Current Events > Washington Post absolutely eviscerates Post Malone

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/post-malone-is-the-perfect-pop-star-for-this-american-moment-thats-not-a-compliment
/2018/10/30/ad6112b8-dbc4-11e8-b732-3c72cbf131f2_story.html
(remove the space before /2018... in the url)

The most popular young artist in the most unpopular young nation is a rhinestone cowboy who looks like he crawled out of a primordial swamp of nacho cheese. Post Malone is a Halloween rental, a removable platinum grill, a Cubic Zirconium proposal on the jumbo screen of a last-place team.

this is amazing, my only issue with this article is that the word "doughy" only appears once
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Riff Raff did it first.

Sounds like they hate him because he's not liberal
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Posty is super nice and great
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lmfao that was amazing
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TinyUrl, do you use it?!
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who
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AlephZero posted...

who

post malone
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DALLAS Him?

The most popular young artist in the most unpopular young nation is a rhinestone cowboy who looks like he crawled out of a primordial swamp of nacho cheese. Post Malone is a Halloween rental, a removable platinum grill, a Cubic Zirconium proposal on the jumbo screen of a last-place team.

His music one of the shallowest bastardizations of rap to date, and I dont say that lightly has the creative tension of associates at a downtown law firm complaining that $150,000 a year just doesnt cut it. He looks like he got clubbed over the head by a cartoon peacock. He just turned 23.

And America just cant get enough. Nielsen recently named the suburban-Dallas-raised rapper 2018s most popular musician. So it was only a matter of time before Malone had his own festival, a contemporary rite of passage for nearly every major pop-rap star who has his face plastered across Spotifys Get Turnt Playlist.

The inaugural Posty Fest was held Sunday night in Dallass Dos Equis Pavilion, and it was less a festival than a behemoth SAE rush mixer held on a few acres of corporate-branded concrete. Many festivals pride themselves on offering non-music diversions such as art installations or novel culinary options. There was none of that here, but there were $5 Jell-O shots. There was little to separate it from a regular Post Malone concert other than the big-name opening acts (Travis Scott; Tyler, the Creator; Lil Skies) and True Religion-sponsored Post Malone bandannas featuring an extreme close-up of Austin Post himself, glazed and squinting, as ever.

This should have ostensibly been a coronation, his unequivocal ascension to the A-list pop superstardom of mono-named visionaries. There are artists who dictate the zeitgeist and those who reflect it. Post Malone is decidedly the latter, an avatar of algorithm culture that rewards pleasant banality over the creatively vexing. At his own festival in his hometown, he had the opportunity to lucidly state his mission and values. Instead, he revealed himself to be Jack Johnson with 808s and nakedly grafted hip-hop slang.

By 9:30 p.m., chants of Posty! Posty! filled the amphitheater. Fifteen-year-old blond girls in Daisy Dukes and Champagnes and Blunts shirts shrieked as if Post were the next in the lineage of the Backstreet Boys, the Jonas Brothers or One Direction. The main difference this time is that they honored their hero with matching temporary face tattoos barbed wire on their foreheads, a knifelike crucifix on their cheeks, and his trademark phrases inked in cursive: Stay Away and Rest Easy.

Bros in Troy Aikman jerseys and Beerbongs and Bentleys merch grunted with simian glee. Twenty thousand people rocketed up, stood on their seats, and for a brief moment there was the palpable fear of being stampeded to death at a Post Malone concert (which, of course, requires the deceased to be buried in a racecar-shaped coffin wrapped in the Rockstar Energy drink logo).

Three Eminem songs served as his intro music presumably a tacit nod to his fandom but also a heavy-handed reminder that Malone is the most popular white guy in hip-hop since Marshall Mathers. At the moment when the hysteria seemed in danger of waning, Post Malone took the stage to deafening cheers, scorching jet flames and billowing clouds of smoke like a Groupon version of a Kiss concert from 1975.

Sipping from a red Solo cup, he soon began slurring Too Young with a voice like bong water bubbling and the casual misogyny of a member of a Red Pill subreddit: My whip fast/my b---- bad/I skrrr skrrr, that coupe fast/My coupe fast, your b---- know/My b---- slow/she do what I say so and she always keep me on my toes. Those lines are as good as any at representing what Malone is working with on a lyrical level.

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On recordings, his falsetto is afforded a modest four-cylinder strength. But onstage it comes off slurred and sloppy, twitching like roadkill, limp off-key notes underscored by a booming backing track that operated like a life preserver.

Im going to get f----- up tonight. Who is f----- up tonight? If I forget the words because Im too drunk, help me sing along, he told the crowd.

Its the same applause line that he used at Coachella. His entire set list was essentially identical to what he played at every festival all summer long, right down to the monosyllabic, curse-laden, between-song babbling about haters and the importance of rawking out and turning up.

Even if his voice barely slithered past the 10th row, it didnt matter to fans who knew every word. They were there to commune to songs such as Better Now, his latest anthem to interchangeable heartache, presumably made for streaming at the Wahoos Fish Taco kiosk at LAX. The problem isnt necessarily that its crass but that its meaningless. Its not that its stupid but that its vacant. Its the losing difference between appropriation and outright theft.

Post Malones music is dead-eyed and ignorant, astonishingly dull in its materialism, an abandoned lot of creativity with absolutely no evidence of traffic in his cerebral cortex and theres also a negative side. Even if his intention is sincere homage, the bludgeoning witless imitation cant help but feel like minstrelsy. White people will inevitably appropriate the most culturally relevant music genre, one thats become almost intrinsically bound to the modern conception of pop, but its not asking too much to attempt modest synthesis or the incorporation of a single new idea, or at least to not be so grotesquely desolate. We went from Eminem to Cheddar Bob. If Post Malone were black, he wouldnt have sold half; he simply wouldnt exist.

He introduced Candy Paint, his song from the Fate of the Furious soundtrack, by telling the crowd that, its a little something that we know about in Texas, before flounder-crooning: Candy paint with the white on top/Lambo doors of the oo-op drop/If you busy plotting on what I got/Kick in your door, thats SWAT you thot.

From the artists in the Screwed Up Click to UGK to Swishahouse, anthems consecrated to candy-painted cars are a fundamental component of Texas hip-hop. Its a tradition thats cut across racial lines to include Houston rappers such as Paul Wall and Riff Raff, who carved out singularly flamboyant lanes. They were originals. Post Malone is not.

There was no backing band and not even any set design for this victory-lap performance. Just smoke and fire and yellow sodium stage lights that seemed to expose his limitations. On Over Now, he compared sex to body bags in a way that makes you wonder whether his entire sum of carnal knowledge comes from Pornhub.

A brief cameo from Swae Lee for their collaboration Spoil My Night felt like an SOS flare. When the member of Rae Sremmurd followed it up with No Type, it offered a stark reminder of everything Post Malone aspires to and brazenly imitates. He makes Vanilla Ice look like Luther Vandross. He makes Macklemore look like Mac Dre.

As if things couldnt get any worse, Post Malone posed a question to the crowd: Do you guys mind if I play my guitar for you? he asked rhetorically, smoking a cigarette, sitting down for the part of the show where you are supposed to believe that hes an artiste because he can competently strum an instrument.

This is usually when people start walking away at festivals, but I hope you stay. . . . This song is about feeling really sad.

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What followed sounded like Bon Iver cosplaying as Bon Scott right before he tried to drink himself to death. What Post Malone is selling is the chill-bro relatability of the third-most-sensitive member of a frat house, softly crooning acoustic guitar rap covers to seduce Gammas after a pledge paddling. He is the dynamite hack the platonic playlist substitute at the Duke University coffee shop so the vice president doesnt fire you for playing Young Dolph.

Whats most damning is Post Malones bloodless abyss of soul and funk. His attempts at being emotional feel like hollow gestures. When he tries to be turned up, it feels inert and airless. His songs completely lack volatility and swing, leaving him as a little boy trying on oversized sequin suits and Versace loafers alternately trying to be a fake musty Elvis, a swaggering baller, a redneck backcountry rebel, but flailing somewhere in the doughy middle. It cant help but bring me back to his quote given late last year to a Polish interviewer, where Malone said if youre looking for lyrics that make you want to cry or think about life, you shouldnt listen to hip-hop.

One would almost expect him to say something that ignorant and off the mark. In fact, the best rap is nothing but emotion. Whether its Boosie articulating the struggles of oppression and systematic racism in Baton Rouge or Young Thug conveying the Easter-pink euphoria of celebrating all the things you did just to live this lifestyle, this is the bible material that burrows into your mitochondria. Its Open Mike Eagle articulating the inequities of capitalism and the staggering difficulty of surviving as an artist. Its Future drowning in codeine as a nepenthe for post-traumatic stress and romantic decay. By contrast, Post Malone offers every bad mash-up of toxic Americana, the perversion of proud outlaw genius warped into a sentient barbed-wire stick and poke tattoo.

Post Malones problem isnt that hes a bad person or even completely untalented. Its that he stands for nothing at all. He can afford to feign the swagger and cool of hip-hop when its convenient and opt out when its time to see whos riding for the cause. Its always been a fairly straightforward compact when it comes to hip-hop: If youre a white person eating off what has historically been black culture, you have a certain obligation to repay that creative debt. Eminem continues to attack the hypocrisies and contradictions that allowed him to leapfrog equally gifted artists. Macklemore may have lacked subtlety or a rudimentary understanding of when to share text messages, but there was no questioning his dedication to confront his white privilege. Even G-Eazy repeat, even G-Eazy dropped out of that racist H&M advertising campaign.

Malone predictably ended Posty Fest with the trio of his biggest hits: Rockstar, White Iverson and Congratulations. He introduced Rock Star as about being really wasted and trashing your hotel room, the cliched fantasies of half a century of guitar-god rot coming home to roost in rap. During White Iverson, I surveyed the humanity surrounding me and spotted an elementary-school-age kid passed out atop a Cowboys blanket, surrounded by crumpled Red Bull cans, water bottles and Bud Lights. Approaching the conclusion of his set, Post thanked the crowd, telling them they are kick-ass. Then he launched into a rote, well-rehearsed diatribe about how no one believed in him but now hes a No. 1 artist with his own festival. Suck on that, haters.

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It is true, after all. Post Malone has won. Hes received wealth and fame with little accountability. Hes reaped the extreme benefits of a system that allowed him to flourish yet asserts his privilege to remain purposefully ignorant. He knows he won the lottery but doesnt understand that it was rigged in his favor. This is what the zeitgeist demanded as the latest whole-milk hip-hop avatar: a proud non-voter, a nonreader of books, the type of person who gets a JFK tattoo without knowing about Kennedys role in the Voting Rights Act while bizarrely claiming that he was the only president to speak out against the crazy corruption stuff thats going on in our government nowadays. In other interviews, hes repeatedly espoused tangled Alex Jones conspiracy theories about chemtrails, the government coming to take our assault rifles and secret guns that can give people heart attacks. Hes also a doomsday prepper, because of course he is.

for those who can't read it
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Gotta have some haters.
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It took a little bit but seems to come down to he is white. So it is just straight up modern acceptable mainstream racism. I mean for him to be picked out when there are so many ridiculous mumble rappers and the fact that he has actual vocal talent, and can play multiple instruments shows how biased this is.

Butterfiles posted...

It is true, after all. Post Malone has won. Hes received wealth and fame with little accountability. Hes reaped the extreme benefits of a system that allowed him to flourish yet asserts his privilege to remain purposefully ignorant. He knows he won the lottery but doesnt understand that it was rigged in his favor. This is what the zeitgeist demanded as the latest whole-milk hip-hop avatar: a proud non-voter, a nonreader of books, the type of person who gets a JFK tattoo without knowing about Kennedys role in the Voting Rights Act while bizarrely claiming that he was the only president to speak out against the crazy corruption stuff thats going on in our government nowadays. In other interviews, hes repeatedly espoused tangled Alex Jones conspiracy theories about chemtrails, the government coming to take our assault rifles and secret guns that can give people heart attacks. Hes also a doomsday prepper, because of course he is.

for those who can't read it

So basically he was born poor white trash and for him to be self made as a musician, he somehow did something wrong. Cause why focus on the violent criminals, when you can focus on one of the nicest guys in the rap world.

MARKINGRAM22 posted...

Butterfiles posted...

It is true, after all. Post Malone has won. Hes received wealth and fame with little accountability. Hes reaped the extreme benefits of a system that allowed him to flourish yet asserts his privilege to remain purposefully ignorant. He knows he won the lottery but doesnt understand that it was rigged in his favor. This is what the zeitgeist demanded as the latest whole-milk hip-hop avatar: a proud non-voter, a nonreader of books, the type of person who gets a JFK tattoo without knowing about Kennedys role in the Voting Rights Act while bizarrely claiming that he was the only president to speak out against the crazy corruption stuff thats going on in our government nowadays. In other interviews, hes repeatedly espoused tangled Alex Jones conspiracy theories about chemtrails, the government coming to take our assault rifles and secret guns that can give people heart attacks. Hes also a doomsday prepper, because of course he is.

for those who can't read it

So basically he was born poor white trash and for him to be self made as a musician, he somehow did something wrong. Cause why focus on the violent criminals, when you can focus on one of the nicest guys in the rap world.

Damn dude now youre just condoning hate crimes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a66clRobKI" data-time="

You was my shorty I thought
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So is this guy like the modern version of Limp Bizket?
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I only vaguely know who Post Malone is. Don't really have an opinion on him. But holy shit does that writer despise him.

Lmaoooo that guy went berserk
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I once saw a meme where google briefly stated that his full name was PostPone MaStudentLoan. That is literally all I know about him and I laugh every single time I hear his name because of it.

He really does look like he smells
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He is a walking meme.

His rap name literally came from a rap name generator. He says this in interviews.

He tells interviews that he uses autotune.

He hangs out with h3h3 Ethan and they became friends cause he loves memes.

He will randomly cite memes.

Watch the video where he was paid to go undercover in a record store.

Jake Paul exposed his address and he had to move.

Also, he touched the cursed jewish box or whatever and supposedly got cursed.

He is literally a walking meme.
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I've had about my fill of shitty face-tattooed rappers with crossover appeal. Why the fuck is this a thing?
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hockeybub89 posted...

I've had about my fill of shitty face-tattooed rappers with crossover appeal. Why the fuck is this a thing?

Funny thing is, he only got tattoos cause he hangs out with...

Justin Beiber. And Beiber had tats so he got some too.

And then more.

He said this in an interview.
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bump lol
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This article is amazing
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I love how the author is completely correct and funny/vicious to boot, meaning every angry reply from people essentially amounts to "woah why get so worked up about this!!!" or other personal attacks
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The failing Washington Post hates Trump for being a bully and now they're bullying a nice young man,

SAD
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That was a read. The library stays open on Ms. Malone.

Reading remains fundamental.
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I still believe Post Malone is just Shia Labeouf doing his next art piece.
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Post Malone is garbage. This article is hilarious.
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That article sounds like the most unprofessional and angry article I've ever read. And of course not too long it turns into white people are the devil spiel.

So glad I'm not white, you literally cant be successful as a white person without being criticized for it
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darkprince45 posted...

That article sounds like the most unprofessional and angry article I've ever read. And of course not too long it turns into white people are the devil spiel.

So glad I'm not white, you literally cant be successful as a white person without being criticized for it

I think I know the exact point in the article you read to before posting this.

Post Malones music is dead-eyed and ignorant, astonishingly dull in its materialism, an abandoned lot of creativity with absolutely no evidence of traffic in his cerebral cortex and theres also a negative side. Even if his intention is sincere homage, the bludgeoning witless imitation cant help but feel like minstrelsy.

Am I right?
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darkprince45 posted...

That article sounds like the most unprofessional and angry article I've ever read. And of course not too long it turns into white people are the devil spiel.

So glad I'm not white, you literally cant be successful as a white person without being criticized for it

Incoming a bunch of people trying to flame you and say you are actually white.

darkprince45 posted...

That article sounds like the most unprofessional and angry article I've ever read. And of course not too long it turns into white people are the devil spiel.

So glad I'm not white, you literally cant be successful as a white person without being criticized for it

Lol shut the hell up
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MARKINGRAM22 posted...

darkprince45 posted...

That article sounds like the most unprofessional and angry article I've ever read. And of course not too long it turns into white people are the devil spiel.

So glad I'm not white, you literally cant be successful as a white person without being criticized for it

Incoming a bunch of people trying to flame you and say you are actually white.

I mean, I'm not about people wearing racial identities as a shield from criticism. If someone has receipts I'm curious. Regardless, there are other things to have opinions about.
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I have no strong feelings about Post Malone either way

But I guarantee that dude was one of those "real hip-hop" types lol

There's a lot of shallow music out there that's still totally fine to listen to and I don't see why he in particular deserved this sort of roasting
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If Post Malone were black, he wouldnt have sold half; he simply wouldnt exist.

Juice WRLD proves this wrong
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When in fact the guy praised artists like young thug and future alongisde more indie artists like open Mike Eagle
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AvantgardeAClue posted...

But I guarantee that dude was one of those "real hip-hop" types lol

you can tell by his dropping of houston references
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NinjaBreakfast posted...

When in fact the guy praised artists like young thug and future alongisde more indie artists like open Mike Eagle

which makes no god damn sense to me
seriously, "lifestyle" is a proper emotional song that lands with a concrete message and isn't just garbage?
also future is hot garbage, get at me
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Man. I really hate post on post violence
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slimfizzle2 posted...

Man. I really hate post on post violence

okay now that's solid posting
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NinjaBreakfast posted...

I love how the author is completely correct and funny/vicious to boot, meaning every angry reply from people essentially amounts to "woah why get so worked up about this!!!" or other personal attacks

Except the author is wrong.

They are behind the times.

This is the generation where a nobody can meme on twitch and become as big as Drake.

The author is legit upset that this is the way society is now.
Why? Probably because all that wasted energy on a journalism degree when they WISH they were post malone.

Sure, it is funny. But it is shallow and ignorant as becoming of a really jealous and out of touch person.

Btw, it is like the wsj hit on pewdiepie. Traditional media doesn't know what to do about youtubr, twich etc.
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Yeah, that was intense. Can't say I disagree w/ it
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i don't disagree either, but you could make this topic about dudes who aren't white too
it's agenda-driven and really vitriolic
the fact that he's "appropriating" makes him an easy target
really it's low hanging fruit, anyone could've torn the dude apart because he sucks and looks stupid
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The Trent posted...

NinjaBreakfast posted...

When in fact the guy praised artists like young thug and future alongisde more indie artists like open Mike Eagle

which makes no god damn sense to me
seriously, "lifestyle" is a proper emotional song that lands with a concrete message and isn't just garbage?
also future is hot garbage, get at me

Both of those artists are good and yes they are much better at putting actual emotion into their music than post Malone who just does boring facsimiles of hip hop
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future is garbage
young thug is a high definition picture of a pile of garbage
post malone is a kindergartner's drawing of a garbage dump
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You can think they're garbage (youre wrong!!!!) but future and young thug are definitely far more concerned with some concept of 'artistry' than post Malone, who literally believes hip hop is extremely shallow and not capable of carrying emotional depth and would be doing rock music if this were the early 00s
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