Current Events > I love my husband (warning: long)

(+) Yeah! (+)

I know I complain about him a lot but I also have been doing self reflection lately and realized my brain has been in some kind of a negative thinking loop. Especially as Ive been dealing with some shit the last couple of years. I never post about the good things about him, I just post when Im annoyed with him. So here are the reasons hes a great husband.

1. Hes super family oriented. He will go to all the important family events, even when he doesnt want to. He will go out of his way for my family too. If people need IT help, they know they can call him. Hell go during his lunchtime or after work to help them out. He has helped my aunt with IT stuff at her business too. My family adores him and he takes care of his too. They all look up to him as a leader and example to follow. Currently hes mentoring his nephew to help him out of a really terrible situation

2. He does a crap ton for me. When we went through IVF cycles, he administered all my shots, drove me to every appointment, even some that were 2 hours away. I insisted on taking the train and he refused. Instead he took me during his work hours and made up the time so that he ended his day at 8-10 pm. He picks me up from the airport at night so I wont take an Uber alone. Hes picked me up on nights I went out drinking with friends/coworkers too because he wants me to be safe

3. Hes always down for things that I suggest. Yeah he doesnt really plan date night. But if I say I feel like going somewhere, or going to see a movie, gym, or a hike, he is down for it. If I want to diet he will diet with me. He doesnt clean much on his own but if I say we are cleaning today and assign him what he needs to do, he will get it done and not argue. Hes not great at taking initiative with these things but he will also be a partner when I do.

4. Hes stable. Hes very good with money and finances. He budgets for us. Im contemplating a contractor role but I dont have to worry about how 1099 would work because he would handle that for me and he ran the numbers so Id know what rate to ask for. He handles all our bills and does our taxes. He lead the refinancing of our home recently, arranged all the appointments and paperwork and all I did was sign. When we got married and I had to apply for my green card, we didnt need a lawyer because he handled all my paperwork for me (and it was a shit ton). Right now hes handling all my medical bills and insurance company BS

5. Hes very handy. He will fix stuff around the house himself and set up all our IT. I bugged him about wanting an outdoor security system that would send automatic alerts when people were approaching so he bought the equipment and set it up last week. He sets up all the furniture we buy, fixes up our cars, he set up my home office, etc

6. This is the most important. He accepts me. Im not perfect either. Im fucking hard to live with. I have a lot of medical conditions and depression from them. Some days I cant do shit, no cooking, cleaning, exercise etc. I can be a couch potato for weeks at a time because of my conditions. Some days Im an emotional mess. But he has never said he wants to call it quits or made me feel like Im less of a person because of these things. He never complains. All he ever says is hes in it for the long haul no matter what. He encourages me to go out, meet people, hes never jealous if Im out late or wtv, he just wants to know I had a good time and Im happy.

If anything, I look at all these things I wrote and I feel like a shit wife. I whine a lot while he does so much and Im not doing a fraction of these things for him.

K
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Okay so tell him how much he means to you
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csb
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Well you better enjoy all that because your next best option who can do all that is me. Something to think about.
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Everyone's different. My recent ex was kind of a flake, I had to be the stable and responsible one, I had to put up with days when MS wanted to sideline me and show up because that wasn't her forte. She couldn't budget, didn't understand how to keep a house (I mean, her fridge looked like a bachelor fridge).

It didn't matter. I had those things down. Those things weren't what I needed from our relationship. It might be worth having a conversation with him about what you do for him that he wouldn't or couldn't do.

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Sounds like a good dude, relationships have ups and downs, it's all how you deal with them

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Its probably a good sign that it makes you feel like a shit wife, if you can actually improve.

But I'd worry that you may get bored of him being so compliant and docile.

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glad youre happy. I always laugh whenever I see all the leave him/divorce his ass! posts

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Da most important part is you're happy, he sounds cool tbh
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Esrac posted...

Its probably a good sign that it makes you feel like a shit wife, if you can actually improve.

But I'd worry that you may get bored of him being so compliant and docile.

He doesnt say yes to everything. Hes got a backbone lol. Also we will be together 9 years soon.
[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This is true. There are times he will say yes then take it out on me after and get mad at me. I tell him he should have said no then. He says he doesnt want me to get upset but most times Im fine with it. But there are other times I havent taken it well so I can see what hes saying so Ive been working on it
Johnny_Nutcase posted...

Well you better enjoy all that because your next best option who can do all that is me. Something to think about.

You just want me as your sugar momma though

Damn..... she knows me alllllllll too well.
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Weezy_Tha_Don posted...

glad youre happy. I always laugh whenever I see all the leave him/divorce his ass! posts

Yeah lol. Its hard to go over everything in a relationship in just a few sentences. But I also realize Im always so negative about him and thats on me. And if all CE knows are the bad things then of course theyll think hes some crappy husband.

Your husband wrote this didn't he I'll send help

But he wouldn't take you to Vegas..
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yeah, sounds like a great guy. 6 is a big dealbreaker for me personally. my wife also deals with medical conditions of various kinds but none that incapacitate her like that

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Gayyyyyy :3
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Weezy_Tha_Don posted...

glad youre happy. I always laugh whenever I see all the leave him/divorce his ass! posts

Yeah its almost like CE isnt a good source of information about relationships...

TC Im glad youre happy with him, especially after seeing some of your previous posts.
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Daffadilio posted...

Gayyyyyy :3

@Daffadilio

Wow rude lol
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He sounds like a keeper.
Don't push this one away.
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Cleo_II posted...

Esrac posted...

Its probably a good sign that it makes you feel like a shit wife, if you can actually improve.

But I'd worry that you may get bored of him being so compliant and docile.

He doesnt say yes to everything. Hes got a backbone lol. Also we will be together 9 years soon.
[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This is true. There are times he will say yes then take it out on me after and get mad at me. I tell him he should have said no then. He says he doesnt want me to get upset but most times Im fine with it. But there are other times I havent taken it well so I can see what hes saying so Ive been working on it
Johnny_Nutcase posted...

Well you better enjoy all that because your next best option who can do all that is me. Something to think about.

You just want me as your sugar momma though

Like, as a human constantly in long term relationships, I get that are always bumps, but you can't get moody at him for always saying yes when you also get moody at him when he says no.

I ain't trying to hate, but if you're gonna send him mixed signals like this, y'all reall need to sit down and talk about some underlying issues.

Lastly, it just sounds like he's constantly fucking tired and needs a break from life if he's doing all these extra things. I know this is a topic about you extolling his virtues, so you've left out what you do for him, but damn, dude. Give the guy a couple weeks off from shit. He's heading for a burn out if he ain't already there.

Go on a vacation to a cabin for two weeks. Do nothing but eat delectable food and have sex and read and watch movies together; otherwise, he's just gonna get more pissy pants without saying anything while he does everything.
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Soggy_Pocket posted...

But he wouldn't take you to Vegas..

I never asked him to. He just promised it and hyped it up. He still talks about it too but I just stopped really worrying about it. Well go when we go.

Balrog0 posted...

yeah, sounds like a great guy. 6 is a big dealbreaker for me personally. my wife also deals with medical conditions of various kinds but none that incapacitate her like that

Yeah I struggle with 6 a lot. I have a lot of guilt over it. I want to be able to do more but sometimes I just cant and then I enter a depressive cycle and leave him to carry it all alone. I recognize that now.

Eat More Beef posted...

Like, as a human constantly in long term relationships, I get that are always bumps, but you can't get moody at him for always saying yes when you also get moody at him when he says no.

I ain't trying to hate, but if you're gonna send him mixed signals like this, y'all reall need to sit down and talk about some underlying issues.

Lastly, it just sounds like he's constantly fucking tired and needs a break from life if he's doing all these extra things. I know this is a topic about you extolling his virtues, so you've left out what you do for him, but damn, dude. Give the guy a couple weeks off from shit. He's heading for a burn out if he ain't already there.

Go on a vacation to a cabin for two weeks. Do nothing but eat delectable food and have sex and read and watch movies together; otherwise, he's just gonna get more pissy pants without saying anything while he does everything.

We did discuss me getting upset when he says no to things. For the most part I will take it well but might not for say a family event where they will all expect him. But we have talked about it and Ive been working on things too so hes been more comfortable telling me when he isnt up for it.

As for taking a break, he was unemployed for 6 months while I supported us so hes ok lol.

Wow, you got a good man.

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Johnny_Nutcase posted...

Well you better enjoy all that because your next best option who can do all that is me. Something to think about.

Damn right in there
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electricbugs2 posted...

Daffadilio posted...

Gayyyyyy :3

@Daffadilio

Wow rude lol

She's just hungry
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inloveanddeath0 posted...

electricbugs2 posted...

Daffadilio posted...

Gayyyyyy :3

@Daffadilio

Wow rude lol

She's just hungry

Not my fault if shes gay for her husband is good tho
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#3 on your list is pretty common of most men IMO. What we consider clean may not be considered clean by a woman. You guys handle that how my wife and I do. To me the house always looks immaculate but if she thinks something needs done shell let me know and Ill handle it.
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Cleo_II posted...

.
We did discuss me getting upset when he says no to things. For the most part I will take it well but might not for say a family event where they will all expect him. But we have talked about it and Ive been working on things too so hes been more comfortable telling me when he isnt up for it.

This kind of issue came up with us mainly because we were still understanding what events each of us finds important. Also, I needed her to get better at asking me for things.
She'd ask me if i "felt liking going to event x"

My issue with that is, how I feel doesn't matter. No I don't feel like going to your friends naming ceremony or baby shower, but if you feel like it's an important event that you want me there for, I'll go. Maybe I just take the phrasing too literally.

She's been trying to get better at asking me questions straight forward, but it's still weird and I just end up trying to assume what she's really asking and the level of importance.
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Cleo_II posted...

Hes super family oriented. He will go to all the important family events, even when he doesnt want to. He will go out of his way for my family too. If people need IT help, they know they can call him. Hell go during his lunchtime or after work to help them out. He has helped my aunt with IT stuff at her business too.

sounds like a sucker to me.

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How often do you cuck your husband?

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Cleo_II posted...

I know I complain about him a lot but I also have been doing self reflection lately and realized my brain has been in some kind of a negative thinking loop. Especially as Ive been dealing with some shit the last couple of years. I never post about the good things about him, I just post when Im annoyed with him. So here are the reasons hes a great husband.

1. Hes super family oriented. He will go to all the important family events, even when he doesnt want to. He will go out of his way for my family too. If people need IT help, they know they can call him. Hell go during his lunchtime or after work to help them out. He has helped my aunt with IT stuff at her business too. My family adores him and he takes care of his too. They all look up to him as a leader and example to follow. Currently hes mentoring his nephew to help him out of a really terrible situation

2. He does a crap ton for me. When we went through IVF cycles, he administered all my shots, drove me to every appointment, even some that were 2 hours away. I insisted on taking the train and he refused. Instead he took me during his work hours and made up the time so that he ended his day at 8-10 pm. He picks me up from the airport at night so I wont take an Uber alone. Hes picked me up on nights I went out drinking with friends/coworkers too because he wants me to be safe

3. Hes always down for things that I suggest. Yeah he doesnt really plan date night. But if I say I feel like going somewhere, or going to see a movie, gym, or a hike, he is down for it. If I want to diet he will diet with me. He doesnt clean much on his own but if I say we are cleaning today and assign him what he needs to do, he will get it done and not argue. Hes not great at taking initiative with these things but he will also be a partner when I do.

4. Hes stable. Hes very good with money and finances. He budgets for us. Im contemplating a contractor role but I dont have to worry about how 1099 would work because he would handle that for me and he ran the numbers so Id know what rate to ask for. He handles all our bills and does our taxes. He lead the refinancing of our home recently, arranged all the appointments and paperwork and all I did was sign. When we got married and I had to apply for my green card, we didnt need a lawyer because he handled all my paperwork for me (and it was a shit ton). Right now hes handling all my medical bills and insurance company BS

5. Hes very handy. He will fix stuff around the house himself and set up all our IT. I bugged him about wanting an outdoor security system that would send automatic alerts when people were approaching so he bought the equipment and set it up last week. He sets up all the furniture we buy, fixes up our cars, he set up my home office, etc

6. This is the most important. He accepts me. Im not perfect either. Im fucking hard to live with. I have a lot of medical conditions and depression from them. Some days I cant do shit, no cooking, cleaning, exercise etc. I can be a couch potato for weeks at a time because of my conditions. Some days Im an emotional mess. But he has never said he wants to call it quits or made me feel like Im less of a person because of these things. He never complains. All he ever says is hes in it for the long haul no matter what. He encourages me to go out, meet people, hes never jealous if Im out late or wtv, he just wants to know I had a good time and Im happy.

If anything, I look at all these things I wrote and I feel like a shit wife. I whine a lot while he does so much and Im not doing a fraction of these things for him.

I suggest you write this stuff down somewhere a bit more permanent than CE, and either give it to him or reflect on it in years to come.

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Cleo_II posted...

If anything, I look at all these things I wrote and I feel like a shit wife. I whine a lot while he does so much and Im not doing a fraction of these things for him.

What would a "not shit wife" be in your opinion? Do you want him to need you in someway?

I ask because many times my gf will say she feels like a bad gf because I pretty much do handle most of the things. I clean and cook for myself and her when she wants it, I do the vast majority of the shopping, helping with majority of financial stuff while she's in school, etc. She pretty much feels like I don't "need" her, but she needs me. Which is a dynamic she knows I don't want. It's just how it is temporarily due to various circumstances.
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donkeyjack posted...

Wow, you got a good man.

Yes I do. He has his faults like I have mine but overall hes solid

emblem boy posted...

What would a "not shit wife" be in your opinion? Do you want him to need you in someway?

I ask because many times my gf will say she feels like a bad gf because I pretty much do handle most of the things. I clean and cook for myself and her when she wants it, I do the vast majority of the shopping, helping with majority of financial stuff while she's in school, etc. She pretty much feels like I don't "need" her, but she needs me. Which is a dynamic she knows I don't want. The dynamic of her feeling like she needs me. It's just how it is temporarily due to various circumstances.

The more I hear about your dynamics with your gf, the more similar you sound like to my husband. Hes extremely independent and self sufficient so I feel like he doesnt need me. Yesterday I apologized for taking him for granted and asked him how I can be a better wife to him. And all he said was work on yourself right now and do what you need to do to get better.

I could at least do more of the little things for him, which I used to do. Make his coffee in the morning, do more of the chores around the house, try to be more cheerful and supportive of him. I think the last couple of years have just drained me so much Ive been very closed off lately. I need to work on my health as I need PT and havent gone. Then I can have more strength to do more around the house.

But does he bring you breakfast in bed?
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does he have nice chest hair
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Dude's absolutely a keeper. Let him know how much he matters to you.
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Strider102 posted...

But does he bring you breakfast in bed?

He does actually, when I am stuck with bed rest for various reasons. But typically its the other way around.

SSJGrimReaper posted...

does he have nice chest hair

Decent. Not like a super hairy chest but also not baby butt smooth

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yes I realize third is most important for him. Sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. But hes happiest when Im happy and cheerful. Its just been very hard for me to be with all the shit thats happened (some of it is on him too and he knows it). That and me remaining a freak with him in bed are most important to him. Hes simple lol.

EverDownward posted...

Dude's absolutely a keeper. Let him know how much he matters to you.

Yes after writing all that down yesterday I sat down with him and told him so.

Does he have a rubbable beard
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CrimsonRage posted...

can i have him

No get your own.

Ivynn posted...

Does he have a rubbable beard

He used to. Sadly hes old school and started shaving for this job because its very corporate though I keep telling him hes been there long enough and hed be fine with his short beard again. Im looking forward to Movember though lol

i think it's a big part of the human condition to fixate on things that bother you, so it is important to be very conscientious of the things someone does very well to truly appreciate them. so while i'm sure some may be annoyed by this topic, i think it's a worthwhile exercise

to bring this back to myself (lol), a lot of people fixate about things below average about me (height, etc) whereas i maintain that i'm extremely high value because i've learned to appreciate the things i do extremely well (talking, humor engineer thinking, etc)
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Based on what you posted, he sounds like a good man.

I also think he sounds like a yes, dear cuck. If I had the reverse where my hypothetical wife did everything for me, I think Id be in love.

He sounds great. I'll repeat what others said and say tell him all of this.

I'm glad you worked/are working on the issues you faced with him.

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Godnorgosh posted...

CrimsonRage posted...

Cleo_II posted...

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

No get your own.

what if i say pls?

Do you, @pls, take CrimsonRage to be your husband or wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?

pls
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