Current Events > Why you shouldnt say f** or use gay as an insult (a gay male's perspective)

(+) Yeah! (+)

I grew up in a deeply religious area were gay hate crimes were a very real thing. Growing up in such a hateful, closed-minded environment was difficult to say the least.

When someone says "f**" or "thats so gay" it is a throwback to those times. Throughout my life, people have said those thing around me, not knowing that I am gay. Being a teenager is hard enough, but it is made worse when a core part of your identity is regularly used as an insult and is synonymous with "weak", "bad", and "undesirable".

Nowadays, when I hear an adult use those phrases, I immediately think less of them. It is very uncultured and juvenile. At worst, it shows that they are a bigot, and at best, it shows that they are completely oblivious to the lives of others. I realize most people dont actually mean it as a pointed insult, but they should take a moment to consider what others have been through, and the effect that they words can have on younger individuals. You never know if you are talking to someone who is gay.

And if nothing else, if you say it in the workplace, it is a great way to get hit with a sexual harassment case. Not a good habit to get into.

ok
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Forlorn_Ass posted...

ok

Thank you for understanding.

Conflict posted...

I think more people are generally wisening up to this & a lot of people that still say it just say it out of habit since it was a word often negatively used in childhood

Yeah, parents really should correct their kids. It can only cause problems later in life.

I'm proud to say I never have, and I never will.

Well, what would you call guys who rev their Harleys in otherwise quiet neighborhoods or while you wait at the stop light?
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Esrac posted...

Well, what would you call guys who rev their Harleys in otherwise quiet neighborhoods or while you wait at the stop light?

Inconsiderate?

bump

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_MIb3mYznE
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Conflict posted...

I think more people are generally wisening up to this & a lot of people that still say it just say it out of habit since it was a word often negatively used in childhood

You're still gonna have homophobes but at least it's becoming more taboo

Re-appropriation of the word isn't uncommon either...
Plenty of gay people around that use the other F word and say "oh that's gay as hell" out loud
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That's why you only say it around people you know won't take offense to it.

And I think some people see it like the N bomb. If the offended are saying it then it's not a big deal.
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do you think the term "that's so gay" actually came up as a sarcastic "oh that sounds wonderful"

but gay people were like
excuse me
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gatorsPENSbucs posted...

That's why you only say it around people you know won't take offense to it.

Or you could just be a reasonable person and not say it at all. There are plenty of other phrases you can use that dont have a disparaging history.

How, then, do I buy cigarettes in the UK?

Questionmarktarius posted...

How, then, do I buy cigarettes in the UK?

The title clearly says as an insult.
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What I don't get is people who insist that kids didn't use it that way or that it didn't mean gay. Bull fucking shit. When we were in elementary school we knew what that word meant. We didn't have a full understanding of the sex stuff but we knew it meant you were into dudes.
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Esrac posted...

Well, what would you call guys who rev their Harleys in otherwise quiet neighborhoods or while you wait at the stop light?

This x1000. Love that episode.

Also I am part of the lgbtq community, but I will never stop using the word "gay" as a non-slur pejorative for things that are overly sentimental, garish, and pretentious.
It's really stupid when it's used basically to just say "bad" and even worse as an insult for homosexuals. But gay has its place as acceptable slang, when it's not being used to denigrate the gay community.
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ForestLogic posted...

I will never stop using the word "gay" as a non-slur pejorative for things that are overly sentimental, garish, and pretentious.

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I like Louis CK's take on that word.
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Oregano_ posted...

gatorsPENSbucs posted...

That's why you only say it around people you know won't take offense to it.

Or you could just be a reasonable person and not say it at all. There are plenty of other phrases you can use that dont have a disparaging history.

If they aren't offended it doesn't matter at all. No harm no foul.
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https://youtu.be/BJ3vEU_Ylho?t=32s

refmon posted...

ForestLogic posted...

I will never stop using the word "gay" as a non-slur pejorative for things that are overly sentimental, garish, and pretentious.

Sure, fine, but that is just reinforcing gay stereotypes. What I am really objecting to here is the casual use of gay to describe anything and everything that is shitty.

Iron-Tarkus posted...

Oregano_ posted...

gatorsPENSbucs posted...

That's why you only say it around people you know won't take offense to it.

Or you could just be a reasonable person and not say it at all. There are plenty of other phrases you can use that dont have a disparaging history.

If they aren't offended it doesn't matter at all. No harm no foul.

It is still in poor taste.

Don't care. I'll use whatever the fuck I want. I enjoy being offensive.

Growing up I used those terms in a negative light. Even after I had a gay friend for the first time when I was in my late teens/early 20s, and he didn't mind it and also used those terms.

I would use them at the most "innocent" times, like say getting hit with a red shell in Mario Kart and I'd say "oh my god that is so gay!". Or one of my friends would say they were going to do something that I didn't want them to do, like take my video game or something, and I'd say "don't be gay". Even though I didn't specifically mean it to spread hate against gay people, it never truly occurred to me how much it could hurt someone or how wrong it was to use those words in that context.

Now though in the past several years I've had a lot more gay friends and the more I hear people say the words in those contexts the more it bothers me. I don't use them like that anymore, and I don't think people should. I understand that I wasn't right in using those words in that way and I stopped.
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Oregano_ posted...

Iron-Tarkus posted...

Oregano_ posted...

gatorsPENSbucs posted...

That's why you only say it around people you know won't take offense to it.

Or you could just be a reasonable person and not say it at all. There are plenty of other phrases you can use that dont have a disparaging history.

If they aren't offended it doesn't matter at all. No harm no foul.

It is still in poor taste.

Ehh, I grew up with the Flintstones telling people to have a gay old time so it's kinda crazy to me when people assume I mean something bad.
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Oregano_ posted...

I grew up in a deeply religious area

Wait: *I* shouldn't use gay as an insult because *you* grew up in a homophobic deeply religious area? Sounds more like that's why you shouldn't use gay as an insult. I grew up in an accepting area where people are pretty accepting of homosexuals. So I think I'm good.
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gatorsPENSbucs posted...

Oregano_ posted...

Iron-Tarkus posted...

Oregano_ posted...

gatorsPENSbucs posted...

That's why you only say it around people you know won't take offense to it.

Or you could just be a reasonable person and not say it at all. There are plenty of other phrases you can use that dont have a disparaging history.

If they aren't offended it doesn't matter at all. No harm no foul.

It is still in poor taste.

Ehh, I grew up with the Flintstones telling people to have a gay old time so it's kinda crazy to me when people assume I mean something bad.

I don't know you personally so I won't challenge your intentions on the word, but growing up I never heard anyone use that word in the context of the way the Flintstones used it. It was always either referring to a negative connotation, and/or in reference to a man's attraction to another man.

I obviously won't claim that no one uses it in the context that you are referring to.
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I haven't said that since middle school
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AlCalavicci posted...

I obviously won't claim that no one uses it in the context that you are referring to.

No one does. He's trolling you.
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as someone who's into dudes im gonna keep saying it. i dont see anything wrong with using it in the right context

FrenchCrunch posted...

as someone who's into dudes im gonna keep saying it. i dont see anything wrong with using it in the right context

What is the right context?
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AlCalavicci posted...

What is the right context?

ForestLogic posted...

I will never stop using the word "gay" as a non-slur pejorative for things that are overly sentimental, garish, and pretentious.
It's really stupid when it's used basically to just say "bad" and even worse as an insult for homosexuals. But gay has its place as acceptable slang, when it's not being used to denigrate the gay community.

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I'm guilty of saying it around my close guy friends, razzing each other with f***** and gay and all that now and then, probably because that's how we gave each other a hard time when we met at, like, age 15.

I never say it just to describe something as generally bad, though.
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That_Happened posted...

AlCalavicci posted...

I obviously won't claim that no one uses it in the context that you are referring to.

No one does. He's trolling you.

He can if he wants. I don't really care, I'm interested in this topic enough to put my thoughts in but don't care enough about gamefaqs debates that I'll get up in arms about what he or anyone says whether he's trolling or not.

That_Happened posted...

AlCalavicci posted...

What is the right context?

ForestLogic posted...

I will never stop using the word "gay" as a non-slur pejorative for things that are overly sentimental, garish, and pretentious.
It's really stupid when it's used basically to just say "bad" and even worse as an insult for homosexuals. But gay has its place as acceptable slang, when it's not being used to denigrate the gay community.

Fair enough.
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That_Happened posted...

AlCalavicci posted...

I obviously won't claim that no one uses it in the context that you are referring to.

No one does. He's trolling you.

I used it instead of "lame." And again, I meant no offense to it and used to in front of people that wouldn't take offense to it, and like other words, never used them in front of people that I wasn't 100% sure about how they'd take it.

But yah, when I was a lot younger like early teens I'd use it to mean happy just because I knew people didn't expect that. I was a rebel.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcja4WFFzDw

this is how I feel about this topic
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I mean, I call my fellow gays queer/f** if they are okay with and am fine with them saying similar things like d*** or whatever in return. Obviously, using it blindly is going to upset some people so I don't act indignant if it does bother people. I don't much care if people use it as a substitute for lame/stupid really but that's just me and many people do clearly get upset by it, and even if I don't use it in that way I can see the reasoning for not doing so.
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I used to use gay as a derogatory word in elementary school and middle school before I really understood what gay meant. Didn't know there was gay people in elementary school.

Definitely don't use it that way anymore. It's easy to wipe shit like this from your vocabulary. Don't see the issue.
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I don't use the term. Being bi isn't much of a factor in that though. I grew up in a place and time where everything that was bad was called "gay," and it was used mostly by the kids in my school that everyone knew were fucking morons and jerks. Then by the time I reached high school, it was exclusively used by that group of kids. It's an easy insult to go for, because even a lot of straight people will co-opt personal offense to it on behalf of actual gay people.

As such, I really just think of it as an idiot's insult. There are much better, much more meaningful ways to insult people, and you're going for the lazy one because you can't think of anything better and are just vying for that quick emotional strike. It doesn't remotely bother me to get called gay or a f**, because in my mind all I get from it is, "This person doesn't need to be taken seriously."
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Edit...this was in response to funkydog

Oh absolutely, and that's why im very smart about when and where I use it. I remember saying something was gay in front of a gay friend and just immediately said "my bad" and he laughed and asked for what. Don't think I ever said it around him again though.

And I don't think I've ever used it to describe someone. It's always towards something, not towards someone.
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Oregano_ posted...

a core part of your identity

A bit of an exaggeration.
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I haven't said that shit since like 6th grade
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How would I describe a male friend ordering an umbrella drink at the bar or wanting to see a romantic comedy or wanting to blow dudes?
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Cj_WlLL_VVlN posted...

How would I describe a male friend ordering an umbrella drink

Someone with good taste?

Cj_WlLL_VVlN posted...

wanting to see a romantic comedy

A romantic? An enjoyer of movies? Someone who is in love?

Cj_WlLL_VVlN posted...

wanting to blow dudes?

Including but not necessarily limited to homosexual, bisexual, or gay?

Idk, I feel like there are lots of ways to describe these aspects my friend
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For anyone who doesnt care about being offensive, this is all I have to say:
Saying those phrases is not a good habit to get into, and it will only ever have neutral or negative effects. There are plenty of other words to use that wont result in you pissing people off and getting hit with a sexual harassment case (it happens).

Cj_WlLL_VVlN posted...

How would I describe a male friend ordering an umbrella drink at the bar or wanting to see a romantic comedy or wanting to blow dudes?

"Confident in his sexuality and makes me feel self conscious about the toxic masculinity I spew forth?"
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Youre offended so you want to limit my freedom of speech. Fair.
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Not going to bother reading. Use it if you want and, as long as you're not actually coming across as homophobic, I don't care.
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