Board 8 > Sir Chris attempts to write 50k words in one month.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Spoilers: This will end in failure because November is one of my busier months at work and lots of awesome video games are coming out, but every year I try to write an original book that's 50k words and none of them are ever that good and the furthest I've gotten in one month is like 28,000 words. None of them were that good though.

This year I will not meet my goal, but damnit I am going to try.

Are you taking plot suggestions?

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(\__/)
(='.'=] < http://img.imgcake.com/sbellcardjpgub.jpg

If you want.

Right now my idea involves lots of death as it always does.

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Ngirl is a toll bridge - Wigs
Gotta pay if you want to come inside! - Ngirl

just update paperwork two or three times.

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http://img.imgcake.com/RegaroUlquiorrapngse.png

Isn't this, like, a thing?

I'm sure this is an event of some kind.

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"My goal is to make this s*** cool again." - CM Punk

From: XIII_rocks | #005
Isn't this, like, a thing?

I'm sure this is an event of some kind.

Yes, yes it is.

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Ngirl is a toll bridge - Wigs
Gotta pay if you want to come inside! - Ngirl

50k words is how many pages? Let's say pocket book size.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lo0qD6rOz8

From: Ayuyu | #007
50k words is how many pages? Let's say pocket book size.

Let's call it 200?

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Behold the majesty that is Doom. Feast upon his greatness, and know you will never measure up.
http://img.imgcake.com/Punny/scenemaybecompletepngre.png

Man I doubt I could will myself to write 5000 words in a month. Good luck.

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http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/2636/ivotedphoenixyi0.png

From: LordoftheMorons | #010
Man I doubt I could will myself to write 5000 words in a month. Good luck.

I wrote 5000 words in two days when I decided to write a background for my Morrowind character..

I went totally overboard.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lo0qD6rOz8

Good luck with NaNoWriMo Chris!

Do you have a NaNoWriMo profile? If so, link?

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~Ç~ Eff_Dee
http://img.imgcake.com/FDjpgyb.jpg

I'm going to try this too. It's about as long as the longest thing I've ever written, though I didn't write it in a month. Good luck.

1000 words down, 49,000 to go.

Death has had a lot written about it throughout the years. The tragedy of life’s end, the requirement of it for life to continue to exist, and the joy of human beings moving on to something greater than the short lives they had on earth. In a merry coincidence everything that has been written about death is correct. Well, kinda. Life ending is of course very sad. Unless the person dying was a jerk in that case it is okay to cheer for their death because if no one liked the person it means no one will be there to complain about the party streamers you bought. Likewise, it is an understood fact that death helps keep the planet from overpopulating and becoming a mess. If the planet didn’t want you to die then why does it keep ramming tsunamis, freak lightning storms, and earthquakes into itself just to get rid of you? Exactly. It is a lot like having a roach on you and frantically slapping at your own body in the faint hope you will catch it. Sure, like the planet, you will get the roach every now and then, but you always pummel yourself black and blue before you get the job done. You take solace in knowing the roach is dead, the planet takes solace that you are dead. It is funny how that works.

Finally there is the great beyond, the afterlife, heaven. The final resting place for people who have done good deeds in life. It is the reward for a lifetime of sacrifice, good will, and compassion. If you are a good person you get to have a good afterlife because as we all know life has always chiefly been about fairness so why should your next life be any different in this regard? Humanity is correct in their assumption that a place exists but the requirements to get into said place were not quite outlined correctly for the human race. It had been very clear in the original manuscript but sadly even in ancient times no one really wanted to do all of the paperwork so it got lost and in a panic people just decided to make up a lot of stuff that passed as believable in their own minds. One of the writers, Noah, had been particularly fond of animals.

Despite their ignorance it seemed someone out there was in a generous mood because while the men were writing it decided to weave into their minds knowledge that they had no way of having. Knowledge of the divine, of how the fabric of the universe itself worked, and of how everything intertwined beautifully together to form the universe. The men quickly decided they had been drinking too much of the strong stuff and went to bed, the knowledge they had gained never to be heard from again.

This is not a story about those men though, nor is it about anything earthly. It is about a single man who is currently on the ground bleeding out. His name is John and he’s had better days. Actually if he was to be asked right this moment it is a pretty safe bet to say he’d take every other day in his entire life over this one. It would be hard to blame him considering that this is going to be his last day alive.

No one likes the thought of dying, especially when they realize it is happening to them that very moment. The elderly have learned to accept the fact with grace for the most part; content enough with everything they have seen and done to recognize the inevitable had to come someday.

John is not an old man, however. John is currently twenty-nine years old and you can feel free to mark that down in permanent marker. He was born in London, England to parents Julia and Winston. They moved to the United States when he was five and he had lost any semblance of a British accent before his seventh birthday. He had attended modest public schools in the greater Chicago, Illinois area and throughout his youth he had picked up a nasty habit that got him killed: humanity. The trait that within it contains kindness, selflessness, and mercy. The nasty habit to ignore your survival instincts and helping someone else. That trait had actually worked out well for a lot of people, for not everyone was quite as stupid with it as the guy dying on the floor over there.

John had happened upon a young attractive woman being mugged after he had finished his shift as a waiter at a nice uptown restaurant. Without a second thought he had intervened and had managed to get the mugger’s knife away and he told the woman to run for help. She, being nice and selfish, had stopped listening after the word “run” and she wouldn’t give poor John a second thought for the rest of her life.

To give credit where credit is due, the mugger actually had a second knife in his jacket which had come as a bit of a surprise for John as he felt the metal slice him nicely in between his ribs. Surprise quickly became shock as he tilted over and fell on the ground. He is there right now and he is growing pale. There has never been a case in history where blood pouring out of someone’s body was a good sign for their future. This was always the worst part about the human life. Its end.

Probably not for the reasons you would imagine, though. The end of human life isn’t something that I despair over. In fact I more than most learned to accept humanity mortality a long, long time ago. Because I understand that everything has a beginning and everything has an end. The problem is every time I go to pick up a human they are just so damn chatty. I am afraid it is a trait that has rubbed off on me.

I look at my scythe and let out a sigh. I can just tell this guy is going to be a headache. Death may be a bastard, but at least I kill you silently.

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"intention doesn't matter? clearly your cashier degree did not require a law course." - ND to Joyrock on the legality of drinking a soda before paying

Julia and Winston.


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~Acting on Impulse~
Black Turtle still didn't MAJORA'S MASK

I stared at John for what seemed to me to be a very long moment. He didn’t appear to be all there mentally. There had some indication of that when he had decided to get himself stabbed but now he was thinking about his killer with pity. What an odd man. “You are quite odd, John. I think you might be able to amuse me. Would you like to come to my house for some tea?” I asked while doing my best to be kind. It was so hard to keep up such a ridiculous façade.

John raised an eyebrow. “Um, don’t I have an appointment to keep or something? I’d like to go someplace that’s nice and peaceful. I could use a nap.” To further his point he let out a yawn.

I looked down and did some quick soul math in my mind. Soul math is the math used to calculate how quickly souls degrade outside of sanctuary. The first sanctuary a soul knows is its mortal body. After that there are a number of places that will keep the soul safe and sound. We were not currently in one of those places. I knew John’s tiredness was actually his soul slowly being put through the universal shredder, and I also knew that my house counted as sanctuary. It was, of course, a coincidence that I had offered him tea there. Souls usually take much longer to start this process; his was unusually ill-equipped to deal it for some reason. It wasn’t as if I liked him or anything and wanted to spare him suffering.

I immediately punched myself in the face for thinking that last thought.

John looked over at me. “Are you alright?”

“Better now than I was before,” I replied.

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http://img.imgcake.com/Chris2pngas.png

2,000 down, 48,000 to go

I am responsible for every single human passing on from the mortal coil, so I’ve seen a wide variety of reactions to a wide variety of situations. One time this elderly woman attempted to kick my shin and scolded me for being so thoughtless to take her before she had a chance to say goodbye to her grandchildren. The audacity had been so amusing that I almost considered taking her back. Instead I chose to torture her mercilessly for daring to show me disrespect.

That’s something everyone should know about me: I am big on respect. For as long as the concept of death has been around I too have existed along with it. My old title had something to do with weeding given the life I was responsible for ending but eventually, and thankfully, evolution kicked in after what seemed like a countless number of eons and I had my request to have my title changed approved.

The first thousand or so years of killing the modern human were some of the best days of my existence. Almost every one of them had some different reaction to me! Some cried, some begged for their life back. Others cradled themselves and muttered that it was all a dream. My personal favorite was when a particular man thought that I was an evil spirit that had to be defeated for him to return to his loved ones. His screams of surrender still make me smile all of these years later. Then again, that could because I visit him in his dark cell daily. It really is a bad idea to cross me.

John had seemed to understand that fact right away. There was no pleading, no whining, and absolutely no crying. His blue eyes looked me up and down lingering briefly on my face which was covered by a black cowl that to this day I thought was quite stylish as well as mood setting whenever a new mortal soul had to tag along with me. Humans didn’t like it when they couldn’t see things; it fed into their fear of the dark. I demand respect, but fear is a nice bonus.

John slowly exhaled a breath he probably didn’t know he had been holding. “Well that could have gone better,” he said. Then he burst out laughing.


I tilted my head. It had been awhile since I had gotten a laugher. The last one had been a king of a country who had been deposed rather violently. You could say he lost his head over it, although you’d be inaccurate. He was stabbed six times in the chest.

“John, you will find that everything that has ever existed could have in some way gone better. Although you did make the classical mistake of exchanging someone’s loss of valuables that surely could have been replaced for a stabbing.”

“Hey! It seemed like a good idea at the time, alright?” John said defensively. After a brief pause he added, “Plus what kind of mugger packs two knives. That’s just a sad lack of confidence!”

I smiled behind my cowl. It was a good thing my face was hidden, I had an image to maintain after all. It wasn’t a hard image to maintain though; I did kill everyone after all. “John not to disrupt your point but you do realize he killed you. I don’t think you have pity to spare him.”


John waved me off. “My biggest worry about death has already been assuaged: I am still here. Sure I am going to miss a lot of stuff but at least I exist.” John paused for a moment. In my estimation he was thinking about either food or a particular woman he would miss. Men rarely think about anything else. “On the other hand,” he continued, “that guy who stabbed me must be somewhere thinking about what if I had managed to knock away his second knife. He is going to start taking more and more knives with him in order to compensate. Poor guy is going to be rolling around town with like fifty knives after a while. He’ll probably end up stabbing himself or something and then when you go to get him he is going to be so embarrassed.

I love Rocket Raccoon

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I love Zigzagoon! <3
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/ShadeSilverwing/ZigzagoonSolo.png

Silver_Ermine posted...
I love Rocket Raccoon

The hell?

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SomeC - sheer explosives since meeting that crazy hobo.
BlAcK TuRtLe grabbed the Guru victory, slow but steady.

Ermine's random like that.

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Ngirl is a toll bridge - Wigs
Gotta pay if you want to come inside! - Ngirl

Interesting read. Keep it up :)

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I love Zigzagoon! <3
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/ShadeSilverwing/ZigzagoonSolo.png

Some_Character posted...
Silver_Ermine posted...
I love Rocket Raccoon

The hell?

He asked me to post. I hadn't read anything yet.

Then I read and commented =P

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I love Zigzagoon! <3
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/ShadeSilverwing/ZigzagoonSolo.png

Ahem. Tag.

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Circle gets the Scare!
Imagine if Jesus knew kung fu. That's what everyone is dealing with

You know there are better ways to store your novel than by pasting it in a gamefaqs topic?

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_foolmo_
'You are obviously intelligent and insightful' - Sir Chris about me

From: foolm0ron | #025
You know there are better ways to store your novel than by pasting it in a gamefaqs topic?

I'll take that as a tag!

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Ngirl is a toll bridge - Wigs
Gotta pay if you want to come inside! - Ngirl

gl sir chris

Hey Chris. I'm doing a time travel story this year. The hero, Nicholas, falls through a hole in the earth and ends up in a completely different world. At any given time he has one of three different companions. They switch in a flash of light periodically but they aren't necessarily the same age. They travel all throughout his life at different points. The adventure portion of it is more to give Nicholas something to strive against as it defines the odd relationships he has with these people who are constantly at different times with him. For instance he falls in love with one of them (a woman) but when she's older she's broken up with him. For him the relationship is ongoing with interruptions because sometimes she's broken up with him and sometimes she's not. The whole idea is to explore interesting situations that would crop up from such a weird relationship dynamic with companions who are never from the same time two days running. Anyway, thought I'd post this here because I'm a NaNoWriMo guy too. Also like you I'm going to fail, but I'll go as far as I can.

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His mind finally snapped and his rage boiled over. Like a slavering beast it consumed him destroying reason. He gazed upon the innocent, and they knew pain.

Write a chapter per night. If you fail to write one per night, write two in one night to balance it out. I wrote a diary-format zombie thing in two months, totaling nearly two-hundred thousand words like this.

I had the advantage, though, of basing it off material I'd been working with for the past year. Helped a lot.

Edit: Content wise, I'm told it's alright, not nearly as good as my brother's stuff (gay Metroid). He'd probably be able to help you out more, maybe. Point being, don't be too afraid of quality in such a short time, it IS possible.

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http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/7267/chillsloth.gif
It's hard work living as a sloth, but he finds time to relax.

Almost through my next thousand words but alas it is nearly work time. I am going to go hard at this later today then!

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Ngirl is a toll bridge - Wigs
Gotta pay if you want to come inside! - Ngirl

cool

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Nanomachines: The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/5980/861756874pp6.jpg

Hmm...maybe I can use this to motivate me to finally work on my writing project that I haven't updated in a year.

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(Maniac64 at work) [Browncoat] ~Board 570901~
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

Going to cross link so your topic doesnt get filled with other stories

Official B8 NaNoWriMo Topic http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/60842990


Oddity- Your story sounds like a mix between Click and A Christmas Carol >_>

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Circle gets the Scare!
Imagine if Jesus knew kung fu. That's what everyone is dealing with

From: Achromatic | #017
“On the other hand,” he continued, “that guy who stabbed me must be somewhere thinking about what if I had managed to knock away his second knife. He is going to start taking more and more knives with him in order to compensate. Poor guy is going to be rolling around town with like fifty knives after a while. He’ll probably end up stabbing himself or something and then when you go to get him he is going to be so embarrassed.

laughed out loud at this part. Very well done.

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~Ç~ Eff_Dee
http://img.imgcake.com/FDjpgyb.jpg

I sat down next to him and quickly took a sip of the tea. Even after all of these long years I didn’t have much of a taste for the stuff. It was just a habit that had come with the house. Go to the library, sip on some tea, go back out to reap more souls. It was an easy enough cycle to lapse into after a long day of treading through a sea of mortal self-pity.

“So, you must meet a lot of people,” John said. His attempt at conversation amused me. He could barely stand to be in my presence but that didn’t stop him from attempting small talk.

I didn’t use to like small talk but after a while everything big became pretty boring. You can only talk about the creation of the cosmos and the morality of rewriting the universal constants for so long before talking about the weather sounded like a grand idea indeed. For future reference talking about the weather is in fact never a good idea, but that never stopped it from sounding like a good idea at the time.

“I have met everyone who has ever died,” I said.

John took of his tea and smiled. “This tea is absolutely delicious.” He waited for me to reply which I just couldn’t be bothered to do. He had the Grim Reaper himself to chat with and his opening salvo had been small talk and tea. “So…” John continued, “who is your favorite dead person? Everyone has favorites right?”

I did not hesitate in my answer. “Adolf Hitler.”

John spat out his tea.

I smirked. That was the reaction I was hoping for. “I imagine this is going to require an explanation.”

“You damn right it is you Nazi loving bastard.”

I chuckled. Yes, John was indeed an amusing human.

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http://img.imgcake.com/Chris2pngas.png

3,000 down, 47,000 to go.
didn’t always have a house. Like a lot of things I copied the idea of living in one from humans. Before I decided to steal my beautiful five bedroom three story house from a nasty French couple in what modern people referred to as the nineteenth century I used any free time I had to stare into the endless abyss. It wasn’t as boring as it might sound. Nor as endless, now that I think about it.

I like my house though. It is in the middle of a large black void so there are no annoying neighbors to deal with. I have learned over the years that quite a few people had very annoying neighbors. It seemed to have the terrible misfortune of rubbing off onto the people themselves for every time without fail when they spoke about their neighbors I too became annoyed. I think it was a kindness every time I threw one of them into a deep, dark pit. No more annoying neighbors for them, problem solved. I should have my title changed to that. “Problem Solver”, it has a ring to it.

I opened the door and John quickly followed behind me. Immediately after passing the threshold he gasped for air and fell to his knees, panting.

“Your soul is now anchored here for the time being. You probably aren’t up for a nap anymore,” I said. It was always a delight to know things others didn’t. Even when constantly being in that position is just never got old for me.

John looked at me with a particular look. He was confused, how cute. “Yeah… I am feeling much better. So what happens now?”
“You know John I know life didn’t have the chance to bake you all the way through before it spit you out but usually when you enter someone’s home you compliment the drapes or something.”

John turned his head to the windows and noticed that there were, in fact, no drapes to be found before he looked back at me with a small frown.

“Lack of drapes can really make a statement about the quality of the frames,” I said without a hint of amusement. I was a good actor.

John looked at me doubtfully but instead of arguing said, “Well the frames are pretty nice. I like what you’ve done with the place.”

“Why thank you John that is very polite of you,” I said, accepting the compliment graciously. John stared at me awkwardly. He had no idea what to say to that. I decided to grant a small mercy and added, “Let’s go to the library. I have the tea there.” I moved past John who followed me silently. I could feel his eyes roam the walls of the house. I think he expected something more supernatural than my quiet house. It made me regret passing on the idea of having bodies hanging on hooks in the hallways, they would have been a delight to show guests.

I entered the library first and saw two tea cups were on the table in front of two chairs still steaming. Truth be told I have not been able to find out who exactly makes the tea that is always here waiting for me whenever I return but since I am incapable of being poisoned I’ve never had too much of a reason to be suspicious. It is hard to be wary of a warm cup of tea when you cannot be harmed, after all.

I used to believe something went funny when I conjured the house from nothing. You know, like I made the house have an automatic tea making function or something like that. It would have been a neat thing to add to my resume. It’d go right below killing people, “able to accidentally make a house generate tea whenever I enter a room.” Sadly this theory had been shot down because on the very rare occasion I have a guest over there were two tea cups. Someone out there liked to give me and mine tea, and I approved of whatever did this despite their apparent shyness.

John walked over to a chair and with mild trepidation sat down. I thought he was adjusting rather well for someone who had just died a short time ago. You could barely notice the flinch every time he looked at me, it was almost admirable.

For some reason I imagined them drinking a substance that is "almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea" and it makes me smile.

But on topic: I am interested to see what Death's response is.

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~Ç~ Eff_Dee
http://img.imgcake.com/FDjpgyb.jpg

I am tired and so I am falling short of my big super duper goal of the day of hitting 5,000. Well short, in fact. Nevetheless I am outpacing the pace and that's a good start.

Final Day 1 word count: 3300

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Ngirl is a toll bridge - Wigs
Gotta pay if you want to come inside! - Ngirl

I only read up to the reveal of who's telling the story, but I really like your start. Tag.

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http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3492/eponaharr.jpg
Nominate E P O N A.

4,500 words down, 45,500 to go.

I believe this would be a good time to clarify what I look for out of a human. Many years ago when I was still but a naïve little reaper of souls I believed I could make a real difference in the universe. I tried my best to be kind to those who had just died believing it wasn’t their fault they were sniveling immature brats who had no comprehension of the grand scheme. This had lasted a day before I started to throw them into dark pits just so I could get some peace and quiet.

So it can therefore be reasoned that when I show preference to a man who was as reviled as Hitler was in his life it isn’t because I am a bastard. Now mind you, I’ve never claimed to be anything short of a complete bastard. I kill people, I don’t care about their pain, and if it will provide me with any sort of amusement I will rub salt into the wound until they are bawling on the floor. Hitler and I however share a special bond that words cannot properly describe. I tried anyway.

“Hitler has gotten me more favors than just about every other human in history combined,” I said.

John blinked at me. “And? He’s an evil bastard. You shouldn’t like evil bastards.”

I raised an eyebrow. I knew he couldn’t see it, but when it comes to facial expressions I have found it is the thought that counts. “That’s rather petulant don’t you think? I am sure that you have had people whom you did not like but you managed to put up with despite their various short comings because they offered a service that was beneficial to you.”

“Well yes,” John conceded.

“Right. That’s how I view all of humanity. Personally I found the man to be a terrible conversationalist. He yelled way too much for my liking. It is amazing how ripping out his tongue fixed that problem.” I paused to consider the look of glee on John’s face after hearing that. He wasn’t quite as gentle as he would like everyone to believe. I could use that. “Long story short I have gotten almost one hundred million favors from dead souls because of Hitler. You might be surprised to learn how many people wanted to at the very least punch the man in the face.”


John considered me for a moment. “I am going to estimate it is close to one hundred million,” he said after a while.

I sipped on my tea and considered what I had just said prior. “Well at least I know you are paying attention. Due to Hitler’s infamy I have acquired many souls to do my bidding. It is a delight to have so many pawns in the afterlife.”

“You are the Grim Reaper, why would you need pawns?” John asked before he took a sip of his tea. He had really been sucking that stuff down.

“It always surprises me that mortals think in terms of need when it comes to these matters. Your race has spent most of their modern history trying their best to invent machines and devices to fill your every want. You managed to harness the power of flight, the ability to talk to anyone in the world with the press of a button and you even had a music storage device that at last count I believe stored something like four million songs.”

“I don’t think it was quite that many-“

“My point is,” I interrupted, “That of course I have no need for favors from humans. I have no need for anything, actually. I exist beyond the limitations of the word need. I am on another level of existence.” I pause to allow John to be impressed for a moment. “However having so many people owe me one is a fantastic way to pass the time. Getting people to clean my house, for example, is one of my favorite ways to use a favor.”

John looked around the library which was currently pristine. “I don’t pretend to know you, but you don’t seem like the type to require someone to clean up after you.”

I chuckled in a manner that I knew would unnerve John. I was not disappointed as John squirmed in his chair. “You and that word again. Of course I do not require anything of the sort, I hardly touch anything here. That doesn’t stop me from tearing the place apart and watching a random soul have to spend a long time putting everything back together. It is wonderfully amusing.”

“You need some hobbies. Ever consider stamp collecting?” John asked.

I shifted my gaze to the right and John’s eyes followed. There, in plain sight, was a very large case that had approximately two million stamps pressed together. I have no idea why anyone collects stamps, it isn’t very rewarding. Even when I started to pick them off of dead bodies there wasn’t much of a thrill to it and I really enjoy stealing stuff off of newly dead bodies.

“Oh,” John said.

“Indeed,” I replied. “Hobbies are not my strong suit I confess. I don’t usually have time to collect much aside from favors. That in and of itself is a hobby. You may have a point that I could use these favors in a most industrious way. Any suggestions, John?”

John shuddered when I used his name. I had that effect on people. Also small animals, strangely enough. “Well uh, why not have the people do your job? That way you would have more free time.”

I held back a sigh. This conversation had been going so well too. I take one final sip of my tea before gently sitting it back down on its platter before brandishing my scythe. “Well you lasted long than most people do. For that I would like to extend my congratulations.”

“Hey what did I do? I was trying to be helpful!” John said as he got up from the chair and started to look for escape routes that I knew full well didn’t exist.

“Oh I don’t know John. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you told the Grim Reaper that any random human soul could take on the arduous task that is my duty to the universe. I cannot possibly understand where your error was in the matter.” I mentally winced; I really did need to stop hanging around humans so much. Their overuse of sarcasm was simply infectious.

John considered what I had just said for a moment. “Okay when you put it like that I guess I can see why you took offense.” He paused. “I challenge you to a game for the right to continue to exist!” he said suddenly.

I stared at him. “Did you just go Bill and Ted on me, John?”

John shrugged. “So what if I did? It was an awesome movie.”

The man had a point. “I never said otherwise. Although the torture I am going to unleash upon William Sadler when he dies is going to be legendary throughout the afterlife,” I state. After a moment I add, “I have nothing to gain from this competition and everything to lose. Unlike my movie counterpart I am not so easily suckered into a fool’s bet.”

“No, but you do seem awfully bored. If nothing else it would be amusing, right?” John said hopefully.

I tilted my head. Amusement was in fact a top priority for me this was true. There was only so much amusement that I could squeeze out of torturing someone. It had been a few years since someone had brought up Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey to my face and that had ended pretty well. The idiot had thought that he knew more Sports Trivia than I did when I had to listen to every fan that had ever died moan about their team until I forcefully shut them up. The look on his face when I had named the entire roster of the 1908 Chicago Cubs still brought a chuckle to the forefront.

“Sure, why not. I accept your challenge, John. Know this, however: unlike Bill and Ted there is no coming back from the dead for you. For one you are not going to defeat me, but even if the universe deigns today to be an off day all you gain is my solemn promise that I will not harm you. When you lose you will become my servant for all of eternity. If these terms are acceptable name your game, John.” Whatever the challenge I was confident in my victory.

“Monopoly,” John said simply.

I frowned for a brief moment before my lips pulled into a tight smile. I can appreciate a bastard when I see one, after all.

“Dick move John, dick move.”

Whoa, wait, Rocket Raccoon? Where?

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"But...gorillas don't have claws." - Azazel22
"Broccoli gorillas do." - McMoogle