Current Events > Have you ever had an IRL meltdown? like you completely broke down and shit?

(+) Yeah! (+)

either in public or in private?



what triggered it? ;;;;o
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Yes.
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I have a weird case of depression that goes in phases. One day I just couldn't take it anymore and after work I just parked somewhere secluded and just broke down crying for a good 10-15 minutes. I can't even tell you what triggered it though, to be honest.
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You can call my anxiety attacks meltdowns I guess. That's what they look like from the outside so i'm told.
so yeah. several times a month. public or private, doesn't matter. i'm over caring how nuts i look to people. normally really intense foul thoughts and emotions combined with random outside triggers that set it off.
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Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.
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omega cookie posted...

Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.

Ouch. That doctor was a fucking dick.
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I have few times. I have nearly broken one wooden door, i hit it with my elbow like 30 times as hard as i could. I once made like hundred cuts on my left arm, which left some permanent scars. My whole arm was soaked in blood. I also once punched a wall when i was drunk and fucked up my right hand.
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omega cookie posted...

Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.

dude what
are you rich now. did you take everything that doctor has
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omega cookie posted...

Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.

Doesn't all cancers have really nasty symptoms near the end? My grand father died from lung cancer and he was getting the strongest available meds for the pain and they didn't do shit for him. If you had only a month left you should, afaik, be in horrible condition.
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It depends what you'd qualify as that.

Like riding the bus earlier, it was mostly empty but I was really pissed about myself and life and I was feeling emotional and probably teared up a bit. If you were watching me intently you would've gone "oh, that guy does not look great" but nobody really watches randos on an empty bus, so I don't think that qualifies as breaking down.

I sorta did when I was driving once, but again the windows are up and nobody is close, so even if I sounded like a dying mule while sobbing and yelling I'm still not sure if that counts because it's not that I made much of a "scene" the world never would've noticed had I not shared.
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Banjo2553 posted...

omega cookie posted...

Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.

Ouch. That doctor was a fucking dick.

That fucking piece of shit payed for the rest of my college and law school, though. Lost his license too, though that was because my malpractice lawsuit was around the tenth or so he'd received in under two years.

I personally wanted to kill him and bathe in his blood, but my lawyer was sort of against that. I still think I made the wrong choice.
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I actually checked myself in for a couple days when my boyfriend of five years dumped me to go chase poon.
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i don't know if i'd say i completely broke down, but i've gotten angry and broken shit that ended up with longterm negative effects.
like way back in the early 2000's i put my hand through a window pane on my door. i think i was just knock hard but i was frustrated at the time because i'd just walked home in the ran for 2 hours and wasn't able to get in because i forgot my keys and the door was locked.
well after my hand went through, the glass cut deep into my left hand and severed a few nerves that never healed, so i don't have full feeling in that hand(mainly the left thumb, still can move it). had to go from being a leftie to a rightie.


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Plenty of times when I was younger, but I suppose those are called temper tantrums... that I had until I was 14. Eh...

Ah, but when I was 18, I was having an incredibly difficult time in my first year of college due to being threatened and stalked by people much bigger than me repeatedly, to the point I had to go to a counselor and get my own room in a different dorm. The actual meltdown happened late in the second semester and I failed several parts of my classes, missed several events, and was still afraid to go outside my room too often because of a lingering fear of the people who wanted to hurt me. On the phone with my dad I completely broke down, crying, beating up loose objects, stamping the floor, and the like.

That was the point where I completely gave up on even making the most out of what remained of the shitty experience in that college before ultimately getting the fuck out.
Haven't had a moment that extreme since, though I have basically completely sworn off staying at dorms or having roommates.
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Sami1000 posted...

omega cookie posted...

Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.

Doesn't all cancers have really nasty symptoms near the end? My grand father died from lung cancer and he was getting the strongest available meds for the pain and they didn't do shit for him. If you had only a month left you should, afaik, be in horrible condition.

From my limited knowledge of the subject, there are short and quick cancers. Some slowly kill you, like lung cancer, and some kill you very fast with symptoms that only show up when you're on deaths door like brain cancer. I was told I had bone cancer that had metastasized to my brain. Pretty much, I would go from the headaches I had to severe loss of motor functions, then coma, then death.

I did not like this plan, so I attempted to destroy my body via insane amounts of cocaine and alcohol.
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I had a massive (at least to me it was) panic attack at the end of April. I had ingested a Redbull, two edibles, some Vodka, and a Cherry slushie all within a span of 2-3 hours.

I legitimately thought I had died.

A few times.

One time I was bullied HARD on the school bus in middle school. Like mocked all the way home by almost everyone for nothing, with no one really defending me, and I was lightly beat up. I came home and just sobbed and shook for hours. I never rode the bus again and just spent an hour walking home every evening instead.

In college after a particularly bad day and a perfect storm of factors, I made a really light and in retrospect, half-assed attempt at suicide. I made the mistake of confiding in my dorm's floor advisor about it and he made me go to the hospital for a psych evaluation. I lied my way through it just to get out of therapy or anything.

I actually came very close to suicide again a few months ago. There's a particularly close friend that I talk to all the time and have feelings for (even though he's straight. fml.). We got into a huge huge huge fight and I was almost certain that we'd never talk again at that point and I tried to find my dad's gun, but was unable to find it anywhere. We patched things up eventually anyway.


I'd say those are the three darkest points that come to mind offhand.
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dotsdfe posted...

A few times.

One time I was bullied HARD on the school bus in middle school. Like mocked all the way home by almost everyone for nothing, with no one really defending me, and I was lightly beat up. I came home and just sobbed and shook for hours. I never rode the bus again and just spent an hour walking home every evening instead.

In college after a particularly bad day and a perfect storm of factors, I made a really light and in retrospect, half-assed attempt at suicide. I made the mistake of confiding in my dorm's floor advisor about it and he made me go to the hospital for a psych evaluation. I lied my way through it just to get out of therapy or anything.

I actually came very close to suicide again a few months ago. There's a particularly close friend that I talk to all the time and have feelings for (even though he's straight. fml.). We got into a huge huge huge fight and I was almost certain that we'd never talk again at that point and I tried to find my dad's gun, but was unable to find it anywhere. We patched things up eventually anyway.


I'd say those are the three darkest points that come to mind offhand.

Damn...what did you guys fight over?
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omega cookie posted...

Once. I was told that I had cancer and had roughly a month to live my second year of college by my doctor when I was getting ready to have the third surgery on my knee. Went back to smoking after having quit six months before, wrecked my car for fun, bumped my casual cocaine usage up to near Sheenian levels, drank a lot, and started fighting people for the hell of it.

I did not have cancer.

Fuck it, might as well tell the whole story. I also tried my absolute hardest to sabotage my relationship with my fiance(super serious girlfriend at the time) so that she would hate me, dump me, cut off contact with me, and not be sad when I died. I never told her I was dying. I wasn't scared of dying, I was scared of leaving her alone to grieve me after I was gone. She deserved far better then that.

This includes letting her catch me cheating on her, calling her awful, horrible shit, ruining most of the shit she owned in various drunken rages, and just being the worst I've ever been to anyone. I did everything short of hitting her.

Thankfully, she is a very smart girl. She knew something was going on, and refused to end it. She wouldn't fight with me, didn't get upset when I screamed at her, and didn't even care when I destroyed our apartment. Didn't even try to find out why I was acting that way, just let me lose my shit and stood by me while I did. She also refused to leave my side. Two weeks, I think I was out of her sight just long enough to get an ex-girlfriend to come over so she could catch me cheating. Her only reaction to that was to nicely ask the girl to please leave.

When I found out the truth two weeks later, after the blinding rage had subsided, she just held me while I cried and screamed on the floor of our kitchen. She then told me, verbatim, "I knew that wasn't you, so I wanted to be here when you came back to me."

I used every single fucking penny I had to buy a ring that night.
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ShinigamiSoul posted...

dotsdfe posted...

A few times.

One time I was bullied HARD on the school bus in middle school. Like mocked all the way home by almost everyone for nothing, with no one really defending me, and I was lightly beat up. I came home and just sobbed and shook for hours. I never rode the bus again and just spent an hour walking home every evening instead.

In college after a particularly bad day and a perfect storm of factors, I made a really light and in retrospect, half-assed attempt at suicide. I made the mistake of confiding in my dorm's floor advisor about it and he made me go to the hospital for a psych evaluation. I lied my way through it just to get out of therapy or anything.

I actually came very close to suicide again a few months ago. There's a particularly close friend that I talk to all the time and have feelings for (even though he's straight. fml.). We got into a huge huge huge fight and I was almost certain that we'd never talk again at that point and I tried to find my dad's gun, but was unable to find it anywhere. We patched things up eventually anyway.


I'd say those are the three darkest points that come to mind offhand.

Damn...what did you guys fight over?

Of all things, something as stupid as an anime character. It started as a joke that pissed him off for some reason, and it very quickly turned into him calling me annoying and talking about all of the personality traits that he's hated about me and just got incredibly nasty.

I'm still not positive why something so trivial got that bad, but it was incredibly nasty and I was pretty confident that we were done talking for good at that point. He really aired out all of the aspects of me that he hated before pretty much telling me to fuck off.
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omega cookie posted...

I was told that I had cancer

This is what prompted my last breakdown. I was actually good at first, I had dealt with life threatening chronic diseases before (being born with Tet of Fallot, I had a life expectancy of 17 years) so being diagnosed with colon cancer didn't really get to me. Even when I was diagnosed stage IV I still wasn't terribly perplexed

Then I started chemo, and the chemo was...I don't think it was actually all that bad aside from the constant diarrhea, but it was just enough to sink in how real the situation was. It was a small enough push to knock me over the edge. The gravity of it all finally hit me, and for about two days I went into a massive panic attack. I mean I was in a phone call with my mom, screaming in fear on the floor. I was absolutely terrified. It took two days before the panic went away, and in that time it took two lorazepams, two ceraquils, two intravenous shots of valium, and a trazodone before my mind had calmed down enough that I could fall asleep. It was two days before I finally got sleep again. Then the depression set in, and for the first time in my life I was legitimately scared of death.

It was the worst "meltdown" I've ever had.
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I was lucky to have enough traumatic things happen when I was young that all the later stuff paled in comparison and nothing really affects me anymore. Honestly though I think I could use a good meltdown.
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omega cookie posted...

Thankfully, she is a very smart girl. She knew something was going on, and refused to end it.

I'd imagine you felt like you hit the absolute jackpot after all that shit happened.

Kind of crazy to think about how an incompetent doctor managed to unintentionally show the sheer strength of your relationship. Two sides to every situation, huh?
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Funny I should see this today of all days. June 6 2012, exactly 5 years ago, my mom committed suicide. It was a rough night, but I guess I was in shock because I was able to hold it together when dealing with the police, her partner, my dad and the coroner (though I was pretty pissed at the detective at the scene and the coroner so that may have helped). It wasn't until the next morning when I finally brokedown. I was at my dad's for the night and when I got up to drive to my mom's house to pick up her partner and go to the funeral home my legs just gave out on me in my room and I just fell and started sobbing. It was pretty short lived, thank goodness, cuz my half brother came in and helped me up since he heard me hit the floor. That was enough to help my mind focus enough and get a grip of myself. I wasn't in great mental shape for about a year after and I still have my bad days, but that's the only time I think I've ever really just broke.
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No
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When I was a child....

I want to give you guys a hug
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A few yeah, been a while. It was about once a year for a bit, someone did something to absolutely enrage me. Since I didn't fight, I just made an ugly face and had tears go down my eyes, rather than letting it out.
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A couple times, yeah.

Once after my dad tried to kill my mom/during the brief period of time I was homeless, once after I found out my girlfriend at the time was cheating on me with my best friend in high school, and a small one after my mom said she was going to essentially disown me for not going to college locally/pursuing film instead of "a real career".
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I have punched holes in the wall.
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Yeah
My mom died. Not peacefully either. She went out screaming in pain and begging for us to kill her. I held her hand and kept it together until she passed. Cancer is a bitch.
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Nothing really even close to that, honestly. I'm a pretty low-key guy.
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EverDownward posted...

omega cookie posted...

I was told that I had cancer

This is what prompted my last breakdown. I was actually good at first, I had dealt with life threatening chronic diseases before (being born with Tet of Fallot, I had a life expectancy of 17 years) so being diagnosed with colon cancer didn't really get to me. Even when I was diagnosed stage IV I still wasn't terribly perplexed

Then I started chemo, and the chemo was...I don't think it was actually all that bad aside from the constant diarrhea, but it was just enough to sink in how real the situation was. It was a small enough push to knock me over the edge. The gravity of it all finally hit me, and for about two days I went into a massive panic attack. I mean I was in a phone call with my mom, screaming in fear on the floor. I was absolutely terrified. It took two days before the panic went away, and in that time it took two lorazepams, two ceraquils, two intravenous shots of valium, and a trazodone before my mind had calmed down enough that I could fall asleep. It was two days before I finally got sleep again. Then the depression set in, and for the first time in my life I was legitimately scared of death.

It was the worst "meltdown" I've ever had.

Have you had input from palliative/hospice people? It seems like it might be useful.
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Yeah, I tend to just take everything and bottle it up inside. It takes a long time, but I do have a breaking point. When I reach that point, I tend to really lose it for a bit and just dump everything I've had bottled up on every one around. When alone, I tend to punch/kick holes in my walls.

Also, I've had several versions of that, but with sadness and depression instead. Where I'll just be incapable of even getting out of bed for days. Even coming close to suicide a few times.
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an actual meltdown? No

have I just been upset and cried for a few minutes and stuff? Yeah I think everyone does
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Sonic Cannon posted...

EverDownward posted...

omega cookie posted...

I was told that I had cancer

This is what prompted my last breakdown. I was actually good at first, I had dealt with life threatening chronic diseases before (being born with Tet of Fallot, I had a life expectancy of 17 years) so being diagnosed with colon cancer didn't really get to me. Even when I was diagnosed stage IV I still wasn't terribly perplexed

Then I started chemo, and the chemo was...I don't think it was actually all that bad aside from the constant diarrhea, but it was just enough to sink in how real the situation was. It was a small enough push to knock me over the edge. The gravity of it all finally hit me, and for about two days I went into a massive panic attack. I mean I was in a phone call with my mom, screaming in fear on the floor. I was absolutely terrified. It took two days before the panic went away, and in that time it took two lorazepams, two ceraquils, two intravenous shots of valium, and a trazodone before my mind had calmed down enough that I could fall asleep. It was two days before I finally got sleep again. Then the depression set in, and for the first time in my life I was legitimately scared of death.

It was the worst "meltdown" I've ever had.

Have you had input from palliative/hospice people? It seems like it might be useful.

I have, yeah. Actually my palliative nurse was supposed to come by yesterday but we had to reschedule.
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I've had a rage meltdown kicking someone out of my apartment. Just got home from work, just wanted to play vidya and depressurize, and I find the apartment full of girls, my roommates friends waiting for her to come home.

Now that was definitely not a bad thing on its own, but one of the girls was fucking irritating everyone, and since I'm the only person there at that moment that pays rent, every one starts bugging me to get rid of her. I'm trying to ignore everyone because the scrubs in Red Faction: Guerrilla aren't going to fucking sledgehammer themselves.

Then the irritant locks on to me. Starts bitching about me just playing vidya and ignoring the growing chaos around me. I don't need this shit in my own home after busting my ass at work all day. Now I verbally light her up and it escalates rapidly. I tell her to gtfo, she demands why, I live here so I can kick you out if the day ends in Y if I want to, back and forth.

I hit peak fucking abject rage and smash my own godamn phone for no good reason just before she leaves.

The gaggle of girls literally break into cheering and applause when she leaves. They turn my mood back around pretty quickly with an offering of Jim Beam for my work. I happily resumed destroying people in RFG in drunken peace the rest of the night.
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Meltdown how? I had a completely emotional breakdown like two weeks ago.
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No.

No I haven't, but I'm waiting for a couple select people that post frequently here to post in this topic. I won't tag them because they know who they are.
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I kinda had a midlife crisis when trump got elected...

I already put 25% of my income into 401k/stock but I had myself convinced I needed to put 50% of my income into 401k because all hell was going to break loose in the US. I basically stopped spending money with the exception of bills that HAD to be paid.

It lasted about 2 weeks until I finally settled down and stopped freaking out.
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Judging by how butthurt most of the users here get over nothing, I'd be surprised if a butterfly landing on them didn't make them have panic attacks.
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I had a meltdown involving my boss while at work. After dealing with his management style for years I finally experienced the straw that broke my back and just laid into him. Very next day he treated me with a respect he hadn't shown me for years prior. Pretty odd outcome considering he conducted at least 2 meetings that were tangentially related to my freakout, but whatevs.
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I feel like a fucking idiot for my "horrible meltdowns". those scenarios are NOTHiNG compared to what some of you guys are/have gone through.
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Never had one, but I'm building up to it.

Not looking forward to the day I break down and start crying at work because I'm a loser and no one likes me.
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Sami1000 posted...

I feel like a fucking idiot for my "horrible meltdowns". those scenarios are NOTHiNG compared to what some of you guys are/have gone through.

this.

also omega cookie's posts are the best I've seen in awhile. kudos to you brother.
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My sympathies to everyone with the depressing stories in this topic. You have to be pretty strong though to have survived all of that.
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Yes
Public
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