Current Events > Something humiliating just happened I can tell the story as angry or comedy,pick

(+) Yeah! (+)

You decide.
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ranting can be cathartic, but turning it into a joke can give you a different perspective on the event.

I'd probably go with the latter, if it was me.
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All of this is 100% true.

I lost my phone a week ago. I really value this phone and after searching for hours I can't find it. Also I might become homeless soon. I'm staying the house of an old professor who is gone for the summer months and so his house is empty. I will likely have to move again when he returns in a couple days.

His house is messy and very hot because he has sealed the windows shut, (yes this is all true).

Recently they took away the chairs at our print center at office depot even though most jobs are much easier done sitting down, things have not been going too well for me. :/

Anyway I've had to work several days straight at a job I really don't like where my feet hurt because they took away our chairs and so now I'm trying to... idk, relax. But it's 11:00 at night and I'm at here alone. I am in the bedroom in the dark on my laptop and the door is closed.

Anyway, as a grown as man often does. I find myself looking at porn. And I grab some toilet paper because I don't feel like handling the situation in the bathroom.

So I'm in this bedroom, in a locked house, in the dark 'handling the porn situation'. By around 11:30 I finish handling the porn situation and as it happens I let out a minor groan as I do...

...

THAT'S WHEN MY FUCKING AUNT KNOCKS ON THE BEDROOM DOOR.

Yep...

Yepp...

Yep...

For serious. My aunt who lives about a block down took her spare key to this old professors house where I live just so she could surprise me as I'm finishing... the porn business.

At this point I'm in shock, the door is still closed, (thank god) and I still currently am not allowing for the reality that she knew what was going on. The apartment is hot as fuck so I'm not always fully dressed anyway but I'd never even go shirtless if I thought somebody might SHOW UP.

Anyway it's been like 10 seconds and I was like "what?" and she says 'hello' and starts talking in this slow boring voice she always talks in, like "oh I just thought I'd come by and say hi..." and I tell her to hang on and I act kind of annoyed.

I was in a pickle at this point, and needed desperately to improvise. The trouble was that If I act too annoyed it might make her think what was going on was going on, but there really isn't tons of narratives where this makes sense. So I tell her hang on in an annoyed voice and put my clothes back on in the dark, trying to be discrete, additionally I put the toilet paper between the bed and the wall because I had to hide it somewhere.

I then try to think of a lie, I conclude my best bet is saying I was playing online with a friend on a computer, that might justfy angry grunting and it would justify why it was taking so long to get my shit together. So I type a few lines of text to nobody on my computer about how 'I have to go because my aunt was here'. I do this so she would here me typing which would force her into a world where typing made sense which I don't think it does in a 'you were looking at porn context' but does in a 'you were gaming in the dark and had to type something to friends'

So she apparently came over... let me remind you and let herself into a locked house that wasn't hers at 11:30PM and knocked on the bedroom door because...

The very important truth...

She brought me a ham sandwich...

And it wasn't even good ham sanwich...

So I told her how I was a bit annoyed with her visit because I was playing a game online with friends and she seemed to go for it. At one point she made a comment about not being embarrassed but in the context it seemed 95% chance it was about how I might become homeless and not about how she heard me coming, which would be quite embarassing.

Anywho after she left I went to retrieve the toilet paper to flush it... Which was when, at long last, between the wall and the bed... I found my phone
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Maybe it's best nobody read that...
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