Current Events > Fighting with my wife bc we're not having sex.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ever since we've had a kid the frequency obviously dwindled and that is fine. Now 3 years later its gotten worse to once every 2 months or so. I tackled all of the issues she complained about me and bettered my self, but its even worse so that tells me it was all excuses.

Thing is that I don't want to ask or beg for sex and every time I bring it up we just fight with her getting high on the offensive. Telling me that we have it pretty good and that Im giving sex waaay too much importance, that Im going to throw away my family just over sex. I don't want to divorce, because I dont want to lose my kid and I would end up poor paying my own rent, child support...plus I sold my car so that we could have a better family car.

WTF to do? I dont want to live in a sexless marriage and i dont want to end up more miserable being divorced.

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Did you talk about how much sex you want/need before you got married?

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Im fighting with her too, but for different reasons

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She's very in the wrong if she can't return the love, do you suspect she has something on the side, even regardless of that she's doing you wrong. Honestly I would leave because life to short to love someone who won't return the love

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Just get a mistress

Everybody does it

No shame in it

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These kinds of things are why I feel alright being single pretty much my whole life.

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This is why you dont get a wife or kids, CE.

Shes got a lot on her plate right now. You have to overwhelm her with masculine energy. Get working out. Stop wearing a shirt. Soon, you will overwhelm the stressors in her life. Also, try to refrain from jerking off, and smack her ass more.

Time to cheat, unfortunately. It doesn't seem like there's a socially acceptable fix here.
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this is a discussion reserved for a marriage counselor, not a GameFAQs message board
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RedWhiteBlue posted...

She might feel that there's no romance like when you were first dating.

But it's so strange how once married so many couples just lose out on sex. It's like marriage is the end goal and then it's "what now?"

In my anecdotal experience it's not so much getting married that changes it, it's having kids. We don't have any, and we still have sex 2-3 times a week. Obviously it was more when were first married in our early 20s, but age takes it's toll on your drive. All of our married friends who have kids all bitch about the same thing "once we had kids there was no time for sex". Again this is anecdotal based on my wife and I's circle of friends but I would be willing to bet that it's probably fairly universal.

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She doesn't seem to understand that she needs to work on it just like everything else in a marriage. Its not you throwing away a marriage because you want sex, its her throwing away a marriage because she isn't participating in sex. There is something the root of the problem. She might have some type of depression, or if she is on drugs, that would be the case. Anyway, you guys need to see a mediator.

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You arent owed sex. That is the first thing you need to come to terms with. Second is to talk it out with her in detail. Lay out your thoughts and feelings and go from there. Its her vagina, not yours. Youre only going to piss her off more if you act like its something youre owed or that you deserve.

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ChocoboMogALT posted...

Did you talk about how much sex you want/need before you got married?

It was a non issue back then. Hell I'll settle for once a week.
ncsonic posted...

She's very in the wrong if she can't return the love

I tell her something along these lines. She says nothing by the side and...I believe her. Shes just asexual, giving all her attention to her job and our kid.

Northlane posted...

Just get a mistress
Everybody does it
No shame in it

Pretty much my friends advice and at this point...I d do it.

TooLateToGoBack posted...

this is a discussion reserved for a marriage counselor, not a GameFAQs message board

I wonder which one is easier and faster to receive feed back from..hmm. Plus theres lots of married ppl here.

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Teh_Dr_Phil posted...

You arent owed sex. That is the first thing you need to come to terms with. Second is to talk it out with her in detail. Lay out your thoughts and feelings and go from there. Its her vagina, not yours. Youre only going to piss her off more if you act like its something youre owed or that you deserve.

My God, he's here - he's really here

In this case, cheating is acceptable. You tried.

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Im sorry shes not taking your needs seriously. Marriage is a two way street. I would suggest marriage counseling before listening to the advice to just cheat.

Teh_Dr_Phil posted...

You arent owed sex. That is the first thing you need to come to terms with. Second is to talk it out with her in detail. Lay out your thoughts and feelings and go from there. Its her vagina, not yours. Youre only going to piss her off more if you act like its something youre owed or that you deserve.

Yes, I totally get that and I respect itm but it brings us to the point that maybe shes not that into me anymore. I dont feel reciprocated love wise. Plus I am also entitled to get what I want out of a relationship where Im giving a lot from myself or at least get to an agreement.

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I promise you that any time I am not having sex with my SO for two whole months I will actively be seeking it elsewhere.

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And then you raise enough of a stink about it to come to an agreement in which sex is scheduled, and she's there like "okay let's just get this over with." And then you get what you want, but not really what you want, and it sucks. Then there she is like "This is what you wanted right?!"

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I do think that she gaining weight may have something to with it. She doesnt feel as confident about her body and she has such an immature mind about issues like that. No body positive thoughts with her. Probably hates herself for that...I know how she gets.

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Cleo_II posted...

Im sorry shes not taking your needs seriously. Marriage is a two way street. I would suggest marriage counseling before listening to the advice to just cheat.

THIS is my main complaint. I feel shes being VERY dismissive about how I feel. Blames it on silly horny boys and their testosterone.....and that gets me sooo mad.

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your kid is 3?

we have a 2 and a half year old and a 7 month old and the frequency definitely goes down but you just gotta communicate and clean the house and workout and devote that extra energy to something productive.

be a man and rub one out, go learn some python and start making some dough

LookANinja posted...

And then you raise enough of a stink about it to come to an agreement in which sex is scheduled, and she's there like "okay let's just get this over with." And then you get what you want, but not really what you want, and it sucks. Then there she is like "This is what you wanted right?!"

Lol...pretty much...and I hate it. We just had a discussion about all this earlier and she was like "oh I thought maybe tonight we couldve.." arghhhhhh

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once every two months lmao

Hopefully you got a Prenup. I'd get a couple of mistresses.

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Find a hobby that you will love and dedicate time to.
if you put your wifes pussy on a pedestal shes gonna be bored.

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JuanCarlos1 posted...

It was a non issue back then. Hell I'll settle for once a week.

I tell her something along these lines. She says nothing by the side and...I believe her. Shes just asexual, giving all her attention to her job and our kid.

Pretty much my friends advice and at this point...I d do it.

I wonder which one is easier and faster to receive feed back from..hmm. Plus theres lots of married ppl here.

Tell her it's in her best interest to "take one for the team" if she's truly loves her job and your child, it all could end up being broken if she doesn't give it up. She's lacking incredible foresight

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Romes187 posted...

your kid is 3?

we have a 2 and a half year old and a 7 month old and the frequency definitely goes down but you just gotta communicate and clean the house and workout and devote that extra energy to something productive.

be a man and rub one out, go learn some python and start making some dough

2 years 11 months here. Yes, Ive tackled all the issues she complained about, but Im also never going to be perfect. I always clean the dishes, painted the garage doors, mixed concrete and filled the holes from the patio, pressure washed everything....then she says oh, thats the stuff you should do anyway as man of the house (cant argue that, right), but that logic seems to only apply to me and not her.

I am actually taking classes online to try and apply for better positions at my job. Takes a few hours from most nights. Im not perfect but I AM trying.


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JuanCarlos1 posted...

It was a non issue back then. Hell I'll settle for once a week.

Dang. Sounds like you need to have that conversation.
"Sex isn't just fun for me, it's something my body craves, it's a biological need. I still have a strong urge for sex X-times a week. What can we do to work on this?"
If she starts throwing your issues at you, that's not ok. You've worked on the issues and don't see any improvement. Try to dig deeper on what's stressing her.
If she needs help with the kid or time away from work, that's reasonable and a good starting place. Be clear, "If I help with the kid to give you more time, are you going to find time to have sex?" Or, "can we schedule a sitter/date night so we have time together?"

I don't believe cheating is ever acceptable, people should be honest with each other. But let her know it's a serious issue and if you can't fulfill your needs in your relationship you need to look elsewhere.
Regarding divorce, what state do you live in?

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ChocoboMogALT posted...

Dang. Sounds like you need to have that conversation.
"Sex isn't just fun for me, it's something my body craves, it's a biological need. I still have a strong urge for sex X-times a week. What can we do to work on this?"

I tell her that and just dismisses it as an excuse that all men say. I actually live in Puerto Rico. Shouldnt be too costly if we ever get to that. But now shes emotionally blackmailing me that Id be throwing away our family just over sex....we definitely need to go to a marriage counselor.

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JuanCarlos1 posted...

THIS is my main complaint. I feel shes being VERY dismissive about how I feel. Blames it on silly horny boys and their testosterone.....and that gets me sooo mad.

Its fairly common for women to dismiss sex as a need since our libidos tend to be lower (obviously not all women). A marriage counselor might actually help her understand your point of view and tackle any underlying insecurities or possible resentment on her end. Id give that a try before just giving up.

Well, since youve already raised a noticeable stink about the lack of sex, you know shes going to be on the lookout for you doing anything suspicious. So if you do decide to cheat in the near future, you mightve put yourself in a rough position - it can be easier to do a slip up and get caught than you might think if youre not used to getting side action.

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also hopefully the kid is yours, TC

That would be very sad if not.

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yeah she might be cheating

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I was almost in this situation, but thankfully I didn't have a kid with her or married her yet. I simply told her if we can't be intimate regularly and it's not for a good reason then we are just regressing to friends with benefits / occasional lovers, or worse roomates / housemates instead of two people in a real relationship and I can't commit to someone like that. She then realized the relationship would end and didn't want it to so she compromised.

I was lucky I wasn't married, but you are TC and have a kid with her so she has you by the balls so legally you are at her mercy which really sucks if you don't want to lose a chunk of you stuff from divorce. A good caring wife would put out(Sex, etc.) and would aim to please if she still really loves her husband, even if it's not frequently as he may like.

If you can't handle the situation you're trapped in you're either going to have to try and convince her further and if that fails your only options are divorce or to look for another woman to cheat with and hope you don't get caught. Either way she isn't fulfilling her end of responsibilities in the marriage despite the vows she took and you stepping in and working on improving things to appease her. So since you exposed her hypocricy and she has left you hanging, why should you waste your life waiting for a wife that won't reciprocate you you want or need it it? IMO fuck that bitch and find another woman who is just looking for occasional fun who can give you satisfaction on the side.

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My ex wife did the same after our first kid. Sex wasn't happening often as we did prior to having a kid. And it was mostly when she wanted it. Then when she wanted a second kid we did it often to get her pregnant. It's interesting how some people change after having a kid. Personally she wasn't into me much. I'd make the move in bed and she wanted no part where as before having any kids she was all over me. And when she wanted it and I said no cause she was doing a one way street she'd get mad. Very immature.

I have 50/50 custody of my kids. It was for the best.

Your situation is similar to mine. She will probably be all over you if she wants another kid.

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If you have to talk to a woman about having more sex with you, you've already lost. At this point, its either you find something on the side, or cut bait and leave. There is no marriage counselor out there who will be able to talk her into giving you more of that good stuff.

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onedarksoul posted...

If you have to talk to a woman about having more sex with you, you've already lost. At this point, its either you find something on the side, or cut bait and leave. There is no marriage counselor out there who will be able to talk her into giving you more of that good stuff.

This. It's a shitty situation for you. She isn't into you it seems. My ex wife was the same.

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Wow, TC, I suggest you run away from this website because the people here either hate women, have no relationship experience, or have very wrongheaded ideas about relationships. Speak to her like an adult, tell her your honest feelings, and go see a credentialed professional. The people here will lead you astray with their inexperience and bitterness. Do not cheat on your wife or disengage.

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He already spoke to her. I'm in my mid 30s. Was with my ex wife for like 9 years and married 7. I been through what TC has and did marriage counseling. My sex life was like once a month and only when she wanted it. It wasn't like that before kids. Not that I need it every week. And my ex and I did communicate about it also and it didn't change. She'dget upset and make excuses.

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So pretty much, she's seeing someone else and if you do anything about it BOOM there goes your kid and your money. Lose/lose, court never rules in favor of the male, she knows all you can do is suck it up if you know what's good for you.

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legendary_zell posted...

Wow, TC, I suggest you run away from this website because the people here either hate women, have no relationship experience, or have very wrongheaded ideas about relationships. Speak to her like an adult, tell her your honest feelings, and go see a credentialed professional. The people here will lead you astray with their inexperience and bitterness. Do not cheat on your wife or disengage.

You didn't read the OP. He's already tried speaking with her, which was a bad move in itself but eh.

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Flockaveli posted...

So pretty much, she's seeing someone else and if you do anything about it BOOM there goes your kid and your money. Lose/lose, court never rules in favor of the male, she knows all you can do is suck it up if you know what's good for you.

Yea I was going to say that but didn't want him going crazy or to get depressed. This relationship is done, at least the sexual side is.

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You can get 50/50 custody but if you make more than her you still pay for child support. I'm glad I didn't have a 3rd child with her. I'd be broke.

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ncsonic posted...

Tell her it's in her best interest to "take one for the team" if she's truly loves her job and your child, it all could end up being broken if she doesn't give it up. She's lacking incredible foresight

Oh, wow.

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Austin_Era_II posted...

He already spoke to her. I'm in my mid 30s. Was with my ex wife for like 9 years and married 7. I been through what TC has and did marriage counseling. My sex life was like once a month and only when she wanted it. It wasn't like that before kids. Not that I need it every week. And my ex and I did communicate about it also and it didn't change. She'dget upset and make excuses.

I've been in a similar situation, but no marriage and kids, but was able to pull the relationship out of that nosedive. Makes me never want to get married.

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onedarksoul posted...

You didn't read the OP. He's already tried speaking with her, which was a bad move in itself but eh.

I read it and every other post. You have people talking about him cheating, her cheating, divorce, child support, losing the kids, prenups, lawsuits, and now even essentially marital rape, every incel or MGTOW buzzword under the sun. Yet what you have an issue with is him talking to his wife again?

This is a serious marital issue that requires professional help not advice from random social conservatives and divorcees on a dying videogame message board.

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Dying?! This mother fucker

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