Current Events > I got bored so I rolled out a completely random DND character

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'd like you to meet Khuuhrukehul Hrihuluuvar, Bug Bear Valor Bard

Wis 5
Con 6
Str 12+2
Int 6
Chr 12
Dex 10+1

He got the Boneitis as a kid so he's a bit fragile, but damn if it doesn't look good on him. They got no book learning out there in the woods either but he'll be happy to smash you over the head with his iron guitar with little provocation.

What are the odds of not rolling a single 6 in 24 rolls for the stats?
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Last time I played DnD I rolled a Gary Stu with huge everything and average STR and CHA

My highest stat was DEX and I was a Rogue
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I found a list of random encounters so Khuu is going on an adventure.

While traveling down the road to town he meets a family who has a broken wheel on their cart. Being the kind hearted murder-bard that he is, he tries to lift the cart so they can attach the wheel. [Str check 4+2=6]. He struggles against the incredible weight of the cart but to no avail. Eventually the father and son are able to lift the cart and prop it up on a crate. Khuu tries to smash the wheel back on the axle. [Str check again 15+2=17]. Great success! Now all they need to do is lure the horse back so that it can be hitched up. Khuu flips his iron guitar around and starts playing Baa Baa Black Sheep (one of two songs he knows) to lull the beast. [Performance, rolled a natural 1]. The song sounds like trash because one of his strings is broken (that's why he was going to town in the first place). Khuu screams in frustration, the horse runs further away, and Khuu storms off towards the town again.
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While on his way back to town, our hero Khuu the Bard, is set upon by an evil [Weasel] and [Giant Weasel]. Khuu readies his iron guitar and leaps into mortal combat.

Initiatives: Khuu 18, Giant Weasel 16, Weasel 15

Khuu opens by casting Vicious Mockery. He sings about how the Giant Weasel is a stinky rat boi. [Wisdom save 19 + 1 = 20 vs 11]. The Giant Weasel doesn't understand English and is unscathed.

The Giant Weasel leaps at Khuu's face and bites him. [Melee attack 3 + 5 = 8 vs 11]. Khuu slaps him away midair like a fly.

The Regular Weasel runs up and tries to bite Khuu on the foot. [Melee attack 7 + 5 = 12 vs 11]. The Regular Weasel's teeth sink in for 1 damage (Khuu at 5 HP).

Khuu is tired of that music bull shit so he swings his iron guitar at the Giant Weasel (I'm counting it as a greatclub). [Melee attack 14 + 4 = 18 vs 13]. He lifts the iron guitar over his head and comes down as hard as he can for 10 damage! The Giant Weasel is squished to a bloody pulp.

Undeterred the Regular Weasel comes around and tries to bite Khuu from behind. [Melee attack 19 + 5 = 24 vs 11]. The Regular Weasel sinks its teeth in yet again for 1 whole damage because his damage dice is 1d1 (Khuu at 4 HP).

Khuu is super pissed off now that he's got two tiny little puncture wounds that have sapped a third of his life energy. He spins full force to try to clobber the Regular Weasel. [Melee attack 7 + 4 = 11 vs 13]. He spins with such force that his iron guitar safely passes over the head of the damn Weasel.

Regular Weasel thinks he's got it now and lunges between the legs for Khuu's junk. [Melee attack 11 + 5 = 16 vs 11]. Khuu takes bonus damage to his dangly bits (Khuu at 2 HP).

Bloodied and fucking furious, Khuu takes one last swing at this twelve foot tall weasel with 50 foot fangs and huge red eyes the color of night. [Melee attack 16 + 4 = 20 vs 13]. With a mighty "Khuuh Ru Kehul!!!" he brings the iron guitar down on the foul beast for 5 glorious damage!

Bloodied and battered, Khuu limps off towards town once more.
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Those are the worst stats Ive ever seen
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Well, I'm amused. I look forward to more adventures with Khuuhrukehul Hrihuluuvar.
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Lately I've been thinking of creating a Sumo class. It'd be a pallymonk hybrid.
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DinosaurBrain posted...

What are the odds of not rolling a single 6 in 24 rolls for the stats?

If my math is correct, it's 1.2% chance of this happening.

I was really hoping the weasels would just kill Khuu.

And I just rolled again for another adventure and got the Caravan Family again. What in the holy hell is going on with these cyber dice?
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Do a religion check and pray for death from your deity. Nat 20. Boom, sweet relief.

Having fun, keep it up.
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Khuu collapses on the road to town and decides to take a short rest. He expends a hit dice and gains 4 HP so he's back up to his maximum of 6. Khuu walks past a farm and 2 huge Mastiffs start chasing him, followed shortly by the farmer who is yelling at them to stop chasing people on the road. The dogs get really close and are barking and snapping with foam in their mouths. Khuu is an idiot and takes this as a challenge.

Initiatives: Khuu 10, Mastiff 1 (Bitey) 14, Mastiff 2 (Snappy) 5

Bitey don't take no shit from giant sexy Bug Bears walking past HIS farm. He goes for the arm [Melee attack 14+3 = 17 vs 11] and chomps down hard. Khuu takes 2 points of damage (Khuu at 4 HP). The force of the impact from the beast sets Khuu off balance [Str check 10+2 = 12 vs 11] but he finds his footing.

Khuu really wants to make this bard thing work so he plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (Dissonant Whispers) on his iron guitar. It's a terrible discordant melody that only Bitey can hear [Wis Save 3+1 = 4 vs 11] and is wracked with pain [3d6 = 17 damage]. Bitey explodes.

Snappy is super displeased with his brother exploding into a fine mist. He tries to bite Khuu [Melee attack 9+3 = 12 vs 11] and snaps him right in the face for 2 damage (Khuu at 2 HP). The force of impact again makes Khuu all wobbly [Str check 6+2 = 8 vs 11] and he falls over onto the ground.

Khuu isn't planning on going anywhere so he uses his movement to stand up making that whole thing a waste. He wants to smack the shit out of Snappy for knocking him on his ass though. He hauls back and swings at the dog [Melee attack 14+4 = 18 vs 12] catching him right in the back [1d8+2 -> 10 damage] and Snappy collapses to the ground.

Khuu starts limping in the direction of the village, now just ahead. The farmer calls after Khuu calling him a horrible monster and cries over his fallen pets (sorry that part is literally in the quest description).

Behold Khuu the Undying!
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DinosaurBrain posted...

DinosaurBrain posted...

What are the odds of not rolling a single 6 in 24 rolls for the stats?

If my math is correct, it's 1.2% chance of this happening.

My math agrees with your math.

I look forward to more of Khuu's adventures.
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Tag for more entries in this weirdly hilarious DnD adventure.
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I cracked up hard at your last update. Please post more

I figured I'd make him a friend and wound up with Kenku Conquest Paladin. He got super good rolls for stats so now I'm not sure if I should add him because he would take over the story.

Str 16
Dex 12+2
Con 15
Int 14
Wis 14+1
Chr 18

And I probably won't post another story until Monday when I'm at work and my boredest.
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Aww, well.
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Khuuhrukehul Hrihuluuvar, bloody and beaten, finally stumbles his way into town. He slinks into the first dark alley he can find and passes out for a long rest.

A new day dawns and with renewed vigor and unending optimism, Khuu bounds off towards the general goods store to buy a new guitar string. He finds Sariel's Sundries in the town square, across from the haberdashery and stables. As he enters he's greeted by Sariel herself, a tall thin elf woman.

"Good day sir, what can I help you with?", she inquires.
"Need string", Khuu grumbles as he holds out his guitar.
Sariel looks it over and sees the missing guitar string.
"I'm sorry sir but that is not an item that we carry"
"NEED STRING", Khuu repeats angrily
"I'm sorry, but I can not sell you that which I do not have"
Khuu knows just what to do. He begins playing his guitar to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle.
"Need need string string neeEed string. I need string or bash you face" [Charm person, Spell Save DC 11 vs 12+0 = fail]

Flustered by the attempt to magically persuade her, Sariel says "Look, I don't have any guitar strings, but I've heard that a back of bandits has been intercepting deliveries of musical equipment. They're hiding out in an abandoned mine not far from town."

Khuu thinks for a minute on the whole bunch of words that just came at him.
...
"Bandits... mines... strings?", he says.
"Yes!", Sariel proclaims, "Now get the hell out of here!"
Khuu tips his non-existent fedora (hey, he's still a classy bard) and exits the store with a new destination in mind: some abandoned mine.
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Oh boy.
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