Current Events > CEmen who have sick parents/loss a parent...how do you cope?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have been fighting depression with getting my Mom out of the hospital and she is safe at home now.

But fast forward...My Mom at times takes care of my Dad due to him having several strokes. But on Monday he had to be rushed to the hospital due to another stroke (6th one) and when visiting him yesterday, he did seem like he was recovering.

Today he had 2 seizures and is now in ICU plugged into a machine to breathe and they are trying to help him. I couldn't have the heart to see my Dad like that since it is hard to imagine him like this...but I am trying to stay strong for my Mom.

I am back at home since my Mom needs to rest since she is tired, but I am very upset and angry because I am afraid to lose my Dad. But I don't know what to do if I do lose him...
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I haven't slept yet, but I may nap and go visit my Dad to see how things are going in the hospital.
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation TC. I do not have any advice to offer to you but I sincerely hope it doesn't end in a bad way.

Frosted_Midna posted...

I couldn't have the heart to see my Dad like that since it is hard to imagine him like this...

This was the worst part to me
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Yeah, I just know something like this will eventually happen in my life and visually picture that depressing phone call or text message I will get :( Hang in there op :(
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I am trying to hang in there everyone. My Dad is still hooked up to the machine, waiting for the seizing to stop. Even when my Mom was hugging him, a tear fell from his eye. I know somewhere inside, he is still there.

Crono99 posted...

It's not easy, TC.

My dad was fine until about a year ago. Completely normal. Then he started having problems walking, but we thought it was arthritis. Then within months he was no longer able to get around without a wheelchair and his cognition and memory declined dramatically to the point where he's no longer able to hold a conversation. It's hydrocephalus and cerebellar atrophy. It's supposed to be a slow process but in his case he went from going outside to shovel snow every morning to not being able to move without a wheelchair in just a few months.

My mom is both legally deaf and legally blind. She has severe tinnitus and is barely able to hear anything that people say to her. She used to get by with reading lips, but now she can't see well enough for that anymore.

So now neither of my parents are able to even make a phone call, or go anywhere without me driving them.

So I'm trying to balance working in an office with simultaneously being basically being a 24/7 caretaker for my parents and a girlfriend who's pissed off at me because my parents are taking too much of my time and wants me to move away with her so we can have a normal life.

*sigh*

Anyway.

Stay strong, TC.

Man you have a strong heart. I know...it is tough and I wish your girlfriend could see you care about your parents. Every child only gets one set of parents (if they are blessed or lucky) and we can't keep them forever. I am glad you are staying with your parents.

Don't give up on yourself, either.
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Hey TC.

I lost my younger brother earlier this year in January. My relationship with him was stronger than what I have with both of my parents. Sometimes I thought of him like a son because I always felt very protective of him.

To answer your question, try to be around people. It's incredibly hard. I asked myself a million questions and tried to figure out how to cope and couldn't figure a single thing out. I cried every few hours or so and still do about once a week now. I think about him constantly every single day. But being around loved ones really helped me not lose my mind. We cried together. We comforted each other. We were just there together in the same house for a week until the day of the funeral. And luckily I get to come home to my wife every day.

I'm still battling the depression and it doesn't go away. You just sort of go about life and it gets a little easier at some point. I'm still often angry and sad but I try to keep busy.

One bit of advice is to be there as much as you can. Hopefully, your dad recovers but if things look grim, be there for him until the end. I have this huge guilt over my shoulders because I was unable to be there for my brother the whole time as he was in another state. I tried to be as much as I could. I would sometimes spent a week at the hospital with him and work remotely. But it kills me inside that I wasn't there on his final days. Everything went downhill super fast and we had no time to be there quickly. Be there for them and I imagine it will help you cope a bit better.
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