Current Events > Feeling really ow right now.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Not suicidal.

I feel indifferent to everything.

I'm lonely (both platonic and romantically).
Don't feel like drinking.
Don't feel like watching porn it doesn't do anything for me.
Haven't drawn in a long ass time.
Don't have any games or TV as a distraction
Just been listening to a lot of music.

Really stressed, and I feel like staying in bed today. Haven't felt this way in a long ass time probably since I was hospitalized in July..I'll schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist he'll be in on Tuesday. I have seasonal depression around the holidays.
---

Sorry to hear that fam
---

I always wondered if Id get Holiday depression if I wasn't raised in a loosely Jehovah Witness family.

Im 28, single, childless and all my siblings have kids and 2/3 have significant others. But since I never did Holidays they barely register to me. I use to celebrate my birthday but that was basically just not having to buy any of my own alcohol that weekend. Now that I barely drink I don't really even care for people acknowledging my birthday tbh. I want attention when I earned it. Not just cause I slipped out a vagina on that day years ago. If anything my mom should get the attention for giving birth
---

Kaname_Madoka posted...

Sorry to hear that fam

It's cool.

fenderbender321 posted...

Hit the gym. Always helps me when I'm feeling down...

I went on a long ass walk, but I kinda spoiled it because I got something to eat inbetween walking back <_<.

I feel a bit better.

Zurkon posted...

Sorry man :/

It's fine.Lost_All_Senses posted...

I always wondered if Id get Holiday depression if I wasn't raised in a loosely Jehovah Witness family.

Im 28, single, childless and all my siblings have kids and 2/3 have significant others. But since I never did Holidays they barely register to me. I use to celebrate my birthday but that was basically just not having to buy any of my own alcohol that weekend. Now that I barely drink I don't really even care for people acknowledging my birthday tbh. I want attention when I earned it. Not just cause I slipped out a vagina on that day years ago. If anything my mom should get the attention for giving birth

I know exactly why for my case.

It just hasn't been as special since my Mom died. I hate getting together with family and being reminded that she's not there. It's hard, so I always have to put on my happy face when getting together when I'm dying inside.
---

get laid, tc
---

ManLink4321 posted...

get laid, tc

That's been bugging me too.

I'm trying damn it!
---

nayr626 posted...

Kaname_Madoka posted...

Sorry to hear that fam

It's cool.

fenderbender321 posted...

Hit the gym. Always helps me when I'm feeling down...

I went on a long ass walk, but I kinda spoiled it because I got something to eat inbetween walking back <_<.

I feel a bit better.

Zurkon posted...

Sorry man :/

It's fine.Lost_All_Senses posted...

I always wondered if Id get Holiday depression if I wasn't raised in a loosely Jehovah Witness family.

Im 28, single, childless and all my siblings have kids and 2/3 have significant others. But since I never did Holidays they barely register to me. I use to celebrate my birthday but that was basically just not having to buy any of my own alcohol that weekend. Now that I barely drink I don't really even care for people acknowledging my birthday tbh. I want attention when I earned it. Not just cause I slipped out a vagina on that day years ago. If anything my mom should get the attention for giving birth

I know exactly why for my case.

It just hasn't been as special since my Mom died. I hate getting together with family and being reminded that she's not there. It's hard, so I always have to put on my happy face when getting together when I'm dying inside.

Damn man. Im sorry. The thought of not having my mom is enough to make me wanna cry.

There is a line on a rap song I been listening to a lot lately. His verse is about his Grandma that passed. It goes

"I walked in your daughter's house, knowing that you gone
But still looking out the corner of my eye, hoping you're on the couch"

It always gets to me. Its really hard to accept when a loved one is actually no longer with us.
---

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Damn man. Im sorry. The thought of not having my mom is enough to make me wanna cry.

There is a line on a rap song I been listening to a lot lately. His verse is about his Grandma that passed. It goes

"I walked in your daughter's house, knowing that you gone
But still looking out the corner of my eye, hoping you're on the couch"

It always gets to me. Its really hard to accept when a loved one is actually no longer with us.

For sure. It's been 10 years now, but it still bugs me every year.

My Mom was white and my Dad is Asian. Dad was the Authority figure (since she died me and my Dad have gotten a lot closer for what it's worth), so my Mom was the one I always came to with my problems. Never degraded any of our hopes and aspirations even if they were unrealistic. If I was into something she'd go out of her way to get classes or find a program for me, even if money was tight. That goes for my brother and sister as well

I had a great Mom.
---

nayr626 posted...

For sure. It's been 10 years now, but it still bugs me every year.

My Mom was white and my Dad is Asian. Dad was the Authority figure (since she died me and my Dad have gotten a lot closer for what it's worth), so my Mom was the one I always came to with my problems. Never degraded any of our hopes and aspirations even if they were unrealistic. If I was into something she'd go out of her way to get classes or find a program for me, even if money was tight. That goes for my brother and sister as well

I had a great Mom.

Your family sounds similar to mine. I think you and your dad getting closer is worth more than you can imagine. You both would definitely feel way worse if you drifted apart after. My dad lives in the same town but we never see each other. I think we both lack the courage and know how to approach the relationship. I don't feel depressed about it though. I kind of just accepted that we might just never have a relationship. Maybe one day Ill find the courage to try and connect.
---

nayr626 posted...

I'll schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist he'll be in on Tuesday.

Good. Hope you get through it, TC.
---

Don't feel like watching porn it doesn't do anything for me.

omg dude I am so sorry
---

hopefully there is a cure out there for u
---

Lost_All_Senses posted...

nayr626 posted...

For sure. It's been 10 years now, but it still bugs me every year.

My Mom was white and my Dad is Asian. Dad was the Authority figure (since she died me and my Dad have gotten a lot closer for what it's worth), so my Mom was the one I always came to with my problems. Never degraded any of our hopes and aspirations even if they were unrealistic. If I was into something she'd go out of her way to get classes or find a program for me, even if money was tight. That goes for my brother and sister as well

I had a great Mom.

Your family sounds similar to mine. I think you and your dad getting closer is worth more than you can imagine. You both would definitely feel way worse if you drifted apart after. My dad lives in the same town but we never see each other. I think we both lack the courage and know how to approach the relationship. I don't feel depressed about it though. I kind of just accepted that we might just never have a relationship. Maybe one day Ill find the courage to try and connect.

All my immediate family has become tight knit. My sister and brother were never really antagonistic, but we were never that close either.

I'd try sending him a message. I'd feel bad if I wasn't able to reconcile with someone.
---

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

Cardboard-Box posted...

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

I actually think I have less heavily depressed moments now and am starting to just not care. Which helps with social anxiety. I wouldn't say Im happy most the time but Im more content. I never stopped laughing cause I always put pride into trying to lighten up everyones mood but Its becoming easier to not have to phone it in at times and have more real laughs. Fake it til you make it was always my thing for happiness. If you give in you just become a stress for others to be around and they might not be stable enough to carry your extra negativity. I openly tell people that their negativity isn't something I can allow into my life.

Like Kanye said

"And please don't bother me with that bill shit...cause everybody got em that ain't children"

Everyone gets stress as an adult and piling on other peoples is a burden we shouldn't have to bare. Unless they are a significant other of course cause you sign up for it there
---

Cardboard-Box posted...

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

Usually how it goes for me as well.

Hype these insignificant things in my head (especially with girls, always feel like I've made a mistake and it's really hard finding someone I can be comfortable with). Eventually everything turns out fine for the most part and all my worrying and fretting was for not.

Need to remind myself that.
---

I thought this topic was about Overwatch
---

nayr626 posted...

Cardboard-Box posted...

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

Usually how it goes for me as well.

Hype these insignificant things in my head (especially with girls, always feel like I've made a mistake and it's really hard finding someone I can be comfortable with). Eventually everything turns out fine for the most part and all my worrying and fretting was for not.

Need to remind myself that.

Man. I just talked to this chick last weekend that use to crush on me but I didn't act on it cause I felt we were in different worlds. She turned out to be deeper than I initially thought. I been running the parts of our convo in my head I remember when I lay down at night and can't sleep. When I left it I left super confident (Id also been drinking tho) but over time I kept twisting my thoughts to make it less flattering. Now I have no idea how I came off. She came up to me and said "Why do you seem so sad?". Which after telling her how weird that was to just come up and ask someone we had a psychological back and fourth that ended in me getting last word. I flirtingly said "You're not use to losing huh?" And then I backtracked and said "While I thought I hid it better" and that's where I think the convo ended and we didn't reconnect through the crowd anymore that night.
---

armandro posted...

I thought this topic was about Overwatch

Lol. Now its a topic I slowly feel like Im trying to make about me >_>. I didn't intend to but TC is hitting some sweetspots in my thought process
---

Lost_All_Senses posted...

nayr626 posted...

Cardboard-Box posted...

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

Usually how it goes for me as well.

Hype these insignificant things in my head (especially with girls, always feel like I've made a mistake and it's really hard finding someone I can be comfortable with). Eventually everything turns out fine for the most part and all my worrying and fretting was for not.

Need to remind myself that.

Man. I just talked to this chick last weekend that use to crush on me but I didn't act on it cause I felt we were in different worlds. She turned out to be deeper than I initially thought. I been running the parts of our convo in my head I remember when I lay down at night and can't sleep. When I left it I left super confident (Id also been drinking tho) but over time I kept twisting my thoughts to make it less flattering. Now I have no idea how I came off. She came up to me and said "Why do you seem so sad?". Which after telling her how weird that was to just come up and ask someone we had a psychological back and fourth that ended in me getting last word. I flirtingly said "You're not use to losing huh?" And then I backtracked and said "While I thought I hid it better" and that's where I think the convo ended and we didn't reconnect through the crowd anymore that night.

I've been texting to friends at the same time.

The one that asked for my number is really cold and only texts like 2 words thought she was interested. The other one is really cool..and actually really smart, but that's because I've only talked to her when partying so I assumed she was dumb <_<. Actually she added me in her phone when she was drunk lol, but we've been talking a lot.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

armandro posted...

I thought this topic was about Overwatch

Lol. Now its a topic I slowly feel like Im trying to make about me >_>. I didn't intend to but TC is hitting some sweetspots in my thought process

It's cool everyone needs to vent.
---

nayr626 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

nayr626 posted...

Cardboard-Box posted...

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

Usually how it goes for me as well.

Hype these insignificant things in my head (especially with girls, always feel like I've made a mistake and it's really hard finding someone I can be comfortable with). Eventually everything turns out fine for the most part and all my worrying and fretting was for not.

Need to remind myself that.

Man. I just talked to this chick last weekend that use to crush on me but I didn't act on it cause I felt we were in different worlds. She turned out to be deeper than I initially thought. I been running the parts of our convo in my head I remember when I lay down at night and can't sleep. When I left it I left super confident (Id also been drinking tho) but over time I kept twisting my thoughts to make it less flattering. Now I have no idea how I came off. She came up to me and said "Why do you seem so sad?". Which after telling her how weird that was to just come up and ask someone we had a psychological back and fourth that ended in me getting last word. I flirtingly said "You're not use to losing huh?" And then I backtracked and said "While I thought I hid it better" and that's where I think the convo ended and we didn't reconnect through the crowd anymore that night.

I've been texting to friends at the same time.

The one that asked for my number is really cold and only texts like 2 words thought she was interested. The other one is really cool..and actually really smart, but that's because I've only talked to her when partying so I assumed she was dumb <_<. Actually she added me in her phone when she was drunk lol, but we've been talking a lot.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

armandro posted...

I thought this topic was about Overwatch

Lol. Now its a topic I slowly feel like Im trying to make about me >_>. I didn't intend to but TC is hitting some sweetspots in my thought process

It's cool everyone needs to vent.

The girl I mentioned was a stripper (dunno if she still is) so I kind of let that influence my thoughts more than I should. No matter how hard we try not to be we will still have those shallow moments :p. You're in a much better place than me here tho. I wish I had a chick I was into texting me at all. At this point Ill take a friendship role just to have something to shoot for. Im good at rejection and don't let my hopes influence the reality too much. I don't feel like a girl is doing anything wrong by not wanting to be in a relationship with me. I been on both sides. Honestly if I got a girl to friendzone me now Id just use my position to see if she had any down to earth friends
---

Lost_All_Senses posted...

nayr626 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

nayr626 posted...

Cardboard-Box posted...

I feel this way too, right now. I know the feeling will pass. Just counting the hours and then there will come a moment when I wouldn't give a fuck and I would be happy. :)

Usually how it goes for me as well.

Hype these insignificant things in my head (especially with girls, always feel like I've made a mistake and it's really hard finding someone I can be comfortable with). Eventually everything turns out fine for the most part and all my worrying and fretting was for not.

Need to remind myself that.

Man. I just talked to this chick last weekend that use to crush on me but I didn't act on it cause I felt we were in different worlds. She turned out to be deeper than I initially thought. I been running the parts of our convo in my head I remember when I lay down at night and can't sleep. When I left it I left super confident (Id also been drinking tho) but over time I kept twisting my thoughts to make it less flattering. Now I have no idea how I came off. She came up to me and said "Why do you seem so sad?". Which after telling her how weird that was to just come up and ask someone we had a psychological back and fourth that ended in me getting last word. I flirtingly said "You're not use to losing huh?" And then I backtracked and said "While I thought I hid it better" and that's where I think the convo ended and we didn't reconnect through the crowd anymore that night.

I've been texting to friends at the same time.

The one that asked for my number is really cold and only texts like 2 words thought she was interested. The other one is really cool..and actually really smart, but that's because I've only talked to her when partying so I assumed she was dumb <_<. Actually she added me in her phone when she was drunk lol, but we've been talking a lot.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

armandro posted...

I thought this topic was about Overwatch

Lol. Now its a topic I slowly feel like Im trying to make about me >_>. I didn't intend to but TC is hitting some sweetspots in my thought process

It's cool everyone needs to vent.

The girl I mentioned was a stripper (dunno if she still is) so I kind of let that influence my thoughts more than I should. No matter how hard we try not to be we will still have those shallow moments :p. You're in a much better place than me here tho. I wish I had a chick I was into texting me at all. At this point Ill take a friendship role just to have something to shoot for. Im good at rejection and don't let my hopes influence the reality too much. I don't feel like a girl is doing anything wrong by not wanting to be in a relationship with me. I been on both sides. Honestly if I got a girl to friendzone me now Id just use my position to see if she had any down to earth friends

It's okay. I haven't really hung out with her outside of a party setting and I'm usually sober.

Went out to lunch twice or so with this other chick, but she has a boyfriend and she said they were kinda rocky at the moment. Think she was looking for options, but we're cool and still talk.
---

I got another lyric for you :p. This one is R&B.

"Now, I don't wanna break up a happy home.
But since she's not happy I don't feel wrong"

If you make 1 person angry while making 2 people happy...Id say the math checks out. Its not your fault he's unable to appreciate what he has. Maybe he'll even learn a little by losing something he takes for granted
---

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I got another lyric for you :p. This one is R&B.

"Now, I don't wanna break up a happy home.
But since she's not happy I don't feel wrong"

If you make 1 person angry while making 2 people happy...Id say the math checks out. Its not your fault he's unable to appreciate what he has. Maybe he'll even learn a little by losing something he takes for granted

Nah I'm not a dick.

If I was in that situation I would be devastated if someone cheated on me.
---

nayr626 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I got another lyric for you :p. This one is R&B.

"Now, I don't wanna break up a happy home.
But since she's not happy I don't feel wrong"

If you make 1 person angry while making 2 people happy...Id say the math checks out. Its not your fault he's unable to appreciate what he has. Maybe he'll even learn a little by losing something he takes for granted

Nah I'm not a dick.

If I was in that situation I would be devastated if someone cheated on me.

Eh. At 28 I don't care if people think Im a scumbag for it. I wouldn't make the 1st move but Id definitely let it happen. Id make sure it wasn't just about sex though. I wouldn't want to cause that much damage over sex. But if I really liked the girl Im at the point not much is getting in my way if I feel its mutual.
---