Current Events > Girls: I'm going to die alone. :'(

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Sometimes they are hostages though. Not in a traditional sense, but still just as dangerous. No one should ever stay in an abusive relationship. It's just an entirely different situation from actually not being able to find anyone.

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KogaSteelfang posted...

Sometimes they are hostages though. Not in a traditional sense, but still just as dangerous. No one should ever stay in an abusive relationship. It's just an entirely different situation from actually not being able to find anyone.

Just as dangerous how? If you are in a bad relationship leave, if you legitimately fear for your safety from leaving tell a bunch of people and leave safely.

If you don't fear for your safety leaving a relationship then you are in no way in "just as dangerous" as a hostage situation.
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joe40001 posted...

Just as dangerous how? If you are in a bad relationship leave, if you legitimately fear for your safety from leaving tell a bunch of people and leave safely.

If you don't fear for your safety leaving a relationship then you are in no way in "just as dangerous" as a hostage situation.

If they know where you live, or where your family is, it's substantially harder to leave an abusive situation.

My dad always told my mom if she ever left him that he'd go murder her parents then hang himself. Considering the damage he did to his first wife's property when she left him, and how violent/unhinged he was towards my mom and myself it wasn't out of the question for him to do that.

He may not have had us in a literal cage, but it was still a prison.

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KogaSteelfang posted...

joe40001 posted...

Just as dangerous how? If you are in a bad relationship leave, if you legitimately fear for your safety from leaving tell a bunch of people and leave safely.

If you don't fear for your safety leaving a relationship then you are in no way in "just as dangerous" as a hostage situation.

If they know where you live, or where your family is, it's substantially harder to leave an abusive situation.

My dad always told my mom if she ever left him that he'd go murder her parents then hang himself. Considering the damage he did to his first wife's property when she left him, and how violent/unhinged he was towards my mom and myself it wasn't out of the question for him to do that.

He may not have had us in a literal cage, but it was still a prison.

Well that's a very rare situation and people should get the cops involved.

99.9999% of people aren't going to murder you or your family if you leave them.
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joe40001 posted...

Well that's a very rare situation and people should get the cops involved.

99.9999% of people aren't going to murder you or your family if you leave them.

True, but they might harrass/assault/stalk you or your loved ones anyway, or try various ways to ruin your life after. From what I've seen in bad relationships, clean breaks are the rarity, and I don't fault anyone for fearing the repurcussions.

I've been alone romantically my entire life. I'm 36 and never had a date or been intimate with anyone. It's an incredibly painful situation to be in, it's frustrating and kills your self worth.

I've also been abused my entire life. By my dad, and my mom sometimes. My brother and classmates too. When you have emotional attachments to these people leaving is hard, especially if it's also dangerous.

I do take a bit of offense at people saying they're forever alone when they can and do actually date. It feels like an exaggeration and downplaying the pain that some of us are dealing with for real, but if it meant being stuck in another abusive situation, I wouldn't take it.

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KogaSteelfang posted...

joe40001 posted...

Well that's a very rare situation and people should get the cops involved.

99.9999% of people aren't going to murder you or your family if you leave them.

True, but they might harrass/assault/stalk you or your loved ones anyway, or try various ways to ruin your life after. From what I've seen in bad relationships, clean breaks are the rarity, and I don't fault anyone for fearing the repurcussions.

I've been alone romantically my entire life. I'm 36 and never had a date or been intimate with anyone. It's an incredibly painful situation to be in, it's frustrating and kills your self worth.

I've also been abused my entire life. By my dad, and my mom sometimes. My brother and classmates too. When you have emotional attachments to these people leaving is hard, especially if it's also dangerous.

I do take a bit of offense at people saying they're forever alone when they can and do actually date. It feels like an exaggeration and downplaying the pain that some of us are dealing with for real, but if it meant being stuck in another abusive situation, I wouldn't take it.

It's horrible you've had to endure that.

But these people choose their relationships, people don't choose their parents.

Anyway I guess I don't get the point of white knighting these people who aren't prisoners and have tons of relationships and options.

Sure they deserve happier lives, but when it comes to who has gotten more fucked over by life, those who have had to be alone definitely win out.
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joe40001 posted...

It's horrible you've had to endure that.

But these people choose their relationships, people don't choose their parents.

Anyway I guess I don't get the point of white knighting these people who aren't prisoners and have tons of relationships and options.

Sure they deserve happier lives, but when it comes to who has gotten more fucked over by life, those who have had to be alone definitely win out.

That's more along the lines of how I feel, these people who have options, even if they don't like the options are in a better position to have an enriching romantic life. That's why it bothers me when people like that claim to have no options at all while still cycling through relationships all the time. It feels demeaning towards those of us with no one. It hurts, and is frustrating, and it sure as hell feels hopeless to think that could happen for me, but that doesn't invalidate the pain they feel from bad relationships either. I'm guessing it's an entirely different type of pain than the loneliness and self hating we feel, but it's still pain.

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Anyway, I've said my peace on the matter. I didn't intend to get involved as much as I did.

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I basically agree, with just the added claim that our pain is worse, I shouldn't have to apologize for knowing that.
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@joe40001

https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/28/entertainment/supergirl-melissa-benoist-domestic-violence-intl-scli/index.html

What would you say about that?
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Vol2tex posted...

@joe40001

https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/28/entertainment/supergirl-melissa-benoist-domestic-violence-intl-scli/index.html

What would you say about that?

That's really shitty, it's horrible she had that experience, and she should've dumped his ass sooner, but either way it is shitty.

What am I supposed to say?

How is it my fault that there are shitty men out there that some women date?
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My point was that, I get that you and others are frustrated not being with women, but you shouldn't minimize these situations by claiming that women can easily leave and get another guy quickly. Relationships are more complex than you're presenting them as, things such as emotional manipulation can cause a woman to lose self-worth and stay with the guy. As she herself said:

Benoist recalled the first assault, during which she said her partner threw a smoothie at her face.

"I was more worried about the furniture than I was about the fact that I had just been abused," she said.

"The stark truth is I learned what it felt like to be pinned down and slapped repeatedly, punched so hard the wind was knocked out of me, dragged by my hair across pavement, headbutted, pinched till my skin broke, shoved into a wall so hard the drywall broke, choked."

She added: "I learned not to value myself."

But it sounds like you're blaming these women for choosing these guys in the first place. The reality is that the guys are great in the beginning, it's not that they were abusing these women the first week of dating. They slowly manipulate and abuse these women until it gets to the point that she was experiencing. By then, they are in a vulnerable psychological predicament and can't just get up and leave so easily.
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Vol2tex posted...

My point was that, I get that you and others are frustrated not being with women, but you shouldn't minimize these situations by claiming that women can easily leave and get another guy quickly. Relationships are more complex than you're presenting them as, things such as emotional manipulation can cause a woman to lose self-worth and stay with the guy. As she herself said:

Benoist recalled the first assault, during which she said her partner threw a smoothie at her face.

"I was more worried about the furniture than I was about the fact that I had just been abused," she said.

"The stark truth is I learned what it felt like to be pinned down and slapped repeatedly, punched so hard the wind was knocked out of me, dragged by my hair across pavement, headbutted, pinched till my skin broke, shoved into a wall so hard the drywall broke, choked."

She added: "I learned not to value myself."

But it sounds like you're blaming these women for choosing these guys in the first place. The reality is that the guys are great in the beginning, it's not that they were abusing these women the first week of dating. They slowly manipulate and abuse these women until it gets to the point that she was experiencing. By then, they are in a vulnerable psychological predicament and can't just get up and leave so easily.

I doubt somebody capable of that level of abuse was "great in the beginning"

Even so I don't get why you want to say these people have 0 accountability. If you are in a shitty relationship with an abusive person you need to leave and report them if possible. It's as simple as that.

Women are just people, they aren't these fickle flowers that need your defending, if anybody is in a bad relationship they need to get the fuck out, and if physical violence was involved they need to report that shit, it's as simple as that.

If you want to pretend that all women are helpless children who can't be accountable for anything and need somebody to save them because they are too weak or whatever to leave and report abuse you can do that, but I won't cosign that shit at all.
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