Current Events > Feeling pretty depressed lately

(+) Yeah! (+)

I think it's because the weather's getting warmer. I look at my surroundings and just feel stunted, I can't concentrate in my TAFE class when anyone's talking and I'm drinking pretty heavily every weekend.

Even my usual stress fantasies that I only half mean, like having someone just fucking abuse me and break me, hasn't been doing it. I feel so unattractive that I barely see the point in bothering to find a hookup for that sort of thing.

My course ends in 4 weeks, and I have three assessments due. One of them is nearly finished, the other one has only just begun and I haven't started the third one. I'm so tired and shitty every morning that I go, and I'm so close to snapping at someone or something and just letting all the shit break loose, but I don't want to expose anyone else to that sort of negativity so I keep bearing it.

The good news is that this is a temporary state of mind, and there will come a day where I feel a little bit better. I go through cycles - either I feel okay, and I'm either numb or not feeling my emotions at full capacity, I feel manic and I throw myself at something I love for long, crazy stretches at a time until I wear myself out mentally, or I feel incredibly fucking depressed. Usually in that order, but occasionally I can come down from mania and still feel normal. I say all this because it's so common to see people make depression posts and just dress themselves down - I'm pretty miserable at the moment, but I've been around the block enough to know what's going to happen next.

I wanted to post about it because it's been a few weeks of feeling like this. Maybe a month - I had a really bad spiral in early October, I course-corrected for about a week, and then it's been kind of a nosedive ever since. CE's the perfect place to vent out all the poison.
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You certainly seem self aware enough to know there is a name for that, correct?
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Cut out the drinking and go for a walk instead.
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Alteres posted...

You certainly seem self aware enough to know there is a name for that, correct?

A part of me wants to just out-and-out say "manic-depressive", but I have weird hang-ups about self-diagnosing stuff like that? Like maybe it's the early 2010's Tumblr user coming out of me here, there was a huge "don't use our terms unless you've been to a doctor" sort of culture when I was hugely into the platform. Ultimately all I can really do is present the symptoms for what they are.

Sariana21 posted...

Cut out the drinking and go for a walk instead.

Yeah, I started thinking about cutting back on all the toxic shit as I was typing the post. I think I'm gonna switch back to water, cut out most fast food and try my best to get a bit more exercise in, shed a few kilos.
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I use to feel like I had manic depression. Now, without medication, it balanced out and I feel fine mentally but can't enjoy media like I use to when I felt manic. I feel like I should be scared of the future, since I don't enjoy anything I depend on...but Im just not.

Id say, just cause you label something, doesn't mean you gotta forever be there. I think the chains of depression are real but people here over exaggerate how thick they are, so they don't have to put in the effort to try and get better.
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