Current Events > whats ur favorite story arc from the bible

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YOUHAVENOHOPE
06/04/18 11:21:57 PM
#1:


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Vertania
06/04/18 11:24:25 PM
#2:


Job

The devil makes God look like his bitch.
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Freddie_Mercury
06/04/18 11:27:25 PM
#3:


Ezekiel 23:20
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BLAKUboy
06/04/18 11:28:57 PM
#4:


The Exodus arc was great until they left Egypt. After that it just becomes a total slog. That whole part honestly felt like filler.
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Flockaveli
06/04/18 11:29:12 PM
#5:


The one where he makes that guy suffer then tells him to kill his kid.
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Sayoria
06/04/18 11:39:37 PM
#6:


The one where Jesus busted out a headband after turning water into wine and yelled "Believe it!"
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Rimmer_Dall
06/04/18 11:40:31 PM
#7:


The one where a bunch of kids get mauled by bears.
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MedzXVIII
06/04/18 11:41:16 PM
#8:


Vertania posted...
Job

The devil makes God look like his bitch.

Explain please
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Calwings
06/04/18 11:41:38 PM
#9:


the Jesus Retrieval Arc
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BuckVanHammer
06/04/18 11:42:00 PM
#10:


Jesus's revenge
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Minimal, yet feature rich.
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Doe
06/04/18 11:42:21 PM
#11:


The one where a dude says he will sacrifice the first creature that leaves his house as thanks and his daughter is the first to leave his house
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#12
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#13
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hyperpsycho
06/04/18 11:45:44 PM
#14:


Rimmer_Dall posted...
The one where a bunch of kids get mauled by bears.

For making fun of a bald guy.
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Dash_Harber
06/04/18 11:46:33 PM
#15:


Samson. Badass war epic about a superhuman conquering the hell out of the fertile crescent.
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YOUHAVENOHOPE
06/04/18 11:47:38 PM
#16:


Dash_Harber posted...
Samson. Badass war epic about a superhuman conquering the hell out of the fertile crescent.

gets done in by a thot
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Vertania
06/04/18 11:47:52 PM
#17:


MedzXVIII posted...
Explain please

Devil tricks God into torturing his best follower. He destroys Job's entire life just for the chance to tell the devil "I told you so."
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Dash_Harber
06/04/18 11:49:08 PM
#18:


YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...
Dash_Harber posted...
Samson. Badass war epic about a superhuman conquering the hell out of the fertile crescent.

gets done in by a thot

Not before killing her and all of his enemies in a heroic sacrifice at a party where literally all his enemies have gathered to poke fun at him.
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MedzXVIII
06/04/18 11:49:30 PM
#19:


Vertania posted...
MedzXVIII posted...
Explain please

Devil tricks God into torturing his best follower. He destroys Job's entire life just for the chance to tell the devil "I told you so."

Please give verses
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Vertania
06/04/18 11:53:44 PM
#20:


MedzXVIII posted...
Please give verses

"And Satan said unto God 'lol gg dumbass'"
"And then God reported Satan to the GameFAQs moderation team for trolling"
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MedzXVIII
06/04/18 11:58:44 PM
#21:


Vertania posted...
MedzXVIII posted...
Please give verses

"And Satan said unto God 'lol gg dumbass'"
"And then God reported Satan to the GameFAQs moderation team for trolling"

If you believe this topic is trolling that is fine. I like this topic myself.
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Paragon21XX
06/05/18 12:00:30 AM
#22:


Elijah casts Firaja against 102 of Ahab's soldiers.
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Hmm...
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BignutzisBack
06/05/18 12:01:00 AM
#23:


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ProtoManSPx
06/05/18 12:04:34 AM
#24:


Vertania posted...
MedzXVIII posted...
Explain please

Devil tricks God into torturing his best follower. He destroys Job's entire life just for the chance to tell the devil "I told you so."

God gave Job back what he lost and more
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Anarchy_Juiblex
06/05/18 12:04:57 AM
#25:


The story of Lot.

Threats of angel rape, his daughters date raping him, his wife turning into salt, shit was crazy. Most moral work in the book tbqh.
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MedzXVIII
06/05/18 12:08:17 AM
#26:


Please provide bible verses
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Anarchy_Juiblex
06/05/18 12:10:54 AM
#27:


And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

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Vertania
06/05/18 12:11:57 AM
#28:


ProtoManSPx posted...
God gave Job back what he lost and more

Don't know about you, but I wouldn't be cool with someone killing my kids and then replacing them with new, better looking kids.
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boxington
06/05/18 12:12:49 AM
#29:


ProtoManSPx posted...
Vertania posted...
MedzXVIII posted...
Explain please

Devil tricks God into torturing his best follower. He destroys Job's entire life just for the chance to tell the devil "I told you so."

God gave Job back what he lost and more

people aren't just some items that can be replaced when they're lost or damaged; Job still lost his family
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MedzXVIII
06/05/18 12:13:24 AM
#30:


Anarchy_Juiblex posted...
And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

book chapter verse?
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Anarchy_Juiblex
06/05/18 12:14:14 AM
#31:


Stop being fucking lazy, are you doubting the veracity of the claim?

Genesis 19:31
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squarion
06/05/18 12:16:01 AM
#32:


The Disciples betrayal is definitely in my top 10.
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PrettyBoyFloyd
06/05/18 12:25:49 AM
#33:


The ones where Jesus goes Eliot Ness on fools.

Mark 11:15
When they arrived in Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began to drive out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those selling doves.

Luke 19:45
Then Jesus entered the temple courts and began to drive out those who were selling there.

John 2:15
So He made a whip out of cords and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle. He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.

John 2:16
To those selling doves He said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn My Father's house into a marketplace!"

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Dash_Harber
06/05/18 12:27:31 AM
#34:


MedzXVIII posted...
Please provide bible verses


For the entirety of Samson's story? Why? No one asked for them before. Either way, just read the book of Judges, then, if you don't believe me.
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MedzXVIII
06/05/18 12:32:06 AM
#35:


Dash_Harber posted...
MedzXVIII posted...
Please provide bible verses


For the entirety of Samson's story? Why? No one asked for them before. Either way, just read the book of Judges, then, if you don't believe me.

Judges your favorite book in the bible?
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Dash_Harber
06/05/18 12:35:02 AM
#36:


MedzXVIII posted...
Dash_Harber posted...
MedzXVIII posted...
Please provide bible verses


For the entirety of Samson's story? Why? No one asked for them before. Either way, just read the book of Judges, then, if you don't believe me.

Judges your favorite book in the bible?


I don't really have a favorite, I always thought Samson's story was just a cool superhero action story. As far as my favorites stories go, the Bible doesn't really have any I'd rank particularly high. Generally speaking, I don't agree with a lot of the morals and from a purely literary view, the stories frequently rely on lazy plot devices.

I'm just confused as to why you are asking for verses. Are you doubting the veracity of these stories, are you really unfamiliar with the Bible, or do you think you are cleverly tricking people who don't read the Bible into reading it?
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HylianFox
06/05/18 12:43:24 AM
#37:


The romance between David and Jonathan is pretty sweet.

Sadly, Jonny bites it in the end. Yet David professes his love unto the Heavens...
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WilliamPorygon
06/05/18 1:02:53 AM
#38:


Uh, um... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?
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HylianFox
06/05/18 1:06:31 AM
#39:


WilliamPorygon posted...
Uh, um... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?

Jesus *is* the Man in the Yellow Hat.

HpEsyMA
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ThePrinceFish
06/05/18 1:08:20 AM
#40:


Revelation is the most interesting to read.
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YOUHAVENOHOPE
06/05/18 2:23:57 AM
#42:


Dash_Harber posted...
YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...
Dash_Harber posted...
Samson. Badass war epic about a superhuman conquering the hell out of the fertile crescent.

gets done in by a thot

Not before killing her and all of his enemies in a heroic sacrifice at a party where literally all his enemies have gathered to poke fun at him.

still
goes to show that you can never trust thots
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__Fiale__
06/05/18 2:25:27 AM
#43:


That one with Richter Belmont and Dracula.
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Tupacrulez
06/05/18 2:34:52 AM
#44:


I always enjoyed the one where David wanted to fuck a soldiers wife after being a voyeur and watching her bathe, so he sent her husband to the front lines of war so that he could fuck her.

Samson had a good old fashioned misogynists wet dream of a plotline. Uberdude kills thousands of his enemies, falls to an evil woman. Yadayada.

Actually, for preaching love, the Bible is chock fucking full of outright damn misogyny.
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TendoDRM
06/05/18 2:56:55 AM
#45:


Genesis. Showed great promise, but it was all downhill after the pilot.
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WizardofHoth
06/05/18 3:19:21 AM
#46:


Samson. He's pretty much Superman and Delilah is his kryptonite. Samsons hair gets cut making him vulnerable yada yada
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YOUHAVENOHOPE
06/05/18 3:20:06 AM
#47:


WizardofHoth posted...
Samson. He's pretty much Superman and Delilah is his kryptonite. Samsons hair gets cut making him vulnerable yada yada

YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...
never trust thots

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Sariana21
06/05/18 3:31:10 AM
#48:


Esther
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Sariana21
06/05/18 3:32:22 AM
#49:


HylianFox posted...
The romance between David and Jonathan is pretty sweet.

Sadly, Jonny bites it in the end. Yet David professes his love unto the Heavens...

Didn't David send Jonathan off to war to be killed because David wanted Jonathan's wife?
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Sariana21
06/05/18 3:34:41 AM
#50:


WilliamPorygon posted...
Uh, um... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?

I was just talking about this story yesterday! We always pronounced "Jesus" as "George" though because Jesus sounds like the name of an illegal immigrant, whereas George is a good old American name.
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HylianFox
06/05/18 4:03:57 AM
#51:


Sariana21 posted...
HylianFox posted...
The romance between David and Jonathan is pretty sweet.

Sadly, Jonny bites it in the end. Yet David professes his love unto the Heavens...

Didn't David send Jonathan off to war to be killed because David wanted Jonathan's wife?

Jonathan was the son of Saul, you're thinking of Uriah
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