Current Events > How can somebody like Louie Anderson go his whole life without feeling loved?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Like, if you are that fat nobody is every going to be attracted to you, or feel romantic desire/love for you... so like how does somebody deal with that?

Louie is one of many fairly famous very overweight people who seemed mentally healthy enough, but how can a person be mentally healthy and also carry around the knowledge that they are in capable of being romantically desired/wanted/loved?

Asking for a friend.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Generally no, but I think almost everybody needs relationships to be happy.

Most relationships between two people usually fail because one person doesn't know himself enough. But even more often than not, it's that neither people knows themselves enough.

Maybe Louie just knows himself very well.

I mean why dont you just get surgery to lose weight if youre so convinced that will solve all your problems?

How do you know he didnt feel loved? He seemed warm and happy.

It says he got married twice on google. He got something back in the 80s at least. And im sure he had escorts.

Like a lot of comedians, he likely had mental issues.

There's a reason stand up comedy is referred to as 'cheap therapy.'

DespondentDeity posted...

I mean why dont you just get surgery to lose weight if youre so convinced that will solve all your problems?

Such things aren't trivial, also you really shouldn't do them when it is within your power to lose weight.

And it won't solve all my problems but it will solve a few important ones:

1. I will be allowed to like/accept myself
2. People will be able to like me/find me attractive
3. I will have much less of my horrible brain fog, less depression, more energy/mental clarity

Having those things change would help a lot.

I love him in basketts

FelineCyborg posted...

How do you know he didnt feel loved? He seemed warm and happy.

That's what's confusing, he's too fat to be loved in that way. Maybe he was loved like a ugly dog or something. But that's not the same as like a mutual love/romance.

It says he got married twice on google. He got something back in the 80s at least. And im sure he had escorts.

Escorts don't romantically like/desire you. You are to an escort what garbage is to a garbageman, just part of the job.

EyeWontBeFooled posted...

Like a lot of comedians, he likely had mental issues.

There's a reason stand up comedy is referred to as 'cheap therapy.'

idk, he seemed alright. And even if he specifically wasn't, it's more that I've seen many very fat celebrities who seem fine enough. And that confuses me.

joe40001 posted...

That's what's confusing, he's too fat to be loved in that way. Maybe he was loved like a ugly dog or something. But that's not the same as like a mutual love/romance.

Lol are you projecting? How the fuck do you say this about someone

Is this dude talking shit about Basket's mom?

The fuck is wrong with you?

I4NRulez posted...

Lol are you projecting? How the fuck do you say this about someone

I'm not saying there's something wrong with him specifically, but there is basically a rule than if a man is above a certain level of obesity, nobody can romantically want/desire him.

And so how are any male celebrities above that weight mentally healthy?

joe40001 posted...

That's what's confusing, he's too fat to be loved in that way. Maybe he was loved like a ugly dog or something. But that's not the same as like a mutual love/romance.

Bruh fat people can be confident and happy...wuts this all about

FelineCyborg posted...

Bruh fat people can be confident and happy...wuts this all about

Depends on what you mean by confident and happy.

Confident in things they are competent at, but not in say desirability (because they as a rule aren't).

And happy in many things, but not in companionship that romantically desires/loves them.

Chubby people can, but Louie Anderson level obese people, no. That's basically a rule of reality.

That's not actually a rule joe. It's okay to like yourself.

joe40001 posted...

Depends on what you mean by confident and happy.

Confident in things they are competent at, but not in say desirability (because they as a rule aren't).

And happy in many things, but not in companionship that romantically desires/loves them.

Chubby people can, but Louie Anderson level obese people, no. That's basically a rule of reality.

I know you're a troll but you're a really shitty person and there are people who are actually affected in real life with these shitty sentiments.

Maybe instead of posting horrible shit like this you should go out into the world and touch grass. Then you should try to go out and do something good for another person

30RegularUser posted...

That's not actually a rule joe. It's okay to like yourself.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/9/0/AACZqoAADJBe.jpg

For what its worth I dont find you to be a person who lacks self awareness, so have you identified which aspect of your lifestyle is causing you to be obese?

Like, for me at my heaviest (370), I was drinking 750mL of alcohol paired with at least 6 cans of full sugar soda on top of a 3-4000 calorie diet full of carbs and sugars at least 5 days a week. Once you see it from a bit of distance, its pretty obvious how my obesity happened.

Now I weigh 180 and my relationship to my weight is still extremely complex and painful. I would say either that or gender issues are the crux of my existence, especially since a lot of my childhood abuse was centered around food and my weight. Like the same people that would force feed me would also torment me about being fat.

I wish you luck, and I think you should be mindful to keep things simple, if you overthink too much youre gonna shackle yourself.

He's famous, which puts him on the map of the niche of girls who love fat guys.

He's famous for being funny, which is perhaps the closest thing to a universal female attraction factor in humans.

joe40001 posted...

Like, if you are that fat nobody is every going to be attracted to you, or feel romantic desire/love for you... so like how does somebody deal with that?

There are people who are way more overweight than him and still find love. It's not impossible to find love if your personality is halfway decent, and as a matter of fact I've seen people who are way fatter and on top of that have a worse personality than him and even they got married and have children (it was that show or something with the two overweight sisters, they're famous for YouTube scandals). I feel like you're projecting tc, if you can't get a relationship it's not just because of your weight. Weight doesn't make anybody completely unlovable like you claim, that's a you problem my guy. Your personality and behavior here is quite telling, actually.

joe40001 posted...

Depends on what you mean by confident and happy.

Confident in things they are competent at, but not in say desirability (because they as a rule aren't).

Im not fat and i routinely feel undesirable. Its part of being a human

joe40001 posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/9/0/AACZqoAADJBe.jpg

Sorry you feel that way, but it really isn't a rule. A lot of my overweight friends have found love.

I4NRulez posted...

I know you're a troll but you're a really shitty person and there are people who are actually affected in real life with these shitty sentiments.

Maybe instead of posting horrible shit like this you should go out into the world and touch grass. Then you should try to go out and do something good for another person

He's not a troll, just autistic. As in, literally, by diagnosis, in a topic he made. Trouble understanding people. This isn't an insult, mods, just going by what tc himself has said.

What the fuck are you even talking about? Has something come out recently about him being unhappy or unloved? Or is this just your assumption because of his physical condition.

A very obese person can like their mind, and much of their personality, but they can't like their persona because their appearance and desirability are a component of that, and those things are unacceptable.

It's like if you had a plate of food, and on it is good steak, ok mashed potatoes, but then a poisonous dead plague rat.

Can you say the steak is good and the potatoes are ok? Yes.
Can you say it's a good plate of food? No.

So it is with very obese people.

joe40001 posted...

I'm not saying there's something wrong with him specifically, but there is basically a rule than if a man is above a certain level of obesity, nobody can romantically want/desire him.

And so how are any male celebrities above that weight mentally healthy?

Oh, I forgot that rule existed. I'm surprised governments around the world haven't passed it in to law yet. Considering how much sense it makes.

Guide posted...

He's not a troll, just autistic. As in, literally, by diagnosis, in a topic he made. Trouble understanding people. This isn't an insult, mods, just going by what tc himself has said.

My mom has worked with autistic kids my whole life. From kids who you wouldn't be able to tell there's any disability to kids who could barely move and couldn't talk.

In my 30 years on this earth I've never heard them say anything like this. You can't always blame being a bad person on autism.

I4NRulez posted...

You can't always blame being a bad person on autism.

I agree, but I'm not convinced this is trolling, and so I won't make the accusation. It could be an awful misunderstanding.

Ceralyna posted...

There are people who are way more overweight than him and still find love.

Find marriages, find people who might love them like an ugly dog, but do you really think they find people who romantically desire/love them?

You can marry somebody without ever feeling butterflies or romantic attraction to them. Just as a matter of convenience.

It's not impossible to find love if your personality is halfway decent, and as a matter of fact I've seen people who are way fatter and on top of that have a worse personality than him and even they got married and have children (it was that show or something with the two overweight sisters, they're famous for YouTube scandals).

I'm not sayin very obese people can't get married, but there's a difference between getting married and being romantically desired.

Obese people can hire prostitutes, but that's a transaction. It's not because the prostitutes have any desire/lust for the fat guy.

You can have 'transaction marriages/relationships". But that's not the same as actually being wanted.

I feel like you're projecting tc, if you can't get a relationship it's not just because of your weight.

I don't have a relationship because I haven't tried to get a relationship, and I haven't tried to get a relationship because I know as a very obese person I have no business trying.

joe40001 posted...

Find marriages, find people who might love them like an ugly dog, but do you really think they find people who romantically desire/love them?

There are fat fetishists. Japan has a whole niche of fujos specific to Sumo.

You seriously think that nobody has ever fallen in love with an obese person? The fuck dude?

What is it to you that perceives obese people that way, that makes them so much lesser then everybody else?

FelineCyborg posted...

What is it to you that perceives obese people that way, that makes them so much lesser then everybody else they by virtue shouldnt even have the confidence, desire, or need to feel loved?

Are you actually asking us why fat people deserve love?

Dear god theres shallow and then theres just inhumane.

My guess is that tc is obese and wants to be able to blame his lack of romance on this sole factor.

"Hey, louie got too fat, its game over for him, lets take him out back behind the shed and end it for him, hell thank us later!"

*channeling the spirit of louie anderson line delivery"

This is definitely a JoeNumbers topic

I dunno man i fucking loved louie anderson as much as somebody can love a celebrity they never met. He brought instant joy in my life. He did something right

joe40001 posted...

Find marriages, find people who might love them like an ugly dog, but do you really think they find people who romantically desire/love them?

I think even at the most pessimistic framing of this, you're underestimating the mental gymnastics people go through to convince themselves that their partner is sexually attractive to them even if they are physically undesirable to most people.

Like you can frame that as "cope because it's who they're with" or a number of other things, but there are legitimately people who believe they are attracted to a particular obese person.

Or people have empathy or arent completely shallow and are genuinely attracted to things other then appearence.

This is a weird topic.

He was gay so that's a good reason his marriages didn't last long and didn't have girlfriends. Not because he was "too fat". lol

I feel like this is the thoughts of someone whose been hanging out on those -pilled forums. You know what I mean, Black, Red, Bluepill shit.

joe40001 posted...

Like, if you are that fat nobody is every going to be attracted to you, or feel romantic desire/love for you

Bruh this is a straight up lie.

Guide posted...

I agree, but I'm not convinced this is trolling, and so I won't make the accusation. It could be an awful misunderstanding.

I can try to state things very explicitly for people. Though some might have trouble relating.

This has come up in my therapy, and has helped me see the ways in which I see things differently that might be the root of my chronic depression.

I have "rules". Others might call them "beliefs" but to me they 100% are rules (there is an important difference). I experience these rules as unequivocally true. Think of it like you think of gravity. You never doubt it will function exactly as you trust it to function. It is a rule of existence not just something you "believe in".

This sense of needing to see things in terms of firm rules, I do think relates to my autism.

Some of these rules can make me miserable. One rule is something like "you can't have a certain kind of adventurous fun if you are out of college", but I never had fun in college, and I really really really really really long for that kind of fun.

I also have the rule that is "sufficiently obese people (typically men) cannot be romantically desired."

Basically if you are over a certain level of obesity, people can in theory have transactional relationships, they can exploit your for money, they can even in theory use you as a rebound (only as a prop), but you CANNOT under any circumstances be actually romantically desired.

More explicitly, "They can never just want to cuddle you and be in your arms because they really like you and truly want to spend time with you. It's just impossible to happen at all if your are a certain level of obese."

(It's worth noting that feeling of being affectionately wanted is something I'd really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want)

I'm smart enough to notice 2 things about this rule (and many of these rules):

1. Most of these rules have rigid implications for me and my potential happiness, but also have nebulousness at the boundaries (boundaries which never apply too me. For example, I can't tell you what the exact BMI cutoff is for 'impossible to romantically desire' but I can say it's a window I'm (potentially non-coincidentally) definitely above)
2. Some people don't act as if this rule is true (this legitimately confuses me)

I made this topic because of reason 2. I don't understand how anybody can act as if this rule isn't true. And I want to understand how people can act as if it's not true. If somebody believes it's not true I want to understand that too. It's not that I want an excuse to stop believing the rule. Because again, I don't think it's a question of belief but a law of reality. But it does really confuse me. And some part of me (whose motives are unclear to me) wants to understand how anybody can act as if the rule isn't true.

PS: Important caveat so people don't think I'm an asshole: While I experience these rules as true, I don't think I get to IMPOSE them on others. Firstly, because as laws of the universe such an imposition doesn't really make sense. But also because it's needless. If Louie Anderson's experienced his wife as truly romantically desiring him, it's not my place to tell him it's not real, even if my understanding of the rules of reality say it can't be real.

joe40001 posted...

More explicitly, "They can never just want to cuddle you and be in your arms because they really like you and truly want to spend time with you. It's just impossible to happen at all if your are a certain level of obese."

I think what you cant fathom is other peoples attraction works totally different then your rules. They have entirely different rules. Maybe the fat person has a giant dick, you dont know dude. Thats the main point here:

You dont know.

Did he never have a gf?
Not to talk ill of the dead, but he wasnt exactly a pretty man. Probably messed with his confidence.

Guide posted...

There are fat fetishists. Japan has a whole niche of fujos specific to Sumo.

A fetish isn't love. People have a shit fetish. It makes sense to me that somebody could involve something they find gross into a kink (such as shit or very obese people). This topic is about romantic desire/love.

Punished_Blinx posted...

You seriously think that nobody has ever fallen in love with an obese person? The fuck dude?

You can feel familial love for an obese person. You can care about an obese person. But:

Basically if you are over a certain level of obesity, people can in theory have transactional relationships, they can exploit your for money, they can even in theory use you as a rebound (only as a prop), but you CANNOT under any circumstances be actually romantically desired.

More explicitly, "They can never just want to cuddle you and be in your arms because they really like you and truly want to spend time with you. It's just impossible to happen at all if your are a certain level of obese."

FelineCyborg posted...

What is it to you that perceives obese people that way, that makes them so much lesser then everybody else they by virtue shouldnt even have the confidence, desire, or need to feel loved?

Those are different questions:
They absolutely can have the need and desire to feel loved. (God knows I do)

But the rule says they can't reasonably have the expectation of the possibility.

A very poor person can absolutely have the need/desire for wealth, but as a rule of reality a million dollars will not appear in front of them.

Are you actually asking us why fat people deserve love?

It depends what you mean by "deserve".

Example, feeling true athletic accomplishment likely feels amazing. I have empathy for basically everybody and so I don't think a certain type of person "deserves" that feeling and some other type does not.

However, some people, no matter their effort will never experience athletic success. And it is unreasonable/impossible for them to expect otherwise.

Dear god theres shallow and then theres just inhumane.

I'm not stating the rule to be cruel. I think most of me wishes it wasn't true.

Let me give a final example that should hopefully clear it up:

Picture an innocent child. Pure-hearted, the whole deal.

Let's say this kid has a slow painful chronic disease. Does the kid "deserve" to wake up tomorrow in terrible pain? No. But is it a rule of reality that they will wake up tomorrow in that pain? Yes.

There is no way to be that child and reasonably expect the disease will be gone tomorrow. That's not how reality works.

I'm not making a value judgement about the fairness of it. (It clearly isn't fair).

It's like this with obesity and the ability to be romantically loved. Not fair, but a rule of reality.

Holy fucking shit. Yea these are definitely things you need to address in therapy.

Gravity as a law of the universe is accepted because we can see it is working as intended.

Your fat people can't be loved cannot exist as a law of the universe because there are countless examples that prove it isn't true.

If you try and say that they may perceive it to be something different and it isn't actually love you need to be able to relate that to gravity the same way you related it being true to gravity and you can't because it is not.

You'd think a genius like TC could figure out anything

Post #44 is the main one people should read if trying to understand what I'm saying.