Poll of the Day > HAPPY SKELETON WAR EVERYBODY (caps)

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Noop_Noop
10/06/20 2:00:59 PM
#51:


Saw 3 (2006)

This movie is definitely moving in the right direction, but we are also definitely not there yet. really, this entire series could have been improved at any time if they just stopped pretending. stop pretending that what jigsaw does isnt murder. stop pretending that he is "rehabilitating bad people". stop pretending that this series is anything other than torture porn. they are starting to figure out what the "strength" of this series is, they just need to lean into it.

the traps are starting to get super ridiculous, we are starting to recruit some terrible actors, and the gore is getting turned up to 11. The murder pacing is decent. The whole gauntlet idea for this main victim was a great idea, even if this crew still has no idea how to execute it.

Favorite kill: The lady who got sprayed over and over again in the freezer until she just froze solid. i would even say that kill was "chilling"

I counted 9 kills. weird that this series keeps going up by just 1 or 2 people. i wonder if that continues.

I rate this one 2/5

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/06/20 2:13:28 PM
#52:


Saw 4 (2007)

First of all, i have to say it because its been bugging me since i finished this morning. What in the absolute holy fuck is going on with the scene transitions in this movie. it feels like the director thought he was making an artistic choice, but it just jarring and fucking duuuuuumb.

absurd transitions aside, this movie pretty well embodies what saw became. the gore is top notch. this movies had some very memorable kills.

aside from tobin bell the acting has gone down the drain. Betsy Russell (jigsaw's wife) has got to be the worst actress i have ever seen. i think i remember something about her fucking the director, which makes sense, because there is no way anyone would hire this woman based on an audition.

the writing is... well its a saw movie, and not the first one, so its really really bad.

the pacing feels about on par with rest. that has never really been this series weakness.

Favorite kill: Eric Matthews. head crushed by 2 giant blocks of ice.

I counted 9 kills total, so yes, still continuing with the 1 or 2 kill increase every movie.

I rate this one 3/5. its closer to a 2 than a 4.

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/06/20 2:19:29 PM
#53:


i will probably finish this series today, but no more reviews till tomorrow.

i am a tired boy. it was a long trip and it is currently 7am and ive been up all night.

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Noop_Noop
10/07/20 12:50:01 PM
#54:


Saw 5 (2008)

This was the sort of game this series was made for. My biggest gripe with this movie, however, is that we dont get much in the way of traps outside of this main game. Dude gets cut in half, and strom gets crushed and that is it.

Betsy russell is still around for some reason. every time i see her face i want to scream. why in the flying fuck is she even here.

Whatever. the writing is shit, the acting is shit, everything is shit, and its a great saw movie.

Favorite kill: Walls close in and crush Strahm. Holy shit the whole crushing wall thing has happened in so many tv shows and movies, but if i am not mistaken this is the first time someone actually died to it.

I counted only 5 kills in this movie, which was a pretty big let down. Gonna cost a point for sure.

I rate this one 2/5.

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/07/20 1:01:40 PM
#55:


Saw 6 (2009)

Stop trying to be political Saw. You are a cheesy, campy, terribly horror series. Nobody is interested in jigsaw's political philosophy.

All that aside this was a good installment. I enjoyed all of the games, no matter how little they fit jigsaw's alleged MO. Murder pacing was as good as it gets in a saw movie. The rest of it is just as bad as every other saw movie.

still really want betsy russell's character dead.

Favorite kill: William. dude gets melted in half with hydroflouric acid. shit was brutal.

I counted 13 deaths total. Quite a step up.

I rate this one 3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/07/20 1:09:28 PM
#56:


SAW 3D (2010)

Saw does not need to be 3D lol. It adds absolutely nothing. whatever. this one kicks off with one of my all-time favorite games, in which a couple of cucks overcome their weaknesses and cut the cuckoldress (is that the right term?) in half. It was nice to see some of Jigsaw's victims make the correct choice for once.

it was weird seeing chester bennington, and even weirder remembering that he hung himself a few years later.

Gory as fuck, dumb as fuck, twisted as fuck. yay its a saw movie.

Favorite kill has to be betsy russell (jill tuck). We finally get to see the reverse bear trap in action and i cannot think of a character i want to see dead more than hers.

I counted a whopping 21 kills this movie. Holy shit, those are friday the 13th numbers! definately a +1 for that

I rate this one 4/5

https://i.imgur.com/o1aLBqG.gif


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Noop_Noop
10/07/20 1:15:34 PM
#57:


Jigsaw (2017)

Seven years later, its the sequel that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. Wait, its a prequel? no its a sequel. no its a prequel sequel prequel sequel make up your fucking mind you goofy goddamn movie.

I did appreciate that this movie relied less on the whole torture porn and tried to go back to saw's roots. certainly some parts of this movie were refreshing.

The writing was somehow worse than usual, and ditto for the acting. None of this was helped by the fact that most of the violent was very toned down.

this is also the movie that cinches it. john kramer is officially an omniscient god who sees all and knows all.

Favorite kill: Detective halloran gets his head lasered into 8 even sections. whaaat in the fuck even was that.

I counted 12 kills, 15 if you count offscreen kills caused by a car accident, which i dont.

I rate this one 2/5

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif

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Revelation34
10/07/20 6:53:06 PM
#58:


Wouldn't a moving wall mechanism break down fast?
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Noop_Noop
10/07/20 8:34:33 PM
#59:


Revelation34 posted...
Wouldn't a moving wall mechanism break down fast?

i mean probably? it only needed to work once

really though, if you are looking for any sort of logical consistency this is not the genre for you

im just waiting for the next movie where we find out that we, the audience, were helping jigsaw the entire time.


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Revelation34
10/07/20 10:02:39 PM
#60:


Noop_Noop posted...


i mean probably? it only needed to work once

really though, if you are looking for any sort of logical consistency this is not the genre for you

im just waiting for the next movie where we find out that we, the audience, were helping jigsaw the entire time.



It isn't honestly. I can never get over the fact how stupid characters are in horror movies which is why I rarely watch them.

Reminds me though I'll recommend the only two I can think of I actually liked.

Dog Soldiers and Wind Chill. The 2nd one is a low budget one but at least isn't a Scifi channel one.
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Noop_Noop
10/08/20 1:29:31 PM
#61:


Troll 2 (1990)

ok, so not only is this not really a horror movie, but it is also probably the worst movie ive ever seen. couldnt even enjoy it ironically. had to stop about an hour in.

0/5

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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 1:04:11 AM
#62:


I've got a bunch of these to catch up on

Evil Dead 2 (1987)

Fuckin' classic movie. It is legitimately funny and entertaining. There is only 1 part that i do not like about it, and that is Annie's screaming. my god does that woman have the fakest, most grating, ear shattering scream i have ever heard. Other than that she's great.

Its not super gory movie compared to some of its contemporaries, but that's not really the point here. still, more people died in this movie than i remembered.

favorite kill was probably jake getting turned into a blood geyser

I counted a total of 8 kills (including double kills on the same person after becoming a deadite.

This one gets my first 5/5. its not even a question.

https://i.imgur.com/FToVdJR.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 1:15:07 AM
#63:


Escape Room (2019)

It was a bad movie, that was generally fun to pick apart and laugh at. The choices these characters make, and their general personalities are all just so goddamned phoney it really pulls you right out of the movie.

I can tell you right now, there were several occasions in this movie where the "tests/traps" could have been solved with the cunning use of bodily fluids. Like oh yeah, lets melt this block of ice with our body temperatures and risk freezing to death when we could have just peed on it. or oh nooo we dont have enough water to fill these glasses and weigh them down enough because one of us drank a cup! oh wait, we can just pee in it again.

Its an issue i have with a lot of these sorts of movies. there were numerous times in SAW when someone could have used similar strategies to fool weight/fluid sensors and bypass some supposedly unsolvable trap.

whatever, i had fun.

Best kill was i guess the kidi who gets frozen? none of them were super memorable

I counted 5 kills, which was pretty pathetic.

1/5

https://i.imgur.com/OtHOWy4.gif


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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 1:29:22 AM
#64:


Army of Darkness (1992)

Another classic. Clearly this one is less of a horror movie and more of an action comedy, but i would be remiss if i didnt include it after Evil Dead 2. So many more classic lines, and you can tell bruce campbell's acting is getting better, even if the people around him arent.

Can't do this like the other's so i will just recap my 5 favorite moments.
  1. Ash kills the "pit bitch" and is acknowledged as the hero
  2. mini Ash
  3. klaatu verata ni(cough cough cough)
  4. evil ash gets blowed up
  5. hail to the king baby
there. 5 awesome moments. one for each point.

5/5

https://i.imgur.com/FToVdJR.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 1:31:35 AM
#65:


Revelation34 posted...
Dog Soldiers and Wind Chill. The 2nd one is a low budget one but at least isn't a Scifi channel one.

@Revelation34
i am intending to get to these 2, but before i do, i am curious as to why you are recommending them. are they supposed to actually be scary? or am i going to have more fun laughing at it and picking it apart? either way is fine, im just curious what im getting into.

Also, i am taking more suggestions. i will at the very least try anything anyone here recommends. I've got a long list i already want to get to, but its gonna be a long time in isolation soooooo

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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 1:52:50 AM
#66:


Final Destination (2000)

Ok, i want to preface this by saying that these movies are made so much better when you add the proper soundtrack. every time death starts queueing up one those rube goldberg machines you just gotta queue up this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyCDLW7n53A

Seriously, its just a breakfast machine that kills you. its dumb and its cheesy, and everything that happens is so stupid and arbitrary and it is one of my favorite series.

Favorite kill was probably Todd. Tripped by mysterious blue fluid that came out of the toilet and then receded as soon as he died. this was the first and ONLY time where they didnt even try to make it look like oh this could have just been a coincidence. it was their first post catastrophe kill, and somehow they fucked it up, and got all the rest right.

I counted 292 deaths in this movie (5 survivors, plus the 287 people who die in the plane crash)

I rate it 3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif


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Revelation34
10/10/20 1:53:38 AM
#67:


Noop_Noop posted...


@Revelation34
i am intending to get to these 2, but before i do, i am curious as to why you are recommending them. are they supposed to actually be scary? or am i going to have more fun laughing at it and picking it apart? either way is fine, im just curious what im getting into.

Also, i am taking more suggestions. i will at the very least try anything anyone here recommends. I've got a long list i already want to get to, but its gonna be a long time in isolation soooooo


Dog Soldiers is just Scottish werewolves. Lots of gore. Wind Chill is harder to explain but the horror part of it isn't a lot I guess.
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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 2:09:55 AM
#68:


Final Destination 2 (2003)

this is one of those rare campy shitty series that starts out reasonably strong and somehow manages to only get better. the acting stays the same, and the production quality as well. what improves is the number and quality of kills.

Also, i swear to god any time i see a truck hauling logs or anything that looks at all unsafe on the highway i either make sure i get in front of them immediately, or a fall waaaaay back. this move is responsible for that behavior.

the pacing is better, the violence is more violent and more people die on screen than the first one. it is a step up in every way that i care about.

Best death in this one is probably when the kid gets squished by a plate glass window. fuck he was annoying.

27 total deaths (18 in the accident, all the survivors, and the kid who gets blowed up at the end.

3/5, but it is for sure close to a 4 than a 2.

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/10/20 2:15:57 AM
#69:


Revelation34 posted...
Dog Soldiers is just Scottish werewolves. Lots of gore. Wind Chill is harder to explain but the horror part of it isn't a lot I guess.

well i will say that dog soldiers sounds pretty goddamned perfect. theyre both on my list prolly after i finish final destination.

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Noop_Noop
10/11/20 5:59:46 PM
#70:


Final Destination 3 (2006)

ya see theo, each character is getting worse than the last, ya see. In this case the main characters personality boils down to "im such a control freak". in fact, she and numerous other characters mention this fact many times, pretty well verbatim. whatever, doesnt matter.

this time everyone dies in a big roller coaster accident. not really an issue for me. i prefer the gravitron myself... heh heh heh...

pacing pretty well on par with the previous. The kills just get better and better, the characters get stupider and stupider, and everything just convoluteder and convoluteder

best death was erin, with the nailgun to the back of the dome, nailing her hand to the front of her face. shit was pretty brutal.

29 kills counted. 7 on the roller coaster, 10 namless faces on the subway, and the 12 'survivors'

3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif


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Noop_Noop
10/11/20 6:04:41 PM
#71:


The Final Destination (2009)

shouldve just called it "final destination 4". wtf were they thinking. this one was pretty damned stupid, but it did have some iconic kills.

this time, everyone eats it during some nascar crash that manages to bring down like the entire fucking speedway somehow. oh and once again we are doing this shit IN 3D!!!!!! and once again it is completely unnecessary.

pacing is a little slower than the previous movies, but most of the deaths are a lot of funnier.

best death was Hunt, getting his insides sucked out through his anus by the suction from the draining pool. hoooly shit was that ridiculous.

honorable mention goes to white trash guy who, while trying to plant a burning cross in the black guys yard, manages to road haul himself AND catch himself on fire while "why cant we be friends" blares on the radio. fucking ridiculous lol.

counted 61 kills total. 51 at the speedway, and 10 'survivors'

3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/11/20 6:11:19 PM
#72:


Final Destination 5 (2011)

oh hey its another prequel sequel prequel sequel. what it REALLY is, is a fitting end to the series. this one brings it all full circle, and i love it for that.

this time everyone gets killed during a bridge collapse, and i gotta congratulate them on the biggest premonition death count in any of the movies.

pacing was decent enough, and once again the kills were hilarious.

best death goes to olivia, who gets Lasik'd in the face and hand and then just falls out the fucking window and gets her popped out eye runned over. hoooly hell that was completely over the top.

counted 94 total deaths (86 in the bridge collapse, plus all 8 survivors)

3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/13/20 1:08:29 PM
#73:


Dog Soldiers (2002)

I enjoyed this more than i thought i would. It was pretty dumb and pretty campy, which is exactly what I am after. Although my 1 grips is that maybe they should have used the closing line of the movie as the title. "Werewolves ate my platoon"

good murder pacing, good enough gore, generally it had everything i wanted

best death was probably Terry getting his head torn off lol. shit was ridiculous

I counted 17 deaths. not too shabby.

I rate this one 3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/13/20 1:17:20 PM
#74:


Wind Chill (2007)

Ok this one sort of made me mad. It was a weird and sort of unique idea for a horror movie, but i just absolutely hated the execution. this could have been one of those rare unironically good titles, but character actions made 0 sense to me at any point.

i usually really like emily blunt, and i suppose its not really her acting thats the problem... its the writing.

wasnt exactly a movie with or about a body count, and that isn't really what bothered me. it just felt like a hugely missed opportunity.

hard to put an actual gauge on the number of deaths, and which deaths should count.

it was a good idea, executed poorly. I give it a 2/5. could have been a 4 or a 5 easily though.

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif


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Revelation34
10/13/20 2:50:28 PM
#75:


Noop_Noop posted...
Wind Chill (2007)

Ok this one sort of made me mad. It was a weird and sort of unique idea for a horror movie, but i just absolutely hated the execution. this could have been one of those rare unironically good titles, but character actions made 0 sense to me at any point.

i usually really like emily blunt, and i suppose its not really her acting thats the problem... its the writing.

wasnt exactly a movie with or about a body count, and that isn't really what bothered me. it just felt like a hugely missed opportunity.

hard to put an actual gauge on the number of deaths, and which deaths should count.

it was a good idea, executed poorly. I give it a 2/5. could have been a 4 or a 5 easily though.

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif



I think they were trying to go with a this is actually a time loop thing but left it too ambiguous.

For Dog Soldiers I liked the kill with the car.
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Noop_Noop
10/13/20 6:53:50 PM
#76:


you know, that actually makes sense and maybe makes me like the movie a little more

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Noop_Noop
10/16/20 12:03:05 PM
#77:


Leprechaun (1993)

Ok, so i am noticing something here. 4 big name actors who weren't big yet, and the beginnings of 4 horror series.

Friday the 13th 1: Kevin Bacon
Nightmare on Elm St. 1: Johnny Depp
Halloween 1: Jamie lee Curtis
Leprechaun 1 : Jennifer Anniston

seriously though, seeing Jennifer Anniston threw me off in every fucking scene. not that it made a huge difference, seeing as how this was a shit movie. next to no kills, and they were so spaced the hell out, and the violence is supremely toned down for a 90s horror flick

best kill was obviously that nearly incomprehensible scene where warwick davis bounces on that dude with a pogo stick till he dies.

4 kills total. what a dud

1/5

https://i.imgur.com/OtHOWy4.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/16/20 12:05:30 PM
#78:


Leprechaun 2 (1993)

somehow this managed to be dumber than the last. i know this series becomes watchable at some point, but this ain't it.

more kills, and a little more gore made this maybe slightly more tolerable, but only slightly

best kill was Ian getting his face sliced up by blade boobs. fuckin bold move there.

6 kills total. a step up from the first, but still far short of where we should be

1/5

https://i.imgur.com/OtHOWy4.gif

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Far-Queue
10/21/20 6:16:35 PM
#79:


Here's the pumpkins my wife and I carved:


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Far-Queue
10/21/20 6:17:30 PM
#80:


Not sure why it's flipping the photo

There we go. Wtf I had to upload that photo a dozen times before it was right-side-up

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Far-Queue
10/26/20 11:49:46 AM
#81:




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Far-Queue
10/26/20 11:50:00 AM
#82:




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Far-Queue
10/26/20 11:51:33 AM
#83:


Drew these for my kids to color in

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:19:18 PM
#84:


Far-Queue posted...
Here's the pumpkins my wife and I carved:

nice work bro. i particularly appreciate the detail on the right one

i will be posting mine on the last day of skeleton war

i might print those drawings out so Rein can color.

also, ty for keeping this bumped. I have a ton of movies to add on now.


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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:24:34 PM
#85:


Leprechaun 3 (1995)

Leprechaun goes to Vegas. They leaned full into the campy angle on this one and it fucking loved it. Its sort of shocking that Warwick Davis was still doing these movies at this point, but im glad he did because he totally sells the franchise.

Good pacing, reasonable gore, and I genuinely laughed my ass off at the "fuck you" ekg.

Best kill goes to Loretta, who got her boobs, lips, and ass blown up until she popped. holy god was that hilarious.

I counted 8 kills total, which was acceptable. every time i wanted one i got one, and everyone i wanted to die, died.

4/5. I am surprised i like this one so much.

https://i.imgur.com/o1aLBqG.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:30:57 PM
#86:


Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)

I hadn't seen this one before this year, and I'm honestly kinda mad at myself, because I absolutely fucking loved it. They harbored no illusions about what they were doing. Its a really stupid, really funny, and not even remotely scary movie. Dr. Mittenhand is a straight up meme. Easily my favorite character in the series. Sargeant "metalhead" hooker was a joy as well.

The pacing was good, the deaths were so far over the top it was hard to believe, and i really had a great time.

Best death was probably Kowalski, who died Leprechaun crawled out of his dickhole. You see, he peed on the leprechauns arm after they blowed him up, and the leprechaun "essence" went up his pee hole. later on, his dick gives birth to a fully grown leprechaun.
holy.
shit.
And everyone just kept joking that he had the clap.

I counted 9 kills total, and i enjoyed every fucking one of them.

This is rare. 5/5

https://i.imgur.com/FToVdJR.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:36:22 PM
#87:


Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

We are on installment number 5, and what in the fuck is Ice-T doing here and what the fuck is warwick davis still doing here. This movie was pretty dumb. To say this movie was racist would be an understatement. All of the black people are rappers and/or gangmembers and they do very little other than smoke pot. I did enjoy that part though, as it gave them ample excuse to the the Leprechaun high as well, which he seemed to enjoy.

Whatever! it was pretty fun, and pretty campy. decent pacing as well.

Best kill was the Reverend. The Leprechaun crawls through his back and out his stomach like whaaaaat the fuck.

10 kills total. not too shabby. he is now on part with Jason's mother.

I rate this 3/5

https://i.imgur.com/HmJXXfh.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:39:22 PM
#88:


Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha' Hood (2003)

Ok, it was already unnecessary the last time they did this movie, so you may have guessed that this one manages to take everything from the first and make it somehow worse! More gangmembers! More marijuana! More stereotypes! Its got everything the first one did, but turned up to 11!

Not much else to say that i didnt say about the first because it was the same movie, but a bit more joyless.

Best kill was the dude who got stabbed in the gut with the bong.

11 kills total.

I rate this one 2/5

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:48:34 PM
#89:


Leprechaun Origins (2014)

uh, what? why did they even pretend this was a Leprechaun movie? also, did they really think they were going to make an actual scary movie out of this done to death, stupid as fuck premise?

oh, its WWE studios. now it makes sense

Most of the kills happen off screen, and even the ones that you get to see were nothing special.

I guess the best kill was the dude who got his spine ripped out

Counted i think 7 kills total, which was just pathetic.

1/5. closer to a 0 than a 2.

https://i.imgur.com/OtHOWy4.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:52:48 PM
#90:


Hellraiser (1987)

Oh god... here we go again. Julia Cotton is perhaps the most unlikable character out of every movie I have watched so far.

Its torture, but its pleasureable torture i guess? These movies are really dumb, and I dont get it. At least the violence is good, even if the pacing isnt.

Best kill in the movie was Julia. Anything to get that bitch off the screen. She gets stabbed, hook chained into a matress, and then pulled into cenobite hell or whatever.

I counted 6 deaths total (7 if you count both times you see Frank die i guess?)

1/5

https://i.imgur.com/OtHOWy4.gif

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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 4:58:13 PM
#91:


Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 (1988)

I mean, i guess this one was a step in the right direction at least. its still a garbage movie, and part of a garbage series. Its like they were trying to be deep and edgy, but all the ended up being was tired and pretentious.

pacing was a little better i guess, and more violence which is a plus in my book

best kill was julia again. sucked out of her skin and thrown into the blender dimension or something.

at least 12 kills... i donno, it sort of depepnds on whether or not you count Channard's patients or no.

1/5 for this one, but i guess it was closer to a 2 than the first was.


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Noop_Noop
10/27/20 5:01:42 PM
#92:


Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

I really have nothing new to say about this one. It was marginally better than the first 2, but not really all that much new to offer.

pacing was about the same, gore was maybe a little better?

best kill was probably Jimmy getting killed by flying CDs and then coming back as like the Cenobites Dj or something. whaaaat the fuck

12 kills total, although i think the mentioned that Pinhead killed over 100 when he was at the club...

2/5. better than the first 2, but still garbage

https://i.imgur.com/UvoCUa0.gif


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Noop_Noop
10/30/20 10:14:05 PM
#93:


https://i.imgur.com/DHnyxIZ.jpeg

not my best work, but it turned out ok

https://i.imgur.com/M37LBvm.jpeg

wife and daughter's involved the use of power tools for the eyes


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Far-Queue
11/04/20 12:26:06 PM
#94:


Nice pumpkins

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Metalsonic66
11/04/20 12:49:21 PM
#95:



Sharpie because lazy

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PSN/Steam ID: Metalsonic_69
Big bombs go kabang.
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