Current Events > Is it transphobic to not date a trans person?

(+) Yeah! (+)

You cant just add phobic to everything. A phobia is a fear of, not disliking or unpreferred.
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When it comes to dating, both looks (whether you're of the opposite gender at first glance) and body (whether you have the opposite gender's organs) matter a lot and it's not transphobic in any way to desire both of them to be of your preference.

It's also insane to demand for people to ignore these two things because it's "transphobic". They're extremely important for the relationship and everyone has the right to decide that on their own.

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A lot of the things a lot of trans people say online about sex sounds eerily similar to incel shit. A lot of trying to pressure people into sleeping with them and disparaging people who don't want any of that

OgesMC posted...

You cant just add phobic to everything. A phobia is a fear of, not disliking or unpreferred.

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Its always a fascinating to see some of the responses. I can understand the idea of destigmatizing relationships with transpeople for those who would be open to a relationship with a transperson but refuse due to various societal pressures and prejudices. Anything beyond that is getting into thought policing.

nemu posted...

Its always a fascinating to see some of the responses. I can understand the idea of destigmatizing relationships with transpeople for those who would be open to a relationship with a transperson but refuse due to various societal pressures and prejudices. Anything beyond that is getting into thought policing.

using an accurate descriptive word to describe someone's thoughts and actions is thought policing?

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My body, my choice. Right?

Elmer_Glue posted...

My body, my choice. Right?

your choices can be transphobic

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averagejoel posted...

using an accurate descriptive word to describe someone's thoughts and actions is thought policing?

yes, telling people whom they should date is

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averagejoel posted...

using an accurate descriptive word to describe someone's thoughts and actions is thought policing?

Phobia is irrational fear. It's irrational to think that gay people marrying will cause societal collapse. It's irrational to think every transperson is a predator. It's not irrational to inherently not want to be with a transperson. Now, as I said, there may certainly be people who would otherwise be open to it dismissing/demonizing it for those reasons like closeted gay republicans, but acting like society itself is wrong due to the obvious majority opinion is silly.

kewldude475 posted...

No, but in this case, the descriptive word is inaccurate

no it isn't. I have already addressed this.

averagejoel posted...

people are looking at this incorrectly

transphobia is a system. our society is transphobic. many of our ideas have been influenced by this transphobia, whether we realize it or not, and this extends to our dating preferences.

refusing to date a trans person for the sole reason that they are trans is in line with the system of transphobia -- it reinforces it. so yes, it is reasonable to call such behaviour transphobic

kewldude475 posted...

throws out a negative connotation with the agenda of getting more people more people to have sex with them

it is an accurate descriptor regardless of the connotations. if those connotations make people uncomfortable, then they should think about the opinions and actions that lead to the descriptor being used for them in the first place. maybe even consider doing something differently.

Noraneko_Vel posted...

yes, telling people whom they should date is

where was anyone doing that?

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nemu posted...

Phobia is irrational fear.

correct, but that's not all that it is. it is being used in a different context right now, which I have already provided for you.

acting like society itself is wrong due to the obvious majority opinion is silly.

acting like the "obvious majority opinion" exists independently of society is what's silly

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kewldude475 posted...

Lol. You dont have to try to troll me, Ive been here for a while.

I'm not trolling

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Hes not trolling hes just averagejoeling

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Thats stupid.

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kewldude475 posted...

For instance, if Selena Gomez came out as a transgender man today, but would get NO surgery and take NO hormones, I think a lot of straight single guys would agree to date her still. Meaning that this isnt about transphobia, people just like to shame others for what they like.

While I dont disagree a lot of heterosexual men would be okay with that. Whats worse or more transphobic than the OP is that in some twisted way progressives started this division of post operation and pre operation as a way to try to push their agenda into being more accepted.

Yes a lot of heterosexual men arent attracted to a penis. So yeah theyre most likely to accept a transgendered lady without one than one with one. But thats also due to more social acceptance on the part of progressives making a division in the transgendered community in the first place. Both have equally transition into their gender no matter what gender they have transitioned into and whether or not they have or dont have the genitals they were born with.

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That's definitely transphobic
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nemu posted...

It's not irrational to inherently not want to be with a transperson.

Why?

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Do you want to make people stop giving a shit about the word transphobic? Call them transphobic for not dating trans people.

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tennisdude818 posted...

Do you want to make people stop giving a shit about the word transphobic? Call them transphobic for not dating trans people.

Dude I fucking love your username.

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I mean, is it homophobic not to date a dude if you are one?

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CyricZ posted...

Why?

Biological sexual characteristics. Neither surgery or hormones are at a level where that becomes a non-issue.

MutantJohn posted...

I mean, is it homophobic not to date a dude if you are one?

"I'm not attracted to men" is different from "I don't date gay people." Mostly semantic, but it is different.

nemu posted...

Biological sexual characteristics. Neither surgery or hormones are at a level where that becomes a non-issue.

Shall I provide you with examples of conventionally attractive trans people?

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AirFresh posted...

Dude I fucking love your username.

its a great sport!


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CyricZ posted...

"I'm not attracted to men" is different from "I don't date gay people." Mostly semantic, but it is different.

Shall I provide you with examples of conventionally attractive trans people?

Being physically attractive does nothing to fix that issue.

No, it's a preference. I like straight women.

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CyricZ posted...

"I'm not attracted to men" is different from "I don't date gay people." Mostly semantic, but it is different.

Cyricz you know by now, you can lead a horse to logic but you can't make it think

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p-m posted...

Yeah obviously. If you're otherwise attracted to them and compatible but you refuse to date them because of being trans then no shit that's transphobic

As a heterosexual guy, what's wrong with me disqualifying trans people from my dating pool? My preference is biologically straight female. I don't fear them or are disgusted or think I am better. But the notion that I would have to date trans people are ridiculous.
Is the buzz word here refusing? Everyone has a dating preferences, and there's nothing wrong with that. You choose your partner and can't be forced against your will.


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Arcanine2009 posted...

As a heterosexual guy, what's wrong with me disqualifying trans people from my dating pool? My preference is biologically female. I don't fear them or are disgusted or think I am better. But the notion that I would have to date them is ridiculous. Everyone has a dating preferences, and there's nothing wrong with that. You choose your partner and can't be forced against your will

Nobody's forcing you to date trans women or black women. But if you exclude an entire group of people? Yeah, that's bias. And you said it yourself, "biological women". So you can't act like it's any different from not being attracted to alll black women when by your very own word (and lack of actual understanding of transgender people, genetics, etc.) it's "genetic".

My advice? Actually educate yourself on the subject. And then, address your biases.

Never mind the fact that if you're a hetero guy dating a transgender woman, you'd still be straight.

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nemu posted...

Being physically attractive does nothing to fix that issue.

Maybe in your case it doesn't.

Which means, despite physical or any other kind of conventional attraction, you're saying you won't date trans people.

Which makes you transphobic.

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Like so much of this would be "fixed", as it were, by people simply saying "I've yet to be attracted to someone who has been transgender".

Nothing would fundamentally change about your life, your experiences, or your desires, except for not trying to slam shut the door on someone for something they're not in control of. Like their gender identity, or their race.

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CyricZ posted...

Maybe in your case it doesn't.

Which means, despite physical or any other kind of conventional attraction, you're saying you won't date trans people.

Which makes you transphobic.

I wouldn't date on the basis of the fact the ultimate goal is having kids and starting a family.

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AirFresh posted...

I wouldn't date on the basis of the fact the ultimate goal is having kids and starting a family.

This moves towards a different issue, but you can raise kids without them being biologically your own.

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CyricZ posted...

This moves towards a different issue, but you can raise kids without them being biologically your own.

Yes and I do think that's a noble act but personally biologically mine is simply a must for me. And I also desire it to be a mix between me and my wife, so the whole surrogate thing is a mute point, for me, that is, that's a last resort situation.

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Cotton_Eye_Joe posted...

If you refuse to go out with an neckbeard for the sole reason they are a neckbeard, you are neckbeardphobic.

trans is just code for beta males, raised in a society that has been overrun with feminism and anti masculinity. they're even worse than incels.

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CelticsHomerPro posted...

trans is just code for beta males

Oh this is a new one.

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By the way that is purely on the subject of dating. A fling is a different story.

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AirFresh posted...

but personally biologically mine is simply a must for me.

Why would you say that is?

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CyricZ posted...

This moves towards a different issue, but you can raise kids without them being biologically your own.

That's cool for you

But not everyone wants that.

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CyricZ posted...

Maybe in your case it doesn't.

Which means, despite physical or any other kind of conventional attraction, you're saying you won't date trans people.

Which makes you transphobic.

It means they have genitalia to which I am not attracted. No matter the hormones they take, they're still going to have characteristics of their biological sex. No matter what surgery they have performed, it is not a 1:1 replacement. That one can make themselves look conventionally attractive as their identified gender is surface level. For some people, none of that is an issue. If they don't care, I don't care. But this idea that it should be a non-issue for the average person is really fascinating.

CyricZ posted...

Oh this is a new one.

u mad beta boy, i mean beta girl, and i mean girl as a pejorative by the way. ur not a real girl but ur a girl , got it.

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JustMyOpinion posted...

Why does it even matter? Wanting to have biological children is a reasonable preference.

Well if you haven't noticed, I've spent this topic trying to get past the "what" and to the "why".

I'm well-aware that just about anyone would prefer to have their own biological children rather than raise someone else's.

What I'm asking is for people to think about themselves why that is. Once you get to the "why", you start wondering if the "why" is actually all that important, which would automatically make the "what" not very important at all.

For instance, would AirFresh pursue a woman he was otherwise physically and emotionally attracted to, but could not have kids? (You don't have to answer that if you want to.)

If no, then if kids are your ultimate goal, does the woman really matter in the end?

If yes, then his options become much more open.

In the end, I'm trying to get people not to slam those doors when they don't have to.

Then again, I'm forty years old without children and I've dated two women who could not have children. I suppose I'm just offering my perspective.

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Boy am I drawing aggro today.

nemu posted...

It means they have genitalia to which I am not attracted.

Not to put her on the spot, but I'm wagering gunplagirl has genitalia that you're attracted to. Any genitalia that you're not attracted to is not currently a part of her. Unless you suffer from Phantom Genital Syndrome.

nemu posted...

No matter the hormones they take, they're still going to have characteristics of their biological sex. No matter what surgery they have performed, it is not a 1:1 replacement. That one can make themselves look conventionally attractive as their identified gender is surface level.

What are you suggesting: that you can "tell" if someone is trans?

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gunplagirl posted...

Nobody's forcing you to date trans women or black women. But if you exclude an entire group of people? Yeah, that's bias. And you said it yourself, "biological women". So you can't act like it's any different from not being attracted to alll black women when by your very own word (and lack of actual understanding of transgender people, genetics, etc.) it's "genetic".

My advice? Actually educate yourself on the subject. And then, address your biases

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You're telling me nobody is forcing me, but saying that if I exclude a group of people, I am phobic and that I should educate myself. Don't push your agenda on who I should and shouldn't date. Lol

Like I said everyone has their own dating preferences and disqualifiers on what they like. They can be sexual preferences, cultural, cosmetic, behavioral/personality, hobbies, etc You are an absolute hypocrite if you implying that you don't, because you do.

And dating someone from a different skin tone or ethnic background is veryly different than someone who gets a surgery sex change and identifies as the opposite gender and is passing off as the opposite sex(biological). I am open to dating anyone from any ethnic background, but I have my preferences on looks, body type,personality, etc within that. But I am NOT into dating someone who was biologically male, because I am not into that. I'm straight and want kids.

Is it phobic for gay men to not want to date women simply because they aren't attracted to them physically and emotionally and vice versa??

Is the word "refuse" what has people riled up? Refuse has a lot of implications, and here you guys are using it as disgust, when I am using it as not something as dramatic, just something as a cross off. I am not disgusted by trans people, I just don't want to date women that were biologically men. That's my sexual preference. I have no hatred, fear or disgust or problem with their lifestyle. But I am swiping left on apps, because that's not what I'm into. Nobody can force me, and that's something I will absolutely refuse.

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nemu posted...

It means they have genitalia to which I am not attracted. No matter the hormones they take, they're still going to have characteristics of their biological sex. No matter what surgery they have performed, it is not a 1:1 replacement. That one can make themselves look conventionally attractive as their identified gender is surface level. For some people, none of that is an issue. If they don't care, I don't care. But this idea that it should be a non-issue for the average person is really fascinating.

"transphobic" is a description of the conditions as they are. talking about how things "should be" is a separate issue entirely

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