Current Events > How do you feel about your BF/GF being friends with people theyve had sex with?

(+) Yeah! (+)

LittleRoyal posted...

Stolten he'd be dumb to think that was what I wanted since I explicitly stated it isn't and if I wanted to go around and just have random sex maybe he'd have thought about why I'd be going out with him instead of more attractive guys. It didn't feel good, it was scary, and I told everyone about it except officials because I'm too dumb/nice to try to get someone expelled

On the flipside some girls do what you did and expect to be pursued harder, so no it's not really dumb of him, just an incorrect guess.
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LittleRoyal posted...

Cleo_II posted...

It wouldn't be an issue for me, I wouldn't date them to begin with.

Well you may not know their relationship history before dating!

True but my point was it would be a deal breaker for me.

I don't have any issues at all with past sex history but I'm very wary of anyone who is still hanging on to their ex for whatever reason.

Monday posted...

Every time I've had a gf who had a male friend she fucked in the past, she ended up fucking them during the relationship. Anecdotal, but it's enough for me to blacklist the entire idea. If the girl doesn't like it, she can kick rocks. Plenty of women out there.

This is true for me as well. I'm not even insecure so I don't really care who she's friends with. You won't ever hear me complain about it, question her, etc.

Yet every single time, I always end up finding out that she fucked an ex. It's one thing if she just has male friends in general, but it's different when there's history there. Much more likely for something to happen it would seem.
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Ultima Dragon posted...

Monday posted...

Every time I've had a gf who had a male friend she fucked in the past, she ended up fucking them during the relationship. Anecdotal, but it's enough for me to blacklist the entire idea. If the girl doesn't like it, she can kick rocks. Plenty of women out there.

This is true for me as well. I'm not even insecure so I don't really care who she's friends with. You won't ever hear me complain about it, question her, etc.

Yet every single time, I always end up finding out that she fucked an ex. It's one thing if she just has male friends in general, but it's different when there's history there. Much more likely for something to happen it would seem.

Yup, many people who cheat do so with their exes. I don't really see it as a trust or insecurity issue. I just acknowledge that human beings are fallible by nature. I believe most people will cheat under the right circumstances. So why up the odds?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/22/why-people-cheat_n_2483371.html

Here’s a warning to men: When an old flame approaches your lady, watch out. Nearly one-third (32%) of women who admitted to acting on sexual temptation said it was with an old boyfriend or crush, compared to 21% of men. And the danger zone for this occurring is two to five years into a relationship, when the rate of old-flame affairs among the unfaithful jumps to 42%!

The Normal Bar reveals an additional alarm in that old flames are just as appealing to those who are in sexually satisfying and extremely happy relationships. So if you value your relationship and your partner’s ex comes around, stay close and watchful. For quite a few people, old embers never totally die out.

VandorLee posted...

Monday posted...

Every time I've had a gf who had a male friend she fucked in the past, she ended up fucking them during the relationship

Every person i know in a similar situation has had the same outcome. I could just know shitty people but its enough for me to never be ok with it. Fine, im insecure. Dont be with me but its worked out so far.

This
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MarqueeSeries posted...

This is a weird topic. But I think you should be upfront about your sexual intentions so no one has to get hurt

I am.

And vandor

Sexuality and need to eat is vastly different.

I'm not special, I just may not be as interested in sex as people tend to be. I am a bit different

Are you the exact cookie cutter human? Is there nothing slightly different about you?

Me having one thing that makes me different doesn't really equal me crying out "I'm so special and unique and I don't eat food!"

You don't know me, and you're wrong about me, so stop imposing. You brought this off topic.
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Only a fool puts up or tolorates that kind of bs, if she had sex with a male friend it's either he is out of her group of friends or I'm gone.

To many women will turn around and cheat with that person they have banged in the past, no reason to stack the odds in their favor.
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Offworlder1 posted...

Only a fool puts up or tolorates that kind of bs, if she had sex with a male friend it's either he is out of her group of friends or I'm gone.

To many women will turn around and cheat with that person they have banged in the past, no reason to stack the odds in their favor.

Too many men do too don't act like this is a woman exclusive issue.

And now what about a straight woman and a female friend that did it?
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CanuckCowboy posted...

voldothegr8 posted...

CanuckCowboy posted...

voldothegr8 posted...

Deal breaker, I ain't got time for all that drama.

If someone having a sexual history and not having completely severed ties with every single sexual partner = drama to you... the problem is almost assuredly you.

Keep lying to yourself.

lmao

You're that damaged huh?

Not damaged just smart
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Don't care if she hooked up with a woman who is still a friend.

Men choose to cheat or not, for women it is too common that a male friend they banged in the past will be someone they bang again later on if they stay friends. Not saying men don't cheat but women do this kind of shit often enough men see it as common and an issue.

@LittleRoyal
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Offworlder1 posted...

Don't care if she hooked up with a woman who is still a friend.

Men choose to cheat or not, for women it is too common that a male friend they banged in the past will be someone they bang again later on if they stay friends. Not saying men don't cheat but women do this kind of shit often enough men see it as common and an issue.

LittleRoyal

Men do it just as often as more.

I'm pretty sure your bitterness led to sexism, because I've seen many articles and it's very disheartening.

I respect your answer of not allowing it or not standing by it, but I definitely don't like that you're blaming these issues on women
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My wife is closer friends with a chick I banged before we started dating than I am. They talk almost every day (she went back to the Philippines to find university).
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Guys stop referring to girls as "this chick I banged" and sometimes some of you guys say it about your wives.


Seriously it's gross.
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@LittleRoyal

No bitterness or anger here, I am very happy in my relationships, also not sexist at all as I have seen it happen to friends and it almost happened to me in high school.

I am not blaming women either just stating this is often what they do with male friends they have banged and remain friends with.
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Offworlder1 posted...

LittleRoyal

No bitterness or anger here, I am very happy in my relationships, also not sexist at all as I have seen it happen to friends and it almost happened to me in high school.

I am not blaming women either just stating this is often what they do with male friends they have banged and remain friends with.

You are segregating women, saying it's women who can't be trusted in this case, saying women do this all the time.

Your evidence is you've seen women do it. That's sexist.


I understand not being okay with it but being sexist about it isn't good either
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No issue with it.

Like half my friends are girls I've been intimate with in the past. Took my girlfriend... some time to get over that, lol.

And now we're opening the relationship up, so... time to give some of those friends a call.
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Don't care. Hell, I'm still friends with an ex from high school. It's probably the only relationship I had that ended on good terms.
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marthsheretoo posted...

No issue with it.

Like half my friends are girls I've been intimate with in the past. Took my girlfriend... some time to get over that, lol.

And now we're opening the relationship up, so... time to give some of those friends a call.

You're gonna get cucked ;)
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The only reason I'm engaged right now is people kept being friends after they've stopped having sex together.

That said, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Some of my friends (and by extension, also my fiancé's friends, now) are people I've slept with in the past and vice versa. It's stupid to sever friendship ties because your boy/girlfriend is forcing an ultimatum based on paranoia and self image issues, especially if they rarely put out. Any partner that expects me to drop my friend circle for them is getting kicked to the curb*.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJLIiF15wjQ

*assuming said friends aren't toxic and/or trying to be homewreckers, but I've curated my friends to the point where that's a nonissue.
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XT3M3 posted...

only insecure people care about the past. once it stops when we are together (the sex) yall fine

It's this balance of insecurity vs naïveté. For me it's just wiser not to bother with a girl who is good friends with an ex, or routinely hangs around people she's slept with.
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I would never be naive or gullible enough to believe that there isn't a high chance of something happening if my girlfriend was still friends with people she'd fucked.

What adult wouldn't recognize that?
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De Evolution posted...

I would never be naive or gullible enough to believe that there isn't a high chance of something happening if my girlfriend was still friends with people she'd fucked.

What adult wouldn't recognize that?

There's a high chance of something happening to your girlfriend whenever she's out of your eyesight. Whether it be work, school, or a social outting, she doesn't need an ex to cheat on you.

Just never let her go anywhere without you.

Typhon posted...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/22/why-people-cheat_n_2483371.html

Here%u2019s a warning to men: When an old flame approaches your lady, watch out. Nearly one-third (32%) of women who admitted to acting on sexual temptation said it was with an old boyfriend or crush, compared to 21% of men. And the danger zone for this occurring is two to five years into a relationship, when the rate of old-flame affairs among the unfaithful jumps to 42%!

The Normal Bar reveals an additional alarm in that old flames are just as appealing to those who are in sexually satisfying and extremely happy relationships. So if you value your relationship and your partner%u2019s ex comes around, stay close and watchful. For quite a few people, old embers never totally die out.

Which is to say 58-68% of affairs are with new people, so between her making new friends or continually hanging out with old ones....
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I don't mind, I trust my fiance 100% and we are both very open about past relationships.

If she gave me reason to doubt her I would worry about it, since she doesn't I'm ok with it.

Truth be told though, she voluntarily severed ties with people she has been with in the past out of respect for me, even though I told her it's not an issue.
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She should have enough respect for me that she wouldn't stay friends with exes in the first place. I can't remember where I read it, but it said people that stay friends with their exes tend to be extremely narcissistic.
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I'm not friends with my exes lol
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Bugs me. I guess I'm the jealous type.
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Not allowed. No ifs, ands, or buts. If she so much as saw him naked the bitch is going out the door.

:u yall try and say you'd be okay with it, but most of you are LIARS.
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OpheliaAdenade posted...

Not allowed. No ifs, ands, or buts. If she so much as saw him naked the bitch is going out the door.

:u yall try and say you'd be okay with it, but most of you are LIARS.

Lol! Idk I think that's fair but like I've said it's happened to me but he didn't ever cheat so idk I'm not toooo nervous if it's only a few girls but if it's a lot then yeah
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OpheliaAdenade posted...

:u yall try and say you'd be okay with it, but most of you are LIARS.

In an ideal-for-me world, my partner is locked up, chaste, in a tower when I'm not home. And I'm free to socialize/gallivant to my heart's content both with and without my partner. But that's a really crappy relationship, objectively speaking.

It's more than I don't want to be a hypocrite. Option A is we both stay friends with exes, option B is neither of us. For people who aren't friends with their exes in the first place, it's not an equitable request/demand.
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philsov posted...

In an ideal-for-me world, my partner is locked up, chaste, in a tower when I'm not home. And I'm free to socialize/gallivant to my heart's content both with and without my partner. But that's a really crappy relationship, objectively speaking.

Doesn't sound that bad to me. :o
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I wouldn't trust it for a second. Girls have been proven to cheat more than men.
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Wife stayed friends with a fellow student she'd briefly dated in uni, who by this time (years later) was himself married. That was OK with me. I wouldn't have been quite so OK if she'd stayed friends with her ex-fiancé, though.
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LittleRoyal posted...

Offworlder1 posted...

LittleRoyal

No bitterness or anger here, I am very happy in my relationships, also not sexist at all as I have seen it happen to friends and it almost happened to me in high school.

I am not blaming women either just stating this is often what they do with male friends they have banged and remain friends with.

You are segregating women, saying it's women who can't be trusted in this case, saying women do this all the time.

Your evidence is you've seen women do it. That's sexist.


I understand not being okay with it but being sexist about it isn't good either

It IS women who can't be trusted in this situation. In this specific situation, women cheat FAR MORE than men. Some men do it too, but not nearly as many as women.
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Tadamoto21 posted...

I wouldn't trust it for a second. Girls have been proven to cheat more than men.

That's not true
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I really love the TC:

"Im young and admittedly sexually awkward but i want to have adult conversations like i know what the hell im talking about."
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Tried that once. Didn't work out so well.
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LittleRoyal posted...

marthsheretoo posted...

No issue with it.

Like half my friends are girls I've been intimate with in the past. Took my girlfriend... some time to get over that, lol.

And now we're opening the relationship up, so... time to give some of those friends a call.

You're gonna get cucked ;)

Hahaha
Nope.
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LittleRoyal posted...

Tadamoto21 posted...

I wouldn't trust it for a second. Girls have been proven to cheat more than men.

That's not true

Oh yeah? Here's proof:

https://hellobeautiful.com/2670954/study-shows-women-cheat-more-than-men/

http://elitedaily.com/women/are-women-likely-to-cheat/1057815/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats--theyre-just-better-lying-it.html

http://www.yourtango.com/201172881/women-more-likely-cheat-men-heres-why
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NOM posted...

In this specific situation, women cheat FAR MORE than men. Some men do it too, but not nearly as many as women.

Um... how does that distribution even go? The ratio ought to be close to 1:1; it takes two to tango. Are the women hooking up with other women, or all they all cheating with the same dude?

If the latter, then we can conclude that while men are less likely to backslide, when they do it's with multiple exes which is a prospect no monogamous girlfriend would fine attractive.

If the former, then a man needs to be concerned about his girlfriend's female friends.

Or, there's no basis for the claim.
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philsov posted...

Um... how does that distribution even go? The ratio ought to be close to 1:1; it takes two to tango. Are the women hooking up with other women, or all they all cheating with the same dude?

Maybe they're cheating with single dudes?

This isn't rocket science >_>
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I'm friends with a girl like that. She's cheated on her bf with me multiple times, at her provocation.
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marthsheretoo posted...

Maybe they're cheating with single dudes?

Possibly. But I'd expect dudes to also cheat with single women. iirc females are more likely to "mate poach" than males anyways.
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You know how easy it is to skew statistics right?

If we look into couples married for many years maybe. But dating? It's likely the men. Or maybe 50/50 but it's just as easy to find articles "proving" men cheat more.

Also philsov maybe that's part of it that's something I asked about. I am straight, but have had sex with a female friend (while single) twice. She is lesbian and had for a long time wanted me to try stuff. First time she did stuff and it felt good and she was happy to do stuff without me returning.

Second time was a bit more mutual with me doing stuff too and it was much less fun but still pretty fun I suppose. But we are friends still.


VandorLee posted...

I really love the TC:

"Im young and admittedly sexually awkward but i want to have adult conversations like i know what the hell im talking about."

It sounds like you don't really love me much.

I am young. That doesn't mean I don't have my own life expirience that you may not. Yes I'm not comfortable with sex yet, but that doesn't mean I don't have any experience with it or that I should be silent. I have had sex with a guy, it just sucked and felt gross and boring and I left and never talked to him again, and I've never had sex with a boyfriend but I've had 4 and many people asking for sex especially at parties
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LittleRoyal posted...

I'm friends with someone I've slept with in the past, but have zero tolerance for such behavior in my partner.

Impressive.
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bulletproofvita posted...

CanuckCowboy posted...

voldothegr8 posted...

CanuckCowboy posted...

voldothegr8 posted...

Deal breaker, I ain't got time for all that drama.

If someone having a sexual history and not having completely severed ties with every single sexual partner = drama to you... the problem is almost assuredly you.

Keep lying to yourself.

lmao

You're that damaged huh?

Not damaged just smart

I know it's 2017 and all but smart still isn't a euphemism for paranoid and insecure. Not yet at least.
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Dumb topic is dumb. Anyone with common sense and life experience knows how these things turn out.

Everyone else can learn the hard way. Good luck idiots.
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De Evolution posted...

Dumb topic is dumb. Anyone with common sense and life experience knows how these things turn out.

Everyone else can learn the hard way. Good luck idiots.

Lol.
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philsov posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

I'm friends with someone I've slept with in the past, but have zero tolerance for such behavior in my partner.

Impressive.

What? I said I understand why people feel that way. My brother even bragged to his friend and I heard, about having sex with his ex because he is better than her current BF (but my brother is single. Still I didn't want to hear it)

But I am not saying I don't tolerate it since I've literally told the story about my ex bf, who was friends with his ex who he did sleep with, and he'd even go to her house to tutor her and they didn't have sex.
So obviously I don't have zero tolerance since I was fine with that
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