Current Events > My father told me to have a happy life

(+) Yeah! (+)

He told me this previously during his separation from my mother. I forgave him because I figured he was just mad at her.

Fast forward six years later. I barely see him, but still message happy birthday, happy holidays, that I'm finally engaged. No reply.

Last month he finally replies. Says he's leaving the country for good and wants his old SUV [that he abandoned and I had to pay ~$1000 to maintain over the years]. I remind him I'm getting married. Says if I can find his citizen papers then he'll be able yo return to the country and attend the wedding. And that he'll give me his car since he won't be needing it anymore.

I tell him money is tight and so I can't afford insurance/registration on a fourth car. Suggested he teach my younger bro to drive and pass the car to him. I also invite him to my newly purchased home, thinking he'll be happy to visit.

He ignores that and asks me to drive the SUV 2.5 hours to his location and trade cars. I tell him the SUV may not make the drive. He says never mind to the whole thing and tells me to have a happy life with my fiance.

How come he don't want me man


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I didn't even know you still posted here. Wild

Are you Will Smith?

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TheLastHero posted...

I didn't even know you still posted here. Wild

I'm surprised I remembered my log in information tbh

SquantoZ posted...

Are you Will Smith?

Apparently. Can anyone else relate

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Ill never understand why people think they have to have a relationship with family.

We all had friends that are no longer friends. A father is no different to me.

But I obviously dont know the specific context here.

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I can't relate because my father bounced on my mom as soon as he found out she was pregnant. I also spent the majority of my childhood in foster care because my mom sucked at being a mom to me and my brother who she had with another deadbeat PoS. What I can say is fuck'em, are you happy with your life? The life you built without his janky ass? Because if you are you need to understand that you did it without him and he is the one missing out on having an awesome kid, you ain't missing out on having a shitty father, that's for damn sure!

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That's a fucked up story man. You really need to tell him how you feel about all this. Give it to him straight. Make him answer for his fuck ups

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IfGodCouldDie posted...

I can't relate because my father bounced on my mom as soon as he found out she was pregnant. I also spent the majority of my childhood in foster care because my mom sucked at being a mom to me and my brother who she had with another deadbeat PoS. What I can say is fuck'em, are you happy with your life? The life you built without his janky ass? Because if you are you need to understand that you did it without him and he is the one missing out on having an awesome kid, you ain't missing out on having a shitty father, that's for damn sure!

I figured I'm not much to be proud of, so thanks your words made me feel a little better about myself. But it sucks because that still means I have to accept he just doesn't care to be part of my life.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

Ill never understand why people think they have to have a relationship with family.

We all had friends that are no longer friends. A father is no different to me.

But I obviously dont know the specific context here.

It's just something I want.

Blue_Inigo posted...

That's a fucked up story man. You really need to tell him how you feel about all this. Give it to him straight. Make him answer for his fuck ups

When he first told me to have a happy life. I called him right away and gave him a piece of my mind. It was a weird moment because we never really talked before that and suddenly I was pouring my feelings out about how he's treating his son.

Now this second time I don't bother to call, but I did send a message saying that I never forgot the first time he told me to have a happy life. Told him I forgave him that time because I thought he was angry about the separation. This time I asked him if he only contacted me because he needed something.

So far no response. No longer surprised.

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ordinary people

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ehhwhatever posted...

ordinary people

What does this mean

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3khc posted...

How come he don't want me man

probably cuz your mom treated him like shit
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E32005 posted...

probably cuz your mom treated him like shit

What does that have to do with me

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3khc posted...

What does that have to do with me

nothing. but parents are human and humans are petty.
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He replied to

What the fuck he just told me I'm a mommy's boy. What the fuck does she have to do with any of this??? She wasn't even part of the conversation.

Now he's saying he will never contact me again. Fml

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sorry

3khc posted...

He replied to

What the fuck he just told me I'm a mommy's boy. What the fuck does she have to do with any of this??? She wasn't even part of the conversation.

Now he's saying he will never contact me again. Fml

I'll be your father 3K

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Thanks for the consideration, but I'm cool off fathers for the time being.

Like I used to want to continue the tradition of handing down my name to my son (I was named after my father), but noy anymore. Like wtf i knew a total asshole with that name

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3khc posted...

Thanks for the consideration, but I'm cool off fathers for the time being.

Like I used to want to continue the tradition of handing down my name to my son (I was named after my father), but noy anymore. Like wtf i knew a total asshole with that name

Yeah your dad doesn't deserve that honor

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This topic has made me really depressed and I've been already feeling kind of low for the past few days as it is.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

Ill never understand why people think they have to have a relationship with family.

We all had friends that are no longer friends. A father is no different to me.

But I obviously dont know the specific context here.

This in particular has soured me pretty badly. It's like justifying why people out there think the only real worthwhile companions are dogs. I feel like I need a pet and to move somewhere I don't need to interact with anyone...

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don't think about it

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I asked how he can call me a mommy's boy after I've stayed neutral throughout their separation. Called him out on deleting me from fb, changing his phone numbers and making it hard to contact him.

He denied the Facebook thing (at which point I told him he can view this in our Facebook history). Says that I listen to my mom and never supported him. I tell him he never talks to me so how can i know his situation?

Then I asked what can I do to support him. No reply again so far.

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Blue_Inigo posted...

Yeah your dad doesn't deserve that honor

Sucks. Really sucks. Although my friend said the baby would technically be named after me. But nah. I'm now triggered by my own name.

Solid Sonic posted...

This topic has made me really depressed and I've been already feeling kind of low for the past few days as it is.

This in particular has soured me pretty badly. It's like justifying why people out there think the only real worthwhile companions are dogs. I feel like I need a pet and to move somewhere I don't need to interact with anyone...

I feel pretty bad, but am surprised I don't feel worse.

I actually just left work early because don't want to deal with extra stress.

Wewillrocku posted...

don't think about it

I wish he never contacted me in the first place. I was content believing he was just very shy and embarrassed to reach out to his kids. Now he is actively antagonistic to me.

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3khc posted...

I figured I'm not much to be proud of, so thanks your words made me feel a little better about myself. But it sucks because that still means I have to accept he just doesn't care to be part of my life.

Honestly, I had the chance to meet my father when I was around 20-22, I dont remember exactly when, I guess he had really regretted not sticking around to get to know me. I let him die with that regret. He could have made the attempt at any point in my life but decided not to. I in turn have used my lack of ever having a father or even any real father figure to fuel being the best father I can be to my wonderful children.

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IfGodCouldDie posted...

Honestly, I had the chance to meet my father when I was around 20-22, I dont remember exactly when, I guess he had really regretted not sticking around to get to know me. I let him die with that regret. He could have made the attempt at any point in my life but decided not to. I in turn have used my lack of ever having a father or even any real father figure to fuel being the best father I can be to my wonderful children.

Honestly, my future children is all I'm thinking about after this. I will never do what he did to me.

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you should bang your dad to establish dominance

sorry im not good at this

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Damn your pops is a savage lmao

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He replied again. Says how my sister is daddy's girl and I'm a mommy's boy and not to take offense. But also says how I'm not helping him. Apparently he needs the SUV for storage. I offered my garage for storage, but he declined. I don't know what his ducking problem is

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Dont let that asshole take advantage of you

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*big hug*

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this dudes dad is literally pulling some bitchy girlfriend shit. sorry tc

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berlyman101 posted...

this dudes dad is literally pulling some bitchy girlfriend shit. sorry tc

I see that comparison, but the first thing thst popped into my mind was internet troll.

I usually don't respond with wall of texts to someone pissing me off but he got me there.

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I can sort of relate. My father left us when I was 9, I remember his last words were: you are the man of the house now, take good care of your sisters and mother. He showed up some years later to ask for money (I suspect he had a second family at this point) and didn't give so much as an explanation.

Bottom line - not everyone is a good person, and that includes your own family. Best advice I can give is, make damn sure you don't repeat the cycle.

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Quit texting him.

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MrResetti posted...

Quit texting him.

Seriously, this. He sounds like absolute trash. I get that you want a relationship with your father, but enough is enough. He clearly doesnt want it and youre only making yourself feel worse.

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PokeCris posted...

Seriously, this. He sounds like absolute trash. I get that you want a relationship with your father, but enough is enough. He clearly doesnt want it and youre only making yourself feel worse.

Yeah sounds like he's a stranger more so than a parent. Stop acting like you have an obligation to this stranger. Focus on the people in your life that want your love and return that love with more of it.

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MrResetti posted...

Quit texting him.

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I feel so dumb.

He claimed I won't let him use the SUV. I asked when i ever said that and that I only expressed concern about the long drive. He said to review our conversation. So I summarized the entire convo in a wall of text to point out that I never said what he claims. But he never answered.

Basically i got trolled and replied with a meltdown. I'm pissed at myself for this

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Highly Evolved posted...

I can sort of relate. My father left us when I was 9, I remember his last words were: you are the man of the house now, take good care of your sisters and mother. He showed up some years later to ask for money (I suspect he had a second family at this point) and didn't give so much as an explanation.

Bottom line - not everyone is a good person, and that includes your own family. Best advice I can give is, make damn sure you don't repeat the cycle.

I hope I don't treat my children like this. Them begging me to talk with them. Them doubting if I care.

BlazinBlue88 posted...

Yeah sounds like he's a stranger more so than a parent. Stop acting like you have an obligation to this stranger. Focus on the people in your life that want your love and return that love with more of it.

I just feel like there is some miscommunication. Apparently six years ago he thought I took my mother's side and he resents me for that. I tried explaining this was not the case but he doesn't believe me. I failed to communicate this with him. Or he fails to understand.


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Serious question, does your dad or his family have history of mental illness? He doesn't sound like his bulbs are tight, and I mean that in the most decent way possible.

You don't need that shit in your life, you obviously don't need him. You made it this far, fuck him. It's nothing to do with you man, some people just arent great at family stuff and sadly shouldn't be parents.

My opinion: your dad sounds manipulative and not willing to take responsibility for anything. Shit sounds toxic.

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Cut him out of your life completely. Immediately. You sound like you're doing well for yourself TC, I know it'll hurt but that pain will dull eventually and you'll be way better off if you severed ties with him.

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3khc posted...

I just feel like there is some miscommunication. Apparently six years ago he thought I took my mother's side and he resents me for that. I tried explaining this was not the case but he doesn't believe me. I failed to communicate this with him. Or he fails to understand.

There isn't. What's going on here is mismatch between your wants and needs and what reality has provided you. You don't want a relationship with your father, you want a relationship with a version of your father who would actually play the part. You want that void in your life filled. But it isn't going to be, because the man who is your father isn't a good person and doesn't want to be your dad. That has nothing to do with you, and it isn't anything you can fix.

Does the guy by any chance seem to have fake emotions and a bizarrely high opinion of himself? I'm getting a Narcissistic Personality Disorder vibe from this weird back and forth about the SUV and this stuff about nobody helping him. Look up NPD if you don't know what it is, and if he has more than a couple of the traits, cut him off right now and don't look back. The horror of being tangled up with someone with has NPD and has set their sights on you can't be overstated. Until you've had it happen to you, you can't know how bad it is. It'll be bad for you, bad for your future wife, and bad for your future children.

Trigg3rH4ppy posted...

Serious question, does your dad or his family have history of mental illness? He doesn't sound like his bulbs are tight, and I mean that in the most decent way possible.

You don't need that shit in your life, you obviously don't need him. You made it this far, fuck him. It's nothing to do with you man, some people just arent great at family stuff and sadly shouldn't be parents.

My opinion: your dad sounds manipulative and not willing to take responsibility for anything. Shit sounds toxic.

I dont know of any mental illness other than maybe alcoholism but my father seems unaffected by that. He does seem like he's trying to guilt trip me tho. After sleeping on it, you're right i don't need this shit.

WrestlinFan posted...

Cut him out of your life completely. Immediately. You sound like you're doing well for yourself TC, I know it'll hurt but that pain will dull eventually and you'll be way better off if you severed ties with him.

I am ignoring him right now because I'm ashamed how I reacted. It was really bugging me last night like I wanted to fight him but now it's already starting to dull.

darkmaian23 posted...

There isn't. What's going on here is mismatch between your wants and needs and what reality has provided you. You don't want a relationship with your father, you want a relationship with a version of your father who would actually play the part. You want that void in your life filled. But it isn't going to be, because the man who is your father isn't a good person and doesn't want to be your dad. That has nothing to do with you, and it isn't anything you can fix.

Does the guy by any chance seem to have fake emotions and a bizarrely high opinion of himself? I'm getting a Narcissistic Personality Disorder vibe from this weird back and forth about the SUV and this stuff about nobody helping him. Look up NPD if you don't know what it is, and if he has more than a couple of the traits, cut him off right now and don't look back. The horror of being tangled up with someone with has NPD and has set their sights on you can't be overstated. Until you've had it happen to you, you can't know how bad it is. It'll be bad for you, bad for your future wife, and bad for your future children.

That sounds right about me looking to fill a void. I wish he never contacted me because I prefer my made up memory of what should be like to the actual reality of him resenting me.

I can't really say if he has NPD because I'm not too close with him. Even before my parents split he was always kinda detached. We never had conversations and most of our interactions was him getting mad at me for fighting with my younger sister.

I was the one who caught him leaving the house when he separated. Said he needed some time because he has low self esteem or something. He never came back so I figured he was just depressed, but I hate that he seems to blame me for that.


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Can anyone else relate

I only got to meet my dad once when I was too young to remember. Years later, I've tried to reach out to him a few times and never got a response :(

Sucks not having a father in your life.
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Kitt posted...

I only got to meet my dad once when I was too young to remember. Years later, I've tried to reach out to him a few times and never got a response :(

Sucks not having a father in your life.

Maybe try again. Although when I finally got a response it was because he needed something from me then started blaming me for things.

But seriously maybe your father has just been trying to figure out what to say. ALTHOUGH this mindset is what probably led to my anger when he didn't live up to expectations.

Idk dads are foos

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3khc posted...

Maybe try again. Although when I finally got a response it was because he needed something from me then started blaming me for things.

But seriously maybe your father has just been trying to figure out what to say. ALTHOUGH this mindset is what probably led to my anger when he didn't live up to expectations.

Idk dads are foos

Probably. I stopped trying at this point. All I really know about him is him and my mom can't stand each other and he lives in a whole different country. My older brother apparently seem to have some form of consistent communication with him.
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I want to reiterate what I said. Please don't take it as being preachy. You have lived your life and gotten to where you are without him, be proud of that! You are not the one missing out here, he is! One day he is going to regret the way he treated you and then at that moment you get to make the choice he did when he left you. At that time you can either forgive him and give him a chance or you can let him live and die with that regret. For your sake and the sake of your beautiful wife to be and possible children focus on being a better man to YOUR family than he ever was. He gave you a gift that you don't realize, he gave you the gift of knowing exactly what a father and husband should never be. It's up to you to take that and make the best of your life with it.

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