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Current Events > Is it okay to marry someone you don't love?

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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 1:43:51 PM
#51:


NeoShadowhen posted...
How poor are these life decisions we're talking about?

Do you get the feeling she wants to give it another go?


She absolutely wants me back. We talk about it a lot and I explain to her I'm in too deep and she waited too long.

She had an affair, lied about it, treated me poorly, started doing drugs, was just a giant fucking mess. She ended up seeing a therapist and worked out some depression issues she had been battling. But the damage of how she treated me had been done.

Since we had a family I originally asked her to go to counseling together and try to make it work but she couldn't understand how she could have done the things she did.

It was a real mess.
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Philoktetes
08/16/17 1:44:26 PM
#52:


yeah

marriage for love is unrealistic idealism
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 1:45:16 PM
#53:


Cleo_II posted...
But you would first need to get over your ex. Do you think you have yourself enough time to heal after the divorce? Did you jump into this relationship too soon?


Getting over my ex seems impossible.

I started dating immediately after and meet this new woman and we've been together just over a year.
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Nomadic View
08/16/17 1:48:44 PM
#54:


Probably depends on the circumstances. Trying to keep someone in the country through marriage is a felony. Marriage for the purpose of the privilege to not testify against your spouse is also illegal.
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Cleo_II
08/16/17 1:52:41 PM
#55:


HypnoCoosh posted...
Cleo_II posted...
But you would first need to get over your ex. Do you think you have yourself enough time to heal after the divorce? Did you jump into this relationship too soon?


Getting over my ex seems impossible.

I started dating immediately after and meet this new woman and we've been together just over a year.


My advice would be to break it off. I don't think you're thinking clearly. You went through some pretty traumatic things and then jumped into this. It's a recipe for disaster.
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NeoShadowhen
08/16/17 1:56:00 PM
#56:


Normally my advice would be to drop both of them, but you've got a kid in the mix. Might owe it to them to give their mom another shot.

I'm assuming your kid is from your ex.
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 1:58:04 PM
#57:


Yes my daughter is from the ex wife.

Also this is a good read

http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/

do you think this guy is right?
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 2:01:28 PM
#58:


It's tough too because I'm not in my 20's anymore so time becomes more valuable and my daughter is going to be six at starting kindergarten next month so I felt a lot of pressure to make the best decisions for her I could.
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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Questionmarktarius
08/16/17 2:03:22 PM
#59:


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Cleo_II
08/16/17 2:19:10 PM
#60:


HypnoCoosh posted...
It's tough too because I'm not in my 20's anymore so time becomes more valuable and my daughter is going to be six at starting kindergarten next month so I felt a lot of pressure to make the best decisions for her I could.


How is it a good decision to marry a woman while pining for your ex? How will this help your daughter when shit inevitably hits the fan? This marriage (if you go through with it) won't end well. I guarantee it. You're rushing into things without thinking straight. And after a year, you hardly know this woman you're enagaged to. She may be acting like she's perfect now but can very much change for the worse after marriage. If anything, this is more likely going to be harmful for your daughter.

Why not at least postpone the wedding?
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 2:27:35 PM
#61:


Ahh it's messy.

This woman transferred her job, we both sold our houses, bought a house together, and she moved 2.5 hours to relocate to be with me and my daughter.
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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NeoShadowhen
08/16/17 2:30:06 PM
#62:


Personally, I think you should take a chance with your ex. Sure, it might not end well, but then maybe it'll be out of your system. And if it does work out, all the better. It'll probably be better for your daughter also.

Sticky situation though. I mean, she's in a relationship with her boss. How serious is it? Might want to get her to make the first move.

I'd also recommend talking to her parents. They'll share with her probably, but you don't want to give her a chance to talk to them about you talking to them first if possible. See what they think about you two getting back together. They are your daughters grandparents. They're part of this. If you have a better relationship with one of them, go to them individually.
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Cleo_II
08/16/17 2:34:43 PM
#63:


HypnoCoosh posted...
Ahh it's messy.

This woman transferred her job, we both sold our houses, bought a house together, and she moved 2.5 hours to relocate to be with me and my daughter.


So at least postpone the wedding. Why the rush to get married?
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 2:39:48 PM
#64:


This woman would be devastated if I left her.
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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Cleo_II
08/16/17 2:49:58 PM
#65:


HypnoCoosh posted...
This woman would be devastated if I left her.


I said postpone the wedding, not leave her.

I'm going to stop taking this topic seriously now.
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 2:51:29 PM
#66:


Well I mean being married is less of a problem then the logistics of owning a home together and her leaving where she lived\transferring job locations.
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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Cleo_II
08/16/17 2:57:34 PM
#67:


HypnoCoosh posted...
Well I mean being married is less of a problem then the logistics of owning a home together and her leaving where she lived\transferring job locations.


Not exactly. When you divorce (and I do mean when), there will be more financial and emotional repercussions. For your daughter especially.

Buying a house with a woman you've only known a year, are not in love with, and who you've met immediately after divorcing is an insanely stupid idea, btw. No need to make further stupid decisions.
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HypnoCoosh
08/16/17 2:59:10 PM
#68:


Cleo_II posted...
HypnoCoosh posted...
Well I mean being married is less of a problem then the logistics of owning a home together and her leaving where she lived\transferring job locations.


Not exactly. When you divorce (and I do mean when), there will be more financial and emotional repercussions. For your daughter especially.

Buying a house with a woman you've only known a year, are not in love with, and who you've met immediately after divorcing is an insanely stupid idea, btw. No need to make further stupid decisions.


Point taken.

I mean I care about her but she just doesn't do it for me like my ex did. It's just no the same.

Sometimes I feel so down and I look around and have no reason too. Life with her is amazing and we have a beautiful home.
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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darkbuster
08/16/17 3:11:34 PM
#69:


I would have disagreed with it years ago, but I don't think most people have the capacity for anything approaching "love" anymore. Most relationships these days are probably something between mutual gold-digging & **** buddy.
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Giant_Aspirin
08/17/17 3:06:48 PM
#70:


HypnoCoosh posted...
I might need tot ell her tonight I'm not in love with her.


did you go through with it?
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HypnoCoosh
08/17/17 3:18:46 PM
#71:


No I didn't.

Instead we made salsa and fish tacos lol

My brother is in Brazil and will be back Monday I sent him a few texts and we are gonna grab a beer when he gets back and discuss further.

There are a lot of variables to consider.
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We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. - C.S. Lewis
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