Current Events > I honestly don't see any point in me being alive, and it crushes me.

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Disclaimer to any potentially triggerhappy mod: This is not a suicide topic or one threatening it; it's just a Blogfaqs topic for my feelings

Nothing brings me any real joy and I have trouble connecting to pretty much anyone. I can't relate with the experiences of the average person and have missed out on so many things in life... I feel so isolated and unwelcome in the world that I hardly even consider myself a part of it all, and it hurts me so much. In all honesty... I wish that I could just pass my remaining lifespan to someone more worthy than myself, or at the very least, someone that would appreciate it more; it is wasted on me.

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And CE doesn't care, just as expected.

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Sorry, I'm bad at giving advice, but all I can say is be grateful for all the things you do have that are positive in your life.

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Have you tried talking to a professional? If you have, how was the experience?

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I am also bad at advice but I did read the topic and I do care. :(

The point of life is finding something that makes you happy, genuinely happy to be doing it and you anticipate it not always, but when you do it its something that has almost no substitute in terms of euphoria. For me its novel writing.

Theres something out there, you just havent realized it yet.

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eh, I don't see much point in me being alive either
but while I'm here I might as well do something

I know the feeling, TC. I struggle with serious depression, and it sounds like you do too.

I feel very alone often. Dont have many friends I hang out with person much, as most live in other cities now. Im single and live alone. This quarantine has been absolutely brutal and has made my question my own existence quite often.

Have you ever talked to a therapist?

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Get a puppy

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I feel you, life is pointless miserable garbage

RedRoad posted...

Have you tried talking to a professional? If you have, how was the experience?

I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for three years. I've experienced very little improvement (and what improvement I have had is probably just due to the meds i'm on), but I like them as people and it gives me people to speak with that aren't just immediate family... I don't have anyone in my life outside of my mom, dad or sister, so that's something, I guess.

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GrandConjuraton posted...

And CE doesn't care, just as expected.

i cared once, discussed what i did and im still alive/doing something but i guess you didnt care for that either

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Unsugarized_Foo posted...

Get a puppy

I know this might not be a serious post, but I agree.

My doggo has helped me through SO much. When I quit my job a few years ago as was at the very bottom, having my puppy by my side literally saved my life.

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Same

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GrandConjuraton posted...

I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for three years. I've experienced very little improvement (and what improvement I have had is probably just due to the meds i'm on), but I like them as people and it gives me people to speak with that aren't just immediate family... I don't have anyone in my life outside of my mom, dad or sister, so that's something, I guess.

Does a lot of your sadness come from not having anyone else and worrying about what people think?

I have that issue from time to time. I get worried people judge me and think Im a loser constantly. But at the end of the day, no one else matters but you.

Find what you enjoy, and enjoy your time on this earth. I promise you...things could ALWAYS be worse. Put things in perspective. Sounds like you have a roof over your head. You have food to eat. Water to drink. Either a computer or phone with internet.

Again. Find something you enjoy, and focus on that. Turn off all that extraneous noise that gives you grief, and focus on things that make you happy.

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You dont have to justify your existence... or maybe you do, idk

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I know how you feel bro, I've always struggled with depression and anxiety and now I'm stuck at home with a broken leg.

It really sucks, just remember it will get better.

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AvantgardeAClue posted...

The point of life is finding something that makes you happy, genuinely happy to be doing it and you anticipate it not always, but when you do it its something that has almost no substitute in terms of euphoria. For me its novel writing.

Theres something out there, you just havent realized it yet.

Yeah, I definitely don't know what that's like, :/ . I mostly just do what little I do to pass time, and any bit of joy I can find in anything is entirely fleeting; it's good for a short time, but then I quickly go back to feeling empty and unfulfilled.

I've tried starting on two different novels myself, but... I can't motivate myself to stay on-track with it and don't have a lot of confidence in my writing, either, despite plenty of people telling me that i'm good at it.

NotYou posted...

eh, I don't see much point in me being alive either
but while I'm here I might as well do something

Such as?

MFBKBass5 posted...

I know the feeling, TC. I struggle with serious depression, and it sounds like you do too.

I feel very alone often. Dont have many friends I hang out with person much, as most live in other cities now. Im single and live alone. This quarantine has been absolutely brutal and has made my question my own existence quite often.

Have you ever talked to a therapist?

See post 11 for the answer to the question.

The funny thing is (or perhaps not so funny, but I digress) is that this whole covid situation hasn't really affected me in any tangible way, on a personal level... I've been a shut-in for seven years and don't have any contact with people outside of my family, so in a sense, this all just business as usual for me. The main problem is that "business as usual" for me is that it's always been difficult for me to deal with, and I feel like I am going to snap under the strain of it all.

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i know this doesnt help but like, that applies to literally almost every single person that's alive
definitely every single animal, too, if you don't count 'they can be eaten for food' as a point

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When were you last happy?

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GrandConjuraton posted...

Such as?

What do I do? Try to get good at stuff. Running, baking/cooking, video games, whatever. When I feel like I'm getting better at something it feels like what I'm doing is worthwhile, even if it's pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Lol I know almost exactly how you feel.

i wish I had something comforting to say, but I dont. But if it makes you feel any better, just know some random person on the Internet just got done telling their friend pretty much the exact same thing last night.

so...youre not totally alone in your loneliness.

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I'm glad you're trying to get better, tc. You're not alone; a lot of us can somewhat relate.

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MFBKBass5 posted...

I know this might not be a serious post, but I agree.

My doggo has helped me through SO much. When I quit my job a few years ago as was at the very bottom, having my puppy by my side literally saved my life.

I have a hard time taking care of just myself, so I dunno if taking care of another living being would be well-advised, :/

MT_TRAEH posted...

i cared once, discussed what i did and im still alive/doing something but i guess you didnt care for that either

No offense meant, but I don't think I even recognize your username... so I don't really know what you're talking about.

MFBKBass5 posted...

Does a lot of your sadness come from not having anyone else and worrying about what people think?

I have that issue from time to time. I get worried people judge me and think Im a loser constantly. But at the end of the day, no one else matters but you.

Find what you enjoy, and enjoy your time on this earth. I promise you...things could ALWAYS be worse. Put things in perspective. Sounds like you have a roof over your head. You have food to eat. Water to drink. Either a computer or phone with internet.

Again. Find something you enjoy, and focus on that. Turn off all that extraneous noise that gives you grief, and focus on things that make you happy.

Honestly? I don't know. I feel like I would be in a better place (mentally speaking, I mean) if I actually did have people to connect with because I do feel an extremely high degree of loneliness, but... there are a lot of different things that weigh me down. I don't think I could ever describe myself as being happy at any real point in my life, but it's been especially bad for the last ten years. Loneliness has been my only real companion through life, x.x

ColdOne666 posted...

I know how you feel bro, I've always struggled with depression and anxiety and now I'm stuck at home with a broken leg.

It really sucks, just remember it will get better.

When?

MedeaLysistrata posted...

You dont have to justify your existence... or maybe you do, idk

I think the main thing matters is if you're content with yourself or your existence, but i'm definitely not content with my existence and I know that I have a lot of personal issues... Honestly, I struggle with how I feel about myself. I value my individuality above all else and wouldn't want to be anyone else, but at the same time, I have a strong loathing for myself. I know that doesn't really make any sense, but that's just how it is.

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Same. Maybe it's the change in weather but I got somewhat back into video games, but I really miss how much I used to enjoy them. I miss watching tv shows but i just can't get myself to bother watching anything. I miss drawing but I just can't bother to do it, i try a little bit but then I'll immediately get frustrated and quit. I barely enjoy music anymore. Sometimes I want to chat with someone here but idk how to start a conversation, and I always think I'm just annoyingly difficult and too depressing to talk to anyway so I don't bother. I've never talked to a therapist and I don't really see the point in it. The covid thing also hasn't changed my life either.

Besides my mom who I can't talk to about anything because all I'll get is the starving children in africa schtick and get told to just be happy, I've pretty much been all alone for 10 years. I seriously don't get why she kept me, she never cared about my education or, since I turned 13, me having a social life of any kind. I have no idea what I'll do when she can't take care of me anymore. Why the fuck do I exist? How much more pointless can life get?

*depression high five*

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The meaning of life is to make life meaningful. What makes life meaningful is going to vary from person to person so no one can really tell you what to do-you have to find that out on your own. Good luck, OP.

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Guerrilla Soldier posted...

i know this doesnt help but like, that applies to literally almost every single person that's alive
definitely every single animal, too, if you don't count 'they can be eaten for food' as a point

Most people have some aspect of their lives to sponge some joy from and have people that they can actually connect with. Comparing me to anyone else will usually bear no fruit, for better or (more often) worse.

Ivynn posted...

When were you last happy?

As an overall state of being? Never, honestly.

I've been unhappy my whole life, but I didn't realize until ten years ago how bad things actually are. Most of my life was spent in a sort of unaware haze, and a great deal of that was self-imposed... but when reality finally smacked me in the face, there wasn't any turning back from that. The dive into deep depression has been an endless one.

AlisLandale posted...

Lol I know almost exactly how you feel.

i wish I had something comforting to say, but I dont. But if it makes you feel any better, just know some random person on the Internet just got done telling their friend pretty much the exact same thing last night.

so...youre not totally alone in your loneliness.

It doesn't make me feel any better, but that's because it's not a feeling I would want to see in someone else, :/ . It's not a good thng.

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MFBKBass5 posted...

I know this might not be a serious post, but I agree.

My doggo has helped me through SO much. When I quit my job a few years ago as was at the very bottom, having my puppy by my side literally saved my life.

Nah, dogs are legit. Some breeds will be better than others though. I got a labradoodle that's crazy cozy. Whenever my wife feels down or just abnormal, shell crawl in her lap. Very therapeutic

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Hey if ya like video game related skits heres a channel you can binge and forget about things for a few hours, they're really funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMpFnlkMWuc

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GrandConjuraton posted...

I've been unhappy my whole life

This is definitely a CE topic.

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Get help. Talk to people you love and consider getting a therapist, that's the only advice I can really give. Life is worth living, and you are just as worthy as anyone else to live.
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GrandConjuraton posted...

I think the main thing matters is if you're content with yourself or your existence, but i'm definitely not content with my existence and I know that I have a lot of personal issues... Honestly, I struggle with how I feel about myself. I value my individuality above all else and wouldn't want to be anyone else, but at the same time, I have a strong loathing for myself. I know that doesn't really make any sense, but that's just how it is.

I usually feel depressed or uncomfortable with myself almost exclusively when I end up comparing myself to someone else. I think that can be good though, in many ways I have more or less given up on myself and am so complacent I generally dont even feel bad for myself anymore. Basically since I can continue on this way indefinitely I have no reason to change and just stagnate. But it's VERY hard to just throw myself into a new situation because there essentially is no difficulty setting to that, and I have enough mental issues that just being forced to change my behaviour isnt really enough, because in such situations I still find myself fucking up.

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JimCarrysToe posted...

Hey if ya like video game related skits heres a channel you can binge and forget about things for a few hours, they're really funny.

Oh no, not escort missions, >.<

Gobstoppers12 posted...

This is definitely a CE topic.

Along with an equally unhelpful and unsubstantive post to go in it.

LeperMessiahXX posted...

Get help. Talk to people you love and consider getting a therapist, that's the only advice I can really give. Life is worth living, and you are just as worthy as anyone else to live.

Does my therapist and psychiatrist count?

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GrandConjuraton posted...

Yeah, I definitely don't know what that's like, :/ . I mostly just do what little I do to pass time, and any bit of joy I can find in anything is entirely fleeting; it's good for a short time, but then I quickly go back to feeling empty and unfulfilled.

I've tried starting on two different novels myself, but... I can't motivate myself to stay on-track with it and don't have a lot of confidence in my writing, either, despite plenty of people telling me that i'm good at it

This happens to even the most seasoned authors. Theres a reason that theres that condition to describe people who think theyre bad at something theyre actually skilled at; it happens to me all the time. The difference is recognizing that AND powering through it.

.......and writing drunk and editing sober

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AvantgardeAClue posted...

This happens to even the most seasoned authors. Theres a reason that theres that condition to describe people who think theyre bad at something theyre actually skilled at; it happens to me all the time. The difference is recognizing that AND powering through it.

.......and writing drunk and editing sober

That's part of the problem, unfortunately. I don't have an overly high degree of willpower.

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