Current Events > Growing up, did you have a good relationship with your father?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've been pretty vocal about how my dad abused me. It really messed me up.

Constantly absent due to work and alcoholism. When he was around the only part of parenting he seemed to enjoy was yelling. Had and probably still have an anger towards him for it which made me exaggerate how bad he was at times. Though I guess part of that was how even when he did something nice he could be really miserable in the way he acted at least part of the time.

Mix of the bottom two
I turned out alright

I haven't talked to my dad in 3 years, and the 8 years before that talked to him as minimally as possible.

Garbage person, and I really did try to give chances to reconnect or for him to do anything even remotely close to owning up to the shit he did to me, my sister, and my mom, but that never happened, so I've given up on him. I genuinely don't know if I'll attend his funeral when he dies, he's not a good dude and doesn't seem to have tried in any capacity to be better.

Things weren't great during my teens.

Our relationship slowly repaired in my 30s.

Very few options with Yes as for me it's a mix of 1 and 2. Yes but he was constantly absent due to work

Yep. My dad mostly worked and I was a latchkey kid but even though we didnt do much together and I was largely left to my own, he always provided well and made sure I was taken care of. For a guy to get full custody in the 70s was a pretty big deal and he raised me as a single dad and I always knew his actions meant way more than any words.

So yeah my dad is pretty legit. Hes the only person I regularly talk to and he called me yesterday to wish me happy birthday. Im 48, he never forgets and always calls me even though Im very private and just want to be left alone by most people in the world it makes me feel good when I get a happy birthday from my dad.

It will be a sad day when hes gone someday. Legitimately one of the only people that really matters to me and hes been dependable my entire life. Guy has stepped up to the plate from day 1 when he was just 17 years old and got my mom pregnant. My dad is great.

my dad was always a good person, but he was pretty tough as I was growing, so we often bumped heads.

but as I got older, it's like we started to understand each other better, and we had a pretty good relationship until he died.

Umbreon posted...

Things weren't great during my teens.

Our relationship slowly repaired in my 30s.

Same. He was a pretty bad drunk when I was younger, but he always went to work and took care of us.

My dad is my hero and we have gotten closer now that we're older and he quit drinking. He's still a stubborn sob though.

Only met my dad once when I was 8. None of the poll options fit for me. Last one is closest but he didn't leave us my mom left him. Allegedly my grandad held him at gunpoint while she packed.

He was a bad alcoholic to the point he would choose beer over feeding his family. And he was a man baby. According to my family there was a month where here and my older brother only had rice to eat and she had to borrow formula or baby food from a neighbor for me. And she'd catch him sometimes drinking straight from the jug of milk and if she said something to him he'd start bitching and pour the whole thing down the sink.

Once I turned 18 all of a sudden he wanted to try and build a relationship with me. And he couldn't even manage that. We talked a couple times over the phone then Years went by with no contact. Suddenly one day I get a call and he says oh it's great to hear from you but I meant to call someone else. I'll call you back though. 2 years later he called back. I ignored the call.

Yep and still do, my dad and I are really close.

My father was a violent man. I almost wish I could blame it on drink or drugs but he was just a bastard.

At no point did we have a good relationship. By the time I was in my early twenties, we had no relationship at all. I hadnt spoken to him in over a decade when he died.

No I didn't. My dad was absent for a most of my younger days and when he was home he treated my and my mom like shit. He loved my brother and sister though. Then when they got divorced he got custody if all 3 of us and then married this chick (who he was cheating with on my mom) he got another 3 kids and pretty much treated them better then us.

Glob posted...

My father was a violent man. I almost wish I could blame it on drink or drugs but he was just a bastard.

At no point did we have a good relationship. By the time I was in my early twenties, we had no relationship at all. I hadnt spoken to him in over a decade when he died.

At least mine wasn't physically abusive to my mom. He was a coward by all accounts I've heard. He allegedly was emotionally abusive though. Not like in trying to make my mom cry or anything but always wanting to flip shit and make out like he was the victim. Maybe that falls under mentally abusing though. Like he was a woe is me type always trying to get sympathy

Sufferedphoenix posted...

At least mine wasn't physically abusive to my mom. He was a coward by all accounts I've heard. He allegedly was emotionally abusive though. Not like in trying to make my mom cry or anything but always wanting to flip shit and make out like he was the victim. Maybe that falls under mentally abusing though. Like he was a woe is me type always trying to get sympathy

Im not too worried about how my dad treated my mum. She was worse than he was. But they were violent, unreasonable and pretty unhinged.

My father had many negative traits but being a coward wasnt among them.

He moved out west when I was 10 with his new wife and step kids. Never called or wrote, then told people he was mad at me for not staying in touch because I guess that was my responsibility as an abandoned child. He died of covid in 2020 and left everything to my step sister. My brother and I didn't get a dime.

As a kid he was great. It wasnt until I got older that we had issues.

I was raised by a single father. He was great, and now he's dying slowly-- it sucks.

Didn't know my actual one until I was 13, but had a fairly good relationship with my sister's dad (not officially my stepdad at the time, he is now, but was in practice).

During "growing up" it was sadly not as good as it should have been, thanks to me me / my mother.

He was working like a normal person, but my mother was always fearmongering me against my "strict father", so that she would stay my "favorite parent", and I didn't grow too close to him. She did everything she could do to manipulate me (and my brother too), so I would say that I like her more than my father.

It wasn't until I grew up and hit beyond 20 years old, to realize that she was emotionally abusing me all that time (while she was also alcoholic).

These days I regulary meet and talk with my father, and avoid my mother as good as I can. She is simply a narcistic PoS.

My parents were never married. My dad gave me Christmas gifts and would take me to the movies or arcade on weekends sometimes.
I was never abused by him, though as I got older and and had to go public high school and being poor, I did develop a resentment for him of not paying child support so that my mom and I could have been a little better off.

The lawyer my mom saw was actually cool and told her that shed end up paying them more than shed get out of payments from my dad. Growing up, I knew a couple peoples moms who got burned by that.

I never knew my bio dad.

My dad was a verbally abusive manipulator who was always lookin for the next grift. Hes a flat-out racist now and has brain worms from too much radio-show trash.

He cut contact with me when I was a teen, and didnt come back until he found out i graduated. He tried to use me to get rich, and when he realized it wouldnt happen, he stopped bothering again. He threw money at me, and i took it because i was at a low point in my life. He made me so miserable and yet i needed him. I shouldnt talk bad since he helped me, but the reasoning behind it, and the stuff he tried to get me to do, makes me feel sick.

My dad was out to sea (Navy brat here) every once in a while when I was a kid, but when he was home, he made time for me, my siblings, and my mom.

My parents were teenagers when I was born.

I became shy around my dad when I was a young child because of his parenting style at the time. It traumatized me tbh. So I never opened up to him and never became close.

He was a rampant cheater too and I didn't truly realize this till I was in my late teens. My mom told me everything. This made me recall the time my dad took me along on one of his dates with another woman. I was prob like 4-5 years old lol. Explains why my mom freaked tf out when I told her about our day.

So i don't have the greatest respect for him tbh... but he never abandoned any of us so he isn't the worst that's for sure. I actually do still love him. My younger sister and one of my younger brothers have a far better relationship with him since my Dad became a better father and husband with age. My parents never divorced

my dad was a recovering drug addict but I have to thank the drugs for me even being conceived. He had sex with my mother in a psych ward which is a bit wild to me for some reason, my nana said it wasnt allowed and they got in trouble for that act.
when I was born i can assume they stopped being together.
i was 4 when he died and he got run over by a truck and that same day he had flowers and a card because he died on Valentines Day. I dont know if what my nana told me is absolutely true but she said that I as a baby was a small reason that made him want to get out of his drug addictions and he was successful for like a year or so when he died.
she says I have small traits of both my mum and my dad in personality traits i dont remember him so its not like Id know how he behaved and copied it but its cute how hereditary traits work.

Dad worked a lot, and stayed out late a lot, but when he was home, he was a good dad.

Nope. He, obviously, cared a lot more about his child from a previous relationship. He tried but it was clear who was second place. Last straw to our relationship was when he let my dog run away when I was 13 because he didn't like it. After that he was basically a stranger I didn't even waste time acknowledging.

He was a good person but we were poor and he worked 2 jobs so I didnt see him much.

Nowadays I am kinda jealous of the relationship our daughters have with my husband. He helps with their homework and they have conversations every night before bed.

My father is an alcoholic who missed all my milestones and forgotten all 33 of my birthdays cause he was busy drinking with friends instead.

what a stupid poll why are there only extremes

I loved my dad he was probably my best friend I could call him and talk to him about anything whenever, really miss him

Lolno

My dad existed and was there for my childhood, was neither good nor bad. He went to work, came home and watched tv or read the paper or w/e people used to do pre internet. Always chalked it up to him being born/growing up in a time were taking care of children was much more defined as a woman's responsibility, he would help out some but was always the bare minimum.

Yeah, me and my dad have a solid relationship. He was a far better parent than my "mother" ever was. He's the reason I am who I am today and I would never go back and change that. Was he perfect? No, because nobody is. But he always did his best to provide for us and be there for us.

I will add the man who played the father role in my life I did love. He wasn't the best at playing father figure but I don't think he was trying. It was my grandad and he had already raised his own siblings (dad stayed at bar and his mother would go too cuase she was afraid of him cheating.) And then my mom so I guess he was tired at that point and fairly so.

But he was always there when needed. I could be in a spot of trouble or just sketched out by a situation one phone call and he was there.

He was a little bigoted (I say little cause he'd say shit but through actions wouldn't show it) and I am bi who prefers guys so that could be rough hearing him say shit like f*****s should be drug out into the street and be shot.

But towards the end I never came out but I stopped trying so hard to hide it. Brought several gay guys over and would openly talk about our night before at the gay club. Well when his health went to shit and he was dying I became the one who took care of him meanwhile my straight brother wouldn't lift a finger to help. He eventually told me he loved me and I couldn't recall the last time I heard him say that. So I'm hoping I changed his perspective even if it was little too late.

Funny story on bringing a particular gay guy over though. I told my grandad I was bringing someone over and decided to tell him he would like this guy cause he didn't drink drug or get into any kinda trouble and his response? Must be a f****t and I just walked off saying I can't win with you. He hated my straight friends cause they did all that stuff lol

That said he did tell me when I was young just because a guy is gay doesn't mean he ain't a man. Then told me a story of where he assaulted a gay guy and got his ass whipped. And my grandad could scrap he was a black belt and a boxing champ in high-school.

Mixed
My dad has always been a loud mouth asshole, but he always made sure that we were well cared for. So, a very flawed guy but not necessarily an outright bad father.

To count as abusive, harm has to be intentional. That is, the one doing the harm has to be doing it for the purpose of inflicting harm.

So on that technicality, my father was not abusive, because he meant well.

ForsakenHermit posted...

Constantly absent due to work and alcoholism. When he was around the only part of parenting he seemed to enjoy was yelling. Had and probably still have an anger towards him for it which made me exaggerate how bad he was at times. Though I guess part of that was how even when he did something nice he could be really miserable in the way he acted at least part of the time.

supposedly they sell a huge huge number more of mother's day cards than father's day cards. And mother's day is much bigger. Maybe that would tell you a lot.

Geiki_Ganger posted...

Just wondering.

why are you wondering though? how about you though?

My dad & I get along great. Unfortunately, my sister & dad's relationship has hit rock bottom, and quite likely the point of no return. :(

not really. he provided for us and loved us but unfortunately worked very long hours and believed in physically punishing his kids so my few memories of him growing up involved him hitting me with his belt, for getting bad grades or detention, while I cried and cowered on the floor.

Initially, when I was really young, but ultimately it became a mix of options 2 and 3 by the time I was in middle school. He worked ridiculous hours for shit money, and when he was around, he generally closed himself off in his room and mostly ignored us, emerging every now and then to scream, hurl insults, and break our shit. When I was 18, my parents divorced, and shortly thereafter he moved across the country where he continued to devolve mentally and physically, never visited or returned for important milestones, until he finally passed away about a year ago. Part of me always hoped he'd get his shit together and we could fix our relationship at some point, but it sadly never happened.

I love my dad, but I wouldnt say he had a very important role in how I grew up.. I could be an asshole here tho and just not remember. I was much closer to my mom.

My dad was a drunk who was physically abusive to all 3 of his wives. I only wish I hadnt been a child when witnessing what he did to my mother and his second wife. When I heard he was doing the same to his 3rd wife, I got involved.

I do not miss him or speak to him.

he'll be lucky if he dies before i see him again.