Current Events > No, Master Chief's Suit Does Not Jerk Him Off

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https://kotaku.com/no-master-chiefs-suit-does-not-jerk-him-off-1828786018/amp

An erroneous piece of Halo lore began with a joke by the Twitter account dril, posted on May 11, 2017: my main issue with master chief fucks cortana is if you read the halo novels youd know the space suit automatically jacks master chief off. By the next day, Halo fans had begun circulating a page purported to be from Eric Nylunds Halo novel, The Fall of Reach. The excerpt on this page appears to back up drils assertion. Too bad its a clever fake.

In the page, Dr. Catherine Halsey addresses the benefactors of the Spartan-II program, which developed the armor and power-ups for super soldiers like Master Chief and also the AI technology for his companion Cortana. In the middle of Halseys explanation, one of the benefactors interrupts to ask: Am I seeing this right? The groin region packs a sexual stimulant, designed to reduce combat stress Halsey answers by confirming that the suits contain this supposed stimulant.

This page first appeared on the meme website iFunny by the user Revolver, who could not be reached for comment. Before posting the page, Revolver posted a screenshot of drils tweet with the caption, Ill go find the page where this is addressed in Fall of Reach and make a lore post later about it. Revolvers next post, captioned Halo: Fall of Reach, is the full page, complete with page number and Eric Nylunds name at the top. It looks real, except for the part where Bio-foam shouldnt be hyphenated, but that didnt stop people from believing the hoax.

Once the page had made the rounds on social media that day, Revolver posted the screenshot again and set the record straight with a much longer caption: THESE ARE FAKE YOU GULLIBLE MOTHERFUCKERS. THIS ISNT REAL. Ive failed as a Halo account if 500+ people actually thought Cortana jacks off Chief in his suit and judging by those comments many people did had to ruin the joke it went on too long.

Revolvers retraction didnt take. Thousands of users across social media platforms have kept the hoax alive, intentionally or not. In March 2018, YouTuber ZannyVids posted a video about the page titled Master Chiefs JUICIEST secret, garnering over 45,000 views. Five months ago, Tumblr user gurlukovich posted, if master chiefs suit jerks him off, then samus arans suit should also jerk her off, racking up thousands of responses.

Since the original post, Revolver seems to have made peace with his memelord status. In July 2017, he re-posted the page in seriousness, writing, Reminder that Chiefs suit canonically jerks him off. In November 2017, he posted it again and described it as canon.

I swear I've seen people here quote it as canon lol
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Fuck that shit. It's still canon to me dammit
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Well he's a robot, so idk why he'd need to jerk off in the first place.
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Master Chef shouldn't jerk off in the kitchen
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Blue_Inigo posted...

Fuck that shit. It's still canon to me dammit

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He has no drive.
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Everybody knows the part about the Spartan-II program killing their sex drives so I don't know why they fell for this.

Blue_Inigo posted...

Fuck that shit. It's still canon to me dammit

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

Everybody knows the part about the Spartan-II program killing their sex drives so I don't know why they fell for this.

Yeah, it does that by having the suits jerk 'em off until they never want to have sex again. Duh.
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

Everybody knows the part about the Spartan-II program killing their sex drives so I don't know why they fell for this.

This

They can't get aroused
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

Everybody knows the part about the Spartan-II program killing their sex drives so I don't know why they fell for this.

This. If anyone read the books theyd know that.
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The average Halo soldier is unfuckable. The average Cortana is blasted by limitless Master Chief dick.
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Darmik posted...

if master chiefs suit jerks him off, then samus arans suit should also jerk her off,

Sounds fair to me.
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tamashiini posted...

Blue_Inigo posted...

Fuck that shit. It's still canon to me dammit

I wonder what other fake but believed game lore is out there
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mew under the truck
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Darmik posted...

I wonder what other fake but believed game lore is out there

Remember all the Pokemon rumors in the 90s

Man what a time to be alive
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Well there goes my fanfiction epic I've been writting ever since I was 13.
It was to be greater than the SSB one.

Yeah there were so many in the 90's and early 2000's.

I feel like now you need to have that sweet spot of something being unique enough to spread around but not cool enough to actually check yourself.
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