Current Events > I basically Hercule'd my group at DnD tonight

(+) Yeah! (+)

It was a one shot where we had to solve a mystery of people disappearing near a theater on behalf of local authorities who the theater wouldn't allow near. Our party? Hulk, a full orc barbarian, obvious what his characterization was. Pippi, the obnoxious gnome wizard with a coat that has hundreds of pockets and zippers. Two tabaxi assassins, one was called Silky Smooth and the other was Mist in the Morning but that was interchangeable with Smoke on the Water. The other wizard who showed up late. And me, the halfling fighter Soft&Wet.

We watched a ballet that had an automaton doll as a central character, then decided to get entrance to the back areas of the building. When we snuck in it wasn't subtle. Hulk grabbed stuff from outside and started moving inside like he was part of the stage crew. Pippi mistwalked into somebody's butt. The assassins helped Hulk. The other wizard just kind of just wandered on through. I l pretended to be a seamstress by pulling out my artisans kit, then looked through the wardrobes. Some guards saw through the group and engaged them. Meanwhile I stole an outfit and dressed like an admiral as my party fought, ultimately killing two of the guards and knocking the other two unconscious. The other wizard missed some fire balls and nearly burnt the wardrobes... Then next turn he DID light them on fire so I had to put it out. We then were found by an employee who thought we were with some machinist guild and we repaired the broken doll automaton from the show and she led us around the theater asking us to please help. We got brought to a section by the stage and there were levers and such around for the stage. As some others pulled on levers and pulleys I noticed something was snagged in one of the ropes and shot it with my crossbow, down fell an arm covered in a slick gross substance. I equipped that arm despite being a fighter with two one handed weapons and a crossbow because I can. We then got led by the doll to a dressing room where some dancers were, one from the earlier show we watched and two dressing for the next play. The one from the show we watched seemed uneasy and tried to leave. I smacked her with the arm and demanded satisfaction. She screamed so Hulk grabbed her and slung her over his shoulder. We ended up terrifying the dancers and even knocked the other two out as the one I smacked was just kind of in the fetal position and terrified. The next room we were led to had notes about making living dolls but requiring souls. Then we got led to another room full of other broken puppets, I could smell sulfur and we ended up leaving that room after I had Hulk tear up the floorboards where they were weakened, there was an inclined slope but it could have collapsed the room if we touched the foundation. The rogues found some human skin suits, with clothes still on and everything and folded them like bed spreads to carry as evidence. Next room was down a hallway and I had to knock over some stacked crates to clear a path. Most of us were hurt by this point. Next up was a room full of debris. As the others cleared the way looking for clues, I was in the entry area but not yet in the room looking through barrels. Some dancers materialized and stabbed me and the Hulk. I had an item on my possession that let me cause all enemies within 15 feet of me target an ally of my choice. For the earlier clothes burning, I targeted the other wizard. I used the arm to strike the one as an attack of opportunity and as I struck it the clothes had a flash inside and then they collapsed to the floor, empty. The same happened with the others that started appearing as they were struck.

Pippi and the other wizard started using fire to burn the debris but in turn burned the room they were in. Meanwhile I was able to notice as the dancers were struck, something flew away from them and in to the walls and floor boards. The wall was covered in the same goo as the arm. Since I was near the doll but not in the room I tried using the arm to smack at the wall, trying to see if the goo did anything. I broke the wall and the arm was destroyed in the process. Everyone inside the room (except me because I wasn't actually in the room) took damage from the stuff falling from the roof as a combination of the destroyed wall and raging fire. Well, that's when a boss monster started to coalesce in the corner and the party started to fight it. As they did so, I grabbed the doll by the hand and told it that the party will be fine, but we had to get out of there. The party killed the slime monster and found a child's corpse. Then the floorboards beneath them gave way and they fell into a pit below and if they weren't already unconscious (the Hulk took too much collective damage from being stabbed and taking falling damage and being hit by the boss), they realized there were dozens more of the slime monsters. They all died.

Sure, my character will live with the shame of cowardice. But without her, the authorities would never be alerted to what was going on, I brought damning evidence of the conspiracy (a severed arm that was destroyed against a wall, the doll and my eyewitness testimony), and ultimately saved the day because I lived.

So yeah, I basically Hercule'd the party by letting them do the fighting, and dying, while I took the credit for it. Dressed as a theatre admiral, no less.

tl;dr I fled as everyone else was left to die but I was the hero that day, if you ignore the part where I smacked someone with an arm and demanded satisfaction.

Goats posted...

My minotaur fighter ate the heart of a naga he killed in single combat and exploded in arcane power. The party went on without him to awaken a lovecraftian deity so he might have had the most merciful death of the evening tauros

All things considered, a painful but near instantaneous death would be much less terrible than potential literal decades of torment in the blink of an eye

Bump

Holy wall of text batman. Seriously needs more paragraph breaks.
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No u

I am not reading that. Holy fuck.
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spikethedevil posted...

Holy wall of text batman. Seriously needs more paragraph breaks.

Chicken posted...

I am not reading that. Holy fuck.

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