Poll of the Day > IMO the most completely made up and mythological creature ever is the octopus

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've also been known to think that water creatures are better than people at a lot of stuff (perhaps this could be a good topic for a future blog post).

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What about the snorks.

You think octopuses are mythological while seahorses are a thing

Are you insane

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faramir77 posted...

You think octopuses are mythological while seahorses are a thing

Are you insane

When I first read about octopuses, I thought they were just water creatures that had arms and legs (or so I thought). I also had always thought that octopuses were not real, since I thought they were all complete red herrings for the curious.

I also always felt that the only real "octopus" in the sea is an octopus in aquariums. I think that is the only true octopus in the sea. It is only under water or out of water that an octopus is visible.

So the ultimate reason for my obsession with octopuses is that they have three functioning limbs and can talk. They are cool, and if I'm completely honest with myself, a little grotesque.

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OniRonin,

You are actually an Octopus in a simulation while you travel between planets. None of this is real.

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What

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Here are some examples of real octopus jokes. None of these involve cutting off somebody's arm or something, I promise!

#1. "The nearest food I have ever tasted was found at a bank, in the event they can't find a steak, or another octopus. Also a guy who was doing the tellers job got it and I have to say it tasted better than steak."

#2. "I have a creepy cousin named "Jon" and he's a prolific and well known octopus eater. Every now and then he'll go down to my aunt's for a bite. But don't ask, I won't tell if you do!"

#3. "Ouch, that was bloody awkward. Ouch, that was bloody awkward. Ouch, that was bloody awkward. Ouch, that was bloody awkward. Ouch, that was bloody awkward."

#4. "I recently took an octopus out for a walk in my neighborhood and it felt very natural to have some pierogi for lunch."

#5. "The last time I ate octopus was like 2 years ago but this time it felt a lot nicer."

#6. "Knock knock."

"Who's there? God?" "Mmmm, it's Jesus Christ." "What does he want?" "To come in and change my life."

#7. My favourite joke about octopuses is "I hate octopuses with a passion." This one I believe stems from the mythology of being that they spit poison, which is horrible to drink, and they eat in front of you so you just slurp it down and feel sick. I love it because I can imagine being that person, and also because it sounds so much better than "I hate octopuses with a passion".


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Greenfox111 posted...

What

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Bro, have you ever seen a platypus?

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Llamachama posted...

Bro, have you ever seen a platypus?

Have I seen a platypus? Have I seen a platypus? My dude, I invented the platypus. Not even saying I'm a genius, just saying I invented it, dude.

A story on why I believe that a platypus exists:It's as clear as day that he just wants to put out some spurious platypus-related content. Not to mention that these cute little comments are just the sort of thing that was meant to generate buzz online -- not actual sales. To put it simply, he's racking up mediocre traffic.Just as all other online sales tactics often have a ceiling (unpaid bloggers, affiliate links, etc), using platypus to generate sales is just wasting a perfectly good strategy.

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I think it's the mythological landlod.

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Nah octopuses are real. But, anemones? what even is that, that's not a thing

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A story on why I believe that a platypus came to be:
a disgruntled egg-laying eagle with its nest overrun by a dense undergrowth, had managed to get caught in an area with no trees and heavy vegetation. As the eaglet had suffered chronic pain from a torn achilles tendon, he decided that no amount of pain would be worth the potential pain of escape and struggle to escape. Being that he was young, mild-mannered, with skills to be tried, he threw caution to the wind. "WHOOOOOO! Let's go home!" he cried, as he waddled towards the trees. But suddenly a reptile which he had not seen before, grabbed onto his tail and began dragging him towards a large bush. A quick check of the internet revealed a two-dimensional reptile featured prominently in many entertainment films and television shows, including Dr Who (A two-dimensional reptile waddles toward a three-dimensional protagonist, and the real villain is the two-dimensional protagonist. The same is true of my political hatchet-men: in the real world of Twenty-First-Century America, the real villain isn't liberals; it's the real-world sense of victimization that liberals and conservatives feel when their ideological opponents recognize the rightness of their cause and what it implies. But that's a subject for, methinks, another blog post). Picking up speed, he ran, down to the marshes, into a drain and into a feeding ground. Under the intense heat and humidity of an Alabama summer, he was struggling to survive. But nothing can save a helpless eaglet from his enemies!

Soon he was an impossible prey for his predators. Having taken everything from the first eaglet, tanned her hide and manufactured a suitable habitat, the reptile (a tortoise) came upon the second, and then the third, eaglets. Which were they? Who knew? But one thing was clearthe eaglets were going to be able to eat the eaglets. Or so the animal thought.

Once tanned, ready to lay eggs, the creature produced another companiona baby eaglet that was very ugly. And guess what? That baby eaglet was the first ichthyotherm, a creature that reproduces by laying eggs.

Oh, and that other animal also laid eggs. And hatched, and then lived a long and happy life. And the ichthyotherm lives, the egg-laying and ichthyosperm lived, and so did their offspring, for many generations.

Why, it took many, many generations before man stumbled upon ichthyospermia, because there were so many things to know. The best aphrodisiac, for instance, is a plesiosaur. It went from being an only a partial vitellus that opened the male. Not until half of it was found was it found that the other half was as wide as the end of a man's hand, and that it had, in the males, a pair of barbed tails. The udders were made to open, like the doors of a bath, which is why a ichthyosperm is considered a bath.

Man came upon it very naturally. And, as is the wont of Man, he could not stop short of the conclusion. That conclusion was the absurdity of the works and mixtures of the ancients, and the rest of the amusements of their tales. Man then sought out the species in the likeness of the animals. But the animals, in such things as we see, as a sort of heralds of their species, were fashioned and animated with such concurrence of parts and substances that the Creator could have had no other design, than to make them symmetrical and to confine them in proper temperaments; and it will not be superfluous to observe, that neither animals nor women were more adorned with the external and physical marks of existence, than were the forms of men, or birds and fishes.

So Man merged the eaglet and the reptile, and this produced the chimera of the monkey. And the chimera of the monkey, being not only more ridiculous, but also more absolutely ridiculous, was the object of all the scorn of the Greek, Hebrew and Roman poets.

And then man merged the chimera and the ichthyosperm, and this produced platypus, which his careful perceptions thus achieved so well. And from the fluid, thus put together, came all the varieties of the ducks and other aquatic birds. From the ichthyosperm, however, came no ducks at all; but the two little goblins in the water, the dreaded St. Germains, upon whom the Christian world here reproaches us. But the Platypus, our guide will tell you, is descended from a male human egg laid by a zoonosis; a birthing out of a defect. Of the effect of this birth upon its parents there is no need to speak. The eggs are instantly fertilised and set loose on the universe. That is what "in-vitro" fertilisation is. In truth, it is just like any other fertilisation process. An egg is tossed into a chemical incubator in the hope of not only making it into an embryo but of laying it on the well-lit side of the road to fertilisation.


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papercup posted...

Nah octopuses are real. But, anemones? what even is that, that's not a thing

Anemones are simple to understand once you realize that they are the "landlods of the sea": Why else would the Anemones have such large tentacles? And yet, it was a mystery to several Naval officers - who thought the big fluffy anemones were "anything but scary"! Like other landlods, Anemones have a habit of doing one thing for just the right reason - it's always something unusual, fun, or simply surprising, and you can never count on it happening again. Needless to say, this makes living with Anemones an interesting experience!

I'll be writing another series of blog posts on the details of multicellular living, and other fascinating topics.


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soma is drunk

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Lysol posted...

soma is drunk

You call me drunk? You are drunk Sir.

Tell me to go away! I told you to go away!

The Mysterious Man posted...
I am an Actuarial Analyst.

Excuse me?

Lysol posted...
I am a Revenue Forecaster

My god!

Lysol posted...
I am a Director of Sales

What the fuck is a Director of Sales?

Lysol posted...
I am a Melon Testing Guru

Listen, can you be a lesson to us all? This world is bullshit, and the World Bank only exists because everybody in this room has, like, a degree or an MBA, which means you are who you are (YAWHYH). How do we get out of this? I've been saying it for days and days. Let's get out of this. You're probably sick and tired of hearing me say it, but nobody cares about the simple fucking thing that's making everybody fat. Because we've settled down, right? All we do is eat lard and vegetables.

Real Jim posted...
Yeah, but only if we have monkeys to eat them with.

It's the same with three new Szechuan sauces: Tapioca pear, coconut palm, and white pepper. They're all small in size, all spiced with a slight nuttiness and incredibly slippery. They turn into swiss fries when you squeeze them into a bowl or in your mouth. But nobody enjoys them. Why?

Lysol posted...
I am an Exchange Student and an Expert on Time Wasting.

Wait.

Lysol posted...
I am a Luxury Cruise Agent.

Are you serious? A luxury cruise agent? You don't have an accent, and that entire town thinks you're a stone-cold weirdo. Yet you call me drunk. Can you furnish any evidence for this outrageous claim?

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What the fuck

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Greenfox111 posted...

What the fuck

If you think octopuses are real how do you explain this

"I invented the octopus." - Al Gore

"It's funny 'cause I was at a Latino site and somebody asked me what I thought about the war on drugs. And I said that I think the war on drugs has to be done on a more pragmatic level. You can't rely on fines and imprisonments, because what we're doing is, as libertarians we favor personal freedom." - Al Gore.

"If I were a mortgage lender, I wouldn't sell to him anymore." - Joe Biden's daughter Amy.

"This is what a feminist looks like." - Hillary Clinton, to a protester who interrupted her at a rally for female candidates in April, 2008.

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