Current Events > Girlfriend wants to get married, but doesn't want the following:

(+) Yeah! (+)

Patty_Fleur posted...

I don't understand being married and not combining finances.

Well, it's always advised to have some level of separation.

This way neither one of you can completely ruin your finances in a series of rash decisions during some kind of mid life crisis.
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Patty_Fleur posted...

I don't understand being married and not combining finances.

We tried both combining finances and not doing so. Combining finances caused more problems because anytime someone wanted to buy something the other considered a waste of money, it was a headache.
In the end we decided on this:

Join account, we each transfer 50% of every bill we have into this account every month.
Personal Accounts, any remaining money is our own to spend whenever we choose.

We also split nights we go out down the middle unless one is treating the other.
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Just to clarify:

•Changing last names
-She wants to keep her last name, but would maybe be open to combine with mine via hyphen.
-If kids happen, they would also get the hyphen treatment.

•Having children
-She understands that I want them and feels bad.
-Would be open to maybe one. She hates the idea of pregnancy and labor and watching kids.

•Combining finances
-Split bills 50/50, but keep separate bank accounts.
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3khc posted...

-She understands that I want them and feels bad.
-Would be open to maybe one. She hates the idea of pregnancy and labor and watching kids.

There seems to be an easy way around this - adopt and do most of the watching of the kid

Darklit_Minuet posted...

3khc posted...

-She understands that I want them and feels bad.
-Would be open to maybe one. She hates the idea of pregnancy and labor and watching kids.

There seems to be an easy way around this - adopt and do most of the watching of the kid

Since I was young, I dreamed of becoming a father. Wanted to watch my own kids to grow up.

I like adoption, but it's not the same.
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Why is it not the same? If you adopt a young kid you can still watch it grow up

I want to see what my offspring look like.
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3khc posted...

I want to see what my offspring look like.

That's pretty selfish.

Children are a deal-breaker. You can't compromise and have half a kid.

Your wife sounds like me except I preferably don't want marriage. Maybe she's my match and not yours? If she's a blue eyed redhead and not American than I'm certain she's meant for me.
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I'm changing my last name because I think it's very disrespectful to say I want to be part of your family but then not take your family name

I want children someday just not soon

Idk much about my own finances but if me and my bf each had our own job and money at least we can't judge how someone is
Spending and we just split house bills 50/50 but it seems lonely. Idk
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That's three deal breakers. Two of them immense red flags too.

No, don't get married.
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Don't compromise on the kids if you really want them. That'll be a lifelong regret.
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pauIie posted...

Don't compromise on the kids if you really want them. That'll be a lifelong regret.

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That's pretty selfish.

It's perfectly natural and reasonable to want your own child.
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IMO, the REAL dealbreaker is getting married. :p
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If she doesn't want to combine finances, make sure to get a prenuptial
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Darklit_Minuet posted...

Master_Bass posted...

I can see how having no kids can be a dealbreaker, though. It's ok if she doesn't want kids, but your relationship won't work in the end if you do absolutely want them.

Lmfao why would you though?

Lol, kids are awesome. Every species on the planet is designed to survive and procreate. What kind of edgy point are you trying to push?
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Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Darklit_Minuet posted...

Master_Bass posted...

I can see how having no kids can be a dealbreaker, though. It's ok if she doesn't want kids, but your relationship won't work in the end if you do absolutely want them.

Lmfao why would you though?

Lol, kids are awesome. Every species on the planet is designed to survive and procreate. What kind of edgy point are you trying to push?

You think kids are awesome. I think they're awful monsters. Everyone has different opinions, and that's fine.

Also, lol @ "designed." Pandas easily refute that.

Not seeing much reason to marry there unless you need to be on the other's health plan. Also not taking your last name is a giant "fuck you" unless she's a celeb or something like a doctor.

Patty_Fleur posted...

I don't understand being married and not combining finances.

This, tbh. It's also impractical given how many joint possessions a married couple will wind up having.
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3khc posted...

•Changing last names (hyphenating at most)
•Having children
•Combining finances

Nope
Nope
Sure

She gone
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Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Every species on the planet is designed to survive and procreate.

The one defining characteristic from humans is defying their animal impulses...
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OrtegaTron posted...

Whatever floats her boat

I personally agree, but if you want kids, this is a problem

Prenup

This

Emphasis on the kids part

There was a guy here who wanted kids and his girl didn't. Can someone @ him?
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sounds like a keeper
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SageHarpuia posted...

That's pretty selfish.

It's perfectly natural and reasonable to want your own child.

Undeniably selfish though.

The last one makes no sense if you're getting married. Like, at all.

If you want kids and she doesn't, that's also not going to work out.

The name thing is pretty much irrelevant so whatever.
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Why would you get married and not combine finances, exactly?
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Perascamin posted...

Why would you get married and not combine finances, exactly?

If two people live together their finances are combined already since they're going to have to split them. It makes no sense to not have control over what you personally bring. Marriage doesn't change that, especially because divorce is a thing. If anything, marriage is pointless as a means of love with divorce. Marriage is just pointlessly symbology if not used as a business transaction since it's historically supposed to be done to benefit people.
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