Current Events > Question regarding divorce and ethics.

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maoriwarrior 03/14/18 7:43:23 AM #1:	Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) Did it for the third time yesterday and she ended up enticing me through sex. She threatened to hurt herself so I went back to the apartment to monitor her. Once I knew she was ok I planned on leaving. Is it fucked up for me to leave her finally this Friday? I feel like thats enough time. Trust me, I didnt plan on sex happening whatsoever. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897775050] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) Did it for the third time yesterday and she ended up enticing me through sex. She threatened to hurt herself so I went back to the apartment to monitor her. Once I knew she was ok I planned on leaving. Is it fucked up for me to leave her finally this Friday? I feel like thats enough time. Trust me, I didnt plan on sex happening whatsoever.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
gunplagirl 03/14/18 7:45:44 AM #2:	Gotta do what's necessary to protect yourself and it might hurt her but as long as you don't purposely aggravate her to make her reaction worse, nobody can blame you for what she may do as a result. --- Pokemon Moon FC: 1994-2190-5020 IGN: Vanessa <cite>gunplagirl posted [p:897775090] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>Gotta do what's necessary to protect yourself and it might hurt her but as long as you don't purposely aggravate her to make her reaction worse, nobody can blame you for what she may do as a result.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Funkydog 03/14/18 7:45:50 AM #3:	When someone had an addiction problem, the primary concern is getting them help. And you can't really do that and allow them to abuse you in turn. Unless you are willing to put up with it and push her into rehab then I don't think anyone is going to think bad of you if you get yourself out such a situation. --- http://i.imgur.com/BGbZK.gif <cite>Funkydog posted [p:897775091] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>When someone had an addiction problem, the primary concern is getting them help. And you can't really do that and allow them to abuse you in turn. Unless you are willing to put up with it and push her into rehab then I don't think anyone is going to think bad of you if you get yourself out such a situation.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 7:47:31 AM #4:	gunplagirl posted... Gotta do what's necessary to protect yourself and it might hurt her but as long as you don't purposely aggravate her to make her reaction worse, nobody can blame you for what she may do as a result. Thats how I feel too. Funkydog posted... When someone had an addiction problem, the primary concern is getting them help. And you can't really do that and allow them to abuse you in turn. Unless you are willing to put up with it and push her into rehab then I don't think anyone is going to think bad of you if you get yourself out such a situation. She wont go to rehab. I have sent her links and even gathered info on her behalf. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897775131] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>gunplagirl posted...</cite> <quote>Gotta do what's necessary to protect yourself and it might hurt her but as long as you don't purposely aggravate her to make her reaction worse, nobody can blame you for what she may do as a result.</quote> Thats how I feel too. <cite>Funkydog posted...</cite> <quote>When someone had an addiction problem, the primary concern is getting them help. And you can't really do that and allow them to abuse you in turn. Unless you are willing to put up with it and push her into rehab then I don't think anyone is going to think bad of you if you get yourself out such a situation.</quote> She wont go to rehab. I have sent her links and even gathered info on her behalf.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Funkydog 03/14/18 7:50:16 AM #5:	maoriwarrior posted... She wont go to rehab. I have sent her links and even gathered info on her behalf. Then bail. You aren't going to do her any good sticking around and if she refuses to get help then their is nothing more you can do. It is awful to leave loved ones like this, but making yourself suffer by staying won't do any good either. Remain in contact ready so if she does go to rehab you can support her if you want, but otherwise I would avoid contact at all myself. Maybe keep it to any family she has instead. --- http://i.imgur.com/BGbZK.gif <cite>Funkydog posted [p:897775185] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>She wont go to rehab. I have sent her links and even gathered info on her behalf. </quote> Then bail. You aren't going to do her any good sticking around and if she refuses to get help then their is nothing more you can do. It is awful to leave loved ones like this, but making yourself suffer by staying won't do any good either. Remain in contact ready so if she does go to rehab you can support her if you want, but otherwise I would avoid contact at all myself. Maybe keep it to any family she has instead.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
voldothegr8 03/14/18 7:51:48 AM #6:	If there's no kids involved dissolve that marriage and give no fucks if she hurts herself. --- Oda break tracker 2018- 2 (1) \| THE Ohio State: 11-2 \| Oakland Raiders: 6-10 Super Mario Maker Profile: 1237-0000-0073-02FE <cite>voldothegr8 posted [p:897775220] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>If there's no kids involved dissolve that marriage and give no fucks if she hurts herself.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
ClockworkHare 03/14/18 7:57:10 AM #7:	You're not robbing her of personal rights or choice by leaving her. The potential fallout is her responsibility to work out, not yours. When a relationship erodes due to a partner's problematic vices, the leaving party is not committing desertion by stepping out of a toxic situation. It's self preservation. --- Bite me like one of your French rolls. http://www.imageupload.co.uk/images/2017/06/05/flcnpawn.png http://www.imageupload.co.uk/images/2017/06/05/84543589.gif <cite>ClockworkHare posted [p:897775336] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>You're not robbing her of personal rights or choice by leaving her. The potential fallout is her responsibility to work out, not yours. When a relationship erodes due to a partner's problematic vices, the leaving party is not committing desertion by stepping out of a toxic situation. It's self preservation.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 8:27:30 AM #8:	Funkydog posted... maoriwarrior posted... She wont go to rehab. I have sent her links and even gathered info on her behalf. Then bail. You aren't going to do her any good sticking around and if she refuses to get help then their is nothing more you can do. It is awful to leave loved ones like this, but making yourself suffer by staying won't do any good either. Remain in contact ready so if she does go to rehab you can support her if you want, but otherwise I would avoid contact at all myself. Maybe keep it to any family she has instead. The fact I slept with her is whats fucking me up the most. I still have a majority of my shit at my parents even since thats where Ive had to go. voldothegr8 posted... If there's no kids involved dissolve that marriage and give no fucks if she hurts herself. Just her kids. Not any of mine. I dont ave any. ClockworkHare posted... You're not robbing her of personal rights or choice by leaving her. The potential fallout is her responsibility to work out, not yours. When a relationship erodes due to a partner's problematic vices, the leaving party is not committing desertion by stepping out of a toxic situation. It's self preservation. This is not a gendered issue and I stress that point for a valid reason. There's a ton of men who feel it's their male responsibility to continue putting up with abusive, dysfunctional female partners due to gender norms that basically translate to "man up, be there for her". It sounds like a sweet sentiment, until you realize it's encouraging people to stay in hazardous relationships just to fulfill an impractical, unhealthy, codependent role. When that scenario arises for a woman, it's common in first world society to support the woman's decision to get out of that mess as soon as possible without guilt. That should be the same reaction we give men suffering in similar conditions. That is the same realization the abused men themselves need to see... You wouldn't conscientiously tell a woman to stay with an deceptive abusive alcoholic man, right? Why would the standard change if it was you, a man, considering to leave a woman who had the same troublesome issues? The point is the standard should not change in regards to gender. It's two different people in need of leaving crumbling relationships. If that is where you currently are, do not feel ashamed for stepping out. You're no less a man for wanting freedom from that. Thank you. That means a lot. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897776264] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Funkydog posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>She wont go to rehab. I have sent her links and even gathered info on her behalf. </quote> Then bail. You aren't going to do her any good sticking around and if she refuses to get help then their is nothing more you can do. It is awful to leave loved ones like this, but making yourself suffer by staying won't do any good either. Remain in contact ready so if she does go to rehab you can support her if you want, but otherwise I would avoid contact at all myself. Maybe keep it to any family she has instead.</quote> The fact I slept with her is whats fucking me up the most. I still have a majority of my shit at my parents even since thats where Ive had to go. <cite>voldothegr8 posted...</cite> <quote>If there's no kids involved dissolve that marriage and give no fucks if she hurts herself.</quote> Just her kids. Not any of mine. I dont ave any. <cite>ClockworkHare posted...</cite> <quote>You're not robbing her of personal rights or choice by leaving her. The potential fallout is her responsibility to work out, not yours. When a relationship erodes due to a partner's problematic vices, the leaving party is not committing desertion by stepping out of a toxic situation. It's self preservation. This is not a gendered issue and I stress that point for a valid reason. There's a ton of men who feel it's their male responsibility to continue putting up with abusive, dysfunctional female partners due to gender norms that basically translate to "man up, be there for her". It sounds like a sweet sentiment, until you realize it's encouraging people to stay in hazardous relationships just to fulfill an impractical, unhealthy, codependent role. When that scenario arises for a woman, it's common in first world society to support the woman's decision to get out of that mess as soon as possible without guilt. That should be the same reaction we give men suffering in similar conditions. That is the same realization the abused men themselves need to see... You wouldn't conscientiously tell a woman to stay with an deceptive abusive alcoholic man, right? Why would the standard change if it was you, a man, considering to leave a woman who had the same troublesome issues? The point is the standard should not change in regards to gender. It's two different people in need of leaving crumbling relationships. If that is where you currently are, do not feel ashamed for stepping out. You're no less a man for wanting freedom from that.</quote> Thank you. That means a lot.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Darkman124 03/14/18 8:38:50 AM #9:	maoriwarrior posted... The fact I slept with her is whats f*ing me up the most. I still have a majority of my s* at my parents even since thats where Ive had to go. she was an active participant sex does not mean "divorce canceled" --- And when the hourglass has run out, eternity asks you about only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not. <cite>Darkman124 posted [p:897776652] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote> The fact I slept with her is whats f*ing me up the most. I still have a majority of my s* at my parents even since thats where Ive had to go. </quote> she was an active participant sex does not mean "divorce canceled"</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
NonDairyMiltank 03/14/18 8:48:29 AM #10:	hard addicts need to hit rock bottom before they think of seriously changin they won't do it otherwise, not without the law breathin down their necks if you stick around to support her when she refuses to change and get help, you're not really saving her from problems, you're giving her a convenient lifeline to abuse so she never has to face or change what a wreck she become if you stay with her like that, she won't have incentive to grow up cause you will always be around to clean up her shit hard addicts are the worst kind of babies... --- le Moo <cite>NonDairyMiltank posted [p:897776972] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>hard addicts need to hit rock bottom before they think of seriously changin they won't do it otherwise, not without the law breathin down their necks if you stick around to support her when she refuses to change and get help, you're not really saving her from problems, you're giving her a convenient lifeline to abuse so she never has to face or change what a wreck she become if you stay with her like that, she won't have incentive to grow up cause you will always be around to clean up her shit hard addicts are the worst kind of babies...</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 9:09:53 AM #11:	Darkman124 posted... maoriwarrior posted... The fact I slept with her is whats f*ing me up the most. I still have a majority of my s* at my parents even since thats where Ive had to go. she was an active participant sex does not mean "divorce canceled" I guess thats true. See, and I feel like Ive made matters worse because she threatened to kill herself, and Ive returned to the apartment to make sure that doesnt happen. Idk. I felt like I should have taken her to the hospital yet she seems fine now --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897777671] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Darkman124 posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote> The fact I slept with her is whats f*ing me up the most. I still have a majority of my s* at my parents even since thats where Ive had to go. </quote> she was an active participant sex does not mean "divorce canceled"</quote> I guess thats true. See, and I feel like Ive made matters worse because she threatened to kill herself, and Ive returned to the apartment to make sure that doesnt happen. Idk. I felt like I should have taken her to the hospital yet she seems fine now</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 9:10:48 AM #12:	NonDairyMiltank posted... hard addicts need to hit rock bottom before they think of seriously changin they won't do it otherwise, not without the law breathin down their necks if you stick around to support her when she refuses to change and get help, you're not really saving her from problems, you're giving her a convenient lifeline to abuse so she never has to face or change what a wreck she become if you stay with her like that, she won't have incentive to grow up cause you will always be around to clean up her shit hard addicts are the worst kind of babies... I agree with this statement as well. Its tough because I love her. But its killing me. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897777707] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>NonDairyMiltank posted...</cite> <quote>hard addicts need to hit rock bottom before they think of seriously changin they won't do it otherwise, not without the law breathin down their necks if you stick around to support her when she refuses to change and get help, you're not really saving her from problems, you're giving her a convenient lifeline to abuse so she never has to face or change what a wreck she become if you stay with her like that, she won't have incentive to grow up cause you will always be around to clean up her shit hard addicts are the worst kind of babies...</quote> I agree with this statement as well. Its tough because I love her. But its killing me.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
The Admiral 03/14/18 9:12:56 AM #13:	Relationship sounds pretty toxic. The best two options at this point are trying couples counseling (if you still want to salvage it) or leaving her. Submitting yourself to abuse is never the answer. --- - The Admiral <cite>The Admiral posted [p:897777773] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>Relationship sounds pretty toxic. The best two options at this point are trying couples counseling (if you still want to salvage it) or leaving her. Submitting yourself to abuse is never the answer.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 9:18:40 AM #14:	The Admiral posted... Relationship sounds pretty toxic. The best two options at this point are trying couples counseling (if you still want to salvage it) or leaving her. Submitting yourself to abuse is never the answer. God and I wish I could show yall pics of the texts too to give you guys an idea. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897777999] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>The Admiral posted...</cite> <quote>Relationship sounds pretty toxic. The best two options at this point are trying couples counseling (if you still want to salvage it) or leaving her. Submitting yourself to abuse is never the answer.</quote> God and I wish I could show yall pics of the texts too to give you guys an idea.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
mipond 03/14/18 9:22:16 AM #15:	If you are worried about her you could always let her family know your plans so that they could watch her and her children. --- "I can assure you guys that she is 100% real and genuine." Go_Totodile. Don't go jumping off bridges Bobby. <cite>mipond posted [p:897778148] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>If you are worried about her you could always let her family know your plans so that they could watch her and her children.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 9:50:37 AM #16:	mipond posted... If you are worried about her you could always let her family know your plans so that they could watch her and her children. She has 0 family in the state. On top of that, theyve pushed her away. Dont even barely contact her. Im literally all she has. She doesnt have any friends to count on either. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897779328] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>mipond posted...</cite> <quote>If you are worried about her you could always let her family know your plans so that they could watch her and her children.</quote> She has 0 family in the state. On top of that, theyve pushed her away. Dont even barely contact her. Im literally all she has. She doesnt have any friends to count on either.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Darkman124 03/14/18 9:52:15 AM #17:	maoriwarrior posted... God and I wish I could show yall pics of the texts too to give you guys an idea. i was in a relationship like that when i exited she called me and said she was going to do it i said "i don't believe you." and hung up. then blocked her number. i suggest you do the same --- And when the hourglass has run out, eternity asks you about only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not. <cite>Darkman124 posted [p:897779385] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote> God and I wish I could show yall pics of the texts too to give you guys an idea. </quote> i was in a relationship like that when i exited she called me and said she was going to do it i said "i don't believe you." and hung up. then blocked her number. i suggest you do the same</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 9:54:57 AM #18:	maoriwarrior posted... Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) What about your vows? Did you promise to love her and keep her only if she don't have too many big problems? Are you a fair-weather husband? When the going gets tough, you get going? You gonna leave her when she needs you the most? Or when you married her did you promise to love her and be with her no matter what? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897779481] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) </quote> What about your vows? Did you promise to love her and keep her only if she don't have too many big problems? Are you a fair-weather husband? When the going gets tough, you get going? You gonna leave her when she needs you the most? Or when you married her did you promise to love her and be with her no matter what?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Master_Bass 03/14/18 9:57:34 AM #19:	Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. --- Many Bothans died to bring you this post. <cite>Master_Bass posted [p:897779591] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 9:59:44 AM #20:	Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897779676] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
YUNASBFGIR 03/14/18 10:08:53 AM #21:	Cocytus posted... maoriwarrior posted... Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) What about your vows? Did you promise to love her and keep her only if she don't have too many big problems? Are you a fair-weather husband? When the going gets tough, you get going? You gonna leave her when she needs you the most? Or when you married her did you promise to love her and be with her no matter what? This is crap. You know that is not actually healthy or useful advice. She's clearly self destructive and manipulating him. She is not fulfilling her vows too. Also, the idea of death do we part marriage is really kinda toxic. You shouldn't make those kinds of promises because you don't really know what the future brings. You can do your best to support your partner, but at the end of the day there's a limit. Yes, you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally be there for them. However, addiction is a tricky subject. Yes it is a sickness, but it's not like other sicknesses. It's not like supporting your spouse through cancer or the like. They are destroying their own bodies and minds and need to take it upon themselves to get their lives back on track. TC: I think you know that it is time to go. You may be able to make it work in a few years, but right now it is not going to do either of you any favors to stay together. --- http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lugf8hRaTl1qfsjnx.gif http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l59lehewLa1qavchl.gif <cite>YUNASBFGIR posted [p:897780073] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) </quote> What about your vows? Did you promise to love her and keep her only if she don't have too many big problems? Are you a fair-weather husband? When the going gets tough, you get going? You gonna leave her when she needs you the most? Or when you married her did you promise to love her and be with her no matter what?</quote> This is crap. You know that is not actually healthy or useful advice. She's clearly self destructive and manipulating him. She is not fulfilling her vows too. Also, the idea of death do we part marriage is really kinda toxic. You shouldn't make those kinds of promises because you don't really know what the future brings. You can do your best to support your partner, but at the end of the day there's a limit. Yes, you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally be there for them. However, addiction is a tricky subject. Yes it is a sickness, but it's not like other sicknesses. It's not like supporting your spouse through cancer or the like. They are destroying their own bodies and minds and need to take it upon themselves to get their lives back on track. TC: I think you know that it is time to go. You may be able to make it work in a few years, but right now it is not going to do either of you any favors to stay together.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
cjsdowg 03/14/18 10:13:50 AM #22:	No one should be abused. Leave her as soon as you can. And don't ever look back. --- Bender: Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? <cite>cjsdowg posted [p:897780297] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>No one should be abused. Leave her as soon as you can. And don't ever look back.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
thanosibe 03/14/18 10:13:54 AM #23:	They are not the same thing, addiction and what I am about to say. But I feel like it might help. My wife is bi-polar and has anxiety issues with it. She didn't just get bi-polar 10 years ago. She just got diagnosed because she had a breakdown that was bad enough she committed herself. When she was able to observed, psychiatrists were able to diagnose rapid cycling bi-polar. So she's always had it. And she might always will unless some cure comes about. She is a part of many online communities for those with mental illnesses. She's told me many times that alcoholism is fairly common with many with mental illnesses because they self medicate and some never get diagnosed for a long time. I don't know your wife's history other than what you've shared so I do not know if that is a possibility. While my wife's behavior and it being hard on our marriage is from mental illness and not addiction, in many ways I imagine it is similar in it is hard to live with. My wife has never said that she would or wants to kill herself, but she could not care for herself or our children alone. I do 90% of what needs to be done, as it is. I enjoy times when we do get out, like this weekend when we went shopping. But as of the last few years she rarely goes out. Our love life is almost non-existent. I guess what I am rambling on about, is in the end, you have to decide how long you want to be with her/help her. I'm in it till the end with my wife, and I have told her that. Even if I stopped loving her I wouldn't leave her on her own because I know she can't survive. Again, though yours is different. My wife isn't abusive to me. Though some with bi-polar are. And with the link of alcoholism and bi-polar, I just wanted to share my experience as to try and help. Maybe there is something more to her drinking. And as a drinker myself, and possibly alcoholic, there is a many times a root or reason for the need for alcohol before it's becomes just an addiction. Hope that whatever happens between the two of you that all parties are okay and well. --- I think I need a drink. Almost everybody does only they don't know it. -- Charles Bukowski <cite>thanosibe posted [p:897780302] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>They are not the same thing, addiction and what I am about to say. But I feel like it might help. My wife is bi-polar and has anxiety issues with it. She didn't just get bi-polar 10 years ago. She just got diagnosed because she had a breakdown that was bad enough she committed herself. When she was able to observed, psychiatrists were able to diagnose rapid cycling bi-polar. So she's always had it. And she might always will unless some cure comes about. She is a part of many online communities for those with mental illnesses. She's told me many times that alcoholism is fairly common with many with mental illnesses because they self medicate and some never get diagnosed for a long time. I don't know your wife's history other than what you've shared so I do not know if that is a possibility. While my wife's behavior and it being hard on our marriage is from mental illness and not addiction, in many ways I imagine it is similar in it is hard to live with. My wife has never said that she would or wants to kill herself, but she could not care for herself or our children alone. I do 90% of what needs to be done, as it is. I enjoy times when we do get out, like this weekend when we went shopping. But as of the last few years she rarely goes out. Our love life is almost non-existent. I guess what I am rambling on about, is in the end, you have to decide how long you want to be with her/help her. I'm in it till the end with my wife, and I have told her that. Even if I stopped loving her I wouldn't leave her on her own because I know she can't survive. Again, though yours is different. My wife isn't abusive to me. Though some with bi-polar are. And with the link of alcoholism and bi-polar, I just wanted to share my experience as to try and help. Maybe there is something more to her drinking. And as a drinker myself, and possibly alcoholic, there is a many times a root or reason for the need for alcohol before it's becomes just an addiction. Hope that whatever happens between the two of you that all parties are okay and well.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:16:04 AM #24:	YUNASBFGIR posted... you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion... <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897780406] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>YUNASBFGIR posted...</cite> <quote>you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally </quote> You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion...</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 10:17:32 AM #25:	Darkman124 posted... maoriwarrior posted... God and I wish I could show yall pics of the texts too to give you guys an idea. i was in a relationship like that when i exited she called me and said she was going to do it i said "i don't believe you." and hung up. then blocked her number. i suggest you do the same Im not gonna lie Im scared to do that, but its going to have to happen. Cocytus posted... maoriwarrior posted... Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) What about your vows? Did you promise to love her and keep her only if she don't have too many big problems? Are you a fair-weather husband? When the going gets tough, you get going? You gonna leave her when she needs you the most? Or when you married her did you promise to love her and be with her no matter what? Nope. Actually never said til death do us part. I want to see how youd react being yelled at, belittled, physically attacked three times and more. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897780474] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Darkman124 posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote> God and I wish I could show yall pics of the texts too to give you guys an idea. </quote> i was in a relationship like that when i exited she called me and said she was going to do it i said "i don't believe you." and hung up. then blocked her number. i suggest you do the same</quote> Im not gonna lie Im scared to do that, but its going to have to happen. <cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>Ive left my wife of a year 3 times due to alcoholism, abuse, and lying. (Towards me) </quote> What about your vows? Did you promise to love her and keep her only if she don't have too many big problems? Are you a fair-weather husband? When the going gets tough, you get going? You gonna leave her when she needs you the most? Or when you married her did you promise to love her and be with her no matter what?</quote> Nope. Actually never said til death do us part. I want to see how youd react being yelled at, belittled, physically attacked three times and more.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Darkman124 03/14/18 10:20:15 AM #26:	maoriwarrior posted... Im not gonna lie Im scared to do that, but its going to have to happen. years later she tried to date a friend to get close to me again i was not amused but pleased to learn that she did not, in fact, put a gun in her mouth and fire, and then i'd hear about 'some girl at frostburg', like she claimed you too will discover that there are things she cares more about in life than hurting you like drugs --- And when the hourglass has run out, eternity asks you about only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not. <cite>Darkman124 posted [p:897780615] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote> Im not gonna lie Im scared to do that, but its going to have to happen. </quote> years later she tried to date a friend to get close to me again i was not amused but pleased to learn that she did not, in fact, put a gun in her mouth and fire, and then i'd hear about 'some girl at frostburg', like she claimed you too will discover that there are things she cares more about in life than hurting you like drugs</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:21:12 AM #27:	maoriwarrior posted... Nope. Actually never said til death do us part. I want to see how youd react being yelled at, belittled, physically attacked three times and more. If you're that upset and ready to divorce, why are you on CE asking us if you should pull the trigger? Go ahead, divorce your wife. It's what you want. Don't forget that, while you're looking out for yourself, that divorce costs about $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897780651] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>Nope. Actually never said til death do us part. I want to see how youd react being yelled at, belittled, physically attacked three times and more. </quote> If you're that upset and ready to divorce, why are you on CE asking us if you should pull the trigger? Go ahead, divorce your wife. It's what you want. Don't forget that, while you're looking out for yourself, that divorce costs about $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 10:21:56 AM #28:	Cocytus posted... YUNASBFGIR posted... you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion... I have helped. As much as I can. Countless times. If she wont go and get help I cant do shit about it. Other than involve law enforcement. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897780691] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>YUNASBFGIR posted...</cite> <quote>you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally </quote> You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion...</quote> I have helped. As much as I can. Countless times. If she wont go and get help I cant do shit about it. Other than involve law enforcement.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
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cjsdowg 03/14/18 10:24:04 AM #30:	Asherlee10 posted... Not to mention, there is way less of a risk of a woman committing suicide than a man. Women try more however men more successful at it. --- Bender: Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? <cite>cjsdowg posted [p:897780784] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Asherlee10 posted...</cite> <quote> Not to mention, there is way less of a risk of a woman committing suicide than a man.</quote> Women try more however men more successful at it.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:24:21 AM #31:	maoriwarrior posted... Cocytus posted... YUNASBFGIR posted... you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion... I have helped. As much as I can. Countless times. If she wont go and get help I cant do shit about it. Other than involve law enforcement. Brother if that's how you feel, then go on and get your CE approved divorce. Why you up in here asking about ethics when you've made up your mind already? Do whatever you have to to help your wife, or just let go. <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897780802] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>YUNASBFGIR posted...</cite> <quote>you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally </quote> You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion...</quote> I have helped. As much as I can. Countless times. If she wont go and get help I cant do shit about it. Other than involve law enforcement.</quote> Brother if that's how you feel, then go on and get your CE approved divorce. Why you up in here asking about ethics when you've made up your mind already? Do whatever you have to to help your wife, or just let go.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Romulox28 03/14/18 10:25:30 AM #32:	Cocytus posted... YUNASBFGIR posted... you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion... i agree with the general idea of what you are saying, but being abused on a daily basis and being subjected to alcoholism that the wife is unwilling to treat is above & beyond the marriage call of duty imo. if this was a woman saying her husband gets wasted and beats her up daily then it wouldnt even be a thought to gtfo, but when you reverse the sexes then for some reason ppl tend to think it becomes more of a grey area, when in reality it's more or less the same thing --- http://i.imgur.com/LhwwG.gif <cite>Romulox28 posted [p:897780860] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>YUNASBFGIR posted...</cite> <quote>you should try and help your partner through the day by day and generally </quote> You think that's what the vows said? I'll try to help you, generally speaking? What the hell is a marriage for? It's a bond through thick and thin. Addiction is a disease like any other. Besides that, it shouldn't matter what disease it is. What do the vows say, I'll love you in sickness and in health, except for disease A, disease B, disease C, but other than that we're fine? If you ain't willing to help when the going gets tough, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be married.But TC made a vow. You don't just give up on family. Someone gets sick and suddenly you want to leave. Pffft, yeah, that's devotion...</quote> i agree with the general idea of what you are saying, but being abused on a daily basis and being subjected to alcoholism that the wife is unwilling to treat is above & beyond the marriage call of duty imo. if this was a woman saying her husband gets wasted and beats her up daily then it wouldnt even be a thought to gtfo, but when you reverse the sexes then for some reason ppl tend to think it becomes more of a grey area, when in reality it's more or less the same thing</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 10:25:55 AM #33:	I left yesterday because she was lying and using money we dont have to buy booze. Among many of the things she said heres an idea: COME TO MY FACE LIKE A REAL FUCKING MAN AND PROVE IT Mind you. Ive been attacked before. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897780879] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>I left yesterday because she was lying and using money we dont have to buy booze. Among many of the things she said heres an idea: COME TO MY FACE LIKE A REAL FUCKING MAN AND PROVE IT Mind you. Ive been attacked before.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Master_Bass 03/14/18 10:30:22 AM #34:	Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you? --- Many Bothans died to bring you this post. <cite>Master_Bass posted [p:897781067] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:32:23 AM #35:	maoriwarrior posted... I left yesterday because she was lying and using money we dont have to buy booze. Among many of the things she said heres an idea: COME TO MY FACE LIKE A REAL FUCKING MAN AND PROVE IT Mind you. Ive been attacked before. Either way is hard. You could try and keep her away from the money, move it to a new account that she can't access, go to therapy and/or group with her. File domestic abuse charges against her. Put her through everything she has coming on that route. But try to imagine what it will feel like between you two if you make it to the other side together. Or divorce, pay a huge sum of money, and say goodbye. Remember too, that's not a guarantee your next gf/wife will be trouble-free. What you gonna do when your second wife has problems too much for you to handle? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897781163] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>I left yesterday because she was lying and using money we dont have to buy booze. Among many of the things she said heres an idea: COME TO MY FACE LIKE A REAL FUCKING MAN AND PROVE IT Mind you. Ive been attacked before.</quote> Either way is hard. You could try and keep her away from the money, move it to a new account that she can't access, go to therapy and/or group with her. File domestic abuse charges against her. Put her through everything she has coming on that route. But try to imagine what it will feel like between you two if you make it to the other side together. Or divorce, pay a huge sum of money, and say goodbye. Remember too, that's not a guarantee your next gf/wife will be trouble-free. What you gonna do when your second wife has problems too much for you to handle?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:33:27 AM #36:	Master_Bass posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you? Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897781227] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you?</quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
cjsdowg 03/14/18 10:41:09 AM #37:	Cocytus posted... Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? I think it is too late for a counselor, when abuse starts to happen I think that is when people should leave? --- Bender: Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? <cite>cjsdowg posted [p:897781582] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> I think it is too late for a counselor, when abuse starts to happen I think that is when people should leave?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:45:01 AM #38:	maoriwarrior posted... Did it for the third time yesterday and she ended up enticing me through sex. cjsdowg posted... Cocytus posted... Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? I think it is too late for a counselor, when abuse starts to happen I think that is when people should leave? Must not have been bad enough for him to fuck her though one last time. <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897781772] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>Did it for the third time yesterday and she ended up enticing me through sex. </quote> <cite>cjsdowg posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> I think it is too late for a counselor, when abuse starts to happen I think that is when people should leave?</quote> Must not have been bad enough for him to fuck her though one last time.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 10:48:11 AM #39:	Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you? Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897781933] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you?</quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:57:08 AM #40:	maoriwarrior posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you? Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that Well, like I said, if she's abusing you, why are you still humping her? 'Cause you love her so much? And now you're basing your decision, in part, on how much it costs to file for divorce vs how much it costs to get help? I don't know what y'all already have talked about or if you have insurance, but why not try to help properly through medical treatment? BTW, that might be how much it costs to file for divorce (fumy how you knew that number already) but that won't be your final costs, not by a blame sight. We're talking thousands my friend. But if you want to divorce her, then divorce her. It's what you want to do anyway. I just don't know why you come to CE with this problem as if you have a choice to make when you've already made up your mind. And why are you still fucking her when you know you fixin' to leave? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897782356] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you?</quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that</quote> Well, like I said, if she's abusing you, why are you still humping her? 'Cause you love her so much? And now you're basing your decision, in part, on how much it costs to file for divorce vs how much it costs to get help? I don't know what y'all already have talked about or if you have insurance, but why not try to help properly through medical treatment? BTW, that might be how much it costs to file for divorce (fumy how you knew that number already) but that won't be your final costs, not by a blame sight. We're talking thousands my friend. But if you want to divorce her, then divorce her. It's what you want to do anyway. I just don't know why you come to CE with this problem as if you have a choice to make when you've already made up your mind. And why are you still fucking her when you know you fixin' to leave?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Unsugarized_Foo 03/14/18 10:59:25 AM #41:	I just read the first post, but you either leave her for good to show her how serious this addiction is and go to an AA meeting. Dealing with someone with addiction alone just creates two victims --- "All I have is my balls and my word, and I don't break them for anyone!"-Tony Montana <cite>Unsugarized_Foo posted [p:897782478] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>I just read the first post, but you either leave her for good to show her how serious this addiction is and go to an AA meeting. Dealing with someone with addiction alone just creates two victims</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 10:59:29 AM #42:	What did you tell this woman when you married her anyway, at that very moment you were getting married? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897782484] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>What did you tell this woman when you married her anyway, at that very moment you were getting married?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 11:07:08 AM #43:	Cocytus posted... maoriwarrior posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you? Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that Well, like I said, if she's abusing you, why are you still humping her? 'Cause you love her so much? And now you're basing your decision, in part, on how much it costs to file for divorce vs how much it costs to get help? I don't know what y'all already have talked about or if you have insurance, but why not try to help properly through medical treatment? BTW, that might be how much it costs to file for divorce (fumy how you knew that number already) but that won't be your final costs, not by a blame sight. We're talking thousands my friend. But if you want to divorce her, then divorce her. It's what you want to do anyway. I just don't know why you come to CE with this problem as if you have a choice to make when you've already made up your mind. And why are you still fucking her when you know you fixin' to leave? I do want to do it. Absolutely. Unless this shit doesnt happen anymore then no I dont. You havent gone through something like this before but I can confidently say that when you love someone and you deal with crap like this you want any sort of love you can get. I was weak. Ill accept that. I came to CE to get more opinions. Im clearly not in a good state of mind. Idk. Guess a person could say Im lost. --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897782829] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you?</quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that</quote> Well, like I said, if she's abusing you, why are you still humping her? 'Cause you love her so much? And now you're basing your decision, in part, on how much it costs to file for divorce vs how much it costs to get help? I don't know what y'all already have talked about or if you have insurance, but why not try to help properly through medical treatment? BTW, that might be how much it costs to file for divorce (fumy how you knew that number already) but that won't be your final costs, not by a blame sight. We're talking thousands my friend. But if you want to divorce her, then divorce her. It's what you want to do anyway. I just don't know why you come to CE with this problem as if you have a choice to make when you've already made up your mind. And why are you still fucking her when you know you fixin' to leave?</quote> I do want to do it. Absolutely. Unless this shit doesnt happen anymore then no I dont. You havent gone through something like this before but I can confidently say that when you love someone and you deal with crap like this you want any sort of love you can get. I was weak. Ill accept that. I came to CE to get more opinions. Im clearly not in a good state of mind. Idk. Guess a person could say Im lost.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
emblem boy 03/14/18 11:09:33 AM #44:	thanosibe posted... They are not the same thing, addiction and what I am about to say. But I feel like it might help. My wife is bi-polar and has anxiety issues with it. She didn't just get bi-polar 10 years ago. She just got diagnosed because she had a breakdown that was bad enough she committed herself. When she was able to observed, psychiatrists were able to diagnose rapid cycling bi-polar. So she's always had it. And she might always will unless some cure comes about. She is a part of many online communities for those with mental illnesses. She's told me many times that alcoholism is fairly common with many with mental illnesses because they self medicate and some never get diagnosed for a long time. I don't know your wife's history other than what you've shared so I do not know if that is a possibility. While my wife's behavior and it being hard on our marriage is from mental illness and not addiction, in many ways I imagine it is similar in it is hard to live with. My wife has never said that she would or wants to kill herself, but she could not care for herself or our children alone. I do 90% of what needs to be done, as it is. I enjoy times when we do get out, like this weekend when we went shopping. But as of the last few years she rarely goes out. Our love life is almost non-existent. I guess what I am rambling on about, is in the end, you have to decide how long you want to be with her/help her. I'm in it till the end with my wife, and I have told her that. Even if I stopped loving her I wouldn't leave her on her own because I know she can't survive. Again, though yours is different. My wife isn't abusive to me. Though some with bi-polar are. And with the link of alcoholism and bi-polar, I just wanted to share my experience as to try and help. Maybe there is something more to her drinking. And as a drinker myself, and possibly alcoholic, there is a many times a root or reason for the need for alcohol before it's becomes just an addiction. Hope that whatever happens between the two of you that all parties are okay and well. Looking back, do you see things that would have been red flags? --- Posted with GameRaven 3.4 <cite>emblem boy posted [p:897782955] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>thanosibe posted...</cite> <quote>They are not the same thing, addiction and what I am about to say. But I feel like it might help. My wife is bi-polar and has anxiety issues with it. She didn't just get bi-polar 10 years ago. She just got diagnosed because she had a breakdown that was bad enough she committed herself. When she was able to observed, psychiatrists were able to diagnose rapid cycling bi-polar. So she's always had it. And she might always will unless some cure comes about. She is a part of many online communities for those with mental illnesses. She's told me many times that alcoholism is fairly common with many with mental illnesses because they self medicate and some never get diagnosed for a long time. I don't know your wife's history other than what you've shared so I do not know if that is a possibility. While my wife's behavior and it being hard on our marriage is from mental illness and not addiction, in many ways I imagine it is similar in it is hard to live with. My wife has never said that she would or wants to kill herself, but she could not care for herself or our children alone. I do 90% of what needs to be done, as it is. I enjoy times when we do get out, like this weekend when we went shopping. But as of the last few years she rarely goes out. Our love life is almost non-existent. I guess what I am rambling on about, is in the end, you have to decide how long you want to be with her/help her. I'm in it till the end with my wife, and I have told her that. Even if I stopped loving her I wouldn't leave her on her own because I know she can't survive. Again, though yours is different. My wife isn't abusive to me. Though some with bi-polar are. And with the link of alcoholism and bi-polar, I just wanted to share my experience as to try and help. Maybe there is something more to her drinking. And as a drinker myself, and possibly alcoholic, there is a many times a root or reason for the need for alcohol before it's becomes just an addiction. Hope that whatever happens between the two of you that all parties are okay and well.</quote> Looking back, do you see things that would have been red flags?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Darkman124 03/14/18 11:14:29 AM #45:	maoriwarrior posted... I came to CE to get more opinions. consider how the only pro-stay opinion was formed: guilting you that should be all the guidance you need --- And when the hourglass has run out, eternity asks you about only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not. <cite>Darkman124 posted [p:897783198] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>I came to CE to get more opinions.</quote> consider how the only pro-stay opinion was formed: guilting you that should be all the guidance you need</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 11:15:39 AM #46:	maoriwarrior posted... Cocytus posted... maoriwarrior posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Cocytus posted... Master_Bass posted... Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this. So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...? The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you? Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor? Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that Well, like I said, if she's abusing you, why are you still humping her? 'Cause you love her so much? And now you're basing your decision, in part, on how much it costs to file for divorce vs how much it costs to get help? I don't know what y'all already have talked about or if you have insurance, but why not try to help properly through medical treatment? BTW, that might be how much it costs to file for divorce (fumy how you knew that number already) but that won't be your final costs, not by a blame sight. We're talking thousands my friend. But if you want to divorce her, then divorce her. It's what you want to do anyway. I just don't know why you come to CE with this problem as if you have a choice to make when you've already made up your mind. And why are you still fucking her when you know you fixin' to leave? I do want to do it. Absolutely. Unless this shit doesnt happen anymore then no I dont. You havent gone through something like this before but I can confidently say that when you love someone and you deal with crap like this you want any sort of love you can get. I was weak. Ill accept that. I came to CE to get more opinions. Im clearly not in a good state of mind. Idk. Guess a person could say Im lost. I understand it's hard man. I hope the best for you and your woman. My opinion is that you work it out. I don't think this is unsolvable. If she had cheated you, I'd say divorce. But as it is, and since y'all are probably still relatively young, you should try and work it out man. She done some bad shit. You're not altogether blameless. If you can overcome this, you all will be stronger than ever for eternity. You face the hard stuff, and overcome it, you'll be in love forever. She needs you now, and your her husband. You're the one that has to shoulder a large amount of the burden as she is in distress. But just think about what it'll be like if you can help her get over this. Even if you have to drag her through it, make her do things she ain't gonna like. But this time next year, she may be well into recovery. She needs to go to AA (that's free). You need 100% control of the funds for now. You need to set goals for both of you together, then work to reach them goals. You can save your marriage. I want that for you both. <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897783268] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Cocytus posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Master_Bass posted...</cite> <quote>Threatening suicide is a common practice abusers use to keep you around. If you think she's really serious then get her committed and move on with your life. You don't deserve this.</quote> So he should only stay with her so long as things are going great...?</quote> The guy has tried to leave her 3 times because of her abuse. Why the hell would you stay with someone that actively lies and abuses you?</quote> Did he ever call the cops or not? What about a marriage counselor?</quote> Lol youll tell me to call the police? But not divorce? She would be locked up for domestic abuse. My way doesnt involve ruining her life. Filing for divorce costs 232$ in my state. Counselors are far more than that</quote> Well, like I said, if she's abusing you, why are you still humping her? 'Cause you love her so much? And now you're basing your decision, in part, on how much it costs to file for divorce vs how much it costs to get help? I don't know what y'all already have talked about or if you have insurance, but why not try to help properly through medical treatment? BTW, that might be how much it costs to file for divorce (fumy how you knew that number already) but that won't be your final costs, not by a blame sight. We're talking thousands my friend. But if you want to divorce her, then divorce her. It's what you want to do anyway. I just don't know why you come to CE with this problem as if you have a choice to make when you've already made up your mind. And why are you still fucking her when you know you fixin' to leave?</quote> I do want to do it. Absolutely. Unless this shit doesnt happen anymore then no I dont. You havent gone through something like this before but I can confidently say that when you love someone and you deal with crap like this you want any sort of love you can get. I was weak. Ill accept that. I came to CE to get more opinions. Im clearly not in a good state of mind. Idk. Guess a person could say Im lost.</quote> I understand it's hard man. I hope the best for you and your woman. My opinion is that you work it out. I don't think this is unsolvable. If she had cheated you, I'd say divorce. But as it is, and since y'all are probably still relatively young, you should try and work it out man. She done some bad shit. You're not altogether blameless. If you can overcome this, you all will be stronger than ever for eternity. You face the hard stuff, and overcome it, you'll be in love forever. She needs you now, and your her husband. You're the one that has to shoulder a large amount of the burden as she is in distress. But just think about what it'll be like if you can help her get over this. Even if you have to drag her through it, make her do things she ain't gonna like. But this time next year, she may be well into recovery. She needs to go to AA (that's free). You need 100% control of the funds for now. You need to set goals for both of you together, then work to reach them goals. You can save your marriage. I want that for you both.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
thanosibe 03/14/18 11:19:48 AM #47:	emblem boy posted... Looking back, do you see things that would have been red flags? Regarding my wife's bi-polar before she was diagnosed? --- I think I need a drink. Almost everybody does only they don't know it. -- Charles Bukowski <cite>thanosibe posted [p:897783493] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>emblem boy posted...</cite> <quote>Looking back, do you see things that would have been red flags?</quote>Regarding my wife's bi-polar before she was diagnosed?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
maoriwarrior 03/14/18 11:21:48 AM #48:	Darkman124 posted... maoriwarrior posted... I came to CE to get more opinions. consider how the only pro-stay opinion was formed: guilting you that should be all the guidance you need Agreed. The question that remains now, is do I stay on suicide watch? She already said shed leave the apartment. Do I go back to my parents house to get my shit and just tell her to bounce? --- PSN: NihilismKills "Don't follow me I'm lost" -U.G. Krishnamurti <cite>maoriwarrior posted [p:897783604] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>Darkman124 posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>I came to CE to get more opinions.</quote> consider how the only pro-stay opinion was formed: guilting you that should be all the guidance you need</quote> Agreed. The question that remains now, is do I stay on suicide watch? She already said shed leave the apartment. Do I go back to my parents house to get my shit and just tell her to bounce?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Darkman124 03/14/18 11:22:37 AM #49:	flip a coin. youve already made the only decision that matters right now. glad for you. --- And when the hourglass has run out, eternity asks you about only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not. <cite>Darkman124 posted [p:897783646] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote>flip a coin. youve already made the only decision that matters right now. glad for you.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cocytus 03/14/18 11:23:20 AM #50:	maoriwarrior posted... Darkman124 posted... maoriwarrior posted... I came to CE to get more opinions. consider how the only pro-stay opinion was formed: guilting you that should be all the guidance you need Agreed. The question that remains now, is do I stay on suicide watch? She already said shed leave the apartment. Do I go back to my parents house to get my shit and just tell her to bounce? Let me ask you this: what do YOU want to do right now? No judgement. What do you want to do? <cite>Cocytus posted [p:897783687] in Question r... [t:76414274]...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote><cite>Darkman124 posted...</cite> <quote><cite>maoriwarrior posted...</cite> <quote>I came to CE to get more opinions.</quote> consider how the only pro-stay opinion was formed: guilting you that should be all the guidance you need</quote> Agreed. The question that remains now, is do I stay on suicide watch? She already said shed leave the apartment. Do I go back to my parents house to get my shit and just tell her to bounce?</quote> Let me ask you this: what do YOU want to do right now? No judgement. What do you want to do?</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Current Events > Question regarding divorce and ethics. (+) Yeah! (+)

Current Events > Question regarding divorce and ethics.