Current Events > CE am I out of line here?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Today is my husband and Is holiday parties. We were supposed to go to both. Mine is a pretty big deal, people get super dressed up and its pretty big (over 1000 people).

On his way home, his coolant in the car blew up. Instead of just calling a tow company he now wants to bail on his party and have me go to mine by myself so he could fix it.

I had my hair and makeup done today, got a really cute dress and am essentially all done up. And he would rather bail on me than spend $100 on a tow company. We have plenty of money, this wouldnt put us out in the street or anything.

Is it normal for me to be upset by this? Hes acting like Im being a huge bitch for feeling like hes ditching me.

This sounds like one of those situations where you're both kinda in the right but no one is really wrong. I'd say he has a point unless he's not a normally frugal person then it's kinda suspect.
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you're both kind of wrong tbh but you're both kind of right too

hope that helps
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Vyrulisse posted...

This sounds like one of those situations where you're both kinda in the right but no one is really wrong. I'd say he has a point unless he's not a normally frugal person then it's kinda suspect.

Hes a complete cheapo, drives me crazy. But he also never goes with me anywhere, we never go on dates or anything. So he knows its important to me.

Also my party is almost an hour away. And I was planning on drinking and he wasnt. So if I drive I basically cant drink anything and I dont Uber alone. Soooo I guess Im staying home.

You have a right to be upset if he never does anything with you and he knows this is important to you. Sometimes he needs to suck it up and do what's necessary to make something happen for you.
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Does he work tomorrow? can't he get it fixed tomorrow?
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Cleo_II posted...

Hes a complete cheapo, drives me crazy. But he also never goes with me anywhere, we never go on dates or anything.

Sounds like you got what you choose to marry. Seems like a dick move to me to bail on what is apparently a rare night out.
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I'd say it's more understandable on your part but he isn't exactly wrong just cheap. The only way I'd say he's totally in the wrong is if he is just using that as an excuse to ditch the party

I would file for divorce.
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$100 so you can have a special night out. Sounds reasonable to me.
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Well were going I guess. But hes just bitching at me over everything.

This could be good. You could be that couple at the party that ruins everyones fun because you get a little too much to drink and throw a glass at your husbands head and call him cheap. To be fair though, I would be having a great time.
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Hes seriously giving me crap because we will be 20 minutes late because I wasnt ready on time. When I wasnt even sure if we were going anymore. No one goes to a holiday party at the exact time anyway.

His nerves may have been a bit frazzled by the sudden bad luck. Maybe he wanted to stay home and he just needed an excuse. Still, communication is important. If his feelings had changed he needed to say something.
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I don't like dis negative energy you two are throwing at each other :(
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At holiday parties if youre on time youll be the weird ones tbh. (But Im notorious about being late so maybe Ill be quiet).
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leverageblargh posted...

As long as the premise you've established here is true- i.e. there is a way to fix the situation that doesn't require him to ditch the parties, he knows it's very important to you and he had already agreed to compromise for once and go with you....yeah he's wrong.

From what you've already mentioned about this guy in the past, he's become lazy, angry and/or depressed. So this isn't really just about this very specific situation, there's a core problem at play here. Either way, the solution isn't on a wack-ass message board.

Jesus christ, you're adults. Hash it out, go to counseling or some shit and if you're really at the point where there's irreconcilable differences despite your best efforts to fix it, walk away while you still can with minimal fallout(no kids).

Yeah I plan on us going to counseling. And message board helps because he seriously makes me feel like Im the crazy one sometimes.

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial. Ok very antisocial lol. His mom even tells me all the time how she happy she is he found me because she always worried about him for that reason. Its not like he calls me name or treats me like shit 24/7. Hell often go out his way to do nice things for me.

ssj3vegeta posted...

I don't like dis negative energy you two are throwing at each other :(

Yeah theres a lot of that lately :(

Vyrulisse posted...

This sounds like one of those situations where you're both kinda in the right but no one is really wrong. I'd say he has a point unless he's not a normally frugal person then it's kinda suspect.

This but maybe you're both wrong.

Either way.
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This is one situation where you need to just tell him to man up. Also, I think it's safe to say he's not getting any tonight
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maybe he just didnt want to go in the first place

wait i dont understand, you guys were going to separate parties? or you both are going to 2 parties?
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Cleo_II posted...

leverageblargh posted...

As long as the premise you've established here is true- i.e. there is a way to fix the situation that doesn't require him to ditch the parties, he knows it's very important to you and he had already agreed to compromise for once and go with you....yeah he's wrong.

From what you've already mentioned about this guy in the past, he's become lazy, angry and/or depressed. So this isn't really just about this very specific situation, there's a core problem at play here. Either way, the solution isn't on a wack-ass message board.

Jesus christ, you're adults. Hash it out, go to counseling or some shit and if you're really at the point where there's irreconcilable differences despite your best efforts to fix it, walk away while you still can with minimal fallout(no kids).

Yeah I plan on us going to counseling. And message board helps because he seriously makes me feel like Im the crazy one sometimes.

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial. Ok very antisocial lol. His mom even tells me all the time how she happy she is he found me because she always worried about him for that reason. Its not like he calls me name or treats me like shit 24/7. Hell often go out his way to do nice things for me.

I feel your pain a bit. I am a very social person and my wife is the complete opposite.
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Cleo_II posted...

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial.

If you want a guy who is very social/life of the party and is the opposite of a homebody its probably gonna be a gay guy or a complete bro douche who will treat you like shit lol. Sweet/personable masculine guy that is also pretty social? Yeah they exist but grass isnt always greener. Guys are just usually less social than women.
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Aeriis posted...

Cleo_II posted...

Its not like he calls me name or treats me like s*** 24/7. Hell often go out his way to do nice things for me.

There are men out there who will never call you names and never treat you like s***...

I guess what I mean is, every marriage is hard. You have highs and lows. Weve been in a low lately. Im not necessarily ready to give up before going to counseling, etc. Weve had a low before and pulled through. Shit happens in a marriage. But what I meant is, hes not abusive.

DocileOrangeCup posted...

maybe he just didnt want to go in the first place

wait i dont understand, you guys were going to separate parties? or you both are going to 2 parties?

Im sure he doesnt. He hates going anywhere. Ive accepted that of him. But on certain occasions, like this one, hell make an effort. And we are going to his first and then mine. Mines later in the evening.

I've never gone to a company christmas party, mostly because I'm a rampant binge drinker and still want to have a job on the 26th.

masticatingman posted...

Cleo_II posted...

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial.

If you want a guy who is very social/life of the party and is the opposite of a homebody its probably gonna be a gay guy or a complete bro douche who will treat you like shit lol. Sweet/personable masculine guy that is also pretty social? Yeah they exist but grass isnt always greener.

Yeah thats exactly how my ex was. My husband is the quiet type but prefers to express love through actions. Fixing my car, driving me when Im sick, doing stuff for my family, etc. Hes not big on words, etc. Thats why I accept that hes antisocial but he also has to acknowledge that sometimes he needs to suck it up and take me out here and there lol.

masticatingman posted...

Cleo_II posted...

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial.

If you want a guy who is very social/life of the party and is the opposite of a homebody its probably gonna be a gay guy or a complete bro douche who will treat you like shit lol. Sweet/personable masculine guy that is also pretty social? Yeah they exist but grass isnt always greener. Guys are just usually less social than women.

Im very social and I'm not gay or a bro douche... not that I know of at least
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Zodd3224 posted...

Cleo_II posted...

leverageblargh posted...

As long as the premise you've established here is true- i.e. there is a way to fix the situation that doesn't require him to ditch the parties, he knows it's very important to you and he had already agreed to compromise for once and go with you....yeah he's wrong.

From what you've already mentioned about this guy in the past, he's become lazy, angry and/or depressed. So this isn't really just about this very specific situation, there's a core problem at play here. Either way, the solution isn't on a wack-ass message board.

Jesus christ, you're adults. Hash it out, go to counseling or some shit and if you're really at the point where there's irreconcilable differences despite your best efforts to fix it, walk away while you still can with minimal fallout(no kids).

Yeah I plan on us going to counseling. And message board helps because he seriously makes me feel like Im the crazy one sometimes.

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial. Ok very antisocial lol. His mom even tells me all the time how she happy she is he found me because she always worried about him for that reason. Its not like he calls me name or treats me like shit 24/7. Hell often go out his way to do nice things for me.

I feel your pain a bit. I am a very social person and my wife is the complete opposite.

How do you deal??

What makes it hard for me is that I moved to be with him and left my friends and family behind.

So its true that opposites attract huh
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Zodd3224 posted...

masticatingman posted...

Cleo_II posted...

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial.

If you want a guy who is very social/life of the party and is the opposite of a homebody its probably gonna be a gay guy or a complete bro douche who will treat you like shit lol. Sweet/personable masculine guy that is also pretty social? Yeah they exist but grass isnt always greener. Guys are just usually less social than women.

Im very social and I'm not gay or a bro douche... not that I know of at least

I said probably, no worries. Although...youre just giving me your opinion on yourself.
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Cleo_II posted...

Zodd3224 posted...

Cleo_II posted...

leverageblargh posted...

As long as the premise you've established here is true- i.e. there is a way to fix the situation that doesn't require him to ditch the parties, he knows it's very important to you and he had already agreed to compromise for once and go with you....yeah he's wrong.

From what you've already mentioned about this guy in the past, he's become lazy, angry and/or depressed. So this isn't really just about this very specific situation, there's a core problem at play here. Either way, the solution isn't on a wack-ass message board.

Jesus christ, you're adults. Hash it out, go to counseling or some shit and if you're really at the point where there's irreconcilable differences despite your best efforts to fix it, walk away while you still can with minimal fallout(no kids).

Yeah I plan on us going to counseling. And message board helps because he seriously makes me feel like Im the crazy one sometimes.

I know Ive posted some negative things but its not like its all bad all the time. Hes just a homebody and a bit antisocial. Ok very antisocial lol. His mom even tells me all the time how she happy she is he found me because she always worried about him for that reason. Its not like he calls me name or treats me like shit 24/7. Hell often go out his way to do nice things for me.

I feel your pain a bit. I am a very social person and my wife is the complete opposite.

How do you deal??

What makes it hard for me is that I moved to be with him and left my friends and family behind.

Well... my closest friend lives 5 mins from me, and my other closest friend is buying a house 5 mins away as well. So, when I do feel the need to go out, I go out with them. She has 0 interest in going out at night. We do everything else together basically, but when I need a night out its with the guys and not her.

That said, she will suck it up and go for special occasions. Like tomorrow night we are going out for a surprise 30th bday for my close friend and she is coming. But she will try to leave as early as possible, lol.
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Yeah, neither of you are right and wrong, just a disagreement with valid arguments on both sides, it's normal in relationships. I would say you found yourself a good guy compared to most other dudes out there.
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Have you told him this TC?
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It's just a party. There will be more in the future

That car has to be functional in the near future. Priorities are a thing and yes back to back shit happening sucks but you get what you get in life.
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Life Sympathy posted...

It's just a party. There will be more in the future

That car has to be functional in the near future. Priorities are a thing and yes back to back shit happening sucks but you get what you get in life.

It's not really about a party. It's something important to her and it's actually doing something together, which seems to be a rarity.
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Vyrulisse posted...

Life Sympathy posted...

It's just a party. There will be more in the future

That car has to be functional in the near future. Priorities are a thing and yes back to back shit happening sucks but you get what you get in life.

It's not really about a party. It's something important to her and it's actually doing something together, which seems to be a rarity.

She knew what she signed up for
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What jobs do you guys have if you don't mind me asking
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MelzezDoor posted...

What jobs do you guys have if you don't mind me asking

Web developer.
I've built shittons of websites for clients.

pics of husband
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Questionmarktarius posted...

Web developer.
I've built shittons of websites for clients.

Neat. Do you like it? Is it hard?

And I still want to know TC's & husband's lol
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leverageblargh posted...

As long as the premise you've established here is true- i.e. there is a way to fix the situation that doesn't require him to ditch the parties, he knows it's very important to you and he had already agreed to compromise for once and go with you....yeah he's wrong.

From what you've already mentioned about this guy in the past, he's become lazy, angry and/or depressed. So this isn't really just about this very specific situation, there's a core problem at play here. Either way, the solution isn't on a wack-ass message board.

Jesus christ, you're adults. Hash it out, go to counseling or some shit and if you're really at the point where there's irreconcilable differences despite your best efforts to fix it, walk away while you still can with minimal fallout(no kids).

wow lev
seeing you post like this makes me feel weird
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I wouldn't want to go to a party with 1000 people either, just saying.

Putting on a mask is no fun.
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Vyrulisse posted...

Life Sympathy posted...

It's just a party. There will be more in the future

That car has to be functional in the near future. Priorities are a thing and yes back to back shit happening sucks but you get what you get in life.

It's not really about a party. It's something important to her and it's actually doing something together, which seems to be a rarity.

Yes exactly! Worked out though, hes feeling better and being himself again. We just left his party and are going to mine now.

MelzezDoor posted...

What jobs do you guys have if you don't mind me asking

Im in sales. Hes in IT.

I'm glad your night wasn't ruined and you managed to salvage it. Have fun out there.
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Vyrulisse posted...

I'm glad your night wasn't ruined and you managed to salvage it. Have fun out there.

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