Poll of the Day > Just found out one of my exes died back in June

(+) Yeah! (+)

She was only 37. Not sure what happened, and I'm not in contact with anyone from that circle any more. It's kinda blowing my mind. I know it was unexpected and that she died at home, but that's all I know.

Our relationship ended amicably, though we had dated during a rough stretch of my life when I was still struggling with the loss of my mother. I wasn't healthy enough to support a relationship at the time (still not honestly but I hope I'm improving with time and working on myself. I digress).

We both moved on and got married. I ran into her a few times over the years. Last time at the grocery store, she met my two older kids. This had to be close to three years ago. She was such a bright, lovely person. Always smiling. I don't recall her ever having anything bad or judgmental to say about anyone. She was a genuinely good person. Can't even fathom what her husband has been through.

Sad to know she's not walking this earth any more, brightening people's lives around her. Not sure who to talk to about this. Don't know that I have anything more to say about it, but wanted to say something. Don't feel comfortable reaching out to her family now that so much time has passed, and we weren't in touch since the break up any way. So here we are...

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Similar thing happened to me 3 years ago. I briefly dated that girl but it lasted like a month. We kept in touch but it was obvious that her mental health was in free fall due to extreme poverty and horrible life choices. Since I always message her on her birthday, that year I did also but it was at the same time a month after I broke up with my then gf. A few days later her mother replied to me saying she committed suicide a few months back. She was also 37. For a while I didn't exactly know how to feel, we dated in 2009.

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you sound like you never got over her after the split.

I was married but my wife and I got a divorce. We treated each other relatively well in the early years of marriage but towards the end we knew time kinda just ran out. she wasnt happy at all and so we decided to split. I told her in order for us to move on and grow that we cannot communicate once things are legally finalized.

its been about 5 years now and neither of us have communicated. i think its a mutual respect thing. If I ever got married/had kids I need to focus on them and vice versa for her.

What_The_Chris posted...

Similar thing happened to me 3 years ago. I briefly dated that girl but it lasted like a month. We kept in touch but it was obvious that her mental health was in free fall due to extreme poverty and horrible life choices. Since I always message her on her birthday, that year I did also but it was at the same time a month after I broke up with my then gf. A few days later her mother replied to me saying she committed suicide a few months back. She was also 37. For a while I didn't exactly know how to feel, we dated in 2009.

Oh wow sorry to hear. It's such a tragically young age to pass on...

There's some similarities for sure. My ex and I dated around '06. She had some trouble with depression after her father passed, but that was years ago. I don't want to speculate on her death but I would be surprised to find she took her own life. What I do know about what happened is exactly what I described above, nothing more. Doesn't rule out suicide, but that wouldn't be something the woman I remember would do.

teddy241 posted...

I was married but my wife and I got a divorce. We treated each other relatively well in the early years of marriage but towards the end we knew time kinda just ran out. she wasnt happy at all and so we decided to split. I told her in order for us to move on and grow that we cannot communicate once things are legally finalized.

its been about 5 years now and neither of us have communicated. i think its a mutual respect thing. If I ever got married/had kids I need to focus on them and vice versa for her.

My wife and I have been together 12 years now and have 3 kids. We're in a good place but my wife is experiencing tremendous anxiety with this fucking pandemic, specifically with the decision to send our kids to school or not. I've always known she had a bit of anxiety, but never seen it like this. Don't think it's enough to break up our marriage but it's definitely added some stress to the household. I've been trying to help out more around the house and with the kids to give her a break.

I think that's a good approach if you don't have kids, to cease communication. A "clean" break (at least as clean as a divorce could be I suppose).

My brother went through a rough divorce. She had cheated on him. He tried not talking to her but they have a daughter together. He was bitter and angry for years but over the past three or four years he's finally begun to let go of that anger and while I wouldn't say they're on the friendliest terms, they're at least able to have civil discussions and plan things with the daughter.

teddy241 posted...

you sound like you never got over her after the split.

Maybe, but that could be said of many of my exes. These are women I loved, some of them deeply. I suppose a part of me will always love them, but I'm not laboring under some delusion that I'll ever rekindle things with any of them. I'm happy in my marriage and I don't "pine" for any of my exes.

I can remember them fondly for the love we shared and the wonderful people they are. If that means I'm not "over them", so be it. I don't see how that's a bad thing unless you're hung up on some notion of some revisiting of the romance in the future, or if your feelings for people from your past are interfering with current relationships.


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