Poll of the Day > My ex talks to me, should I tell my girlfriend?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'll give you some background. I started dating my ex-girlfriend in September 2013 and we broke up on January 2015. I've started dating my current girlfriend in November 2015.

I love my girlfriend and I like her more than any other girl I've been with. But I've never hated my ex-girlfriend and we always respected each other even though we broke up. I'm not saying that we stayed friends, because staying friends with your ex is weird, specially when you're dating someone else. But from time to time she talks to me and I respond to her, nothing special.

Last year, she needed some held with her dissertation, she had to interview a few college students, and she asked if I could be one of them. I said "no problem", and went to meet her at our college and did the interview. Nothing special.

I didn't say anything to my girlfriend, which was a stupid thing to do since I actually was going to meet my ex in person for the interview. But I never thought she would find out. She found out in the most stupid way possible.

So, one time I logged on in my girlfriend's phone with my e-mail to search for something on youtube. Then she told me "I can't log out of your account, I've tried everything". I told her it was fine. But for some reason, she would get notifications of my e-mails that I received in that e-mail account. When my ex told me that she needed my e-mail address to send my the mp3 file of my interview (because she didn't understand one part), I told her the e-mail. My ex got the notification and asked my what was that (she saw the name of the file (tiago.mp3) and the sender (my ex's e-mail, which has her name, obviously). She was pissed (naturally) and for one week she was really sad with me. Of course that she will remember this forever, but still, time cures every wound, or at least at a certain extent.

After that incident, everytime my ex talks to me on facebook or something, I tell my girlfriend just to show her that I don't hide anything. She gets a bit upset, but she says she prefers this way instead of my hiding it.

But I really don't like how she gets when I say her this and gets all upset, it sucks and I think I could avoid this by just not telling her. I mean, I don't want anything with my ex. At all. So, if I don't tell her that she spoke to me like once every 2-4 months like she does, what's the big deal? I doubt that she would ever find out anyway.

What should I do? Should I keep telling her everytime my ex talks to me, or just keep quiet and move on?

Threesome

green dragon posted...

Threesome

SkynyrdRocker posted...

green dragon posted...

Threesome

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7/10, the lighting is a little weird in this one, but you two are a cute couple as usual

...wait, no photos to rate??
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How old is everyone involved
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Doctor Foxx posted...

How old is everyone involved

I'm 24
My ex is 25
My girlfriend is 23

Smarkil posted...

SkynyrdRocker posted...

green dragon posted...

Threesome

Sorry. Can't break that combo. Legitimately your girlfriend just needs to get over it. If it's clear nothing is happening, anyway. Make it clear if it's not.

tiago92 posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

How old is everyone involved

I'm 24
My ex is 25
My girlfriend is 23

Ooh children

Yeah it's hard being that young and insecure...

Though you've been seeing your current partner for nearly 2 years, and dated your ex for just over 1 year. I can understand feeling a little weird about it. But good luck convincing a 23 year old to be mature about amicable breakups and bring friends.

Don't go hiding it. If you're doing stuff you feel you need to hide from the person you're with you either shouldn't be doing it or you shouldn't be together. There's not really any way around that.
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Okay now I'm curious how old you are, Foxx? I'm 29 and while I see 23 as quite young, I couldn't call 25 a child.

Doctor Foxx posted...

Ooh children

Yeah it's hard being that young and insecure...

Man you're patronizing.

SushiSquid posted...

Okay now I'm curious how old you are, Foxx? I'm 29 and while I see 23 as quite young, I couldn't call 25 a child.

I meant the 23 year old. Who is the person with the issue in this situation. She still has maturing to do physically and mentally. I don't expect anyone that age to be totally level-headed and experienced. The years 23 to 25 can make a big difference. I'm 30.

EightySeven posted...

Man you're patronizing.

The girlfriend is young and insecure about his infrequent talks with his ex. It's not easy going through life like that.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

I meant the 23 year old. Who is the person with the issue in this situation. She still has maturing to do physically and mentally. I don't expect anyone that age to be totally level-headed and experienced. The years 23 to 25 can make a big difference. I'm 30.

I agree with you

Don't say anything. If you keep bringing up your ex, regardless of the context, your current girlfriend will be annoyed.

As long as you are not cheating or flirting, what you choose to say to your ex is your business and you do not need to talk about it with anyone else. If your current GF can't handle that or constantly questions you about your ex, then she's probably an insecure person or does not trust you. That's something you will need to decide whether or not you can deal with.
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i can only give you one piece of advice here

do not fucking take relationship advice from the dysfunctionals on potd
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I was open with my girlfriend about my ex when said ex wanted to meet with me for a "closure" conversation. Said girlfriend was a little uncomfortable at first, but she got over it like a day later.

Just tell her before it happens. The last thing you want is for her to find out you met with your ex, even if nothing happened between you two.
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TC as someone who has gone through this before ALWAYS be open and honest with your girlfriend. Lies have a way of coming up weeks/months/years later.
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tiago92 posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

How old is everyone involved

I'm 24
My ex is 25
My girlfriend is 23

Sounds like your girlfriend is insecure and feels like no one likes her. She'll probably get over it by the time her next birthday rolls around.
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Tl; Dr

That sounds like a good idea. That way she doesn't find out herself and think you're hiding anything.
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So, you didn't tell your current girlfriend you were meeting your ex. Got in trouble for hiding it, thinking your ex wouldn't find out. Now you want to start that pattern again? Just be honest with your ex and you will avoid it. Sure she nks it is weird, but it be weird if the roles were reversed. If she was talking to her ex in a similar way. She is a ittle jealous and uncertain but she is getting through it. Just give her time and tay being open with her. She will eventually get over it. This is new for her and she is bviously trying to be reapectful. But she does have feelings. Just do something that will remind er t she is yours.
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Don't keep secrets, but do not forward unnecessary information. Both may be taken the wrong way.
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The thing is that I'm not meeting with my ex, I just respond to her messages when she says something. I don't even start a conversation with her, I just respond.

If I were to meet with her for some odd reason, of course I would tell my girlfriend, I would't be that stupid to do the same mistake twice. But responding to a message? That's just standard enough I think, even though I already told her several times that my ex texted me, now I think it's just nonsense having to tell her everytime my ex textes me.

If she knows it happens and doesn't care, there's no point to keep talking about it.
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

If she knows it happens and doesn't care, there's no point to keep talking about it.

The thing is that she does care and says she prefers knowing that not knowing even though she gets upset.

But I'm tired of her being upset because of that after I explained so many times that I want nothing with my ex. So, I'm thinking about just stop telling her whenever my ex talks to me

tiago92 posted...

So, I'm thinking about just stop telling her whenever my ex talks to me

This. Stop telling her about your ex. It really doesn't matter what you guys talk about, you're asking for trouble of you bring up your ex to your current GF.
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Peterass posted...

tiago92 posted...

So, I'm thinking about just stop telling her whenever my ex talks to me

This. Stop telling her about your ex. It really doesn't matter what you guys talk about, you're asking for trouble of you bring up your ex to your current GF.

Agreed