nothing I say or do makes sense in any context. I dont know why this sounds more like Crash than actual Crash music, it just does.]

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

This type of overly pronounced, pulsing beat probably works great in game where you have to time your presses to the beat, but I tend to hate songs with that type of beat... and this song has one of the loudest and most pronounced of all songs in this topic.

(Get used to that complaint about pulsing beats. Its going to come up A LOT this topic.)

Oh man I am about to get bodied lmao

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578: MASAFUMI TAKADA - BOX 15 (3-1 COLD):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQGM-HLibjk&list=PLLmUcHIAJVw_GCWsy10Bv4-rtr6XDQfSU&index=8

Nominator: DoctorJimmy133 (25/27)
Source: Crypt of the Necrodancer Danganronpa (18/20)

Initial Score: 20.10 [#559]
Revised Score: 26.99 [#563]
Final Score: 24.70 [#578]

(First Thoughts: ...Kay.)

So, how ya doing? ...Well enough, I hope?

...youd think Id talk about Crypt of the Necrodancer or Danganronpa to fill space, but I quite honestly dont want to. I seem to have no sense of rhythm so Necrodancer is basically unplayable for me & Danganronpa... is something Ive played, but dont really want to talk about? Its good and Id play a fourth game, but Ive never actually wanted to discuss any characters, plots, gameplay, or songs from it.

(Actually after Sailor Mercury went insane at Johnbobbs RPG, I almost wished Id chosen to roleplay as someone like Nagito. Which would prevail? The hope of the heroic characters like Tien or the despair of the psychotic Mercury and her severed head collection? ...I probably could have done a decent Nagito impression, back when Id recently played the game. Been too many years now.

[also I think the finale of that RPG should have been Tien & Cream trying to defeat Mercury to keep her from going back to her world after all of her crimes, but I can respect Johnbobb shying away from inter-party conflict.])

[Final Thoughts: Well, I probably wouldnt have made a decent Nagito then either, to be quite honest. Not that thats relevant to anything on any plane of existence.

Odd that I didnt say even one word tangibly related to the song. Theres usually at least a generic I dont like this message before lapsing into incoherence.

...I dont like the cowbell on this song. At least, I think its a cowbell.]

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577: JIBJAB - SO LONG TO YA, 2010:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCuoLd0K4lY

Nominator: paulg235 (15/15)

Initial Score: 13.00 [#569]
Revised Score: 24.99 [#567]
Final Score: 24.99 [#577]

(First Thoughts: Not the worst, but for a joke song, it didnt even make me smirk once.)

The closest I came to smiling during this song was when I turned on the auto-generated captions and they got very strange..

We were so sad when Wrong said, good luck Martians!, was...almost funny? But thats not what was actually sung and its still not actually funny.

Ive said it before and Ill probably say it many times this topic alone because Im a broken record pretending its a bunny, but joke songs either get insanely high scores or insanely low scores. Theres not much worse than a joke I dont like and not much I enjoy more than I joke I do like. This is firmly on the didnt like side of things.

[Final Thoughts: Sorry, I still just dont find this particularly funny.]

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Nor was I expecting you to, honestly. That was one of the songs I just felt like nominating for variations sake and was never a a serious attempt to get a high rating. Not the last song I nominated that falls into that category, either!

Probably not even the best of the JibJab Year-In Reviews, either. I just picked 2010 since I thought puppets would slightly boost its score.

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Given what's been said in some of the write-ups, I have to imagine Shit Towne will be my first one out.

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576: PSO2 - ESCA FALZ MOTHER ~ SUPERIORITY:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?index=24&list=PLeKaE-gusMmaq2FecWApCcMOVGJblcdrD&v=Ds7TPScowlY

Nominator: NFUN (36/37)

Initial Score: 19.99 [#563]
Revised Score: 23.99 [#569]
Final Score: 25.10 [#576]

(First Thoughts: You know the opening to the 80s Flash Gordon movie, the way Ming says Klytus, Im bored?

I feel like that. Not just bored, but expressing boredom in an exaggerated, almost cartoonish way that would be described as somewhere between petulant child & world-destroying tyrant.)

This writeup sucks and is now about Flash Gordon.

...

......

It occurs to me now that I dont actually have anything to say about any version of Flash Gordon. Not the 80s movie (which is wonderfully cheesy), the Queen theme song to the movie (also wonderfully cheesy), The Protomens cover of the Queen song (not bad though trying to live up to Queen is a fools errand), not the Sci-Fi Channel TV series from 2007 (though I did watch it), and not Defenders of the Earth (which Ive never seen but remember the theme song of from watching too many every cartoon theme ever compilations).

Is Defenders of the Earth the worst crossover team in history? Flash Gordon, the Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, and Lothar. Thats just an abysmal lineup. Who or what the heck is a Lothar?

*checks*

Mandrakes assistant? Wow. That is so much more boring of an answer than I was hoping for. And the team is also stuck with FOUR child sidekicks! Four of them! And not a single one of them is relevant enough to even have their name mentioned in the theme! Its just here are these FOUR awesome heroes! And also four kids so theres EIGHT CHARACTERS NOW!!!

I know The Power Team was terrible, but sunglasses wearing tomato is at least an original concept. And they had Bigfoot the Monster Truck as a member!

...this writeup sucks and is now a sad parody of Mercs.


~FIGHT!~

Flash Gordon/The Phantom/Mandrake/Lothar/Teen Sidekicks have challenged Max Force/Kuros/Kwirk/Bigfoot the Monster Truck/Tyrone to a fight! Location of the fight: THE MUD RACE - An improbably large indoor racetrack covered in mud, designed for monster truck races. There are several mud pits, as well as very large ramps. The stands are full of human spectators. Access to the outside world is forbidden.

Also a jungle filled with wildlife (including lions, tigers, elephants, and anything else that might appear in a generic jungle scene) appeared throughout the terrain. Voters must take this into account.

Also a basketball court has appeared in the center of the terrain.

Flash Gordon is a composite version of his comics incarnation, 80s film version, Defenders of the Earth version, Sci-Fi TV series version, novels, radio plays, and the Ted series. All feats from all sources are considered to be canon, especially if they contradict each other. He is equipped with a Ray Gun & Royal Guard Sword. Flash Gordon has been trapped in Kwirks warehouse! He must solve ten floors of block pushing puzzles before he can join the fight, at which point hell mysteriously appear in the exact center of the arena. If his teammates are eliminated before he can solve the puzzles, the fight will end before his arrival.

The Phantom is as seen in his newspaper comic series. He is armed with two flintlock pistols and a knife. The wildlife of the forest consider The Phantom to be their brother. They will not attack The Phantom or his teammates and will do their best to follow any command given by The Phantom. The Phantom has been pantsed by Tyrone and will start with his pants around his ankles.

Mandrake the Magician is as seen in his newspaper comic series. Mandrake has become addicted to crack! Hell attempt to get high whenever he has a chance, but because NARC (PS2) was incredibly stupid, hell have enhanced eyesight whenever he is under the effects of the drug.

Lothar is as seen in Mandrakes newspaper comic series. Lothar has been struck by a bolt of magic causing him to lose all of his memories and his honor. He will not necessarily work with his team.

Teen Sidekicks are a group of four teens, aged 13 to 16, who are too irrelevant to bother giving names to. While they are (somehow) related to the other members of their team, they have no abilities or equipment. Tyrone has challenged the Teen Sidekicks to a 4-on-1 basketball game! The Teen Sidekicks will do everything in their power to focus only on the basketball game until it ends, but may defend themselves if attacked by the other team.

~VS~

Max Force is as seen in the arcade version of NARC. He is equipped with an M-16, a Rocket Launcher, an infinite supply of handcuffs that will instantly incapacitate anyone he can successfully place them on, and his squad car. He has been hypnotized by Mandrake the Magician and will spend the first ten seconds battling imaginary demons that only he can see. Max Force has also been granted a Magic Wrench that will fully repair the first vehicle it touches, but may only be used one time.

Kuros is as seen in the Wizards & Warriors franchise. He has inexplicably decided to take off all his armor and will start the fight showing off his beautiful, Fabio-like physique. Kuros may put his armor back on, if hes able to find the time to do so.

Kwirk is as seen in his self-titled video game and The Power Team, an anthropomorphic tomato wearing sunglasses. Kwirk has been banished to Mars and given Flash Gordons rocket ship. Kwirk must successfully pilot the ship back to Earth in order to join the fight, at which point he may use the ship as he sees fit. If his teammates are eliminated before he can reach Earth, the fight will end before his arrival.

Bigfoot the Monster Truck is as seen in real life, though its inexplicably sentient and capable of moving on its own power (though his team members may climb inside and drive if desired). It is equipped with a Protective Shield that will block the first three attacks to strike it and three buzzsaws that may be launched as projectiles. Bigfoot has been thrown by Lothar and will start the fight flying headfirst at the nearest wall.

Tyrone is as seen in Arch Rivals & The Power Team. Tyrone has challenged the Teen Sidekicks to a 4-on-1 basketball game! While Tyrone will do everything in his power to focus on the basketball game, he may defend himself if attacked by the other team. The basketball ref is crooked and will not call a foul against Tyrone, no matter what he does. Tyrone is aware of this fact, though no one else is.

FIGHT!

*continued*
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[Final Thoughts: And the award for most incoherent and irrelevant gibberish passing itself as a writeup goes to whatever that was.

As for the song itself: Its got that repetitive pulsing beat that I almost never like.

(Pulsing Beat Complaint Counter: 2)

And that match is just woefully imbalanced. Max Force is going to start firing rockets at imaginary demons, causing a wild stampede of animals and the audience to attempt fleeing. If you presume access to the outside world is forbidden to apply to the spectators, then things are going to quickly devolve into a riot as everyone realizes theyre trapped. Fairly decent odds everyone on both sides gets slaughtered in the ensuing chaos, with the most likely survivor being Mandrake... whose only goal is to find somewhere to hide in the chaos and take as many drugs as possible. Defenders of the Earth win by default due to the magicians sudden drug addiction.

Even without the spectators, I dont see a path to victory for The Power Team. Maybe if Bigfoot had infinite saws to launch, but the jungle is probably too dense for it to really move and it doesnt have the ammo to cut its way through. (Bigfoot might be a beast on a terrain like Spekkios Arena where he can open by firing monster truck sized blades at the enemy team and running them over, but its completely dead weight in tight spaces like this)

Kwirk has no chance of figuring out how to pilot a spaceship and wouldnt amount to much even if he could get back.

Kuros probably lacks durability without his armor and putting on a full suit of armor takes way more time than hes going to have.

Max Force is going to blow all his best ammo attacking nothing.

Tyrone is a non-factor even if he lives, but he probably gets tramped to death. The animals are forbidden from hurting any of the Defenders, so hes going to be crushed by a stampede that inexplicably avoids the unnamed teens.

Just terrible ability usage and terrain choices here.]

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yeah that song sucks. i have no idea why that fight has its own independent songs. you hear this for 10 seconds at a time in the middle of Superluminal

should've done a parody of King of Fighters 2020 though

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