Current Events > I wish I had somebody to talk to

(+) Yeah! (+)

My ex fiancee raped me and I'm so afraid to talk to anyone about it because of the stigma around male rape. It's one of the biggest reasons why I've felt so fucked up and unhappy for several months now. Am I truly so weak and vulnerable that someone would take advantage of me for their own pleasure, their own selfish needs? I replay this day so much in my head and it wont go away. Even just thinking about it and typing this out makes me want to bawl my eyes out and break down. Why can't I just be normal CE? Why do I have to get so many turd sandwiches thrown in my direction when I've tried to be a good person/friend to everyone I've cared about? I saw my ex yesterday and we made eye contact. Her first reaction? She grabbed her husband and was affectionate with him in front of me.

What have I done to earn such cruelty? I've tried to be a good, decent man but I have nothing to show for it. Just a broken soul and traumatic experiences from a person that claimed to love me more than anything and wanted to build a life with me. A person that eventually took advantage of me and drug me through the dirt for her own selfish satisfsction.

It honestly is so hard for me not to be a MRA. I have so many fucking reasons to hate everything in regard to females but I know there is a woman somewhere that wont judge my faults and will truly love me.

Its just really, really fucking hard for me not to hate everything with where I am in life right now. Had it not been for my passion for my career I honestly think I would have done something irreversible months ago. Some days I dont know why I subjugate myself to reality.
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So often i just want to give up on living and return to wherever it is we came from. So many days I want to lose all feelings and become numb to anyone and everything in some last ditch attempt to pretend my trauma is just a dream.
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I'm sorry to hear that man. I couldn't even begin to offer think of how you feel, and I can't really think of any advice to give you since I've never been through that. Did you press charges?
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That took alot of courage TC well done. Being abused like that is the worst. Totally betrayed by the one you love yeah. It happens all the time being rape, emotional abuse whatever. Hang in there. Definitely not alone.
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I wish I could be the man i was a year ago. Confident, dick swinging low and ready to take on the world. A man who was ready to grab life by its ass and take control of it, doing the things that made me happy when I wanted. Now I just feel emasculated and weak, like I lost all my virtues and confidence because of what happened to me one night many months ago. A wound filled with anger, hatred, and feelings of insecurity. A wound where if I could completely lobotomized myself to forget i would without reluctance
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I wish I knew something other than hatred and anger. It's been so long since ibe har any semblance of happiness and joy in my life. Every day I wake up full of hatred and anger at the world for how cruel my ex was to me. Everyday all I can replay is that day nd what I could have done differently to get a different outcome. Something that wouldn't have perpetually fucked me up and made me hate everything. I hate waking up. I hate breathing. I hate doing anything that isnt a result of me being misersble. I am full of nothing but anger and hatred and want to release it all the time.
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