Current Events > Tell me a story CE

(+) Yeah! (+)

Not much to do today - tell me a story from your life. Long, short, pointless, mundane, doesn't matter. I want to hear it!

Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle.

He was so ugly, that everyone died.

The end.

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Ivynn posted...

Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle.

He was so ugly, that everyone died.

The end.

Love me some classic Spongebob.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q

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When I was a kid, this gang of slightly older Russian kids grabbed me and tried to light me on fire.

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SableWolfAngel posted...

When I was a kid, this gang of slightly older Russian kids grabbed me and tried to light me on fire.

Is that true? Gawd.

Stalolin posted...

Is that true? Gawd.

Yes, it's true. I don't make up stories here. I've got plenty of good ones from my life to draw on that I don't need to make any up. Would you like to hear another?

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SableWolfAngel posted...

Yes, it's true. I don't make up stories here. I've got plenty of good ones from my life to draw on that I don't need to make any up. Would you like to hear another?

I want to hear more about the being lit on fire thing.

how about the time i was 6 and almost died in a car crash?

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monkmith posted...

how about the time i was 6 and almost died in a car crash?

Do you have any lasting injuries?

Stalolin posted...

I want to hear more about the being lit on fire thing.

Ok, well, I must have been 7 or 8 at the time. I was wearing these awful looking plum sweatpants and was taking a walk near the big playground of the apartment complex I lived in. There were a lot of Russian immigrants living in this complex, I think because it was really close to the shore (lived near Seattle at the time) so they must have come by boat. On my walk, one of them grabbed me, lit a lighter he had, and placed the flame on my clothes. I struggled free and ran like hell. That's basically the whole story. Let me know if you want to hear another.

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Stalolin posted...

Do you have any lasting injuries?

nope, just a hilarious story about a shit parent.

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SableWolfAngel posted...

Ok, well, I must have been 7 or 8 at the time. I was wearing these awful looking plum sweatpants and was taking a walk near the big playground of the apartment complex I lived in. There were a lot of Russian immigrants living in this complex, I think because it was really close to the shore (lived near Seattle at the time) so they must have come by boat. On my walk, one of them grabbed me, lit a lighter he had, and placed the flame on my clothes. I struggled free and ran like hell. That's basically the whole story. Let me know if you want to hear another.

I DO want to hear another.

monkmith posted...

nope, just a hilarious story about a shit parent.

Because they were negligent or hepped up on goofballs or what?

Stalolin posted...

Because they were negligent or hepped up on goofballs or what?

does driving drunk count?

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When I was about 4 or 5, I was kidnapped by my father and placed in the care of some older women that knew him. If that wasn't bad enough, the women didn't seem all that keen on taking care of me. Apparently, they sat around playing cards, chatting, watching television, doing basically anything else besides looking after me. The worst part was I was very ill with a fever, red splotches all over my body, and weaving in and out of consciousness. I finally collapsed on the couch and wouldn't wake. My mother, with the help of some kind of women's shelter, tracked me down and got me out of there and to a hospital. I guess I recovered because I'm here now!

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Dear God.

That goes towards both of you dudes.

Another, sir?

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All right son, one more.

When I was 12 I was the captain of my spelling team. My entire life afterward has been spent trying to find another high like that. But alas, it was the only thing I was ever good at.

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

Now how many days in a year
She woke up with hope
But she only found tears
And I can be so insincere
Making her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes
Now how many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

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screw it, i'll just tell the story.

my dad was a hard line alcoholic, good 6-12 beers a day and a 24 pack on nascar day. dont think i ever saw him sober, he was the type of alcoholic that kept drinking to keep buzzed. well, he also had an anger problem, and road rage was one of his ways of expressing it.

now, to set the stage, picture a 70s chevy impala cruising down the highway at around the speed limit. my dad is in the front seat, beer in one hand and the wheel in the other; there's also a lit joint in the car, because of course he was the type of alcoholic that liked to mellow out his drunk state with pot. my mom is in the passenger side seat, white knuckle gripping the dash board because she fucking hates being in the car with my dad driving but didn't really have a choice. and then there's me, in the back seat, next to the beer cooler, with a lap seat-belt of questionable function.

so we're going along, when OUT OF NOWHERE not really a car pulls along side of us when my dad is trying to change lanes. angry that he'd been 'cut off' by the other driver, he starts cursing and blaring the horn. but because he was a fucking moron, and more then a little drunk, he decided the best way to teach the other driver a lesson was to step on the gas and lean out the window to yell at him. and when he leaned out the window, he took his FUCKING HANDS OFF THE WHEEL!

now my mother was obviously worried about the way this situation was devolving. but she wasn't prepared for such a moronic move and could barely get a grip on the wheel from the side seat (and let me tell you, trying to steer from the passenger side seat is fucking hard when you're going 80+ on the highway) before we plowed through a guardrail and went careening down the embankment into a ditch. i dont know if she steered the car down, or if it was blind luck, but we didn't nosedive into the ditch (and thus die on impact); instead we kind of drove along it for a good 20+ feet before finally stopping.

remember when i pointed out my seatbelt. well it broke during the accident, and i bounced out of my seat, over the front bench seat, and somehow landed up on the dashboard. surprisingly wasn't hurt, just had some dirt in my eye, but damn if it wasn't a near thing.

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This one is kinda gross, but it sticks out in my memory. One time in 9th grade, I went on a little "field trip" to see my school's football team play. Had to ride on a bus and everything. Seems like a regular day... but it was hard for me to focus on anything other than the severe cramps and massive bleeding I was suffering through since 7 that morning. I had already blown through all my supplies by lunch and was just desperately using whatever I could. My boyfriend at the time was making it ten times worse by demanding I make out with him and basically let him grope me even though I told him no. I finally lost my cool, grabbed one end of the draw string of the jacket he was wearing, and yanked it as hard as I could. I pulled it all the way out of the jacket so he couldn't scrunch up the hood anymore. He backed off after that. I tried to grin and bear the pain until I got home, which was difficult since I bled through my undies AND pants, right onto the bus seat. I hurried into my house as soon as the bus dropped me off, tried to clean up, and just laid in bed waiting for the pain to stop. My mother was very mentally ill at the time so she took no notice of my suffering and offered no comfort or medicine. Looking back on it now, I'm not sure if that was normal or if I was sick for that much blood to come out in one day, but I didn't know who to ask so I just got through it best I could on my own. It's not the only time that happened, either. Puberty can be so rough sometimes.

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SableWolfAngel posted...

I guess I recovered because I'm here now!

I guess.

As far as you know your entire life up until now has been a coma dream.

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AlisLandale posted...

I guess.

As far as you know your entire life up until now has been a coma dream.

That's a very plausible theory you pose. However, I feel this is a little too real to be a coma dream. I feel pain, I have a shitty life, I can never seem to get on track no matter how hard I try. Why would I imagine myself in such a horrible position? Especially with no perspective or concept of what it means to be a poverty stricken adult at the age I would have slipped into a coma? With those arguments, I don't think being in a coma is all that likely.

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