Board 8 > Gauntlet Crew Ranks Anime Movies II

(+) Yeah! (+)

37. The Fantastic Adventures of Unico

Red: 23
Johnbobb: 25
Karo: 26
Inviso: 32
Genny: 36
Jona: 36
Charon: 39

Total: 217

Red: Honestly the way people were talking about them I thought most of the older movies were going to be way worse than I was expecting, but most ended up like Unico, kind of inoffensive to the ears and eyes. We get to see a bunch of somewhat naive characters learn a bit about themselves and find their place in life and it all gets topped off with Unico going full horn smash on some weird creepy formerly almost rapey monster thing for the finale.

Johnbobb: Now THIS is cinema

Karo: What It Is:
A movie based on a children's manga by the great Osamu Tezuka about a big-eyed marshmallow pony who solves problems with the power of friendship yet isnt from Equestria.

What I Think:
Unfortunately, the producers of the film made some really weird changes that were very disrespectful to the original work such as turning Count Ghost into fucking Satan (in the manga he is just a psychopathic nobleman with no magic powers), and putting the chapters out of order. The first place Unico goes in the movie is actually from the final part of the manga because I guess someone really liked the little imp character.
If you like cute things as much as I do you will be marginally entertained, but once stripped of Tezuka's depth this adaptation ends up feeling a bit blah.

Score: 58/100

Inviso: It says something about the quality of certain films on this list that Unico outranks them in my eyes. For the firstlets say 60% of the movie, this was terrible. Its just high-pitched kiddy bullshit that feels reminiscent of the movies based on childrens cartoons list we did. Namely, anything to do with Care Bears or My Little Pony. You know, the kind of mindless, saccharine crap that stupid little kids watch because theyre unable to process anything more than flashing lights and soft music. However, for whatever reason, the back half of the movie just felt more coherent and enjoyable.

I think the front half is just establishing the bullshit of the world, which results in stupid little kid Unico whining about how lonely he is. Beezle is tsundere and annoying. Katie is okay as a cat, but she becomes obnoxious when she becomes a girl. All of this, however, leads to Katie becoming human and getting roofied by a demon, and suddenly the plot is a bit more interesting, and Unico feels like less of a whiny douchebag, because he actually has to fight a genuine threat in order to save his friend. Of course, the ending is total B.S., but Im still willing to accept this as far better than it had any business being.

Genny: Please read the following in Mrs. Puff's voice: "Oh Karo... why...?" No really, why, of all movies that deserved inclusion on this list in your opinion, did the less-than-Fantastic Adventures of Unico make the cut? I realize we needed some older films for balance, but wouldn't Jungle Emperor Leo have been more culturally relevant? This was truly abysmal to sit through to the point where drinking mildly diluted spiced rum barely improved it. None of the main characters were worthwhile, and the plot went nowhere, or to be more accurate the plot went wherever Unico needed to go only to take him somewhere else and that's literally the entire movie. Side note: I could not unhear Bart Simpson every time Beezle spoke or especially laughed (even though that was apparently Angelica Pickles' voice actress) and it impacted my enjoyment of the film- I cannot say whether the impact was negative or positive, but it was impacted nonetheless.

Jona: While this can be cute and charming, it doesnt stand out too much besides some cool parts with the villain. This was almost my 40 because despite not doing anything particularly terrible, it doesnt elicit any strong feelings from me.

Charon: If this film had appeared on Karo's last project, I wouldn't have batted an eye. This feels entirely at home in a bunch of awkward 80's films based on children's shows from that era. In terms of what else appears on this project, the movie feels totally out of place and is jarring to watch after almost any other film on the list. There's annoying singing, grating voices and the almost traditional anthology style plot where "episodes" take place featuring the main character interacting with new side characters. There's just very little actual joy I can find in this film, despite the titular character supposedly being able to create joy in all living creatures. For some reason there's a sequel apparently; the West Wind should have carried Unico away for good.

---

DAMN IT

I should've rated Unico higher. I knew I should've, but I am too much of a coward to recognize its greatness.

I have literally burst into tears trying to describe the plot of this film. It's a fuckin work of art and we're all unworthy of it

---

Outlier:

Inviso: 41
Johnbobb: 32
Karo: 31
Red: 29
Jona: 22
Charon: 14
Genny: 11

---

PrinceKaro posted...

Unfortunately, the producers of the film made some really weird changes that were very disrespectful to the original work such as turning Count Ghost into fucking Satan (in the manga he is just a psychopathic nobleman with no magic powers)

But... Not on Bald Mountain is easily the best part of the movie.

I don't think Inviso and I have ever been so in synch for a project like this until now. I agree with hir entire write-up like word for word.

---

GenesisSaga posted...

But... Not on Bald Mountain is easily the best part of the movie.

I don't think Inviso and I have ever been so in synch for a project like this until now. I agree with hir entire write-up like word for word.

She says, at the bottom of the outlier while I'm at the top >_>

---

Well I meant as far as thoughts and opinions go we're two birds of a feather. When it comes to the rankings you and I were obviously on a different page, maybe even a different book altogether if your #40 is what I think it is (I hope not)!

---

36. Little Prince and the Eight Headed Dragon

Red: 21
Johnbobb: 27
Jona: 29
Genny: 32
Karo: 35
Charon: 35
Inviso: 37

Total: 216

Red: A child-god decides that he cant accept the death of his mother and hes going to go smash whatever he has to find her and bring her back. Except his adventure is abruptly stopped when he realizes he can just slay a big 8 headed dragon thing and run off with a girl instead. His quest to not accept death is interesting enough to keep you entertained, and Im sure somewhere in the back of my mind Im probably forgiving this movie inadvertently by virtue of it being made in the 60s, but it definitely beat my expectations by not being horrible like a movie that old could have been.

Johnbobb: Fuck whoever did the voice acting for Taro's crying, jesus christ that was hard to listen to. That being said, I definitely want to see Taro in the next edition of Mercs, because the kid kicks ass. I wasn't thrilled by the beginning of the film, but as it went I really started getting into it. The art style is excellent, at its best very reminiscent of early Disney stuff like Fantasia. The story was also intriguing. It played out just like a classic epic, sort of like The Aeneid for kids. Fun subplots as part of a longer journey of self-discovery. It was definitely better than I expected going in.

GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK! GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK! GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK!

Jona: The movie has quite the unique artstyle and pretty good action that still holds up today. You definitely can see that Samurai Jack was inspired by this movie. While there are dull moments between the action scene, its still interesting to learn about Japanese mythology and learning about names I only heard of through Persona 4.

Genny: For me personally, old films do not automatically equate to bad films. That said I did not have a lot of hope for the oldest film on this list, thus The Little Prince and the Eight Headed Dragon managed to surprise me a bit. The art style is unique and gorgeous with its detailed painted backdrops and thin outlines that lend to the illusion that there are none at all. It makes me wonder if this was one of Genndy Tartakovsky's inspirations in Samurai Jack's general aesthetic, and that's not an insulting comparison to say the least. If only the characters had been as interesting as the animation I might rank this ten spots higher at minimum. Unfortunately the only character I didn't find to be completely insufferable, utterly unmemorable, terribly unhelpful, or some combination of two of the three, was the god of crystal who's like a combination of Elsa and Sesshomaru. On that subject there's basically deities of ice, fire, and light, and, considering his parents formed the islands that make up Japan from a drop off the tip of a spear, you can assume they're deities of earth and water. So why doesn't Susano have an element or designation? What is he the prince and/or god of: strength, death, brats? I'll go with that last one considering his stance towards casual animal abuse.

Karo: What It Is:
It is an early anime film based on Japanese mythology. It has been cited as inspiring both the animation of Samurai Jack and art style of Zelda: Wind Waker.

What I Think:
For all its visual uniqueness, it was still made in 1963. It is incredibly dated in absolutely every aspect, and to put it frankly, the efforts of the japanese animation industry in its infancy just didn't really get the job done.

Score: 44/100

Charon: The oldest animated film I can recall watching in quite some time, I suppose since the original Disney list (actually having checked, it seems like Man Called Flinstone was from the 60's), I always have trouble ranking older films against a list that is made up of mostly ones from the last decade. It isn't a knock on older movies in general, but I'd be lying if I didn't point out that I usually don't favor them. This one isn't much different; in tone and style, one can definitely feel the age of the film if you watch it today. I can sense a lot of Disney's influence on this as well, since anime in Japan hadn't really taken hold yet and there wasn't much to be inspired by at this time in Japanese history in terms of previous animation works. I think this film more than any other feels like an American product, though I can see eastern influence in some of the art direction, there's not this "this is obviously anime" feeling that most every other film on this list exhibits. I don't know; it's a simple film with a simple sort of plot. We follow the main character around while he goes from place to place. It isn't offensive or anything, but I wasn't all that interested in it either.

Inviso: I did not enjoy this. I know you always have to account for some jankiness when it comes to the older movies we watch, but cmon. At this time in Disney, we already had 101 Dalmatians. This is just shitty and unacceptable. But Im not gonna bag on the animation TOO much, because I do understand that its a time thing. Instead, Im gonna be pissed at the movie itself. This follows the Pinocchio formula of being not a good enough movie to have a strong plot that can carry it from start to finish, so instead, the writers weave together a series of unrelated vignettes. Our douchey lead fucks up the ice kingdom, fights some fire dudes, fucks up the light kingdom, and NONE of this is in ANY way related to the titular Eight Headed Dragon. No, it takes 2/3 of the movie to get to the title conflict.

Basically, the prince is upset about his mother being dead, but everything is a fucking metaphor in this universe and no one tells him hey, shes dead and instead his father gives him the your mother went to a farm upstate treatment. So he goes on a journey in search of her, has some pointless adventures, and finally arrives at a village where humans are sacrificed to an eight-headed dragon. We then get a twenty-minute action sequence in which, despite being animated, the direction of the fight scene is as choppy and poorly-edited as I would expect from a Ray Harryhausen movie, which at least has the excuse of blending stop-motion with live-action. Here, we get twenty minutes of a kid flying around on a horse, swinging his sword ineffectively at a series of similar-looking dragon heads, until finally he slays them all and finds out that his real mother was the friends he made along the way.

This was just bad and unpleasant to sit through. Nothing about it intrigued me, and its not a great way to kick off a new list.

---

The animation may have been stellar for its time, but one thing I cannot forgive is the use of stock sound effects in this film. How was I supposed to take the climactic battle seriously when every time the little prince zooms past the dragon on his horse jetplane.wav plays. I'm pretty sure a heard a generic fire truck siren when he confronted the emissary of the god of sun as well. Just awful. Speaking of awful, I wish that abysmal rabbit got eaten by the tiger at the beginning because he was the worst by far. Instead the poor tiger got the old Flintstones Bam-Bam treatment just because he was hungry? The heck was he supposed to eat: sand!?

---

Outlier:

Red: 44
Inviso: 42
Johnbobb: 41
Karo: 32
Jona: 29
Charon: 15
Genny: 15

---

The battle for top outlier is very close but not as close as me and Charon~

---

35. In This Corner of the World

Jona: 23
Johnbobb: 26
Red: 28
Karo: 29
Inviso: 29
Genny: 37
Charon: 37

Total: 209

Jona: The movies slow pacing helps you get attached to Suzu. While Suzu has an intriguing life where she tries to adjust to her new home, its obvious where the movie will go due to the setting. It still has its shocking moments though. Just a good slice-of-life film.

Johnbobb: Objectively, this is a really good and a really important film. Did I enjoy it? Sure, from time to time, though the romance that takes up much of the runtime never grabbed me nearly as much as the survival efforts in pre-bombing Japan. I have a lot of respect for this film and everything it does excellently, but I also don't have much desire to ever watch it again.

Red: Never really been one for movies that are all doom and gloom, and this one ends up no exception. Doesnt help that the main character is a girl that to the end will never make much of an attempt to stand up for herself. Shes simply low on emotions and her basically arranged marriage, despite working out, definitely begins in kind of a creepy fashion. We know from the time period things are going to get worse. They do and it is predictably just as much of a downer. The ending kind of sort of tries to provide a happier moment but our dulled emotion of a main character mostly just survives rather than show much growth.

Karo: What It Is:
A slice-of-life that takes place during WWII and focuses on a girl who lives in a city near Hiroshima, and focuses on her day-to-day activities during the war.

What I Think:
These kind of stories are so so dependent on the characters in them, and unfortunately that is where this film takes a big swing and a miss.
The heroine is a dull character with zero personality and presence, she just smiles and nods no matter how badly others treat her and pretty much has no ambition other than to be a perfect little geisha. This is not the kind of person I want to watch a movie about, and her role in the story could have been replaced with an inflatable sex doll and I dont even think her husband would have noticed.

Score 55/100

Inviso: Based off my enjoyment of Grave of the Fireflies, I expected to enjoy ANY anime film in which the setting was World War II, being told from the perspective of the Japanese people. This movie proved that theory wrong, by being boring as FUCK. First off, a good 75% of this movie is just generic, slice-of-life bullshit, with a main character whoand I know this is gonna sound really mean, given how the movie ends for heris too ditzy to live. Seriously, spending the entire film dealing with a backdrop of wartime Japan, through the eyes of a dullardits not fun to watch. And worse, it makes the emotion turn the film tries to take towards the end THAT much less impactful to me. I know weve watched bittersweet movies with happy endings before (Barefoot Gen, for example), but this justit feels like the writers wanted to just do a fluff movie, and threw in some abject hardship at the end just to make it feel like it meant something. Also, this is a personal preference, but I hated the animation. Wasnt my cup of tea at all.

Genny: This movie didn't actively offend me like my bottom three, but In This Corner of the World passively offended me with how sinfully dull it was. I could literally put this movie on in the background whenever I want to go to sleep except that I was unfortunately wide awake whenever I watched it, and unfortunately this had to be broken into two sittings because the movie decided it had ample time to pad its 2+ hour duration with recipes I will never use and boring interactions between characters I will never care for. This movie is like Peanuts, but only if every character was Charlie Brown aside from one Lucy; however by the 3rd act she transitions into just another Charlie Brown as well, and no Snoopy ever emerges to break up the monotony.

You would think a period piece from one of the most interesting periods in history might be I dunno interesting, but you just keep waiting for the *metaphorical bomb to drop and it never does. There is actually a scene near the end of the first act where Suzu has an opportunity to be an actual character instead of a cardboard cut out, and cheat on her husband with her childhood friend she has a real connection with, and the movie teases the possibility that something interesting could happen before yanking the carrot it was dangling in front of its audience away in favor of more recipes you can use to stretch your rations further WOW THANKS! If ever there was a life I did not want to sample a slice of, it is Suzu's. The only events of actual interest occur in the last 45 minutes of the film, and the director even found a way to make Suzu losing an arm, a family, and a niece boring somehow.

*whoops, I have to clarify this

Charon: As tragic as the atomic bombing of Japan was, this film about the ordinary life of an ordinary Japanese girl just doesn't do a good job of being interesting. Granted I realized it isn't supposed to be exciting, but at the same time when a film is over 2 hours long you really need the structure of a film in place, and this is more of a period piece that doesn't follow those guidelines. For example, I suppose the "climax" of this film would be the death of Harumi but it is a good ways into it and the time before that is filled with very mundane events like how to ration your rice. I remember two different "recipe" segments that took several minutes a piece it seemed. It just isn't a fun experience, and the lasting impression it left me with was that of being so bored and tired of watching this movie we had to tackle it in two sittings.

---

The only good thing about this one is the rice dish recipe I got to try.
---

PrinceKaro posted...

Jona: The movies slow pacing helps you get attached to Suzu. While Suzu has an intriguing life where she tries to adjust to her new home, its obvious where the movie will go due to the setting. It still has its shocking moments though. Just a good slice-of-life film.

No, no, two, and the first one gets brushed over easily, and no. Good day to you sirrah!


---

Outlier:

Red: 51
Johnbobb: 50
Inviso: 48
Jona: 41
Karo: 38
Charon: 17
Genny: 17

---

Yikes.

This isn't even in my bottom 6 from this list and I've only seen 8 of them. Some of the tragic parts don't have the impact I think they were supposed to but overall a really great movie.
---

I'd have to rewatch them to be sure, but I'm thinking this was the most boring animated film I've ever watched. The only real competition it has is From Up on Poppy Hill, but I don't think I could bring myself to watch that one again either.
---

I've only seen around half the films on this list, but that one's easily my favorite out of what I have seen. Then again, I love "boring" slice-of-life stuff way too much and was expecting it to end up even lower than it did.
---

34. Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

Genny: 14
Charon: 20
Inviso: 27
Karo: 32
Jona: 35
Red: 36
Johnbobb: 39

Total: 203

Genny: Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters is honestly my favorite adaptation of the Godzilla mythos in the last decade, beating out 2014 Godzilla by a hair due its lessened focus on a bland human cast. While Planet of the Monsters is no exception to the trend of following human characters in a kaiju movie, Sakaki, the main character, is anything but "bland"! His grudge against Godzilla, his distrust in authority, and his conviction all make him a well-rounded individual who I cannot help but root for despite his constant angst face. I must mention that the animation for the scenery and for the human and alien races is absolutely breathtaking. I was very surprised to learn it wasn't done by Studio Orange because the facial expressions are eerily reminiscent of Beastars. On the other hand when it came to the kaiju... the animation was more reminiscent of something I left in the toilet this morning. The animation of the monsters left a lot to be desired to say the least. Nevertheless I was hooked enough to want to watch the other two films in this installation, though I would've loved if the entire film had been more like the last 10 minutes or so: nothing but the king of kaiju wrecking face.

Charon: Planet of the Monsters: Surprisingly good for what it is, I think this film does a swell job with a standalone launch of a Godzilla film. There aren't too many people out there who haven't heard of Godzilla, so I appreciate this isn't another origin story. There's a slight Attack on Titan vibe to the fighting and action scenes, well, from what little I've seen of that show I guess. The animation is nice looking and while I think the story could be a little better, it is again, good for what it is. I had little expectations heading into this film so to come away liking it a fair bit was a welcome treat. The characters aren't too fleshed out really, but I do like the main character's drive and what he stands for. He's an easy protagonist to cheer on.

Inviso: This was an extremely generic action movie. The characters almost all feel completely underdeveloped, with one-note personalities, and there is FAR too much technobabble and military strategy for me to enjoy such things. I mean, dont get me wrongthe movie managed to keep my attention for most of its runtime, and it was never off-putting to the point where I just wanted it to end. But I cannot see myself thinking back on this as a memorable addition to this list. It mostly ranks as high as it does, more because of the flaws I found in other films, rather than anything it did especially GOOD. Also, theres a cliffhanger, but likeI cant really think of where you can go with this franchise. Youve wiped everyone outthey got fuckin WRECKED. I doubt you can Avatar the ending without coming across as extremely contrived and poorly written.

Karo: What It Is:
A take on the classic Godzilla franchise by Gen Urobuchi, which of course means everyone dies horribly.

What I Think:
I am beginning to think that Urobuchi is just not up to telling a story in the time constraints of the film format. In Expelled from Paradise, he tried to cram so many things into an hour and half that we ended up with a world that was underdeveloped and stillborn. Here, he does the exact opposite and spends so much time crafting this future kaiju world that we get a movie where pretty much nothing happens. You can literally summarize the entire plot as 'people travel to earth and fight Godzilla'.
Yes, there are two more movies set in this world, and maybe things happen in them, but if you are hoping to see Urobuchi deconstruct the kaiju genre the way he did with magical girl superheroes and crime serials, don't hold your atomic breath.

Score: 52/100

Jona: I have not actually seen a Godzilla movie before this but I do have some base knowledge on what to expect: A lot of talking and then a bunch of action with Godzilla. Its pretty much what I got. The main character is the only character to really stand out and with this being the first part of a trilogy, the story leaves a lot more to be desired. The action is pretty great when the movie gets around to it but I dont think it was worth the wait.

Red: Another movie on this list with blind devotion to the Earth somehow. A bunch of suspiciously human like species show up to earth to kill some monsters, fail, they leave, and then, very abruptly, its time to go back. There isnt a whole lot of point of this, and they could have just skipped the leaving thing, hovered in the earths orbit for awhile, tried to come back, and you wouldnt have changed the movie much at all. They fight a poorly animated Godzilla, some people die, Godzilla dies as planned. But oh wait it was the bad ending all along. Nothing about this movie is satisfying.

Johnbobb: Man, I just... really don't care much about Godzilla. I feel like pretty much every Godzilla movie (and hell, most Kaiju movies) are one of two things
1. Goofy B-movie Monster v. Monster schlock
2. More often, 80 minutes of humans trying to figure out what to do about the monster and 10 minutes of them finally doing it at the end.
Planet of the Monsters unsurprisingly went headfirst into the 2nd category, and OF COURSE it ends with the bait-and-switch "oh that wasn't even the real monster, guess you need to see the sequel!" Impressive monster animation doesn't make up for a boring-as-hell movie leading up to it.

---

*spit takes*

---

Outlier:

Inviso: 55
Johnbobb: 54
Red: 53
Jona: 42
Karo: 40
Genny: 37
Charon: 32

things tightening up

---

Oh hey I forgot the same guy who did Expelled from Paradise also did Madoka. Talk about hot and cold... Yikes. He definitely does better at slow burn world building over the course of a series than trying to establish plots within films with a limited runtime. He's yet to strike a good balance methinks, because as much promise as Planet of the Monsters showed I can legitimately see the arguments that it was a sci-fi info dump with way too much techobabble. I suppose for Charon and I the awesome action sequences made up for it, and for the rest of you it didn't.

Ah well, I'm not mad just a little disappointed.

---

It wasn't my favorite take on Godzilla but the animation, specifically the character design, is superb imo. I love the way the Reiwa era captures the inherent body horror of Godzilla, taking cures from the previous film Shin Godzilla, portraying a blob-like mass of pure muscle mass that is threatening but also something that almost appears to be in constant agony & pain.

I do urge anyone slightly interested in Godzilla to check out Shin Godzilla though.

---

I'll gladly check it out if you know where I can find it.

Also have you seen all three Urobuchi Godzillas or just the first?

---

I'll PM you on Discord.

Just the first, but I do wanna watch the others.

---

33. Angel's Egg

Genny: 5
Karo: 27
Charon: 27
Johnbobb: 28
Jona: 32
Red: 39
Inviso: 40

Total: 198

Genny: At only 42 lines of dialogue (by my count) Angel's Egg manages to tell a more coherent and more compelling story than other movies can with hundreds. Now when it comes to Amano's artwork I can leave it far more often than I take it, but here it actually works. His washed out color palette, smooth edges, and somber expressions (or lack of expression altogether) all suit this dystopia far more than they would suit, for example, an energetic role-playing game protagonist. In this setting what would be dull, minimalistic designs elsewhere manage to become hauntingly beautiful and help to bring this world alive. I'm not going to get into all the symbolism because there's enough there to write a thesis on, but suffice it to say this was a labor of love that I for one appreciated.

Karo: What It Is:
A bizarre surrealist anime where little girls lay eggs and everyone looks like Final Fantasy concept art.

What I Think:
This movie is quite a trip, and you likely will be just as confused at the film's end as you were at the start.
Basically there was an apocalypse or something and characters with questionable motives wander through a haunting, shattered world searching for a point (they don't find it).
The film is visually and atmospherically beautiful, which is honestly the only reason to give it a look, everything else is pointless fluff.

Score: 56/100

Charon: This is probably as high as I can rank a film where the writer/director admitted he had no idea what the film was about when he asked. There's certainly a lot of "art of the sake of art" going on here, at least in my opinion. I will say that Amano is a lot better here than he is when he's working on Final Fantasy, even though his style is very obvious from the onset. I don't know; it's weird, but I do like the world and the atmosphere. I find myself frustrated at it however because I can't learn more about those things or experience a deep, storytelling experience inside that world with that atmosphere. It's great for what it is; I just don't usually hold stuff like this in super high esteem.

Johnbobb: Don't know how to talk about this one. I appreciate it and what it does, but I also didn't really enjoy it.

Jona: Usually Im into movies that do nothing intentionally. It gets me interested to see the meaning behind the nothing. This movie was far too much for me though. The movies got a great atmosphere though and a slow, deliberate pace. It feels too slow though and its tough to tell the difference from when the slowness is deliberate or padding. While its intriguing and engaging, it can definitely be too incomprehensible.

Red: Im sure there was some sort of deep meaning hidden in this movie, but if I am that bored of it by the end my brain lacks any sort of will to care to decipher it. This movie is pretty much completely devoid of dialogue that I can remember aside a very brief sequence of a character having a needlessly complex literal existential crisis. In my mind, this movie felt like some weird Kojima game except all the potentially interesting characters you play for despite the weirdness had all their dialogue ripped out and you were just left confused at all the weirdness going on. With no hook to keep your brain interested and everything being needlessly convoluted, you are left confused, bored, and uninterested.

Inviso: Fuck this pretentious, artsy bullshit. Despite clocking in at only seventy minutes, this movie still felt like more of a waste of time than the vast majority of films weve watched for various projects over the years. There is literally no point to this movies existence. You would think that an artistic movie like this would have some deep message to convey, but I didnt get anything out of it, and upon checking the Wikipedia page, even the creator says he doesnt know what it means. Im sure thats a bullshit quote meant to inspire people to think hes deep and brooding or something, but it sucks. Nothing HAPPENS in this movie for the first 57 minutes. Then the male character breaks an egg and the girl commits suicide? Its hard to tell, what with the horrible animation, and the MULTITUDE of long, still images that the camera lingers on FAR beyond their usefulness (said usefulness is approximately zero, but still). This sucked. This really, really sucked.

---

uhoh

---

I think Genny and I were both right in our being coy about that one.

---

Outlier:

Genny: 65
Inviso: 62
Johnbobb: 59
Red: 59
Karo: 46
Jona: 43
Charon: 38

lol

---

I can't remember. Was this the one where guys kept throwing harpoons at whale shadows?

---

GenesisSaga posted...

After yet another promising start I can hardly wait to gradually take the outlier crown as my fellow rankers' terrible opinions begin to manifest!

Boom.

---

This is the very rare case where I can completely understand both Gen's and Vis' rankings


---

I had to google the movie after I'd watched it to figure out if I was missing something and was completely flabbergasted at the insane amount of praise it is given.

---

red13n posted...

I had to google the movie after I'd watched it to figure out if I was missing something and was completely flabbergasted at the insane amount of praise it is given.

Same. Normally, I can go on Wikipedia and at least get a synopsis about a movie I didn't understand...but this one, even the director couldn't explain it.

---

That's what makes it so great, it's up to the audience to interpret it!

---

32. Blood: the Last Vampire

Genny: 15
Johnbobb: 19
Inviso: 21
Charon: 30
Red: 32
Jona: 37
Karo: 38

Total: 192

Genny: The advantage a short film like Blood: The Last Vampire has over a movie with a say, 2+ hour runtime is that you're forced to glean whatever information out of the cast of characters through their interactions with each other as opposed to being spoonfed exposition via flashbacks, narration, clunky dialogue and other trite narrative devices. As a result I personally feel much more vested in Saya's plight to destroy vampires than I did for D, and I'm more interested in the finer nuances of their personalities than the protagonist of my #40 film because frankly he's on screen for far too long. Returning to this film though, it has some of the fastest paced action in this entire set. It throws you right into the plot and trusts you'll be able to keep up with the many events that unfold before you. Its already narrow cast of characters for the most part ultimately end up being meaningless aside from two, and the movie outright challenges you to care about anyone else. What I like most about this film is that its concept is exciting enough that I'd be intrigued to check out the subsequent spinoff anime series. Ergo, Blood is a franchise starter done right.

Johnbobb: Honestly, I'm surprised by how into this I was. There's something to be said for action movies that don't waste time. When I saw the runtime, I immediatley assumed this would be more akin to like an extended episode of an anime series, but this really held it's on for me. It's fairly simple, but it's exciting, and the dynamic between Saya and Makiho was interesting, with Makiho's reactions to the situation coming across as realistic.

Inviso: This is going to sound like an odd criticism, but this movie doesnt feel like, well, a MOVIE to me; this feels like one episode out of a longer anime series. Dont get me wrong, Im not going to complain about one of the films on this list going under an hour for its runtime, but I just feel like this limitation prevents me from garnering the maximum enjoyment out of the film. As an animated action short, sure, its pretty solid. The animation is good, and I appreciate the fact that, while the movie starts out by painting Saya as an unstoppable badass, she at least shows weakness when the demons start to overwhelm her, which amplifies the intensity of the danger shes experiencing. That being said, I just wish wed gotten a little more time to breathe. Were thrown into the middle of the action, in the middle of a story in which weve already been thrown into the middle of the action. It would just make things more interesting to me to get a LITTLE more in terms of backstory. Thats all.

Charon: I hate to rank this low because I have a feeling I'd enjoy the deeper lore of this series as a whole, however I can't in good faith rank a film of less than 50 minutes very high. There's just not a lot of time to develop any of the characters, the world or the lore. You just sort of get thrust into things immediately and you have to hope you can keep up, yet there's clearly a ton of stuff that's underneath the rug in this movie's story that we just never really get to see due to its length. I think if you want to make a film that's based on an anime, or in this case, a film that's going to launch an anime series, you need the film to still feel like a film and not just a long episode of a TV show which is unfortunately just what this felt like. It's cool, I like it, but as a movie I'm just not going to rank it super high.

Red: Honestly not sure how we can even classify this as a full movie. The best way I could describe this is like a tech demo for a real movie or something. The plot was pretty much nonexistent, she likes to hunt monster things with swords, I think shes a vampire or something, and she has some sort of human organization assisting her. Oh but she begins the movie killing a human and we are just never going to touch on this again because this isnt a real movie.

Jona: That wasnt a great first episode but Im sure the series will have better action and develop the characters more as we go further into the series. Wait, that was a movie?

Karo: What It Is:
A horror anime that was originally intended to be a three episode OVA series, but then they decided to scrap episodes one and three and release episode two in theaters for some reason.

What I Think:
This 'film' will be incredibly confusing to anyone watching, little is explained about who these characters are and why the world is this way. The disastrous decision to chop off two-thirds of the narrative tosses us right into the middle of a story that was meant to be much bigger, with all world-building and emotional involvement thrown out the window so we can have some derp-faced babe kick vampire ass for 48 minutes.

Score: 32/100

---

Guys this has been cute and all, but I really think it's time to ditch my #40. You know... In the bottom 10, where it belongs. You've got one last chance so don't disappoint me please.

---

Oh shit me and Gen finally agreed on something

---

Also

PrinceKaro posted...

Johnbobb: When I saw the runtime, I immediatley assumed this would be more akin to like an extended episode of an anime series, but this really held it's own for me.

Inviso: This is going to sound like an odd criticism, but this movie doesnt feel like, well, a MOVIE to me; this feels like one episode out of a longer anime series.

Lol

---

Regarding Blood: The Last Vampire, I had no idea it was initially intended to be a 3 part OVA. I couldn't even tell it was supposed to be anything more than it already was and I followed it just fine. That said, I have seen all of Blood+, and Blood C, so maybe I just subconsciously filled in the informational gaps. The former comes highly recommended, but avoid the latter like the plague. They all follow a different Saya anyway so they aren't really connected in anything but name and universe.

Do you guys not think short films count as movies? I respectfully disagree. You can claim it doesn't have the general feel of a movie all you like, but I think it's merely because of the expectations that have been set regarding the length and plot of movies by the American film industry- expectations that have been formed over years of time, and in your most impressionable years nonetheless. I mean it's cool if you don't like it, but to dismiss it as not really a movie is kind of rude to the people that worked on it.

Back on the subject of the movie itself I was really surprised by how good the voice acting was. I had only seen it once before, a long time ago, and so I had forgotten it's mostly spoken in English, and I say English and not "Engrish" because the latter would be a huge disservice to the voice actors who did a fantastic job despite English clearly not being their first language. Also I'm glad the Girl from Angel's Egg survived plunging from that building only to get wrecked by a vampire hunter.

https://i.imgur.com/Wvy9fBB.png

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VYwJrFbzSl0/WQf1__nVg3I/AAAAAAAAw_8/cOJnLR4CLBYL0iNfDexzUmFfzKk9D8qhQCLcB/s640/BRIGA%2BDE%2BMULHEEER.gif

---

GenesisSaga posted...

Do you guys not think short films count as movies?

No, they are movies. But when you are writing a story slated for a much longer format and then suddenly hack most of it off it is gonna feel incomplete and illegitimate

---

I still disagree with that general assessment, but fair enough.

I like how Charon, Inviso, Karo and I all had a similar sentence regarding Blood in our write-ups (along the lines of being "thrown right into the action") and yet we came away with drastically different rankings for it. I can't believe I'm saying this, but for once I'm with Johnbobb!

I'm so ready for the next ranking. Please, please let it be my #40............ !!

---

31. Mirai

Karo: 16
Johnbobb: 16
Charon: 26
Red: 27
Jona: 31
Genny: 34
Inviso: 38

Total: 188

Karo: What It Is:
A spoiled child meets his baby sister from the future, learns some life lessons, and possibly wanders into a witch labyrinth.

What I Think:
Hosoda's usual themes of familial bonds are on full display here but there is something missing this time around. It doesnt help things that Kun is this obnoxious little fucker who needs a very late-term abortion. I know that his brattiness is a major story element, but it is just so unpleasant to watch.
Though the movie gets stronger as it approaches the end, it never quite reaches the level of his earlier works.
It seems to further confirm that Hosoda has long passed his apex as a director and that is quite a shame.

Score: 71/100

Johnbobb: Mirai is the ultimate test of "how long can I deal with this annoying-ass piece of shit garbage child in order to get to the excellent film underneath." The answer is "exactly this long and not a single goddamn moment more because jfc this kid is just the absolute WORST. The surreal, magical way the film is told, however, absolutely manages to make up for it. Imagine how high this film would've gotten if that kid was so horrible!

Charon: This is another one of those film's where the main character is an annoying jerk and I find it hard to really get invested in the general plot or care much. Yeah I know he's a very young child, but he's still a brat. He's in the same sort of vein as a lot of child protagonists that we've seen over the years of doing these projects I guess, and even if he does reform by the end, it's still a movie filled with him being selfish and cruel throughout the course of the journey there. I think the character I liked the most was the great-grandfather, who was technically dead before the movie actually began so there's also that. I dunno. The kid's mean, the dad's a wuss, the mom is also pretty much a bitch. Even the future versions of Kun and Mirai are stereotypical "moody teenage youth" and "peppy young girl". I didn't see the hype here I guess.

Red: A spoiled brat with bad parents incapable of properly caring for a child is blessed with seeing the future and talking to his dog for no apparent reason. Im not exactly sure where they were going with this, as everything kind of happens abruptly and the connection from him being a spoiled brat to not is never properly made. He learns about his past, his future, but the things that made him be a jerk are all still there. A whiny kid learning about things he has no business learning about to ultimately be able to wear a different pair of pants simply doesnt resonate particularly well with my brain. Maybe the parents should have just kept better tabs on their kids.

Jona: It feels so strange putting a Mamoru Hasoda film this low. Kun and his constant tantrums are just so annoying. The movie is also pretty repetitive with its structure involving Kuns tantrums and time travel shenanigans. Despite those faults, the movie is still very charming as expected from this director.

Genny: Let me preface this by saying that I love kids (aged: 5-12). What I despise is babies and toddlers. Mirai did nothing more than validate my preexisting notions in what it might be like to be a parent of a very young child that is not yet what I would define as a "kid". In other words this movie made me want to get my tubes tied and adopt a child at the age I'm willing to begin tolerating them. I'm unsure of whether this is a film designed to entertain or a propaganda designed to discourage Japanese people from contributing to overpopulation because holy cow this was rough to sit through at times. The animation was quite nice however.

Inviso: Of ALL the anime produced in 2018, THIS is what becomes the first non-Ghibli anime nominated for an academy award? REALLY?! This movie sucked and I had to fucking drag my feet through watching it, despite it being shorter than several other bad movies Ive had to watch. First off, this was BORING. It is LITERALLY just a slice of life movie that tries to act like its interesting by interspersing fantasies and dream sequences into the plot. This does not help, because the main character is an obnoxious little shit, who spends the entire movie being cute and precocious, only to realize hes been a shit at the LAST possible second, thus making me not care about his change in any way. Basically, this movie is almost 100 minutes of the Japanese equivalent of a prolonged Rugrats episode. It has the fantasy worlds of a brat, dealing with the fact that he hates having a little sister. Weve seen this plot before, and it almost always sucksbut at least theres a CHANCE of it being somewhat interesting. This movie is not interesting in any way.

---

Outlier:

Johnbobb: 87
Genny: 85
Inviso: 80
Karo: 67
Red: 63
Jona: 48
Charon: 45

---

... Okay now I'm glad I didn't participate
---

Best I could describe Blood is that it was entertaining but left me feeling completely unfulfilled.

profDEADPOOL posted...

... Okay now I'm glad I didn't participate

Did you enjoy Mirai significantly more than gauntlet crew? If so please explain your thoughts on it. We'd love to hear from you.

---

Should've played the Blood PS2 game instead.

---

I never saw this one. I would consider myself a "Hosoda fan" maybe, but I didn't like Boy and the Beast much, and then the synopsis of this movie really did not sound like something that would appeal to me. Also my friend who did see it and tends to have similar views as me didn't seem to like it much.
---

Mirai is an interesting movie. It's fairly well made and has some interesting ideas, but Kun is just such an awful lead that he drags the entire movie down. Anyone who isn't a preschool child is going to hate him for being a whiny brat, but the overall story is way too complex for young children. I can appreciate parts of it, but what audience is there that would actually enjoy watching this movie?
---

A fantastic question. I don't know who this movie was made for, and I can only guess parents of young children or young children themselves. It's just too esoteric for anyone in between methinks.

---