Current Events > Did the forbidden thing... a relationship with a coworker

(+) Yeah! (+)

Damnit... it just feels so right but I know it's a big no no.... only saving grace is we're in different departments and similar job titles so i'm not in a management position over her

Every single one of your female coworkers are going to know exactly what your member looks like and how good or bad you are in bed. Hope you're good with that :)

I was in a similar situation when I met my now wife. People that are too afraid to date at work are also too immature to handle a break up in a healthy way.

The forbidden thing? I guess it's gone down, however 43% of people meet their spouse at work, more than any app.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/workplace-romance-statistics/#:~:text=

There's also been casual dating at literally all of my jobs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td67kYY9mdQ

Jiek_Fafn posted...

I was in a similar situation when I met my now wife. People that are too afraid to date at work are also too immature to handle a break up in a healthy way.

It's not that I'm afraid, I just know many people look down on it and think of it as unprofessional and many workplaces are outright against it. We mutually agreed that it's best to not go public, she's also seeking a transfer to my division to be closer to me and that definitely would throw a wrench in the plan lol

Literally every single girl I've ever been with I met at my job.

Yeah I'm not sure really the where there is to meet women other than your job if you don't like going out. Relationships work best when you've gotten to know somebody over a long period of time rather than spontaneously with a stranger.

Here's hoping it's a long happy relationship

I personally think that dating a co-worker is fine so long as you're both mature about it.

I dont think coworker relationships are a forbidden thing

If theres no power imbalance or conflict of interest then nobody cares lmao

I thought the forbidden thing would be incest

I wouldn't say mine is a similar situation but I dated someone in a social circle and we did it secretly. She hated the secrecy but I was worried about the effects on her since, while she was getting divorced, I didn't want either of us to get treated poorly for it since she was dating me before the divorce.

Plus, I had my reservations about dating because I didn't plan to date anyone but she liked me a lot and I liked her so I gave it a go anyway and it did exactly what I expected. Our social circle fell apart right after the breakup.

dameon_reaper posted...

I wouldn't say mine is a similar situation but I dated someone in a social circle and we did it secretly. She hated the secrecy but I was worried about the effects on her since, while she was getting divorced, I didn't want either of us to get treated poorly for it since she was dating me before the divorce.

Plus, I had my reservations about dating because I didn't plan to date anyone but she liked me a lot and I liked her so I gave it a go anyway and it did exactly what I expected. Our social circle fell apart right after the breakup.

Wait so you were seeing her while she was still married

The platinum rule

ssb_yunglink2 posted...

Wait so you were seeing her while she was still married

Yes. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it or lie about it. I'm not even going to defend myself but yes. Oddly enough, she was hell bent on wanting people to know because I think she had this thought that other girls were interested in me and wanted to stop them from 'flirting' or so she called it.

Lol most of my relationships and hookups have been with coworkers

Its always against the rules and I will never care, its fun

dameon_reaper posted...

I wouldn't say mine is a similar situation but I dated someone in a social circle and we did it secretly. She hated the secrecy but I was worried about the effects on her since, while she was getting divorced, I didn't want either of us to get treated poorly for it since she was dating me before the divorce.

Plus, I had my reservations about dating because I didn't plan to date anyone but she liked me a lot and I liked her so I gave it a go anyway and it did exactly what I expected. Our social circle fell apart right after the breakup.

well this is slightly similar
so i guess wall of text nobody asked for, but I'm friends with this group of secretaries, i'm like one of the girls to them and probably refreshing because i don't hit on them all the time unlike the sheriffs officers, so during the judicial recess I'm covering emergent duty with one of their judges and we're working together, it goes well naturally but the person i'm dating(N for short, who is her assigned staff member on the team of my secretary friend) messed something up and the judge was upset so they asked me to show her how to do it. I show her, pay 0 attention to her, but a week later message her because I didn't know if she was in my union(i'm also a union rep) and we just ended up talkin, days go by and talking turns into slight flirting, then more flirting.. then she mentions a "husband" and i basically immediately pump my brakes. She clarifies later that they're actually divorced but that he's been in and out of the hospital but I guess she's been taking care of him/his family or something while he's hospitalized out of some feeling of obligation that is clearly taking a large mental toll on her.

I kinda kept it a secret also partly because ik she's told people at work she has a "husband" and it would probably be very...confusing to explain that she's dating someone. She says she refers to him as her husband because it's easier than explaining the situation, but this arrangement is supposed to come to a complete end in May and she said she'll get serious with me then because she'll be able to devote her full energy to me. And yes I do know for a fact they aren't still boning >_> she told me, unprompted, that she hasn't had sex in a long time lol

also slightly awkward because initially my secretary friend was talking trash about N saying how frustrated she was with her, so I feel like it'd slightly damage our friendship if i'm just like "Oh hey i'm actually seeing her now"

Akagami_Shanks posted...

well this is slightly similar
so i guess wall of text nobody asked for, but I'm friends with this group of secretaries, i'm like one of the girls to them and probably refreshing because i don't hit on them all the time unlike the sheriffs officers, so during the judicial recess I'm covering emergent duty with one of their judges and we're working together, it goes well naturally but the person i'm dating(N for short, who is her assigned staff member on the team of my secretary friend) messed something up and the judge was upset so they asked me to show her how to do it. I show her, pay 0 attention to her, but a week later message her because I didn't know if she was in my union(i'm also a union rep) and we just ended up talkin, days go by and talking turns into slight flirting, then more flirting.. then she mentions a "husband" and i basically immediately pump my brakes. She clarifies later that they're actually divorced but that he's been in and out of the hospital but I guess she's been taking care of him/his family or something while he's hospitalized out of some feeling of obligation that is clearly taking a large mental toll on her.

I kinda kept it a secret also partly because ik she's told people at work she has a "husband" and it would probably be very...confusing to explain that she's dating someone. She says she refers to him as her husband because it's easier than explaining the situation, but this arrangement is supposed to come to a complete end in May and she said she'll get serious with me then because she'll be able to devote her full energy to me. And yes I do know for a fact they aren't still boning >_> she told me, unprompted, that she hasn't had sex in a long time lol

also slightly awkward because initially my secretary friend was talking trash about N saying how frustrated she was with her, so I feel like it'd slightly damage our friendship if i'm just like "Oh hey i'm actually seeing her now"

Yeah, she was planning to leave her husband and it was a long process but she said their relationship had been over for awhile and they weren't doing anything anymore. Sadly we broke up before she divorced him because she was overbearing and jealous.

We argued a lot because she had a tendency to misunderstand things and even after I talk them out with her, it felt like she waited until late at night to bring it up again and the argument would continue and I have anxiety so I couldn't sleep at night. When I broke up with her, I told her all we did was argue and she said we didn't and that we didn't argue at all which made me realize she saw our relationship in a whole different way.

I'm glad I got out because I saw later that she is now dating this biker and tattooed his name on herself even though it seems to have been about a year since they've been dating.

Okay first of all, red flag that she hasnt told anybody shes divorced and still refers to this person as her husband

Second massive red flag, is you having to take her word that this arrangement ends in May and she cant be serious until then

ssb_yunglink2 posted...

Okay first of all, red flag that she hasnt told anybody shes divorced and still refers to this person as her husband

Second massive red flag, is you having to take her word that this arrangement ends in May and she cant be serious until then

Sure, I have no reason to believe she's lying. They are red flags, I thought about it, she explained it to my satisfaction and it made sense, and i lose nothing. From everything she's told me she has 0 interest in him and I've seen similar things happen before. Whether she wants to be serious or not makes 0 difference to me, honestly. Worst case scenario I find someone else to date, it's not the end of the world lol.

Akagami_Shanks posted...

It's not that I'm afraid, I just know many people look down on it and think of it as unprofessional and many workplaces are outright against it. We mutually agreed that it's best to not go public, she's also seeking a transfer to my division to be closer to me and that definitely would throw a wrench in the plan lol

She's trying to transfer to your division to be closer to you? Without people knowing too as it would "throw a wrench" in it. Yet from your later posts there are multiple red flags about this situation yet she's already talking about transferring to be closer? How long has this been going on?

This either ends in marriage or probably quite poorly.

talk to me when you date your immediate boss

that was fun

Akagami_Shanks posted...

Sure, I have no reason to believe she's lying. They are red flags, I thought about it, she explained it to my satisfaction and it made sense, and i lose nothing. From everything she's told me she has 0 interest in him and I've seen similar things happen before. Whether she wants to be serious or not makes 0 difference to me, honestly. Worst case scenario I find someone else to date, it's not the end of the world lol.

It could just look bad on you at the end of the day. Youre keeping it secret because to everybody else at work, she still has a husband.

Shes trying to transfer closer to you, everyone thinks shes still married, and one of your friends already doesnt like her. This could up majorly affecting your reputation if it doesnt go down well.