Board 8 > What the hell is wrong with me?

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BlogFAQs.

So I've never really dated, and I'm getting old. That's not the problem, but I wanted that out front.

Three or four years ago, there was a woman working at a cupcake stand. I was immediately smitten, and I knew it wasn't going to end well, but I'm dumb. I stopped by frequently to chat and hopefully get to know her (I'm dumb), and for a while she was pretty ok with that. Eventually, she figured out that I was into her and she became decidedly less friendly. It took a bit for me to catch on, but I did and I left her alone.

For some reason, I'm still hung up on her. I don't know why. She wasn't a 10 by any stretch, and it's not like we were ever more than causal acquaintances, but years later I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I tried online dating since then, but never really got anywhere with my matches. I've seen pretty ladies around since then, but haven't felt any strong desire to pursue them. I've put time into my career and improved my position, but it hasn't improved things any. (I did seek professional help for a while; the therapist said some nice things along the way, but I don't think there was much there I can use.)

And COVID makes trying to get my mind off of things difficult. I can't really plan a vacation, events are cancelled, and the only things left to do are work, shop for groceries, and maybe dine out once in a great while.

So I'm dumping this out here because I'm afraid to ask my family for help and my friends aren't any help.

It really is a matter of you'll forget about her once you meet another one. Doesn't seem like you met another one yet. I guess you like the idea of meeting cute? meeting An average girl at a cupcake shop sounds sweet

at the very least you backed off and didn't become creepy

How do you know she "figured you out"?

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Advice: get back on the online dating thing. Go on a date with literally anyone, even if you don't initially like them.

Your main issue is that you're not confident (no offense intended). Like, it's not dumb that you had a crush on a girl and talked to her. That's what's supposed to happen. It's cliche to say "get back on the horse" but it's the best way to move on. Go out, have fun, try to not think about this person from the past for at least a few hours.

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I can't really say what the issue is, but just for you to know, it's not really great to flirt with women who are at work because they are a captive audience and not allowed to be rude to the customer or they risk losing their job. Try taking up a new hobby you could meet people through, maybe something like dnd you can find groups still doing it online during quarantine. And keep trying the dating online, it only has to work once.

You're still new to dating because of your decades spent self-hating

I'm going to disagree with other people and say ignore the online dating. It's def designed to increase your self hate. Try to find other types of groups to socialize with. You won't meet girls right away, but you can get your social abilities and confidence up

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Take the wizard pill and accept that life is better to be free of the strings of needy humans.

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iirc you live out in wyoming or something. it's just really lonely out there. not much you can do about it and you're not the only person experiencing this

i think the path to happiness is to start loving yourself. then, you love your friends. then, you love the people that treat you well.

for the next cool person you meet, aim to gain a new friend circle, rather than a romantic partner. we're social animals, and people like that energy. the original person may not feel the connection you're looking for, but you'll get along with their friends and probably enjoy their company. having friends means having even more total positive social connections and you'll hit it off with someone eventually

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I thought he lived in the UK
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KingButz posted...

I thought he lived in the UK

No, Ive lived in the Cleveland area for my whole life.

Punnyz posted...

It really is a matter of you'll forget about her once you meet another one. Doesn't seem like you met another one yet. I guess you like the idea of meeting cute? meeting An average girl at a cupcake shop sounds sweet

at the very least you backed off and didn't become creepy

How do you know she "figured you out"?

She had a subordinate who clued her in, I think. Or maybe I was creepy, I dont know. I have no game.

As for the first meeting, I just saw the cupcake stand and thought it looked interesting. When I got there, she was pulling cupcakes out of the display. She saw me and smiled, and I thought, Aw, crap, this wont end well, because I was immediately smitten. It didnt hurt that the cupcakes were really good.

fuming posted...

I can't really say what the issue is, but just for you to know, it's not really great to flirt with women who are at work because they are a captive audience and not allowed to be rude to the customer or they risk losing their job. Try taking up a new hobby you could meet people through, maybe something like dnd you can find groups still doing it online during quarantine. And keep trying the dating online, it only has to work once.

Yeah, I know youre not supposed to bother people at work, but thats where I met her.

Sounds like you borderline got stalkerish with the cupcake girl. But, you stopped yourself when you realized it so that was good.

Like someone said before. Go out with literally anyone online that is your demographic. Get a feel for dating. Maybe get your nut off a few times. And then you will be able to be more loose around girls and find someone you like, and maybe broaden your horizon on taste. Hell, maybe one of the randoms will end up being someone you really like.

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Uglyface2 posted...

She had a subordinate who clued her in, I think. Or maybe I was creepy, I dont know. I have no game.

"how do you know?"

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Ok cupid

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Uglyface2 posted...

BlogFAQs.

So I've never really dated, and I'm getting old. That's not the problem, but I wanted that out front.

For some reason, I'm still hung up on her. I don't know why. She wasn't a 10 by any stretch,

Having this sort of a She wasnt a ten by any stretch mindset while having never had any sort of a serious relationship is probably a big red flag anyone can see coming. You dont sound old, you sound like a teenager by saying that and being so crushed by this random person you see at the cupcake store who is forced to talk to you because youre a customer. I couldnt imagine falling in love with my grocer no matter how many times a week I see them or how nice they are.

You had had an infatuation. Nothing more. You knew this persons nice work face, you didnt get to know them, you like your perception of them. People get over when the love of their life for twenty years dies or divorces them. But thats another good point. No one likes being bothered at work for shit like this. No one. In the world.

To be fair I've met several girlfriends over the counter both from me being behind the counter and the girl being behind the counter.

But being not-creepy is a skill, and you don't have it. I don't have it either after being married for 7 years and then living alone on a mountain with little to no human contact. You'll know when women feel safe by their body language when it happens, until then you gotta follow strict rules.

Also ugliness has very little to do with the way you feel. Ugly confident trumps good looking insecure every single time.

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